Wife abandoned in foreign country, need serious help please!

[Transborderwife 4,666]

Just now, Rebuilt said:

Thank you very much M'am. And of course, thanks to Ms Sandra as well.

 

As I'm sure we all know, not all abuse is physical. All I know is, I'm still trying to cope with all the problems I'm having over my husband's treachery. Continuous nightmares, flashbacks, depression, you name it. Alas, like I said earlier, I have no other choice but suck it up and deal with it on my own.

No, you don't.  I would suggest getting some sort of counseling on a regular basis 

[Rebuilt 9]

3 minutes ago, Transborderwife said:

No, you don't.  I would suggest getting some sort of counseling on a regular basis 

I just cannot afford to have any bad medical records M'am. I am a damn good sailor, I managed to complete my degree and professional certificates with a lot of sacrifices. My dad passed away while I was studying, and I made the promise of making him proud someday. My mom got killed while all this ordeal was going on and I promised to make her proud someday. My daughters count on me, and I need to make them proud. My husband did what he did while I was studying in order to be able to make him and my family proud. My education is all I have left, I have lost everything else. I simply cannot throw away my future because a bad medical record.

[Sandra G. 5,009]

1 hour ago, Transborderwife said:

Just an FYI, @sandranj is kind of the resident VAWA guru.  She is the one who will give you the best advice as I believe she's a lawyer for these situations 

 

 

I am repeating myself again CHEATING AND ABANDONMENT ARE NOT GROUNDS FOR VAWA, THIS IS NOT ABUSE!. I gave my opinion based on what you posted "cheating and abandonment", you didn't describe any circumstance of abuse and you didn't mention that you were diagnosed with post-traumatic disorder and/or major depression due to the abuse suffered, that being said my opinion was given considering what YOU POSTED.

 

People file VAWA stating  things that ARE NOT GROUNDS FOR VAWA such as "my  husband  is alcoholic,my husband is bisexual, my husband abandoned me , my husband cheated on me with a bunch of women, I got home my husband was with another woman in our bedroom, many times per week my husband didn't come home, he was  with his friends/other women etc...NONE of these things are considered extreme cruelty in  a VAWA case.

 

USCIS is a Federal Agency that adjudicates VAWA cases following the VAWA LAW.  Cheating in some States is ground for divorce, it's not ground for VAWA, Abandonment in some State is ground for divorce, it's not for VAWA, that being said the mediator's opinion, in the family Court, means nothing for a VAWA case.  

 

In case you decide to file VAWA don't go with these arguments about "cheating and abandonment" that your VAWA will be denied.But  if you prove that you suffered isolation, humiliation control,degadation,threats, coercion, and prove that you attended therapy and have a diagnosis of major depression and/or pos traumatic disorder then you may have a VAWA case. 

 

The abandonment that you referred  here is that your husband left you and moved back to the US, as I said before  this is not abuse, but if he left you living in a cabin in the woods without electricity, food and water yes this is abuse.

Edited April 12, 2017 by sandranj

[Villanelle 4,121]

What Sandra is saying (if its not clear enough yet) is that USCIS has a definition of what constitutes abuse. It is a very specific definition. What you described does not meet the qualifications for "abuse" under USCIS's definition. It may meet the definition of abuse for family court/civil court or even abuse as defined by mental health professionals- but their definitions are different the USCIS's.

 

Now last time I posted I wrote something like 'the abandon residence ship has sailed' or something like that, and thats not entirely accurate anymore. Your main issue at that time was getting back into the US and I am still somewhat shocked (in a good way) that CBP let you in after being gone for soooo long!!

 

Based on the info you provided (about applying for citizenship) it does appear that IF you choose to apply they will look at all you entries and exits and may find at that time you abandoned your residency. This determination appears to be able to be made at any time by USCIS. If someone there determines it, then you will be sent to immigration court- where as Sandra explained you have a 1% chance at winning.

 

As for using the VAWA route to apply for a GC- again as stated you dont qualify under VAWA based on what you wrote, but if its true that you have suffered more then what is posted and believe yourself to have PTSD or a variation then you would HAVE to get medical records to support it and also file with in 2 years of the divorce. Since you say you can not have those kinds of medical records- VAWA wont be an option for you. 

 

When you renew the GC- which is simply filling out the i90- it doesnt ask you for trips outside the US or anything like that. You have to realize that your permanent resident status is valid regardless of whether or not you have the card. The card is simply proof of status and it has a 10 year validity period. Why make a card that expires if the status doesnt? I dunno. Just how it is. Again you can only lose your status by abandoning it yourself (with the proper forms or having a judge revoke it.

 

If CBP did not want to let you in- you couldve turned around and went back home or asked to be let in to go to court to have a judge decide. So it wasnt an issue at that point, but it can become an issue in the future. Look at the info you posted- a man in a situation very similiar to yours. He was let in by CBP but then an Officer at USCIS said nope and he got sent to court later by said Officer years later no less.

 

Now the i90 form says they will look at your records when they issue a new card as proof of status (maybe thats why they make the cards expire lol) When they look, they may see how long you were gone and how a CBP let you in and say whooooa and send you to immigration court where you can spend tons of money and stretch it out for years but ultimately the opinion of Sandra (a lawyer) says you will be denied as you have no case.

 

So theres a risk in filing for a new card. But you cant be with out proof of status- especially now a days. IMO filing for the new card is a bit safer because they get sooo many applications for that- that I believe its almost robotic processing. Filing for citizenship means they will take a very very very hard look at you and they will see the time you were gone- no doubt. Then you are banking on the Officer taking a soft approach like CBP did and letting it slide.

