Bad situation

[Dave-Bhel 84]

i only make 300$ a week , i pay for my transportation because I don't drive 125 $ a week plus he makes more then i make , o asked for joining account so we can start saving together for the future he said no everyone save on his own bank account I tried most of thought that i want someone to pay all and do everything no i don't of you said fair its need to be fair i don't mind paying but not everything , and he makes more than i make

That's why I said a percentage of your income to put towards the bills. Neither one of you should have to contribute everything you make unless your bills are more than what you made and that's a totally different issue. What I found works best in the past is start with a percentage say 75% of each of your income. If you notice that the bank account is growing and you can lower it and if you notice that it keeps going down you can raise that percentage. Eventually you will find a number that works where you know what to contribute and then you know what is yours. Oftentimes you can actually have your payroll direct deposited to multiple accounts based on this percentage. That way the money going into your account is yours and the money that goes into the family account you know has gone to bills. Being that it's a marriage you should both have access to that bill paying account. It might sound like a cold way to do it but in the end it relieves the stress from both of you and what's left over you can have fun with. I had also told you if you are looking for somebody to just take care of you there are guys out there that will do that. You will always have to bring something to the relationship some guys will not expect you to bring Financial Adams to the relationship. It really comes down to where you want to go from here if you want your marriage to work then there things you can do towards that. If he really isn't what you want life is too short to be miserable find a situation that makes you happy.

[Harpa Timsah 13,258]

i only make 300$ a week , i pay for my transportation because I don't drive 125 $ a week plus he makes more then i make , o asked for joining account so we can start saving together for the future he said no everyone save on his own bank account I tried most of thought that i want someone to pay all and do everything no i don't of you said fair its need to be fair i don't mind paying but not everything , and he makes more than i make

Why is your transportation $125 a week? Do you take a cab or something? Take the bus!

[Ciyara 11]

Hola Ciyara,

IMHO- You and your husband got married without taking in consideration the key points of a relationship, communication. Ideally, two people who get married, need to lay down all expectations (economical, financial and otherwise). Some people who don't have these discussions still figure things out as they go along and they are happy. Some other people cannot figure it out because they realized they cannot compromise on what they both want, turning the marriage a battlefield.

1) Have you discussed this topic with your husband? If my husband did something to me that I do not agree on or if he expects me to do something I don't agree on, you bet your sweet bottom I will be making myself heard.

2) What do you expect from your husband? It seems you would want him to be more caring towards you. Someone who isn't caring, is not about to start being caring because you want them to. Don't expect to change a person.

3) Do you want to stay married for the sake of being married? You can change your stars. You and you only. If it doesn't work, get a divorce, before it's too late and you get pregnant thinking it will save your marriage.. IT WON'T

4) Are you concerned about your immigration status? Once divorced you can still remove your conditions. You will simply have to show that you entered the marriage in good faith.

The solutions to your predicament are there. Think about what you want, communicate it to the one you said those vows to (whatever it may be) and try to be happy... or not.. it's your life.

hi thank you yes we did talk about things but he waa not pushing when we were talking about these things.also, I told him i don't mind helping if im working he said you don't have to work wait until year o what ever then we will look together, i asked him if it's possible for me to go to school and get degree he said uea i will support you BUT when I entered the USA everything change you have to work the last thing you need to think about is studying if i like something or want something you have to work for it , thats why I started working after 30 days because I needed my social security number so i can afford just regular things and needs

[Dave-Bhel 84]

All these people commenting about OP paying her "fair share" need to remember what it's like for new immigrants in this country. And yes, I consider 9 months pretty new.

There are countless posts on here about qualified workers who take months, sometimes over a year of job hunting here just to end up getting a job bagging groceries for minimum wage. Is it really "fair" to expect people in this position, many whom are still adjusting to a whole new way of life to be in a place where they can afford to pay the same amount of bills as someone who has been here much longer and is well-established?

We don't know how much Op's husband makes. If she is only making $90 a week and he is feasibly making at least $20,000+ a year (assuming he didn't use a co-sponsor for the I-864) is it really "fair" to expect Op to pony up half the rent, pay for her own health insurance/medicine, etc?

While I don't know if I would call his actions "abuse", I can very well see why Op would not be happy in this marriage and I can understand her desire to leave.

I'm sorry I must have missed the part where this was about her paying 50% of thr bills, I know that I never said that.

[Ciyara 11]

Why is your transportation $125 a week? Do you take a cab or something? Take the bus!

i do take the bus but the bus stops at 8 pm i have to take taxi i work until 11 pm

[SunflowerSweet 1,321]

I'm sorry I must have missed the part where this was about her paying 50% of thr bills, I know that I never said that.

"he wants me to pay half of the rent pay electricity and internet and food"

She also mentions insurance, clothes, phone bill, transport ect. So most if not all bills

Half = 50%, no?

[Teddy B 17,251]

All these people commenting about OP paying her "fair share" need to remember what it's like for new immigrants in this country. And yes, I consider 9 months pretty new.

There are countless posts on here about qualified workers who take months, sometimes over a year of job hunting here just to end up getting a job bagging groceries for minimum wage. Is it really "fair" to expect people in this position, many whom are still adjusting to a whole new way of life to be in a place where they can afford to pay the same amount of bills as someone who has been here much longer and is well-established?

