Question about my daughters K-1 visa.(merged)

[Transborderwife 4,666]

Not everyone is comfortable being a sponsor. If op isn't then so be it. Unfortunately her daughter seems extremely entitled.

[Sledge 11]

How does she seem entitled? You read like 2 paragraphs about her and you're passing judgement. That's fine not everyone feels comfortable being a sponsor. I completly understand. That I have a Ph.D in business administration I understand money. All i did was give her an honest answer. I didn't misinform her or even encourage her to sponsor. Just that she wont be liable for 10 years..

[Transborderwife 4,666]

She has no money saved, just started a new job and lives at home. She has to find an apartment before her fiance gets here, as I do not have the room for the two of them in my home. My daughter is currently sleeping on the couch. She returned home late January from a 6 month vacation in Scotland, she was supposed to be getting her own place by May (no plans as of yet). She sold all of her belongings and went to Scotland last year in July believing she could stay indefinitely. Her plan was to stay for six month, leave for one day by taking a day trip to Ireland and reentering Scotland for another 6 months (and repeat). She had no intentions on returning home to the USA and has only done so due to not being able to stay in Scotland. She attempted to get a school visa; however, her high school GPA wasn't strong enough to be considered for any Universities in Scotland, also she had no money to fund her education. My daughters fiances family had an unwillingness/inability to sponsor my daughter so she could to stay...RED FLAG. As I am expected to sponsor her fiance on the word of them being financially responsible. Her fiance is finishing University this June as an Illustrative Artist. My daughter is taking EMT classes and works as a security officer, they have big plans to move to the West or East coast...Unfortunately if I cosponsor I fear for the next 10 years I will be legally liable. I want what is best for my daughter but the more I research and ask questions the more I realize how ill-prepared she and her fiance are. Feeling discouraged for my daughter and understanding my spouses hesitance in being a cosponsor.

This shows a lot about her entitlement. Lives at home, no savings, expecting to be able to stay indefinitely in a foreign country,

[Sledge 11]

So what she was ignorant not entitled. Whats wrong with living at home? What's wrong with making your childs life easier? I will have it set up so my kids never have to slave for someone else. They'll always be welcome at my house because they're my kids. She's 24. How many 24 year olds have thousands saved up? Not very many. Its the time to learn and make mistakes. That's not entitled thats being a normal 24 year old.

[Harpa Timsah 13,260]

Ya and I'm sure Theres someone out there born with 4 arms. #### happens. Point one out to me. Everyone's always so negative. Is it possible sure. Its also possible to climb mount everest, become the president, and make a trillion dollars. Doesn't mean it's likely. Besides even if something went bad the most s/he would qualify for is food stamps. If its a female female theres obviously no kids unless adopted so housing will be a good 5 year wait in which the green card would expire. So you'll be liable for $60 a month in a worst case scenario. No tanf without kids either. So if im missing some government assistance we can break it down.

Eh?

[Sledge 11]

I didn't comment on anybody elses advice. I didn't try and correct anybody nor did i quote anybody. I was called out with sarcasm so i retorted with sarcasm. I didn't read the whole thread? Apparently you didn't read my 20 word reply not talking to anybody but the op. Don't twist what I've said because you're talking on stuff that never happened until all of you jumped on the bandwagon. I have every right to get aggressive. If someone comes at me sideways then I'm going to defend myself.

[Nich-Nick 3,354]

Also you wont be liable for 10 years by co sponsoring. He will get citizenship or his permanent resident card.

Sponsoring an adult child's foreign fiancé is a decision not to be taken lightly. Every parent will have different opinions on whether they will or they won't. For starters, it's a foreign person they may not know well or maybe never met. They may feel their daughter/son has made poor decisions in the past and have a trust issue. They may simply not want to send details of their financial information with social security numbers abroad, not knowing if the fiancé will be secure with it, leave it lying around for anybody to see, or carelessly lose it. They may not want to take on the responsibility knowing it is irrevocable. The new and unknown son/daughter-in-law could turn out to be the worst abuser, cheater, lazy, unemployed jerk ever, but the parents are still on the hook even after a divorce. They have no guarantee this "stranger" will ever work 10 years or apply for citizenship. Some parents will decline because they are cautious and that's just how they roll. Everyone has to make their own decision.

[Sledge 11]

Eh what? Do you not know how government assistance works and how much people actually get?

