Spousal Issues

[abhi_meli 150]

If I was you I would buy a spy camera and record all her madness and keep that as a proof to save my ####.I would call the cops and report her madness and would make sure her #### is back in PI.She would be enjoying chicken adobo all her life and beating her head to the walls for her selfishness.She clearly doesn't want to take care of your children and she is taking advantage of your politeness.

[USAMorocco 143]

If I was you I would buy a spy camera and record all her madness and keep that as a proof to save my ####.I would call the cops and report her madness and would make sure her #### is back in PI.She would be enjoying chicken adobo all her life and beating her head to the walls for her selfishness.She clearly doesn't want to take care of your children and she is taking advantage of your politeness.

If you do this make sure it is legal in your state to record someone without their comsebt and it is never legal to record someone on video and leave the room without their knowledge. However....most states have the one party concent law which will allow you to be in the room and record her either by voice or on video.

[NikLR 13,220]

It's legal to have security cameras. You may need a sign but it's legal.

[TheResistance 6]

I read a lot of answers. Yes, biologically kids mine. The kids are out with the ex (they were sleeping over every night since last week) and the wife is coming back, else she will call the police on me and the ex (who has done nothing) and say she got kicked out of her home and uses the bruises against me, even though they are from me holding her down form hurting herself and destroying things. Regardless what people say about those moments, I did the right thing. Few times to protect the home, then the kids, and then her. This is not love indeed. I am trying to buy time, let her cool off, while I figure something out. Yes, I have no money because things happen (car, medical, increased rent, and no raises), so please no judging me. I could have come up with AOS money at one point, but then things happen and they keep happening.

I am trying to buy time. My kids are freaked, so giving back to the ex, who does not even have her own home, was my only option to avoid the wife from getting paid police involved and making matters worse. I have been telling my pastor a lot of stuff. I do have some audio, maybe some images, of her mess from throwing things in kitchen while kids sleeping.

I need this to end, one way or another, without finding myself in jail, over her actions, and not able to work. Nor do I need them to take the ex away too, for she has not done a thing to bother wife other than changing schedules due to kids and situations, and the kids are then taken from both parents.

[USAMorocco 143]

I read a lot of answers. Yes, biologically kids mine. The kids are out with the ex (they were sleeping over every night since last week) and the wife is coming back, else she will call the police on me and the ex (who has done nothing) and say she got kicked out of her home and uses the bruises against me, even though they are from me holding her down form hurting herself and destroying things. Regardless what people say about those moments, I did the right thing. Few times to protect the home, then the kids, and then her. This is not love indeed. I am trying to buy time, let her cool off, while I figure something out. Yes, I have no money because things happen (car, medical, increased rent, and no raises), so please no judging me. I could have come up with AOS money at one point, but then things happen and they keep happening.

I am trying to buy time. My kids are freaked, so giving back to the ex, who does not even have her own home, was my only option to avoid the wife from getting paid police involved and making matters worse. I have been telling my pastor a lot of stuff. I do have some audio, maybe some images, of her mess from throwing things in kitchen while kids sleeping.

I need this to end, one way or another, without finding myself in jail, over her actions, and not able to work. Nor do I need them to take the ex away too, for she has not done a thing to bother wife other than changing schedules due to kids and situations, and the kids are then taken from both parents.

Don't listen to the people judging. Some on here like to do that. Instead of offering advice some people like to use this website as a judgement tool. Ignore it. You do not have to explain your finances....We are not immigration on here. I would hope you were honest with her and she knew she wasn't moving to the USA to live with a wealthy prince. Divorce her and take whatever money you can and send her home. Send her home before you divorce her. I am not sure about your state but in NJ MEN or WOMEN have the right to defend themselves using one step up of force so if she pushes you, you can grab her arms. Find out your laws. Document everything. Find out your state's laws on recording and record her. Your safety and your kids safety come first. This lady is nuts.

[Boiler 43,392]

Don't listen to the people judging. Some on here like to do that. Instead of offering advice some people like to use this website as a judgement tool. Ignore it. You do not have to explain your finances....We are not immigration on here. I would hope you were honest with her and she knew she wasn't moving to the USA to live with a wealthy prince. Divorce her and take whatever money you can and send her home. Send her home before you divorce her. I am not sure about your state but in NJ MEN or WOMEN have the right to defend themselves using one step up of force so if she pushes you, you can grab her arms. Find out your laws. Document everything. Find out your state's laws on recording and record her. Your safety and your kids safety come first. This lady is nuts.

I mentioned earlier that this has been a long time coming, you can go back and read past threads.

My recollection is that advice had been given, both directly and less so, and ignored. It was always going to be a train wreck, exactly what that would look like was the only question.

Assuming she will go home, then the best bet and by far the cheapest, will be a ticket to do so.

Otherwise VAWA here we come.

[USAMorocco 143]

I mentioned earlier that this has been a long time coming, you can go back and read past threads.

