Advices, please :(

[dai2403 0]

Hello everyone

I dont even know how to start but I will try

I've been in the US for secen months now and I came under a K1 visa after having a long distance relationship for 4 years . Moving here to be with my husband was all I wanted for my life , i did all I could , all that was possible to do. Applied for my K1 visa , after getting approved i quit my job i had in my country and left everything behind to live this love , my husband and I live with his parents in a extremely boring town in the desert of AZ , im feeling depressed and sad for not being able to rent a place for us ,my husband doesnt make enough money and I so upset for all that we are going through , I also have a heart issue and we dont have health insurance all this situation makes me want to move back to my country because here im feeling completely alone and lost, he does all he can to try and make things better but nothing seems to work out. I came here just for love And I didnt have a perfect life back in my country but I had the basic stuff , a job , school And I felt free , i love him but its geetong cold due to the situation . I dont want to take up your time I just want some advices , i dont have any friends and anyone to talk to so an advice would be appreciated . Thank you everyone

[Anitafeliz 1,133]

Everyone goes through being home sick. You were with him for 4 years so you didnt discuss you were going to live with his parents? In the desert??

Also, did you know all the things you were giving up? Why is it different now that you see what its like here than before??

Have you talked to him and let him know whats going on?

Edited September 5, 2016 by Anitafeliz

[dai2403 0]

Its not even homesick anymore , yes we dated for 4 years I had never been to the US before because my tourist visor was denied in 2014 and i didnt think I would be able to get one so i broke up with him thinking that we wouldnt be together but then i tried again and this time i got my k1 visa , i came here without knowing anything about living here .. He is from Philadelphia and he was living there sharing an apt with a friend but after I moved here we had to move to Arizona to be with his parents because the let us stay in their place for free , yes the plAce is basically part f the desert , nothing around wich means I cant do anything by myself since I dont have a car an he works all day . Im not homesick , I started with all this . I cAme up with the idea of moving here but now I ask myself if I did the right thing . Even though i love him.

[dai2403 0]

Hello everyone

I dont even know how to start but I will try

I've been in the US for secen months now and I came under a K1 visa after having a long distance relationship for 4 years . Moving here to be with my husband was all I wanted for my life , i did all I could , all that was possible to do. Applied for my K1 visa , after getting approved i quit my job i had in my country and left everything behind to live this love , my husband and I live with his parents in a extremely boring town in the desert of AZ , im feeling depressed and sad for not being able to rent a place for us ,my husband doesnt make enough money and I so upset for all that we are going through , I also have a heart issue and we dont have health insurance all this situation makes me want to move back to my country because here im feeling completely alone and lost, he does all he can to try and make things better but nothing seems to work out. I came here just for love And I didnt have a perfect life back in my country but I had the basic stuff , a job , school And I felt free since Im from a big city and could use the public transportation to go everywhere , i love him but its getting cold due to the situation . I dont want to take up your time I just want some advices , i dont have any friends and anyone to talk to so an advice would be appreciated . Thank you everyone

[jess100 53]

Its not even homesick anymore , yes we dated for 4 years I had never been to the US before because my tourist visor was denied in 2014 and i didnt think I would be able to get one so i broke up with him thinking that we wouldnt be together but then i tried again and this time i got my k1 visa , i came here without knowing anything about living here .. He is from Philadelphia and he was living there sharing an apt with a friend but after I moved here we had to move to Arizona to be with his parents because the let us stay in their place for free , yes the plAce is basically part f the desert , nothing around wich means I cant do anything by myself since I dont have a car an he works all day . Im not homesick , I started with all this . I cAme up with the idea of moving here but now I ask myself if I did the right thing . Even though i love him.

That is a really big life change for you. Even in the best international marriages there is a lot of adjustment. Different food, different ideas, different cultures, different languages, etc. I think if you love him enough to want to keep the marriage you should start with a discussion with him about how you two (as a couple) can improve things-little by little.

I think that is the place to begin. If you begin by giving up on the marriage and going back to Brazil you will probably always question yourself. So first see if you can improve things working WITH him. Maybe you can find a long term plan-For example steps you both can do to work on getting your own apartment and finding friends for you-or maybe work. It will probably be slow, but if you know it will happen then it seems easier. You will feel like you have more control. First thing is to join with him and fight this problem together.

It sounds very boring where you are living-but there are some beautiful places in AZ-even in the desert! Would it be possible to study online (free classes with Coursera and others) or get to the library or volunteer someplace? Or teach Portuguese or even help someone with childcare for extra money if you have permission to work? Is it possible he can take you someplace for the day (library, mall, bookstore, park?) and pick you up when he is done with work? It might feel nice to have your own space away from his family for a few hours. you don't need to spend any money.

