Broken hearted

[calain0425 2]

I just found out last night that my x fiancé's Mom was highly upset with me that I didn't give her any money when I departed their village back in June. Hmmm. I bought them a refrigerator and a lot of food/drinks, a generator too since there were so many blackouts. I did give my x a little money when I left. This is interesting the way the Philippine culture works. When I need money I work and I certainly don't expect anyone to give me anything for free!

definitely not a good sign from her family, they might expect support from you throughout your entire relationship. the thing that i noticed with my fiance which let me know she was a keeper, from the very start of us talking, she NEVER asked anything from me, not even a single penny, nor did her family.

[Hank_ 9,173]

I just found out last night that my x fiancé's Mom was highly upset with me that I didn't give her any money when I departed their village back in June. Hmmm. I bought them a refrigerator and a lot of food/drinks, a generator too since there were so many blackouts. I did give my x a little money when I left. This is interesting the way the Philippine culture works. When I need money I work and I certainly don't expect anyone to give me anything for free!

Give them money!???? Yikes! You for sure hooked up with the wrong one....

Flip the switch! Forget her! Move on!!

Ya sue her... that will work in the Philippines.

[Cyberfx1024 7,978]

I just found out last night that my x fiancé's Mom was highly upset with me that I didn't give her any money when I departed their village back in June. Hmmm. I bought them a refrigerator and a lot of food/drinks, a generator too since there were so many blackouts. I did give my x a little money when I left. This is interesting the way the Philippine culture works. When I need money I work and I certainly don't expect anyone to give me anything for free!

I agree with everyone on here you got lucky and did not marry her. I say this because it sounds like her family is BAD NEWS!!!! That's one thing that really drew me to my wife was that she NEVER asked for any money at all, in fact she was ready to go back to Qatar to work but I told her that she could stay home and I would take care of her. I did that so that we could learn more about each other and file for the K1 visa. My wife in fact hates it when people would come up to ask money from her because they thought she was rich for dating me.

We only send money to help support her sister, who also takes care of her mom as well. Also we have sent money to one of her niece's who graduated college, so we sent money for her to have a graduation celebration, and that was to a niece that we love.

Please do NOT generalize the whole Philippine culture and people just because of one person or family. They are a very proud and happy nation and I love the culture.

Go and find a new and better woman. I know several women from early 20's to mid 30's who are very beautiful and smart that are looking for good men in general.

[rlogan 2,036]

"give" money: such a perversion of Filipino culture.

It is more like small town farm America generations ago where people raised barns together, helped each other harvest, invested together... mutual reciprocity.

Their culture is not "you help me and I do nothing for you". Their culture is "we help each other".

I knew Filipino culture thoroughly before I met my wife. I didn't walk in saying "I want the one I don't have to do anything for". I right away told her I knew exactly what she wanted: to help her family. I was there to figure out how best to help, not just to send money - and that we would in return make agreements about how we would all help each other.

Right away we built a house together. A sea wall. So we have a house in the Philippines, stayed there five months last year. We have a brother who we put through merchant marine school and he is right now being trained by the company hiring him. He is taking care of the parents in retirement - a common Filipino tradition. It's THRILLING to have pulled that off as a family. Her sister is just starting college, and same thing - we have an agreement with her.

These are investments. They pay dividends. That isn't "giving money". What kind of resentments can you have when your family is working their butts off on the same project you are?

[Hank_ 9,173]

That is the way it should be.

[duckhunter1 18]

"give" money: such a perversion of Filipino culture.

It is more like small town farm America generations ago where people raised barns together, helped each other harvest, invested together... mutual reciprocity.

Their culture is not "you help me and I do nothing for you". Their culture is "we help each other".

I knew Filipino culture thoroughly before I met my wife. I didn't walk in saying "I want the one I don't have to do anything for". I right away told her I knew exactly what she wanted: to help her family. I was there to figure out how best to help, not just to send money - and that we would in return make agreements about how we would all help each other.

Right away we built a house together. A sea wall. So we have a house in the Philippines, stayed there five months last year. We have a brother who we put through merchant marine school and he is right now being trained by the company hiring him. He is taking care of the parents in retirement - a common Filipino tradition. It's THRILLING to have pulled that off as a family. Her sister is just starting college, and same thing - we have an agreement with her.

These are investments. They pay dividends. That isn't "giving money". What kind of resentments can you have when your family is working their butts off on the same project you are?

I'm not certain where you're getting this analysis from about old American culture being similar to what I witnessed there in Philippines. American culture is that community organizing never worked but ownership, hard work, individualism and capitalism did! Just look at the Pilgrims and that proves it! What I witnessed in the Philippines was a bunch of lazy people who do nothing all day but maybe a little fishing, washing clothes, cooking rice and socializing. There was no productivity whatsoever going on. It was all about give me this and that because you're an American who's rich. What I hear you saying is that you've become the gravy train for the entire family. A built in bank for them to access funds whenever necessary and the agenda is all hidden with covert agreements. If you cut off the gravy train they will disown you. My experience is that these people are true Liberal handout mentality democrats who only want to survive by someone else's efforts and hard work.

