Surprise guest...but no room

[Adrian-Gloria 43]

couchsurf

[travelfairy 22]

Do you have any family friends or neighbours that have a whole lot of chores that need doing? Maybe they can put him up if he'll weed, paint fences, clear brush, wash windows etc. If people I'm not keen on indicate they want to come stay, I always agree enthusiastically, adding there are a TON of projects around the house we need help with and an extra pair of hands would be welcome.

[Gosia & Tito 199]

Did she know before he arrived? What other type of communication does she need? Family is coming, you make room. It really is that easy.

True if your house, not cool if not

[POA 175]

My husband and I have been married for almost 4 years he now has the 10 year green card. Recently my husband informed me that he has a cousin coming to the United States to "visit". The cousin was given a visa and my husband gave out my mother's address for him to use. I am not happy about this at all. His cousin had used the address of some good friends of his and each time he was denied. The friends promised to take him in if he came to the US. Now that he got approved they are not taking his phone calls. We live in my mother's house the 5 of us my husband, older brother, (college bound) sister 18, mother, and me. Everyone works except me and younger sister. We don't have a lot but we manage to somehow pay bills and get by. I quit my job recently and returned to Grad school. I have been out of work for 6 months. I just interviewed yesterday for a job. His cousin is coming in 3 days for a 10 day visit. I am at a loss for words I should have expected this as this is part of the Haitian culture. There is an expectation that once you get to America that you must help those back home. Which is fine in theory....meaning if you have the means to do so. We do NOT have the means at this time. I need to confront my husband about this. It looks like he dug a deep hole here. Maybe trying to save face or present a picture to others. Prior to him coming (4-5 years) my mother was already on thin ice with me. She was fed up with my career struggles. She has since warmed up we are a close family. We pay certain bills, cook, clean, run errands, husband is the house fixer pretty much. This is completely unfair to her. Her goal was to support us until we are somewhat secure. As a curtsey I want to talk to my husband first and tell him we need to talk to my mother together. He casually mentioned this before and her response back then was to find a room for his cousin to stay. Any thoughts

I agree with everyone. It is not cool to volunteer someone's house. Even if it is your house, you're husband needs to consult you first specially that long. Have them find a room. Us immigrants can't help our entire relatives/friends back home and they just have to accept it. Just let the cousin know that there is no room in your mom's house and he could check that once he is here.

[rlogan 2,036]

The cousin was given a visa and my husband gave out my mother's address for him to use...

His cousin had used the address of some good friends of his and each time he was denied. The friends promised to take him in if he came to the US. Now that he got approved they are not taking his phone calls.

Things don't add up here.

Good friends offer their home but now won't even speak to him? Something wrong with this story.

It may be Haitian culture to help relatives, but is it Haitian culture to conceal from a property owner that their residence is the basis for official immigration approval? That is, conceal it until the last moment so as to get the approval and then put the property owner in a bind like this?

Gee, that kind of behavior can explain why people don't want anything to do with someone.

[SecrVJ 4]

Things don't add up here.

Good friends offer their home but now won't even speak to him? Something wrong with this story.

It may be Haitian culture to help relatives, but is it Haitian culture to conceal from a property owner that their residence is the basis for official immigration approval? That is, conceal it until the last moment so as to get the approval and then put the property owner in a bind like this?

Gee, that kind of behavior can explain why people don't want anything to do with someone.

I must say I had a really good laugh when I read your post. Thanks for your reponse. Yes you pretty much summed up my feelings. But I must say I am not against him bringing family to visit. I will be happy to do this in the future when we have our own home and with advance notice.

I agree with everyone. It is not cool to volunteer someone's house. Even if it is your house, you're husband needs to consult you first specially that long. Have them find a room. Us immigrants can't help our entire relatives/friends back home and they just have to accept it. Just let the cousin know that there is no room in your mom's house and he could check that once he is here.

Thank you for understanding.

True if your house, not cool if not

Agree we are on the same page

Do you have any family friends or neighbours that have a whole lot of chores that need doing? Maybe they can put him up if he'll weed, paint fences, clear brush, wash windows etc. If people I'm not keen on indicate they want to come stay, I always agree enthusiastically, adding there are a TON of projects around the house we need help with and an extra pair of hands would be welcome.

I thought about that maybe asking my aunt and uncles to see if they can help somehow maybe take him in....luckily it did not come to that.

[SecrVJ 4]

Secrvj. If cousin cant stay at house best way out is offer husband. To stay at hotel With cousin He cant say his cousin. Came and you threw his cousin. At hotel buy himself, now you your mom and his cousin are still happy only one that may fill a little salty bout the situation. If any is your husband, but if he love you he will think about the situation. And know its the right thing to do

I considered this also. I mean he is the one who gave the okay so he should be the one to "Host".

[SecrVJ 4]

Update: Crisis averted --> So it looks like my husband was also concerned about the fallout from this. It turns out he had a back up plan. He must have noticed that I seemed stressed and distant because the other night he told be that his cousin worked something out with some extended family here in the US. They will pick him up from the airport and take him in for the 10 days. I am relieved that it somehow worked itself out. I want to point out that I am not against hosting family members in the future when we have our own place and with advance notice. Thanks for the replies everyone.

[Darnell 8,478]

Yay ! Mischief Managed!

[TBoneTX 43,004]

On that happy ending, thread is closed to further comment, at the apparent wish of the OP. The OP may request that it be reopened.

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