Did she just want a green card? Money?

[Anh map 2,098]

As others have stated, you knew the truth from the beginning. Not an uncommon play from someone looking to get a GC, later citizenship and bring more family over. Her "threats" to go to Houston and find another Viet who will love her and marry her is just funny. If that were true, she wouldn't have offered you the $30K.

Sadly, this is why folks going through the HCMC consulate have such difficulty. The amount of BS and lying here (I live in Vietnam) is staggering.

Move on and don't look back. There are many decent, lovely VN girls out there if that is your sweet spot. This isn't one of them.

[madtownguy 164]

...also, though I am not the moderator, I am strongly recommending an appropriate sanction that qualifies your advocacy for marriage fraud for green card.

I think you're English might be a little off. I did not advise him to marry for a green card. I told him only he will know if her intentions are true. A year and a half relationship is plenty of time to know if someone is marriage material, she could have easily found someone to marry within a week, guys are desperate and stupid in our country. She may have said something about paying him, but to me it sounds like she was just mad just like she said she will go to a new guy if he doesn't want to. I've dated girls just like her, and if I wanted to be with them forever I wouldn't care how hard the pushed to get married or how soon. He's too worried she just wants the green card, the way she acts towards him is way more telling then what she says. I have a buddy of mine that is about to get a k1 visa for a girl who wouldn't hold his hand or show any signs of affection when they met. To me that's obvious visa fraud, but technically it isn't because she didn't say it. Too many times people on this site have one view and push it like they know the whole story, I always think about the other side and all that could be left out of the story.

[tuckin14 58]

I didn't read the entire thread, but one thing I didn't see in what I did read was the proposed terms of the prenuptial agreement. The mere fact of being married does not instantly make your spouse 50% owner of everything you own, even in a community property state. Assets held before marriage and not retitled nor comingled remain separate property.

My marriage was troubled from the very start, so I simply made sure not to comingle or retitle any of my assets. I even went so far as to make various adjustments so that the net tax effect of my separate assets was zero. When we got divorced, neither my wife nor her attorney even hinted at an attempt to touch them.

Without understanding the nature of your family's finances, it's almost impossible to comment. The most obvious cases for prenups are to protect offspring of prior marriages. Secondarily to create a reasonable limit on, and predictability of, settlements of very high net work individuals (think Tiger Woods, whose wife did not exactly walk away empty-handed).

If you had a family trust paying you $1 million a year in income, which would arguably be community property, it might be reasonable to specify that only a portion of that would be considered a community asset and it would not be considered for payment of spousal support.

If you were holding assets in your name for the benefit of others, I'm not sure why that would be, Seems if they are substantial, more likely they'd be in a trust.

So the devil is in the details.

I also agree with the prior poster, and I would say there are at least two sides to every story.

[Eric-Pris 1,602]

1. absolutely, I think there's no doubt about this one across the board

2. IMO yes; if all she wanted was a green card she wouldn't object to the prenup. She wanted the main prize (greencard) and the bonus (your family's money)

3. again, absolutely right on your part; I would have done it the moment she offered to pay me for it

Good decision on your part, good luck.

[madtownguy 164]

1. absolutely, I think there's no doubt about this one across the board

2. IMO yes; if all she wanted was a green card she wouldn't object to the prenup. She wanted the main prize (greencard) and the bonus (your family's money)

3. again, absolutely right on your part; I would have done it the moment she offered to pay me for it

Good decision on your part, good luck.

So you think she spent 1 year and 7 months in a relationship and just wanted a green card? For $30,000 I'm sure she could find someone to get married to pretty easily in less than a month. She's is an irrational female, who I think said crazy things in anger because they've been together a long time and he hasn't wanted to get married. Nobody stays with someone for that amount of time for a green card, even women aren't that irrational. I've dated a few illegals, over stayers they will usually push it a lot sooner than that. The pre-nup is a relationship thing, lots of girls will get offended because of that.

[Eric-Pris 1,602]

So you think she spent 1 year and 7 months in a relationship and just wanted a green card? For $30,000 I'm sure she could find someone to get married to pretty easily in less than a month. She's is an irrational female, who I think said crazy things in anger because they've been together a long time and he hasn't wanted to get married. Nobody stays with someone for that amount of time for a green card, even women aren't that irrational. I've dated a few illegals, over stayers they will usually push it a lot sooner than that. The pre-nup is a relationship thing, lots of girls will get offended because of that.

If she thought the GC was coming at some point, yes she stayed.1 year and 7 months is not that long when you are committed.

They were together a long time, she kept pressuring him to get married since 7 months in. I'm glad you have so much faith in her, but this is nothing more than a GC gold digger and then when she thought that she could get him to drop the pre-nup requirement, she could really cash in. That's why she stayed. Should wouldn't have to pay and she could collect big on her investment. As they say where I grew up, "This chick ain't no dummy".

[loveamerica99 4]

OP, I know this is just your side and that of course, her side of the story will be different. However, it is totally beyond me why you would continue to pursue a relationship with someone who was blatantly trying to coerce you into immigration fraud. You saw her true colors very early on and for almost 2 years this is the horse you decided to hitch your wagon to. You knew her and obviously the whole "I'll pay you for a green card" thing was A-OK with you.

I don't mean you went for it. You obviously didn't. But you cannot now come here and act all innocent about her character, wanting to know if she wanted a green card (duh!) or wanted your family's money (no, it was the green card she wanted - she even rescinded her objection to the prenuptial agreement).