[j&ana 363]

"give" money: such a perversion of Filipino culture.

It is more like small town farm America generations ago where people raised barns together, helped each other harvest, invested together... mutual reciprocity.

Their culture is not "you help me and I do nothing for you". Their culture is "we help each other".

I knew Filipino culture thoroughly before I met my wife. I didn't walk in saying "I want the one I don't have to do anything for". I right away told her I knew exactly what she wanted: to help her family. I was there to figure out how best to help, not just to send money - and that we would in return make agreements about how we would all help each other.

Right away we built a house together. A sea wall. So we have a house in the Philippines, stayed there five months last year. We have a brother who we put through merchant marine school and he is right now being trained by the company hiring him. He is taking care of the parents in retirement - a common Filipino tradition. It's THRILLING to have pulled that off as a family. Her sister is just starting college, and same thing - we have an agreement with her.

These are investments. They pay dividends. That isn't "giving money". What kind of resentments can you have when your family is working their butts off on the same project you are?

I'm not certain where you're getting this analysis from about old American culture being similar to what I witnessed there in Philippines. American culture is that community organizing never worked but ownership, hard work, individualism and capitalism did! Just look at the Pilgrims and that proves it! What I witnessed in the Philippines was a bunch of lazy people who do nothing all day but maybe a little fishing, washing clothes, cooking rice and socializing. There was no productivity whatsoever going on. It was all about give me this and that because you're an American who's rich. What I hear you saying is that you've become the gravy train for the entire family. A built in bank for them to access funds whenever necessary and the agenda is all hidden with covert agreements. If you cut off the gravy train they will disown you. My experience is that these people are true Liberal handout mentality democrats who only want to survive by someone else's efforts and hard work.

I am sorry to hear about your situation. but most likely were you being use. I saw the same thing the other person that responded to this message. Family working together. You stated " you saw a bunch of lazy people who do nothing all day but maybe a little fishing, washing clothes, cooking rice and socializing" Have you ever thought that they do that not because they are lazy but it the only thing they can do. I am not much of a fisher man, but even I know you do not fish in the hot sun. You fish a couple of hours in the morning and in the evening. A person has to feed his family. Women cooking rice and socializing. In the Philippines if a women does not find a decent job before a certain age then she probably will not. So she can either try to work in the bars. or she can stay home and do her part in helping the family. Will you want to be by your self cooking and cleaning all day.so families get together and the women cook rice and socialize.

My wife family did exactly that. I guess they are Lazy. No they are not, poor maybe but not lazy. I stay with my wife at her parents house. in a small town in Bohol. they have large land there but that is it. their house is a little hut Their floor is dirt, Their bed is a piece of plywood. They have no running water. you walk down to the well (balon) and pour water on you to clean off . you carry water back up for washing dishes. what little money they make. They have to use on necessary items such as drinking waters, medicine. When me and my wife had the wedding there, her mom, aunts and cousins spent all day cleaning and preparing. my wife mom had a table cloth that had some small holes in it. To me it was just an old table cloth but to her it was special, to only be use for special occasion. My wife dad fish to feed the family and also to sell at market to make some money for stuff they need. They also grow some mango there that they pick. her brother makes a little money by giving rides on his motor bike. That is the main form of transportation there or walking. My wife family does everything you describe but not because they are lazy. My wife or her family never ask for any money from me then, or the other times I visit. When my wife came here she told me. that she wanted to get a job to help her family. Family is very important there . She knew it will be hard for me to support her and me and send her family some money. My wife got a job a couple of weeks ago. She was so pride and happy that day. She told me that now she can help with our bills, send her family some money and have some for herself. that is a true Filipina. one that wants to be love and happy, one that wants to help her family and husband . a dad doing what he can to provide for the family. a mom making do with what she has, cooking cleaning. a brother helping out any way he can. Other families helping each other. That is what I saw

You also stated American culture is that community organizing never worked but ownership, hard work, individualism and capitalism did! Just look at the Pilgrims.. Do you really think that happen overnight . America was probably a lot like the Philippines. where families help each other. If people from other countries probably came to see. they will of probably thought the same thing you did about the Philippines. what a bunch of lazy people all they do is hunt for a couple of hours cook corn and potatoes and socialize all day. It took time for America to develop. Also America had a lot more resources then the Philippines

[duckhunter1 18]

I've just learned that my fiancé / x fiancé was set on coming to America and her parents blocked her efforts. Sent her to Manila for a job and told her the relationship with me was finished. Her Visa sits at the U.S. Embassy wasting away!

[Mike&Imelda 3]

"saw a bunch of lazy people who do nothing all day but maybe a little fishing, washing clothes, cooking rice and socializing".

That just about sums up my plans when I get to the Philippines.

[cristina16 81]

"saw a bunch of lazy people who do nothing all day but maybe a little fishing, washing clothes, cooking rice and socializing".

That just about sums up my plans when I get to the Philippines.

WOW!!! Where did you go?? Too bad that only your sums up of your visit in our country. You are cut-short in the appreciation of the Filipino people and the extensive ways of life of the Filipinos.

I feel sorry that you didn't have the chance to walk around Makati area.