My recollection is that advice had been given, both directly and less so, and ignored. It was always going to be a train wreck, exactly what that would look like was the only question.

Assuming she will go home, then the best bet and by far the cheapest, will be a ticket to do so.

Otherwise VAWA here we come.

No you. Not the few other people that mentioned the co-sponsor and things like that either. I was just making a general statement. Like if it don't apply let it fly type thing =) Some of your posts Boiler crack me up. =)

[Pitchman 8]

Sorry to hear this story. So sad.

[Rc123rc 528]

Kids are safe with ex wife.. OK good.

Wife is coming back - not good but you can't legally lock her out of the house. Lock away the knives and other sharp objects.

No Money for anything except pay the rent and maybe food. OK, this is a huge problem. Your wife is out of status. Until an AOS is filed she will remain out of status and therefore technically illegal. I don't see you filing for an AOS or anything else for a bunch of reasons. I don't see you applying for some form of financial assistance either to help with your financial issues. You can get help for your kids at least. All kinds of state programs to help out the kids when money is tight. It will also help your situation.

Trying to stay out of jail. - OK, you have been given a lot advice on how to stay out of jail. #1 Never restrain her, throw anything or hit her. You keep coming up with excuses to restrain her. STOP. The kids wake up. Let them wake up. She damages things. Let her. Call the police. She hits you. Call the police. She tries to hurt herself. LET HER do it. Call 911 as soon as she threatens to hurt herself. Let them deal with it. Chances are it's an empty threat anyway. If she escalates and actually does something. Do nothing but call 911. I am telling you from experience. Seriously, I've gone through this with a multiple Personalty Disorder (Borderline, Histrionic, Narcissist) ex wife. Do not engage with her in any way when an argument starts. Don't yell, don't approach her, back away if she approaches you. Leave the room and lock the door. If she goes nuts with house, call 911. You've already given her ammunition don't give her anymore. I'm pretty sure pictures were taken of her bruises and her story told to multiple people including showing the bruises and I bet she told them you went out of control attacked her for no real reason. You are officially the "MONSTER" and she is the victim. Congratulations, you gave her exactly what she wanted and needed.

Destroying her life - don't even go there. Those are her words and a personality disorder guilt trip.

Listening to her threats - they are just threats. Another personality disorder tactic to get you to do what she wants.

Engaging an any argument. - Best tool that a personality disorder person has available. Don't do it.

Final Suggestions:

#1 Keep the kids safe. Stop worrying about inconveniencing them. KEEP THEM SAFE.

#2 Keep yourself safe.

#3 Document everything by keeping a log - Do not stand there and take pictures or video. That's asking for an escalation and may not even be legal.

#4 Buy her a ticket if that is what she wants.

#5 Divorce her.

You'll notice I didn't say anything about protecting property. Short of burning the house down, property is the last thing you should be thinking about. You need to get the priorities straight.

Judging. Always two sides to every story. Let her sign on and tell her side if you don't want people to keep judging this situation solely based on what has been written so far and previous threads.

Edited September 20, 2016 by rcripps

[deleted this acco 44]

Question for the OP did u delay filing AOS on purpose? If so l can see why your wife "snapped". She is sitting in the house with tight finances and no job? Her husband won't file for her so she can work and help provide for the family? It sounds like life is no better for her here than it was back in her country.

[abhi_meli 150]

Question for the OP did u delay filing AOS on purpose? If so l can see why your wife "snapped". She is sitting in the house with tight finances and no job? Her husband won't file for her so she can work and help provide for the family? It sounds like life is no better for her here than it was back in her country.

Even if he delayed filing on purpose,she cannot just go on a rampage in the house with kids sleeping.It does not give her any right to slap her husband. Every story has two sides but if his side is all true then she can't act this way.She should remember she is in a Civilized Country.This is not Philippines.

[KayDeeCee 4,891]

I thought the PI didn't allow co-sponsors. How did this woman even get here?

A country that used to be so strict that they rarely accepted co-sponsor's for the K-1 does not even bother to request the I-134 lately. Quite the 180. I have been expecting more stories similar to this just for that reason alone.

OP> You were too broke to get married and pay for a foreign spouse to go through the immigration process. You did not even want people to know you married and that she lived with you. You have not been able to supply the I-864 and AOS fee so that she could even get an EAD to begin bringing in an income for your family. She has been unlawfully present for a while now, unable to contribute, have any independence, or the ability to actually live and enjoy life. Things seriously escalated apparently, and 'just did not work out' seems an understatement. Call it done. Get her a ticket home. Divorce.

[NikLR 13,220]

Cut the poor woman loose and yourself a break. Everyone will be happier!

[MuDelphi 159]

She should remember she is in a Civilized Country.This is not Philippines.

lol

[QueenComley 295]

Kids must be #1 priority above all else. She is hardly step-mother material. Leave her and make sure she never has access to your children ever again. The things your children have alreasy witnessed and heard must have been terrifying for them.