Even if your side is exactly how it was (and I actually tend to believe your account of the details since I have known similar scammers in my time and those were the exact kinds of issues that came up), you by no means have what is known as "clean hands" in this situation.

So, what was the point of your 3 questions? No doubt you "dodged a bullet", but that bullet was travelling at 1 inch per second and you were doing handstands and cartwheels as you playfully skipped away and waved at it.

I really don't see the point in continuing to harp on the OP for continuing the relationship. People do foolish things for love. People do foolish things in general. OP did not break any laws. To say his hands aren't clean... that's quite a stretch.

OP, I can tell by your posts that you are an intelligent (young) man. You came to your senses and you did the right thing by getting rid of her. Think of it as a learning experience, and look ahead to your bright future.

[Cheezees 1,514]

I really don't see the point in continuing to harp on the OP for continuing the relationship. People do foolish things for love. People do foolish things in general. OP did not break any laws. To say his hands aren't clean... that's quite a stretch.

OP, I can tell by your posts that you are an intelligent (young) man. You came to your senses and you did the right thing by getting rid of her. Think of it as a learning experience, and look ahead to your bright future.

This is where we disagree. In my opinion, his hands aren't clean when it comes to asking if she just wanted him for a green card. That was established quite boldly on her part from the get-go by offering him money and the OP rightfully refused. But the relationship continued through several attempts at procuring a green card (my post would have been different otherwise) and to ask at the end of the relationship if she was a green card hunter after being provided with tons of affirmative evidence seemed disingenuous.

To quote the OP: "..... Very early in the relationship, in fact immediately, she wanted me to enter into a [sham] marriage (in exchange for money should the relationship not work out) to help her obtain a green card. I said no because that is a violation of the law and against my morals....... However, the pressure to get married for her a green card began shortly and were constant...."

The majority of posters don't seem to share my take on this. It's difficult for me to view it as harping. But again, we disagree.

[loveamerica99 4]

This is where we disagree. In my opinion, his hands aren't clean when it comes to asking if she just wanted him for a green card. That was established quite boldly on her part from the get-go by offering him money and the OP rightfully refused. But the relationship continued through several attempts at procuring a green card (my post would have been different otherwise) and to ask at the end of the relationship if she was a green card hunter after being provided with tons of affirmative evidence seemed disingenuous.

To quote the OP: "..... Very early in the relationship, in fact immediately, she wanted me to enter into a [sham] marriage (in exchange for money should the relationship not work out) to help her obtain a green card. I said no because that is a violation of the law and against my morals....... However, the pressure to get married for her a green card began shortly and were constant...."

The majority of posters don't seem to share my take on this. It's difficult for me to view it as harping. But again, we disagree.

Again, he did nothing wrong other than being a fool in love.

if that makes his hands dirty, well all of our hands were dirty at one point.

[TBoneTX 43,057]

The OP hasn't logged on to VJ since July 20. Until and unless he does, further posts here are fruitless.

[ITdudeChris 1]

Student visa is one of the easy ways in to the country. If she flubbed that and needs marriage then she is an idiot, IMO. I talked to job recruiters that suggested this for my brother in law but he was too illiterate to get a student visa even.

Does she want a green card from you? Probably. Are you wrong to call her on it? Probably not.

I would contact USCIS. I personally would 1. Email DHS, ICE and her embassy. I know that alone can force an interview at her home embassy if you send them any proof. 2. Make an infopass.

[lufyz 4]

• She offered me $30,000 if the relationship doesn't work out and we divorce. If the relationship works, the money would be marital property. She said we would have a legitimate marriage, just not in the normal order of dating to marriage. In this case, she said we would be married first to continue dating.

I believe what she said. If she only wanted a green card then she will not get offended when you asked for the prenup. If the green card is what's she after then why not just sign it and get marry as fast as possible? She's an international student from Vietnam so I think money is not an issue with her. Any girls would get offended with the prenup if you asked her to sign it before the marriage.

[onye uwaoma 131]

I believe what she said. If she only wanted a green card then she will not get offended when you asked for the prenup. If the green card is what's she after then why not just sign it and get marry as fast as possible? She's an international student from Vietnam so I think money is not an issue with her. Any girls would get offended with the prenup if you asked her to sign it before the marriage.

You may choose to interpret this just as you exactly did, but that's quite myopic. You simply sound too naive and gullible though.

[madtownguy 164]

You may choose to interpret this just as you exactly did, but that's quite myopic. You simply sound too naive and gullible though.

You are confusing, common sense and reasoning with naive and gullible. If she only cared about the green card she wouldn't get upset about the pre-nup. My wife got upset when I mentioned pre-nup, I don't think she is a gold digger just a normal female. As the OP hasn't been back online odds are they are still together. I could come online and string together a list of the worst things my wife has done and everyone would be like she's here for a green card, or wants my money. But nothing could be further from the truth. IMO the OP wanted people to agree with him which is what most people mad at their significant others seem to want with this forum. It's so easy to agree with someone telling a story of what they choose to tell about another person. I don't see this story adding up, there's too many things that don't make sense plus an extremely emotional Asian girl in the middle. They drive about as well as they argue when angry.

[Darnell 8,478]

well fellas, regardless of the back and forth -

OP dodged a bullet. That relationship is over, aye? He's not on the hook for anything.