Nigeria Urhobo marriage tradition

[Unshakable Faith 493]

Yes but only if it's planned and with 2 families consent. My family is not there, lol

Tasha

It does sound a lot like he's just asking his own family for their blessing. People are just warning you because we see it so much on here where a traditional marriage is done (with the bride price) and then they get denied. Try not to get defensive, people are just trying to save you from a really big headache and lots of wasted time.

I think you worried people when you said he was bringing gifts, that's the key word that fueled people's answers.

Best to you and yours!

[MeAlone 158]

It does sound a lot like he's just asking his own family for their blessing. People are just warning you because we see it so much on here where a traditional marriage is done (with the bride price) and then they get denied. Try not to get defensive, people are just trying to save you from a really big headache and lots of wasted time.

I think you worried people when you said he was bringing gifts, that's the key word that fueled people's answers.

Best to you and yours!

Thank you so much. I did read about the traditional wedding and I mentioned he will put them drinks, not gifts. and yes, he did explain me he is asking for a blessing from HIS family only, I know it's ok, it's not a marriage and nothing even close.

Thank you again to all of you, I am reading all the advice here and I did read before about the traditional ceremony troubles. No way we will do it.

Tasha

[MUCA 5]

Watch and Pray!

Do NOT Marry Someone Until You Can Honestly Answer These 20 Questions

Maybe you've been together a while and are considering taking a big step, or perhaps you just started seeing one another and aren't sure if you should stay the course. Whatever your situation, a check-in is never a bad thing. Read on for 20 tough questions to ask about your relationships before moving forward.

You *must* have these internal conversations before walking down the aisle.

Maybe you've been together a while and are considering taking a big step, or perhaps you just started seeing one another and aren't sure if you should stay the course.

Whatever your situation, a check-in is never a bad thing. Read on for 20 tough questions to ask about your relationships before moving forward.

1. Is for better or worse making me better or worse?

Does your partner encourage you to be your best self, or does he or she get intimidated by any triumphs and feel more secure when you're not putting your best foot forward?

2. Do we really accept one another?

There will always be things you want to change about the people in your life, but no one should be in a situation where they feel they aren't allowed to be authentic and accepted as the unique, special (yet flawed) person they are.

3. Who am I?

How can you know if your partner is a good match if you have no idea who you are?

4. Am I happy to be in this relationship?

The idea of sharing a life together is not to find someone to complete you or make you happy. But let's face it: being unhappy at home can seep into other areas of your life . . . and fast. If you're always fighting or just generally not feeling great about your twosome, it doesn't mean you have to bail out (counseling might be a good option) but marrying someone in the hope that it changes things is a bad, bad idea.

5. Am I feeling trapped?

Do you really want to be in this relationship the majority of the time or do you find yourself wishing for a way out? Do you stay because you've invested time or are you really invested in your mate?

6. What am I doing to hold us back?

Maybe you could be more attentive, more thoughtful, quicker to let things go, or the first to bring up going to counseling. Whatever it is, take this as your sign to step up.

7. Is this relationship balanced?

Do you feel you're both on the same page in terms of compromise, care, support and sacrifice? Or is one of you doing most of the giving while the other just sits with their hand out?

8. Can we have fun together?

Have you ever seen two people sit across from one another in silence at brunch as though they are being forced to walk through their day together? Not. fun.

9. Can we have fun apart?

Co-dependency ain't cute, y'all.

10. Why am I in this relationship?

Is it because you respect, love, trust, and value the person you are with? Or because you're afraid of being alone, worried about finances, or have built a life you're scared to leave?

11. Where is this going?

Living in the "now" is great, but eventually the partnership will need a plan or someone will begin to feel anxious.

12. Do I really trust my partner?

For some, the immediate response to this can be devastating. If you're one of them, it's time to ask why and how you can begin to build or rebuild trust. Without it, there's no chance.

13. Am I with a good person?

Knowing what you know about your partner today, would you vouch for them if they were a friend?

14. Am I attracted to my partner?

Physical attraction is hardly the most important component in a relationship, but forcing yourself to be in a relationship with someone who you're not attracted to — just because it's comfortable or "perfect on paper" isn't fair to anyone. You will feel resentful and they will feel rejected.

15. Am I a parent or a partner?

Taking care of someone you love is a great thing to do, but when you feel like you're raising a boyfriend — or worse, a husband — things get a little complicated. You'll resent his childish ways. Who wants to sleep with their mom?

16. Does my partner have my back?

Do you feel like you're a part of a loyal team who stands up for one another, supports one another, and shows a united front (even when the other is not around)? Or, do you feel like you're constantly being thrown under the bus by your mate?

17. Are we looking in the same direction?

Some couples avoid having the big talks (religion, marriage, babies) because they think that, somehow, these things will just "work themselves out." By the time they realize they won't, they're in a complicated, painful situation that leaves one (or both) feeling a little bit duped.

18. Are we growing together?

Being a human being living on this earth, we all have a right to grow and develop, and create a full life for ourselves. Are you and your partner still indulging in your passions (individual and shared) and growing as individuals?

19. Am I still me?

Being in love with someone should not require changing our identity to fit someone else's idea of who we should be, on any level.

20. What is my gut telling me?

You have intuition for a reason. Listen to yourself.

[MeAlone 158]

Thank you. It's great! My answers are all positive, I think we are doing great and we really love, respect and understand each other.

But, today my fiance told me his family wasn't happy about him marrying a white foreign woman and older than him.