 

You are basically doubling down on a lucky hand no matter which way you go- n400 vs i90- but I believe the i90 is safer. You can be a GC holder for the rest of your life, but every 10 years this is going to be an issue for you. Or file the n400 but thats a one shot deal. If the Officer refers you to court then its game over.

[Transborderwife 4,666]

7 hours ago, Rebuilt said:

I just cannot afford to have any bad medical records M'am. I am a damn good sailor, I managed to complete my degree and professional certificates with a lot of sacrifices. My dad passed away while I was studying, and I made the promise of making him proud someday. My mom got killed while all this ordeal was going on and I promised to make her proud someday. My daughters count on me, and I need to make them proud. My husband did what he did while I was studying in order to be able to make him and my family proud. My education is all I have left, I have lost everything else. I simply cannot throw away my future because a bad medical record.

Look up a domestic violence organization in your area.  Many offer free services

[Boiler 43,383]

Would it be covered by your Health Insurance?

[Rebuilt 9]

12 minutes ago, Transborderwife said:

Look up a domestic violence organization in your area.  Many offer free services

 

1 minute ago, Boiler said:

Would it be covered by your Health Insurance?

It is not about money guys, it is about my desire of joining the Merchant Marine. Among all the questions asked on the medical application there are many related to mental health issues. If I acknowledge said issues I am very afraid that they would not let me join, and that would crush me and perhaps the very last chance I have of serving this country.

 

Damara, I don't have much time now, but I'll be back to your reply in a little bit. Meanwhile, thank you so much for your priceless input <3

[Transborderwife 4,666]

11 minutes ago, Rebuilt said:

 

It is not about money guys, it is about my desire of joining the Merchant Marine. Among all the questions asked on the medical application there are many related to mental health issues. If I acknowledge said issues I am very afraid that they would not let me join, and that would crush me and perhaps the very last chance I have of serving this country.

 

Damara, I don't have much time now, but I'll be back to your reply in a little bit. Meanwhile, thank you so much for your priceless input <3

Well let me put it to you this way, if you do not get issues dealt with, there's a high chance that you could be discharged from the Merchant Marine, that's if you even make it past psychological testing.  It's incredibly important to put your health first.  Dreams come and go, you have one life.

[Boiler 43,383]

Just now, Transborderwife said:

Well let me put it to you this way, if you do not get issues dealt with, there's a high chance that you could be discharged from the Merchant Marine, that's if you even make it past psychological testing.  It's incredibly important to put your health first.  Dreams come and go, you have one life.

Especially when we are talking about things of such a magnitude.

[Rebuilt 9]

Ms Damara:

 

Thank you so much for the long and enlightening explanation (I'm avoiding quoting it due to its length, I think it's easier on the forum not to be too clogged). Thanks for the time and effort you put into it, I really appreciate it.

 

I'm afraid you are absolutely correct on all points. I also refuse to live constantly in fear. I believe that, if God let me come back, there must be a reason for it. Nobody ever said that life has to be easy.

 

Of course I will be applying for the I-90 in a few months, as soon as I can gather the money for it. As you well said, I need a valid proof of status while I am here. My GC will expire by springtime next year, so I intend to send the renewal form by say, october of november this year. Let's see what happens then.

 

Meanwhile all I can do is keep fighting and continuing to be a law abiding person. I am currently working, paying my taxes in due time, hopefully I'll manage to sign up for a technical school and do some more courses related to mechanics in order to improve, etc. If everything goes smoothly I'll also try to get all the pertinent documentation in order to join the Merchant Marine.

 

It's funny because I was reading the other day that one of the instances in which citizenship will be automatically awarded, no questions asked, is in the eventuality that  somebody does something extraordinary that protects American citizens or interests. Who's to say that I might ever be in a position to do so? Lol, one can only dream. But anyway, like I said, I have a lot of good folk who are expecting me to succeed and I just cannot disappoint them. And again, if God has put me in this position, there must be a reason for it.

 

Boiler and Ms Transborder:

 

I will listen to you guys too and try to get some help. Sometimes it gets overwhelming, that's for sure. Certain places, certain sounds, certain smells and even certain foods. Just an example: when my husband and I met, he introduced me to the wonderful world of Mountain Dew, Tostitos and salsa de queso. Such a little thing, right? When I landed back and got settled one of the first things I did was to go and buy those snacks. Going again through an American supermarket aisles was heavenly and hellish alike, I don't know how to explain it. It was a mix of overwhelming happiness and overwhelming nostalgia at the same time. When I got home, opened the can of queso and the bag of tostitos, dipped the first chip and put it in my mouth, everything came back with a vengeance. It triggered such beautiful memories that will never come back, all the pure and sweet emotions that I tried to bury in order to keep my sanity were right back at me. I got a crisis right there. That was more than a year ago, and I have avoided those snacks (which I absolutely love!) since then. It might get better with time, but it never goes away. That's just a little example.

 

Thanks everybody for all your help. God bless you guys <3

[Rebuilt 9]

Btw, I just found out about the little hearts of reputation on the posts. I'm off to work now, but tonight I'll go through all the replies in this thread to do it. It's the little things =)

[Transborderwife 4,666]

9 minutes ago, Rebuilt said:

Btw, I just found out about the little hearts of reputation on the posts. I'm off to work now, but tonight I'll go through all the replies in this thread to do it. It's the little things =)

Keep believing in yourself.  Look after yourself