Things went badly for us, she wants to leave after being here 1 week

[Hotter Otter 1,211]

Sorry to hear that.

Think she could have given it longer (I'm still homesick after nearly a year but getting used to it) but everyone is different. Best wishes for both of you for the future.

[Mike and Maria 15]

I think the most difficult part of deciding whether or not for her to return home is.... "should she really leave now... or wait...?"

Compatibility between us was NEVER an issue. We loved every minute of being together, whether I was in the Phils or not.

It had nothing to do with me leaving her at home when I went to work, because I own my own business (a retail car store) and she was able to be with me all day long. I really think it was because I encouraged her to spend time with her family back in the Phils before she left, I made sure she had enough money to have her parents visit her frequently, and I also went to the Phils 4 times to be with her in the 7 months we were applying for the visa.

It is hard to explain what I mean by her "spending time" with her family, but when we first met, I asked her when was the last time she saw her Mom and Dad... she replied "it has almost been one entire year..."

So hearing that, I made sure that while we were processing the visa, she did not have to work (I sent her enough money for her apartment, clothes, and food) and that she had enough money to see her family, buy gifts for birthdays etc...

It was this factor (me providing her the ability to have frequent contact) allowing her to see her family so much just before we left, that I feel really started her missing them so soon. In fact, the night before we left, no less than 12 relatives and a couple friends were there at the "Bon Voyage" dinner I hosted for her...

In addition, I am not "keeping" her here against her will... she is a beautiful person with good common sense. She knew what she was getting into before we even started the visa process. I tried my best to encourage her to stay longer...

I did have one question and member posted on this thread... He said to notify the Philippine embassy and the USCIS? Does anyone know for what reason? and also, the proper way to notify them?

[Unidentified 2,930]

I think the most difficult part of deciding whether or not for her to return home is.... "should she really leave now... or wait...?"

Compatibility between us was NEVER an issue. We loved every minute of being together, whether I was in the Phils or not.

It had nothing to do with me leaving her at home when I went to work, because I own my own business (a retail car store) and she was able to be with me all day long. I really think it was because I encouraged her to spend time with her family back in the Phils before she left, I made sure she had enough money to have her parents visit her frequently, and I also went to the Phils 4 times to be with her in the 7 months we were applying for the visa.

It is hard to explain what I mean by her "spending time" with her family, but when we first met, I asked her when was the last time she saw her Mom and Dad... she replied "it has almost been one entire year..."

So hearing that, I made sure that while we were processing the visa, she did not have to work (I sent her enough money for her apartment, clothes, and food) and that she had enough money to see her family, buy gifts for birthdays etc...

It was this factor (me providing her the ability to have frequent contact) allowing her to see her family so much just before we left, that I feel really started her missing them so soon. In fact, the night before we left, no less than 12 relatives and a couple friends were there at the "Bon Voyage" dinner I hosted for her...

In addition, I am not "keeping" her here against her will... she is a beautiful person with good common sense. She knew what she was getting into before we even started the visa process. I tried my best to encourage her to stay longer...

I did have one question and member posted on this thread... He said to notify the Philippine embassy and the USCIS? Does anyone know for what reason? and also, the proper way to notify them?

The reason why you should contact USCIS and the embassy is that if she applies for a visa in the future they will see that she has an open case for the K1 application.

[Neonred 3,444]

I don't know how good your relationship is but if you're relationship is good then sending her home because she's been homesick for a week seems like an extremely rash decision. Everyone experience homesickness, it's a big step to leave your home country. Talking to her, taken her out to do fun things to keep her mind of off the homesickness would have been a better strategy.

But yeah, it is your call of course. And she will only need her ticket and passport to go home. Let the embassy in her home country know she won't be using the K1.

The K-1 was already used. It is done. She is now here with an I-94. She just will not be doing AOS which is another separate step. If she ever does another K-1 the embassy will know about this one.

[Unidentified 2,930]

The K-1 was already used. It is done. She is now here with an I-94. She just will not be doing AOS which is another separate step. If she ever does another K-1 the embassy will know about this one.

Yes and they will see that it's open. Plenty of people have come to the US on a K1, never got married and then applied for Turist visa or whatever and were told they had an open K1

I think the most difficult part of deciding whether or not for her to return home is.... "should she really leave now... or wait...?"