[Sledge 11]

And when did I say anything about them wanting to or not wanting to? Or even encourage them. I didn't not a single time. So again a failed ignorant argument. Theres also no guarantee that s/he wont come here make the daughter happy and become multi billionairs. So we can play the what if game too if youd like.

[Limey 551]

So what she was ignorant not entitled. Whats wrong with living at home? What's wrong with making your childs life easier? I will have it set up so my kids never have to slave for someone else. They'll always be welcome at my house because they're my kids. She's 24. How many 24 year olds have thousands saved up? Not very many. Its the time to learn and make mistakes. That's not entitled thats being a normal 24 year old.

People have different views on parenting. I do know that I would never have dreamed of asking my parents to do this, and my wife would not have asked hers either. Both of us have fantastic parents. To me being a parent is not about supporting your children into adulthood, its about preparing them to stand on their own two feet. Often in this life we can't have what we want right now - we have to work towards it, save money, plan ahead. Immigration is like other things in this life, its not cheap - the K1 costs money, change of status costs money, supporting your spouse when they aren't allowed to work costs money, and removing green card conditions costs money too. Getting a house costs money, health insurance costs money, having a car costs money. These are all things that a young couple will have to find money for.

Others will disagree and will be happy to fund their children's wishes into adulthood, and that is fine too. Its their choice.

[yuna628 9,873]

I don't think anyone here is trying to burst a bubble. The person wanted honest opinion and knowledge. If reality is harsh, then reality is harsh. The petitioner sponsoring her own fiancé is doable, as we have suggested, however it will pose significant challenges to the relationship and significant hardship to herself and her fiancé (their gender is not relevant here). Her parents for their own reasons, feel uncomfortable with co-sponsorship. They reserve that right to do or not. The document they sign at AOS time would be a legally binding one. People seem to feel as if we should take that document with no teeth at all. Not everyone wants to be a citizen. I've discussed that factor with my husband many times, and he honestly hasn't decided if he would want to be yet. He has a right not become one, but he will certainly ensure that no burden is placed on our co-sponsor regardless. We are assuming a great deal if we feel these parents won't have to feed, clothe, and care for this individual for some period of time. They will need healthcare and a place to live. They will need savings. They will need funds for expenses and filing fees. Living on a couch is not a place to live. This is why I suggested it might be prudent to review the financials of the situation, let alone the living situation. A responsible woman, future wife, and I should think an adult - would consider these factors before requesting their fiancé come and undertake the serious process of immigration. Love or not. Love doesn't give one permission to be stupid, nor does ones age. Stupid is stupid. Reality is reality. Learning from mistakes, is a learning process (that we should not be in the habit of sucking other people into our stupid mistakes). And responsibility is responsibility.

All we know about the OP's daughter is that she did a very dangerous, unwise, if not downright stupid thing in attempting to subvert another country's immigration law, she moved back to her parent's home, and is sleeping on a couch. And we also know that the OP is frightened for her daughter's choices. We know nothing else about the dynamic of the relationship, how much trust there is toward the foreign fiancé in being a responsible person, or what things the daughter has done in her life to prove her responsibility to her parents. However.....

She is an adult, and is free to make her own choices. Likewise, her parents are adults and free to make their own. If this causes strain between the parent-child relationship if they refuse to co-sign, then that is unfortunately what happens.

There is nothing wrong with living at home. I do. Not because I want to, but because I'm currently needed here and there is plenty of space for the both of us without sleeping on my family's couch. There's also nothing wrong with finding a co-sponsor that is willing to both understand the obligations under the law and caring enough to sign. I would never expect to put such a financial burden upon my parents, so I never even considered them to pay, or co-sign, or be obligated to pay for everything - from signing, to wedding costs, to filing fees. My husband's parents would also be ashamed if we behaved in such a bad manner. And yes, I do know what it's like to be dirt poor and know how government assistance works. The couple can make things work, but in order to do so, they will most likely have to take a step back for a bit and actually save something. If they don't, well... in walks reality. And cares very little about love.

