Visa in hand, but petitioner is unemployed. Please help!

[Brewlin 52]

15 pages? Wow. Did you dump him yet?

[AvaAdore 4]

You don't "dump" someone to whom you gave your heart to that easily. I know it's easier for harsh people, who have no emotions.

It has been embarrassing for me to reveal all this, and I would have been unable to do so in person, due to my shy personality. I respect all the compassionate and empathetic people on here so much.

Edited July 24, 2015 by AvaAdore

[Mike-eeh and Odie 192]

Thanks every so much again. I asked to see proof of his employment which was met with a "I don't have to show you anything, if you don't trust me, fine". To which I reminded him of when he flirted with other girls, and lied to me. And all I heard back was "you could have left me then. You saying all this makes me want to smack you". I expressed my horror at that statement which was answered with this "saying this doesn't mean I'll do it". (of course...then why saying it?!)

This made me drive to work in tears. That's it. I'm heartbroken and angry at myself to have wasted a year and a half. Like you said Mike, he was someone I made my world, and that's what I got in return. I know I'll need a lot of time to heal properly, but if I don't, he wins.

I want to thank every one here who has helped me. Which is 99.9% of the people who have responded. You are all wonderful, and I wish you all the very best

Heartbroken, but at least I won't be a punching bag to someone who claimed I was his "twinflame". I'm so angry, so sad, so lost...never before have I hurt so much.

Thanks for caring, I wish several blessings your way. But to be honest, the fact he said "this makes me want to smack you" cannot be love. It's sickness. And I have myself to blame for staying with him so long and ignoring the red flags. But I loved. Now I don't know how to deal with this..it ails me so much and I am withering in pain as I just arrived at work.

Thanks, now I tested him more, just so I could make a decision. If you read the above, you'll see that no woman would condone what he has said to me.

It had been embarrassing for me to reveal all this, and I would have been able to do so in person, due to my shy personality. I respect all the compassionate and empathetic people on here so much.

You don't "dump" someone to whom you gave your heart to that easily. I know it's easier for harsh people, who have no emotions.

It has been embarrassing for me to reveal all this, and I would have been unable to do so in person, due to my shy personality. I respect all the compassionate and empathetic people on here so much.

Ava, you did the right thing letting him go. Now you must be strong and focus on your life. To help you get over him will take time and healing. It's not easy giving up on someone or something you love, and you may feel you wasted your time as you put so much time tears and energy into the K-1 Process.

You have to understand, you did not give up, he gave up on you. You should feel proud of yourself for hanging in there all this time; and look on the bright side, you have that 1 and a half years of experience with both the K-1 process and a man whom you know not to get involved with. Your experience alone was not a waste of time, but a learning process, so for the next man you meet, you will know the red flags and how to avoid them. You will also be able to help your next gentleman with the K-1 process so that you can do it together like a loving couple.

Secondly, you should not feel embarrassed about your situation. Plenty of people in the world and on this site have had similar experiences. By sharing them with us, as difficult as it was, we had more insight on your situation and that actually helped us give you proper advice. You are a strong, intelligent, and brave young woman with a fruitful future ahead of you.

Finally, you are correct. No one should threaten violence toward you, even if they are kidding. I could not even fathom hitting my wife, let alone think about it. You did the right thing leaving this man, as he had the potential to physically abuse you, and possibly your children. I am happy you made the decision to keep yourself and future children safe.

So for now my advice would be:

1. Go on with your life and focus on your career. Give yourself at least 6 months to heal. You will find that with a clearer mind, you can get back into dating again.

2. Go out with friends and family. Have them listen to your story. It helps to talk about it and get reassurance that you made the right decision.

3. Change your email and block his phone number.

4. Do not contact him. He may try to contact you and apologize and get you to change your mind. Do not accept his invitation to communicate. Simply tell him, "I am sorry. I don't want to talk about it," (that should sound familiar to him ), then cut off the communication.

Stay safe and happy. God Bless you, Ava.

Edited July 24, 2015 by Mike-eeh and Odie

[Malak&Hemza 4]

Thanks every so much again. I asked to see proof of his employment which was met with a "I don't have to show you anything, if you don't trust me, fine". To which I reminded him of when he flirted with other girls, and lied to me. And all I heard back was "you could have left me then. You saying all this makes me want to smack you". I expressed my horror at that statement which was answered with this "saying this doesn't mean I'll do it". (of course...then why saying it?!)

This made me drive to work in tears. That's it. I'm heartbroken and angry at myself to have wasted a year and a half. Like you said Mike, he was someone I made my world, and that's what I got in return. I know I'll need a lot of time to heal properly, but if I don't, he wins.

AvaAdore,

You will heal, do not let this fool's behavior rip you apart. I myself suffered loss of love more than once before meeting my fiancé. When the love is real, it heals old wounds and allows you to grow in a good, nurturing relationship. My job is in the law enforcement community and I also was in an abusive relationship. In my life, I have learned first hand if the abuser makes any statement regarding "smack you" or otherwise imply physical harm, it is only a matter of time before the words become actions.

You are stronger than you think at this very moment. He is the weak one and it is evident that he must have grown up in the same environment he was attempting to bring you into. More than likely he may have witness the way to control someone from one or both of his parents. I'm rendering a guess, but I would say the controller in his family was his mother, because his father is out of the home, but it very well could have been a two-side abusive relationship.

Love is out there in this vast world of ours for you. When you least expect it, Love with open your heart completely. Know that there are a few simple rules to a GREAT relationship.

1. COMMUNICATION

2. Stay Faithful

3. Make them feel wanted

4. Respect your partner

5. Don't flirt with others

6. Make time for one another

If you don't have all of these in your relationship, something is very wrong.

Good luck in your life.

Melinda

[Penguin_ie 5,985]

**** Several posts removed and thread locked as Op has received all the advice we here can give. Op is free to start another thread if the situation changes and she needs visa help.