Compatibility between us was NEVER an issue. We loved every minute of being together, whether I was in the Phils or not.

It had nothing to do with me leaving her at home when I went to work, because I own my own business (a retail car store) and she was able to be with me all day long. I really think it was because I encouraged her to spend time with her family back in the Phils before she left, I made sure she had enough money to have her parents visit her frequently, and I also went to the Phils 4 times to be with her in the 7 months we were applying for the visa.

It is hard to explain what I mean by her "spending time" with her family, but when we first met, I asked her when was the last time she saw her Mom and Dad... she replied "it has almost been one entire year..."

So hearing that, I made sure that while we were processing the visa, she did not have to work (I sent her enough money for her apartment, clothes, and food) and that she had enough money to see her family, buy gifts for birthdays etc...

It was this factor (me providing her the ability to have frequent contact) allowing her to see her family so much just before we left, that I feel really started her missing them so soon. In fact, the night before we left, no less than 12 relatives and a couple friends were there at the "Bon Voyage" dinner I hosted for her...

In addition, I am not "keeping" her here against her will... she is a beautiful person with good common sense. She knew what she was getting into before we even started the visa process. I tried my best to encourage her to stay longer...

I did have one question and member posted on this thread... He said to notify the Philippine embassy and the USCIS? Does anyone know for what reason? and also, the proper way to notify them?

Just curious, what will happen to your relationship now that she leaves?

[Eric & Idalia 56]

When I was an au pair, I was homesick the first 6 months! I wanted to come back to Mexico and eat its food!

When I came back for Christmas, I realized my family was OK and seemed not to miss me. They continued with their lives.

Then when I came back to USA in January, I decided to enjoy the rest of my au pair time and extend another 12 months.

In July 2013 when I came back to Mexico, I was homesick missing USA. It became my second home. It was funny. What was home now was a strange place. Again it took me some time.

I think if she leaves, she can regret it later. Maybe some time would be better. This is process.

To answer your question, passport and ticket is enough to leave the country.

[Cyberfx1024 7,978]

I think the most difficult part of deciding whether or not for her to return home is.... "should she really leave now... or wait...?"

Compatibility between us was NEVER an issue. We loved every minute of being together, whether I was in the Phils or not.

It had nothing to do with me leaving her at home when I went to work, because I own my own business (a retail car store) and she was able to be with me all day long. I really think it was because I encouraged her to spend time with her family back in the Phils before she left, I made sure she had enough money to have her parents visit her frequently, and I also went to the Phils 4 times to be with her in the 7 months we were applying for the visa.

It is hard to explain what I mean by her "spending time" with her family, but when we first met, I asked her when was the last time she saw her Mom and Dad... she replied "it has almost been one entire year..."

So hearing that, I made sure that while we were processing the visa, she did not have to work (I sent her enough money for her apartment, clothes, and food) and that she had enough money to see her family, buy gifts for birthdays etc...

It was this factor (me providing her the ability to have frequent contact) allowing her to see her family so much just before we left, that I feel really started her missing them so soon. In fact, the night before we left, no less than 12 relatives and a couple friends were there at the "Bon Voyage" dinner I hosted for her...

In addition, I am not "keeping" her here against her will... she is a beautiful person with good common sense. She knew what she was getting into before we even started the visa process. I tried my best to encourage her to stay longer...

I did have one question and member posted on this thread... He said to notify the Philippine embassy and the USCIS? Does anyone know for what reason? and also, the proper way to notify them?

No one is saying to keep her against her will, I repeat no one is saying to keep her against her will. What we are saying is that she needs to think this through before she makes a rash decision like that and end up regretting it in the long run. Pinoys are a very family centric people and thus it is VERY common for them to be homesick when they come here. That doesn't mean that you just simply give up right away and say "Ok I throw in the towel and here is the plane ticket back home". If you truly do love her, then fight for her and talk to her about her decision.

What is going to happen to y'all after she goes back, are you still going to keep sending money to her?

I did the same thing to my wife as you did to her fiance. I met my wife when we were both working in Qatar, after I got a job working in Afghanistan making very good money. I told her to stay home and not work, just help her family out. She did and now thanks to me her family upgraded their house, and I helped out with other family things as well. I knew I wasn't being taken advantage of because we communicated about everything, and my wife is a stingy person about giving out money to other people unless she knows it's real.