Edited May 5, 2016 by yuna628

[Transborderwife 4,666]

I don't think anyone here is trying to burst a bubble. The person wanted honest opinion and knowledge. If reality is harsh, then reality is harsh. The petitioner sponsoring her own fiancé is doable, as we have suggested, however it will pose significant challenges to the relationship and significant hardship to herself and her fiancé (their gender is not relevant here). Her parents for their own reasons, feel uncomfortable with co-sponsorship. They reserve that right to do or not. The document they sign at AOS time would be a legally binding one. People seem to feel as if we should take that document with no teeth at all. Not everyone wants to be a citizen. I've discussed that factor with my husband many times, and he honestly hasn't decided if he would want to be yet. He has a right not become one, but he will certainly ensure that no burden is placed on our co-sponsor regardless. We are assuming a great deal if we feel these parents won't have to feed, clothe, and care for this individual for some period of time. They will need healthcare and a place to live. They will need savings. They will need funds for expenses and filing fees. Living on a couch is not a place to live. This is why I suggested it might be prudent to review the financials of the situation, let alone the living situation. A responsible woman, future wife, and I should think an adult - would consider these factors before requesting their fiancé come and undertake the serious process of immigration. Love or not. Love doesn't give one permission to be stupid, nor does ones age. Stupid is stupid. Reality is reality. Learning from mistakes, is a learning process (that we should not be in the habit of sucking other people into our stupid mistakes). And responsibility is responsibility.

All we know about the OP's daughter is that she did a very dangerous, unwise, if not downright stupid thing in attempting to subvert another country's immigration law, she moved back to her parent's home, and is sleeping on a couch. And we also know that the OP is frightened for her daughter's choices. We know nothing else about the dynamic of the relationship, how much trust there is toward the foreign fiancé in being a responsible person, or what things the daughter has done in her life to prove her responsibility to her parents. However.....

She is an adult, and is free to make her own choices. Likewise, her parents are adults and free to make their own. If this causes strain between the parent-child relationship if they refuse to co-sign, then that is unfortunately what happens.

There is nothing wrong with living at home. I do. Not because I want to, but because I'm currently needed here and there is plenty of space for the both of us without sleeping on my family's couch. There's also nothing wrong with finding a co-sponsor that is willing to both understand the obligations under the law and caring enough to sign. I would never expect to put such a financial burden upon my parents, so I never even considered them to pay, or co-sign, or be obligated to pay for everything - from signing, to wedding costs, to filing fees. My husband's parents would also be ashamed if we behaved in such a bad manner. And yes, I do know what it's like to be dirt poor and know how government assistance works. The couple can make things work, but in order to do so, they will most likely have to take a step back for a bit and actually save something.

Well said Yuna +1000

[Pennycat 880]

So what she was ignorant not entitled. Whats wrong with living at home? What's wrong with making your childs life easier? I will have it set up so my kids never have to slave for someone else. They'll always be welcome at my house because they're my kids. She's 24. How many 24 year olds have thousands saved up? Not very many. Its the time to learn and make mistakes. That's not entitled thats being a normal 24 year old.

What's wrong with living at home is if the person whose home it is doesn't want you there/ doesn't have room for you.

It's wrong to live at home when the agreement was that it would be a temporary situation and it's dragged on.

It's wrong to live at home under these circumstances, and instead of trying to remedy that problem, you try to add another dependent to the situation.

It's especially wrong to live at home where you're a burden, after agreeing that it would be temporary and trying to add another dependent to the situation when there is a different option for you-- spouse visa-- which will buy you the time needed to solve Problem #1 and prevent the immigrant from being dependent.

Nothing is wrong with making your child's life easier. Lots of parents choose to do this, if they are able. Lots of others are not able, and others still are able and choose not to. What is wrong is the child expecting/demanding that their life be made easier, period, and especially when the parent is not really able. It's still wrong if the parent is able but does not want to. This is the "entitlement" part here.

How many 24 year olds have thousands saved up? I've known a few, mostly military but also people who are just THAT serious about financial independence and security. Besides, daughter wouldn't need thousands if she chooses spouse visa. She'd need hundreds, and that difference is significant for anyone who uses money but especially for someone who makes $10/hr.

This is not normal for 24. Sorry. Even for a Millennial, this young woman is pushing the envelope on extended adolescence. When I was 24, I was supporting myself with two jobs, 7 days per week (one professional track, the profession I wanted to be in, part time 3 days per week, temp jobs the other 4 days per week). When my husband was 24 he was doing the same (and he's only 26 now and it was in a developing country so it's not like this this was back in the good ol' days before the recession). When my best friend's husband was 24, he was in Iraq and banking literally every dollar the Army ever gave him so that he could support the wife and 4 children he would eventually have (and I think that they were married and expecting #1 when he was 24, maybe 25).

Edited May 5, 2016 by CatherineA

[Ban Hammer 14,269]

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