Holding off filing AOS from K-1 Fiance Visa question

[Pearl1973 1]

Thank you everyone for your comments thus far.

My husband and I actually dated in 1991-1993 whilst he was living in my former country - his dad was working in my country at the time. We were introduced by a female cousin of his whom I was in college with at the time. Anyway in 1993 we broke up (not sure why honestly) and went our separate ways. We reconnected last year August (via Facebook - he found me). He was one of those boyfriends I had always loved and had fond memories of - granted we were teens then (we were both born in 1973 and just a month apart). I mean when we reconnected I knew a lot of time had passed and people change but since he was a former boyfriend and I had a chance of meeting his parents and siblings I felt I could trust him besides we hit it off like we never broke up. So I went to visit him in December-January and we had a lovely time. met his family again though his mom had passed away and his dad was sick at the time of my visit. I thought all was well. During my visit I did not meet the 3 kids but I had spoken to them on the phone. My point is - I knew about the kids. I don't believe I got the real story of what exactly was going on between him and the kids' mom. We reconnected via Facebook - so why it is a big deal now? Its not so much that I want to be splattered all over his page, its just concerning when someone acts like they are not married or are not in a relationship with you and some of his family or friends are surprised to hear that you are married. You have to be in my situation to understand. Its embarrassing to me and it makes me feel like he is not proud of me, he is hiding something, he is having an affair or has unfinished business in his country or with someone, he is using me, etc. I even warned him that immigration may want to look at his social media accounts and that could be a hinderance to him getting a green card but he continues to be sneaky and blocking me, etc. He says to me that he does not know what he is doing wrong basically making me look like I'm crazy. It really has been tough. I have asked him to leave and he says he has no where to go yet he has friends here and relatives in different states. All this he is doing is turning me into a paranoid, untrusting spouse. Its so unfair.

So sorry for the long message...

[Marco&Bettina 502]

My thoughts are that your husband is still religiously or ceremonially married to the mother of his children. But as it was not a western, european, or asian marriage, it is not on official books. That's why he was officially single to marry you. He has a very lengthy plan and you need a safe place to go or an enforcer to remove him from your home & file a restraining order for starters. He will get violent when he catches on to the fact that you want him gone & have no intention to AOS for him.

[Pearl1973 1]

So sorry to hear that! ... I know how happy you were to get him here

Thank you.

Yes I was very happy to bring him over. I love him and I am disappointed by all this. I'm not sure where I have gone wrong to deserve this

[Georgia16 2,858]

Thank you.

Yes I was very happy to bring him over. I love him and I am disappointed by all this. I'm not sure where I have gone wrong to deserve this

You haven't!! Don't for one second think all this is your fault because it's not.

[Pearl1973 1]

You haven't!! Don't for one second think all this is your fault because it's not.

Thank you.

[LionessDeon 2,060]

It's not your fault. No one is ever at fault for having a kind loving heart. It's the taker who is at fault...for taking advantage of you!

Maybe discuss purchasing him a ticket home? Not sure if this would anger him but it would solve the issue of nowhere to stay.

So sorry Pearl that you are going through this.

[Merrytooth 5,748]

People change over the years....

but you are blindsided by your fond memories of him in teen years.

[Harpa Timsah 13,258]

That's a sad and understandable story, Pearl. I am sorry you are going through this. He might have found that you lived in the states and got in touch, and of course you would trust him.

I have seen too many of these types of cases on VJ and he is doing so many things that make it seem that he has not really ended his relationship with his ex and that he plans to file for her once he gets his Greencard.

And let me reiterate, it's not your fault. Best wishes.

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

You asked him to leave already and he said he has nowhere to go so I would get a quick divorce, change the locks, buy him a ticket home

and whether he returns home or stays here illegally is his problem.

It is not your fault, he is a user. He locked you out of the phone and facebook to play shady games so lock him out of the bedroom and house.

He can't have his cake and eat it too. His choices = his consequences.

[Ash.1101 1,755]

He says to me that he does not know what he is doing wrong basically making me look like I'm crazy. It really has been tough. I have asked him to leave and he says he has no where to go yet he has friends here and relatives in different states. All this he is doing is turning me into a paranoid, untrusting spouse. Its so unfair.

This is emotional manipulation, a tactic that abusers are known to do. Basically, it's as simple as a person who is knowingly doing something that is NORMALLY seen as wrong by MOST people, but denying it with a straight face to make you feel insecure about your accusations.

So say you were going "I think you may be cheating on me" and his response is "Why are you so paranoid, I wouldn't do that, maybe you're worried that I'm cheating because you want to cheat? Is that what's going on? That's how cheaters think, they think everyone cheats on them too!" turning the whole situation around against the person.

"Why can't I see your FB anymore" "Oh I don't know, maybe FB is broken" "Your phone password doesn't work?" "Oh I had to change it from the normal because it was messing up I'll change it back" then never does. "Why don't you have any pics of us up?" "I dunno, I don't really want that personal stuff up there, those pictures are personal to me"

While these could all be honest answers, they could also just be buffer answers to avoid telling the truth and avoid any conflict. Any pressure on the subject could easily change things from "Oh I fon't know maybe FB is broken" to "Well why do you need to see my FB anyways?" "Why are you getting into my phone? Why can't you use your phone?" "Why does it matter if there are pictures of us up?" "Why are you being so nosy?"

The "no where to go" is a pity party. I've experienced this in a prior relationship where the person was going to "go drown in the river" when I tried to leave him. He wants you to feel bad, even if you know he has a place to go, he wants it to make sure you don't ever get him far enough away from you to end up anywhere but with you, as he feels he has some sort of control over you emotionally to do this.

Get out of the relationship, it is unhealthy and at the minimal emotionally abusive. Based on what you have said, it's most likely he plans on getting his Green Card then bringing his mother of his children and his children into the country.

[IcezMan_IcezLady 582]

I don't think he will quietly leave...Years ago my neigbor's son in Germany brought his wife to Germany and before she could settle in she started acting suspicious. He bought a plane ticket for both of them to visit him. He came and left her there. Boy was she shocked!..

You can try that with him.

Sorry for what you are going through. You did what you felt was right and you followed your heart. Sont take the blame for anything.

[Pearl1973 1]

Thank you so much everyone.

[Georgia16 2,858]

Pearl..... How is things going?

[TBoneTX 43,021]

Two hijack posts and replies to them have been split from this thread, moved to the General Immigration Discussion forum, and given this topic title: "No Time Limit on Waiting to File for AOS? [split topic]."

[Eric-Pris 1,602]

No timeframe, but he won't be able to work or leave the US until he gets his greencard. And technically, he becomes out of status when his I-94 expires. It's forgiven if you file AOS, but it's possible he could be deported (slim chance, I wouldn't worry about that part of it).

Fix your relationship before you tie yourself into a marriage and I-864.