Honestly to me it seems you are giving up on this relationship without even trying to fight. Talk to her and ask her to give it at least the full 90 days. If she is not happy on day 88/89 then get her a plane ticket home.

Edited June 26, 2015 by cyberfx1024

[ExPatty 502]

Most of us are homesick at first. For me it was a month or two before things settled down a decent bit.

[Mike&Lin 39]

Sorry to hear this but as others have said homesickness is very common. My wife has been here 4 months now and she still gets homesick. She spent the last 20+ years working in Hong Kong and Singapore but she still misses home even though she was ever only able to visit every couple of years or so. One thing that can help is to search out a local filipino community or church. Get her involved with some other filipinos in the area. It really helps if they have someone else they can relate to. Before my wife arrived I got her in contact with one of my coworker's filipina wife. They chatted a bit before my wife moved here from Singapore. She now talks with her on a regular basis and we have had dinner with them a couple of times. She spent the day with her recently shopping and preparing dinner for us.

Mainly just reassure her of your love and support and that you'll be patient and understanding during the adjustment.

[Marco&Bettina 502]

I don't know how good your relationship is but if you're relationship is good then sending her home because she's been homesick for a week seems like an extremely rash decision. Everyone experience homesickness, it's a big step to leave your home country. Talking to her, taken her out to do fun things to keep her mind of off the homesickness would have been a better strategy.

But yeah, it is your call of course. And she will only need her ticket and passport to go home. Let the embassy in her home country know she won't be using the K1.

She already used the K-1.

[madtownguy 164]

I got my wife a dog, until we have a kid it helps a lot. Missing family is normal and one of the best things about the filipino culture, they have strong families. When my wife visits Philippines she misses being here after a day. I would push to try a little more if you really are sure both of you are happy with the relationship.

[CowBoE 429]

You are a classy man, and if it's not her, I'm sure you will attract another good woman.

However...

I'm just wondering if your kindness and gentleness kicked in little too prematurely in this case.

Because you guys seemed to have really good respectful relationship, as a (presumably) older man with more life experience,

I really wonder if you could've find out what her immediate needs are that you can fulfill in US...

(like letting her establish some connection with local Filipino women).

7 days in US is barely getting adjusted to the jet lag, adjusting to different food, and learning to live with a man all day.

Also, it's not uncommon for young woman to have a cold feet at the last minute. My daughter came to me

3 weeks before her wedding to tell me that she is afraid to go through the wedding. After she spent 2 weeks with me

she calmed down and now they have a wonderful marriage together. These things happen.

I have a hunch that, she might regret returning to Phils and later want to come back to US again...

Best of luck to you.

[blooms 63]

Leaving the US is not an issue but entering is a different ball game.

Seems like see made up her mind but I have a funny feeling that she will regret it and would like to come back and stay. Best wishes for the both of you.

[Marco&Bettina 502]

Sorry to hear this but as others have said homesickness is very common. My wife has been here 4 months now and she still gets homesick. She spent the last 20+ years working in Hong Kong and Singapore but she still misses home even though she was ever only able to visit every couple of years or so. One thing that can help is to search out a local filipino community or church. Get her involved with some other filipinos in the area. It really helps if they have someone else they can relate to. Before my wife arrived I got her in contact with one of my coworker's filipina wife. They chatted a bit before my wife moved here from Singapore. She now talks with her on a regular basis and we have had dinner with them a couple of times. She spent the day with her recently shopping and preparing dinner for us.

Mainly just reassure her of your love and support and that you'll be patient and understanding during the adjustment.

Good point. You have to be extremely proactive in helping your wife establish a life here in America. It's not just about moving & leaving everything you've ever known. It's about finding people here & things to do that help you to cope with such a grave loss. If you are busy & you have many good people in your life who support you both & want to help you succeed, she'll feel more at ease & more relaxed. Boredom is the biggest hurdle to having a healthy transitioning spouse.

[Unidentified 2,930]

She already used the K-1.

Like I mentioned in another post to the same statement as yours: she wouldn't be the first one who goes home not using K1, doesn't let USCIS or embassy know and then when she tries to apply for another US visa gets the information that she has an open K1 application.