We don't know how much Op's husband makes. If she is only making $90 a week and he is feasibly making at least $20,000+ a year (assuming he didn't use a co-sponsor for the I-864) is it really "fair" to expect Op to pony up half the rent, pay for her own health insurance/medicine, etc?

While I don't know if I would call his actions "abuse", I can very well see why Op would not be happy in this marriage and I can understand her desire to leave.

No it's not fair at all. The thing that really rubs me the wrong way is that the husband is willing to let his wife (who he supposedly loves) live without health insurance. If that's not a sign of how he really feels and what his priorities are, I don't know what else would be.

[SunflowerSweet 1,321]

No it's not fair at all. The thing that really rubs me the wrong way is that the husband is willing to let his wife (who he supposedly loves) live without health insurance. If that's not a sign of how he really feels and what his priorities are, I don't know what else would be.

Yeah health insurance is huge. Especially considering that so many people coming to the US have never even had to even think about purchasing health insurance as many countries have universal/public coverage.

[Unlockable 7,306]

$500 a month ($125 per week as per OP) is about the same amount my friend is paying for a brand new BMW. Just saying.

OP, if you can afford $125 a week for transportation you can afford your own car. You can even find a nice used one for aless than $200 a month. Then you can use it to find better pating jobs as you won't be restricted with transportation.

But above all a conversation about contributing to the can family/house needs to be had.

Good luck.

[Dave-Bhel 84]

"he wants me to pay half of the rent pay electricity and internet and food"

She also mentions insurance, clothes, phone bill, transport ect. So most if not all bills

Half = 50%, no?

Against my better judgment I'm going to pop one last post in. I am talking about percent of income going into a join account not about half the bill. It let's both parts feel like they contribute equally even though the dollar amount is different. One person pays more but both contribute on an equal basis based of value of income. So no 50% of her pay would not be 50% of the bill. I don't know why I'm even trying to help, like I said this isn't the type of relationship I wanted. This situation sounds like he didn't get what he was looking for, and she didn't get what she was looking for. People should have sorted these things out before they got to this point. Edited September 21, 2016 by Dave-Bhel

[SunflowerSweet 1,321]

better judgment I'm going to pop one last post in. I am talking about percent of income going into a join account not about half the bill. It let's both parts feel like they contribute equally even though the dollar amount is different. One person pays more but both contribute on an equal basis based of value of income. So no 50% of her pay would not be 50% of the bill. I don't know why I'm even trying to help, like I said this isn't the type of relationship I wanted. This situation sounds like he didn't get what he was looking for, and she didn't get what she was looking for. People should have sorted these things out before they got to this point.

I guess you missed the part where she said he refuses to open a joint account with her? =/

He wants her to pay half of the bills. 50% of the bills. It's right there in the first post.

[Merrytooth 5,748]

No it's not fair at all. The thing that really rubs me the wrong way is that the husband is willing to let his wife (who he supposedly loves) live without health insurance. If that's not a sign of how he really feels and what his priorities are, I don't know what else would be.

Yeah health insurance is huge. Especially considering that so many people coming to the US have never even had to even think about purchasing health insurance as many countries have universal/public coverage.

These days the health insurance costs are so expensive.

The trend is the employers subsidize the employees health insurance, but when comes to adding spouse or kids, the costs increase exponentially.

So it is best that each spouse get their own health insurance through their respective employers. (Which is what we did, after doing the maths).

We do not know what OP's husband health insurance arrangement is like. So we could only speculate.

[Teddy B 17,251]

$500 a month ($125 per week as per OP) is about the same amount my friend is paying for a brand new BMW. Just saying.

OP, if you can afford $125 a week for transportation you can afford your own car. You can even find a nice used one for aless than $200 a month. Then you can use it to find better pating jobs as you won't be restricted with transportation.

But above all a conversation about contributing to the can family/house needs to be had.

Good luck.

As a fairly new LPR her credit and job history might not allow her to secure a car loan, and based on her posts I doubt her husband is willing to co-sign or purchase her a vehicle in his name and alow her to make payments. Also there will be auto insurance and registration fees she will need to come up with.

Edited September 21, 2016 by Teddy B

[Teddy B 17,251]

These days the health insurance costs are so expensive.

The trend is the employers subsidize the employees health insurance, but when comes to adding spouse or kids, the costs increase exponentially.

So it is best that each spouse get their own health insurance through their respective employers. (Which is what we did, after doing the maths).

We do not know what OP's husband health insurance arrangement is like. So we could only speculate.

The op's husband has never provided health insurance for her, even before she started working full time. I put my wife on my health insurance plan right after we got married, then when she found a full time job she got her own plan because it was cheaper to have two single plans over one family plan.

[SunflowerSweet 1,321]

These days the health insurance costs are so expensive.

The trend is the employers subsidize the employees health insurance, but when comes to adding spouse or kids, the costs increase exponentially.

So it is best that each spouse get their own health insurance through their respective employers. (Which is what we did, after doing the maths).

We do not know what OP's husband health insurance arrangement is like. So we could only speculate.

We also don't know what sort of plan Op's current job offers.