Oh well he said he stand firm on his ground saying it's the best and he knows it's the best for him, so he will marry me anyway.

So no family blessing for now, I hope we win their heart in the future

Tasha

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

Lagos embassy likes family interaction and prefers that the parents are in favor of the relationship so hopefully they will come around

in support of you both.

I suggest you are on the premises for his interview and visit with his family, take some photos.

[MeAlone 158]

Lagos embassy likes family interaction and prefers that the parents are in favor of the relationship so hopefully they will come around

in support of you both.

I suggest you are on the premises for his interview and visit with his family, take some photos.

Thank you I will do it, I am planning to travel and to stay with my fiance and visiting before our interview and we will need to go to get his daughter over there, so we will have our meeting and probably blessing.

Thank you for your advise.

Tasha

Yet he has no parents, they are deceased. It's an extended family,

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

Don't wear the same traditional garments at the 'meeting/blessing' with his family when you go visit, the CO will misconstrue it as a traditional

wedding no matter how he will explain it at the interview. Take some photos, wear your western clothes and have dinner together.

These customs can quickly become more than first intended and develop a life of it's own with family making some decisions

you weren't aware of.

[MeAlone 158]

Don't wear the same traditional garments at the 'meeting/blessing' with his family when you go visit, the CO will misconstrue it as a traditional

wedding no matter how he will explain it at the interview. Take some photos, wear your western clothes and have dinner together.

These customs can quickly become more than first intended and develop a life of it's own with family making some decisions

you weren't aware of.

Thank you so much, it's everything new for me about their traditions and you are right, not knowing and wishing to fit and please could bring problems, better to ask before to go or do anything.

Tasha

[Blondie26 43]

Ominiknowest. Seeking answers yet knowing it all.

[MeAlone 158]

Ominiknowest. Seeking answers yet knowing it all.

I am very thankful to you too. Nobody knows everything and it's good to have the advice, always

Tasha

[MrsBonsu 138]

May I suggest you read through the country portal in which you will be applying for him, if he or you got to that interview and tell them what your posting here they will say your married and deny your k1 and tell you to do a cr1, if your doing fiancé then have proof for fiancé, if your gonna marry in his country then have proof for a marriage it is that simple, wanting to learn his culture is fine, but leave it out of your interview, good luck ?

[MeAlone 158]

May I suggest you read through the country portal in which you will be applying for him, if he or you got to that interview and tell them what your posting here they will say your married and deny your k1 and tell you to do a cr1, if your doing fiancé then have proof for fiancé, if your gonna marry in his country then have proof for a marriage it is that simple, wanting to learn his culture is fine, but leave it out of your interview, good luck ?

Why do you think we are married? I even never was in his country, we always met in another country, Ghana by the way, beautiful

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

Mrs Bonsu means that when you go to visit his family and have any kind of traditional "blessing" it will be thought of as traditionally

married by the CO even if you just think it is just a blessing/introduction/bringing drinks.

It has happened many times in the past in Ghana and Nigeria embassies and if you talk about it in the interview and show photos

be very careful or he will be denied. It does not matter that you did not get married, from the perspective of the CO you are.

Therefore wear your western clothes, no traditional clothing when you do the "blessing" and just make it a little dinner getting

acquainted with his family. You want photos with the family but be very careful what kind of photos and be careful when he describes

any "blessing event" to the CO. It is crazy and unfair but it is what it is. Too many here have been denied doing just that and

end up being denied for being deemed married by the CO with just an engagement.

[MeAlone 158]

Mrs Bonsu means that when you go to visit his family and have any kind of traditional "blessing" it will be thought of as traditionally

married by the CO even if you just think it is just a blessing/introduction/bringing drinks.

It has happened many times in the past in Ghana and Nigeria embassies and if you talk about it in the interview and show photos

be very careful or he will be denied. It does not matter that you did not get married, from the perspective of the CO you are.

Therefore wear your western clothes, no traditional clothing when you do the "blessing" and just make it a little dinner getting

acquainted with his family. You want photos with the family but be very careful what kind of photos and be careful when he describes

any "blessing event" to the CO. It is crazy and unfair but it is what it is. Too many here have been denied doing just that and

end up being denied for being deemed married by the CO with just an engagement.

Oh! Now I understand. Thank you so much for your explanation. I better don't go there, anyway it's a not safe location. I better go to Lagos and maybe we just meet briefly there, though he has not close family, his parents passed away and so called family is a 2nd, 3rd grade, only his baby daughter is his real family, so maybe it's not even necessary for now for me to meet anybody. He went to talk to them as his origins are from there and he wanted to visit and maybe to show he is happy, I understand that. I better stay only with him and the baby in Lagos.

Tasha

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

Photos with siblings would be great if he has any. He will be asked if you met his family but ex in laws is a no go !

Since his parents are deceased and he has no other family (don't know what you mean

by 2nd and 3rd unless you mean cousins) aunts, uncles, cousins are fine.

DO NOT go to his ex's parents !

If you do it gives the appearance that his ex and family is in on divorce for the green card.

The ex factor is done. Finished. Over. He owes them no explanation that he is happy now.

This also could be seen as introducing a second wife to the parents of his ex.

Is he Christian or Muslim ?

Not sure if you meant the daughter's family (ex in laws perhaps ) or just his daughter being his family, sorry if I misunderstood.

Edited August 22, 2016 by Ebunoluwa