Good luck and I hope you can find a solution

Its not even homesick anymore , yes we dated for 4 years I had never been to the US before because my tourist visor was denied in 2014 and i didnt think I would be able to get one so i broke up with him thinking that we wouldnt be together but then i tried again and this time i got my k1 visa , i came here without knowing anything about living here .. He is from Philadelphia and he was living there sharing an apt with a friend but after I moved here we had to move to Arizona to be with his parents because the let us stay in their place for free , yes the plAce is basically part f the desert , nothing around wich means I cant do anything by myself since I dont have a car an he works all day . Im not homesick , I started with all this . I cAme up with the idea of moving here but now I ask myself if I did the right thing . Even though i love him.

That is a really big life change for you. Even in the best international marriages there is a lot of adjustment. Different food, different ideas, different cultures, different languages, etc. I think if you love him enough to want to keep the marriage you should start with a discussion with him about how you two (as a couple) can improve things-little by little.

I think that is the place to begin. If you begin by giving up on the marriage and going back to Brazil you will probably always question yourself. So first see if you can improve things working WITH him. Maybe you can find a long term plan-For example steps you both can do to work on getting your own apartment and finding friends for you-or maybe work. It will probably be slow, but if you know it will happen then it seems easier. You will feel like you have more control. First thing is to join with him and fight this problem together.

It sounds very boring where you are living-but there are some beautiful places in AZ-even in the desert! Would it be possible to study online (free classes with Coursera and others) or get to the library or volunteer someplace? Or teach Portuguese or even help someone with childcare for extra money if you have permission to work? Is it possible he can take you someplace for the day (library, mall, bookstore, park?) and pick you up when he is done with work? It might feel nice to have your own space away from his family for a few hours. you don't need to spend any money.

Good luck and I hope you can find a solution

[Georgia16 2,858]

Have you applied for AOS and work permit? Maybe with a job you'll feel better getting out and so and getting health insurance and all that.

[dai2403 0]

Jess100 i appreciate your advices , yes its being very hard for me to adjust to this city here im from sao paulo in Brazil the biggest city in latin america , and I dont think me and my husband are going to stay here for a long time . I need him for everything because he has a car and I dont i would love to spend my day at some library or park but I dont think its possible because he leaves work after 9:00pm that would be a long time waiting for him . Im trying all I can and I feel guilty because I moved here becAuse I wanted to , I could just see the love and was blind to see all the difficuties .

[dai2403 0]

Georgia16

Yes I have applied for my GC , it feels like its taking forever ..

[TBoneTX 43,002]

Can your husband leave you somewhere interesting for the day, and his parents or one of his friends pick you up and take you home, so that you're not waiting until after 9 p.m.?

[f f 725]

first off make sure to sign up for health insurance when you get your green card or during open enrollment in October which ever is first. there is a decent size fine on your taxes for not being insured. and for getting around I'm not sure what type of town you are in but mabye a bicycle or uber will left you get out of the house some. if you do go with the bike careful with the heat.

[Pitchman 8]

This is one of the situations where I feel it’s sort of the Petitioners job and the Beneficiaries job to shed light on what the true reality of K1 means and IS! When one person gives up all they have to move to a new country it’s imperative that the Petitioner paint a clear and realistic picture of what life will be like for the fiancé in the new country. I have currently just applied for K1 for my fiancé who is in Indonesia. When and if its approved she will have to quit her job, leave her apartment, sell all her stuff minus enough clothes and belongings she can fit into 3 or 4 suitcases. I have made it abundantly clear to my Fiancé that I live in a nice 1-bedroom apartment and that I my daughter lives with me every other week. I have showed her photos of my apartment and the surrounding area. Now in my case I have on advantage over the OP in that I live in an area that has a high population of Indonesian people, restaurants and food, thus her assimilation into the culture here will be hopefully quicker than if I had lived in say Arkansas or Indiana for instance. Either way I think many Petitioners fail to acclimate their fiancé or prep their fiancé for the reality that lies ahead. This is unfortunate. I think they get caught up in the romance and K1 part while forgoing the some of the more obscure and unforeseen aspects of this process.

Edited September 5, 2016 by Metaler

[Ulrica&Jesse 39]

Hello everyone

I dont even know how to start but I will try

I've been in the US for secen months now and I came under a K1 visa after having a long distance relationship for 4 years . Moving here to be with my husband was all I wanted for my life , i did all I could , all that was possible to do. Applied for my K1 visa , after getting approved i quit my job i had in my country and left everything behind to live this love , my husband and I live with his parents in a extremely boring town in the desert of AZ , im feeling depressed and sad for not being able to rent a place for us ,my husband doesnt make enough money and I so upset for all that we are going through , I also have a heart issue and we dont have health insurance all this situation makes me want to move back to my country because here im feeling completely alone and lost, he does all he can to try and make things better but nothing seems to work out. I came here just for love And I didnt have a perfect life back in my country but I had the basic stuff , a job , school And I felt free , i love him but its geetong cold due to the situation . I dont want to take up your time I just want some advices , i dont have any friends and anyone to talk to so an advice would be appreciated . Thank you everyone

Dear OP, I had the same exact situation as you are having right now two years ago. Me and my USC husband had to live in his parents house in suburbs. He was at work all day and I had to stay home and was getting bored out of my mind every single day for 6 months! I was on my tourist visa back then and had no right to drive a car, work or do anything. I couldn't just take a walk because nothing was close to his house and there was no other choice for me but just wait until he would come back home and maybe we would go somewhere in the evening or night for couple hours and that was it. We were planning on AOS while I was there but didn't and ended up moving back to my country.

I have some health issues with my leg and not having a health insurance, I had to pretty much spend all the money I had with me on doctors which was terrible.. You can't exist there without health insurance. Just can't.

I was getting so overwhelmed that at one point I just told my husband that I don't care about AOS or anything and I just wanted to go back home! And he understood me and after that we both moved here and living here for two years now. Although moving here did give us some benefits and gave us time to just concentrate on our relationship without pressure but we at some point do regret not staying and dealing with problems there because right now we are getting ready to petition for my GC this month and we know for sure that none of us want to live here and can't function fully.

My husband is USC born and raised and being here is getting harder and harder on him and we just know we need to go ahead and finally start the process and get me a GC so we can move back to the States and start a real life.

During these 2 years we both learned a lot and evolved emotionally and professionally which gives us more confidence on moving back to the States and finally starting life there. We are very optimistic about this, we are doing our research about all the things well have to do when we move back and this time we will do our best to be prepared and independent (living with his family didn't help at all last time).

So long story short, OP it's up to you completely to figure out what do you feel about all this and about your husband. If you know that you want to be with him, don't let this situation make you give up on your marriage and know that this situation won't last forever as long as both of you are constantly trying your best to improve things and not just waiting on one another or even worth other people to make your lives better.

Keep a positive attitude, remind yourself why you moved there in the first place, make sure that motivation still exists and let it keep you strong and focused. But no matter what will you decide, don't regret it, no matter what decision you will make don't blame yourself about anything ever. Be happy with what you have always:) I know how slow time goes when you feel like you are just immobilized and helpless and nothing seems to be happening or improving..it's a terrible and scary feeling ! You need to find something that keeps you busy while you are waiting for you GC or whatever you need to become a functional member of society there. Start reading, drawing,writing,sewing anything! that will take your mind off these things and then time will go faster and you will feel much more confident and relaxed about things which I'm sure will be good for your spouse as well, because I know how stressed they get when they see you upset! It's stress on both ends!

You need to discuss things with him, make plans, think if you guys want to live there or maybe try moving to different state or city..just know this situation won't last forever things will change!

I wish you all the best and peace of mind You've already done so much, you took a huge leap moving to a completely different country give yourself a credit for that! Be proud of yourself and your husband I'm sure hes trying to make things better for the two of you and all we be good: ) You will look back at this later on and smile...

Edited September 5, 2016 by Ulrica&Jesse

[Georgia16 2,858]

Georgia16

Yes I have applied for my GC , it feels like its taking forever ..

When did you apply and did you apply for the EAD also?

[Boiler 43,381]

Have you applied for AOS and work permit? Maybe with a job you'll feel better getting out and so and getting health insurance and all that.

I agree

[JR loves JR 196]

So you're going to have to be creative for a while to continue being busy. Have you created your resume? Have you started job searching to see what types of opportunitits will be available to you in that area? Have you studied for your drivers exam? How far are you willing to walk to find something to do? Figure that out and then on a map draw a circle around your house and every day go for your walk. Take a book and water and when you find a park spend some time. Is there a school near you? They're usually looking for mentors to hang out with kids so you might be able to volunteer with them.

Yes your husband should have done more to help ease you into this situation and yes it sucks. But now it's up to you find some creative solutions that you can present to him that he can help you achieve. He wants you to be happy and he's probably stressed that you're unhappy. But it sounds like he's working as hard as he can to provide and that means he probably doesn't have the energy to investigate things for you to do. I know that was the case with me and my husband. However I did everything I could to help him accomplish what he came up with to do. But the resume building, researching jobs, and studying for the driving test are all great things that you can do that will pay off in the near future.