Marital woes

[Expat1 971]

At his age he'll probably forget all about this in a few days.

Seriously, I would be annoyed (probably a little bit ticked) if my wife joined an online social group and arranged for some dude to come pick her up and take her out.

That's just me.

[intrigueace 14]

There's nothing 'hook up' about Meetups. They're exactly what she said, an opportunity to connect with other like minded people, in her case other internationals. It's really just a way to expand your social circle. I suspect my fiancé would seek out the same when he gets here as he participates in similar groups in his own country.

Keep your head up. You didn't do anything wrong. Not that I'm excusing your husband's behavior at all, but a good suggestion is to try and connect with some female members for rides. More of a safety issue and it may dispel any notion of funny business, even though there wasn't any to begin with.

Join by phone

+1-855-797-9485 US Toll free

+1-415-655-0002 US Toll

Access code: 740 201 300

If I were your husband I would be suspicious of your behavior because this hook up thing is not only bizarre but a slap on his face...

[Unidentified 2,930]

I'm so shocked by all the people who doesn't trust their partners. Pretty sad actually.

[Hotter Otter 1,211]

I agree that getting into a car with a stranger might not be the brightest move but apart from that this thread is ridiculous.

Meetup is a friends site not a hook up site. Immigrants want to make new friends, its hard to move to a new country and have no friends. Until you've moved to a new country for your spouse and had no friends you are not in a good position to understand this apparently.

Men and women can be platonic friends but according to some of the childish and insecure posts in here that isn't possible. I have a female coworker I've become friends with, sometimes we go for lunch together. The world hasn't ended and neither has either of our marriages. Shock horror there's nothing more than friendship involved.

Some of the people in this thread have a really closed mind and its rather sad. Rant over.

[usmsbow 795]

I agree that getting into a car with a stranger might not be the brightest move but apart from that this thread is ridiculous.

Meetup is a friends site not a hook up site. Immigrants want to make new friends, its hard to move to a new country and have no friends. Until you've moved to a new country for your spouse and had no friends you are not in a good position to understand this apparently.

Men and women can be platonic friends but according to some of the childish and insecure posts in here that isn't possible. I have a female coworker I've become friends with, sometimes we go for lunch together. The world hasn't ended and neither has either of our marriages. Shock horror there's nothing more than friendship involved.

Some of the people in this thread have a really closed mind and its rather sad. Rant over.

Agree 100%. I have a few friends that built complete social networks via meetup.com when moving to a new city. And I don't believe any of them (all female for what it's worth) didn't go on a single date through the site either.

I have a number of female friends. My then-fiancee/now-wife, bless her heart, never got jealous when we were apart and I told her I was meeting up with any of them. She trusted me and knew how I was friends with them (almost all former classmates). Also, 2 of her best friends from back home are male. I never got jealous. Why? Because it was clear there was nothing romantic between them (plus it helped that they were also in relationships).

[Unidentified 2,930]

At his age he'll probably forget all about this in a few days.

Seriously, I would be annoyed (probably a little bit ticked) if my wife joined an online social group and arranged for some dude to come pick her up and take her out.

That's just me.

Why don't you trust her?

[VOL 425]

I wouldn't allow my girl to meet a guy for a "Ride" to anywhere that she meet online.

I would be highly pissed if she even asked for permission for that

I concur with the husband in this issue....

[MiaPA 12]

I think your husband is more upset of the fact you went about this without him knowing. I know a lot of people are claiming it's about a lack of trust, but when you make plans to meet up with people and accept a ride from someone of the opposite sex with your spouse not knowing about it until the last minute, it does send up a red flag. That has nothing to do with trust or being insecure, it has to do with being a human being and having feelings. Everyone has their own opinion on the subject, but to accuse others by not trusting their spouse or being insecure is a matter of opinion. We are all different and think differently, it is what makes us individuals, not everyone in the world is going to agree on the exact same things. If my beliefs and your beliefs are different then it is fine, but that does not mean one is better than the other or yours is wrong because I don't feel the same about it. That is my opinion on the subject.

By accepting a ride from a stranger from the internet and giving out personal info, to a female or male, you put yourself in harm's way. You really do not know who you're talking too on the other end.

As far as your husband's reaction, I do think he tended to go a bit overboard. However, the thing's he said could have been said out of anger to try and hurt you, which does not make it right, but it could be, his sister never really said that about you. Your best option with that is to confront his sister and get the whole story. In the meantime, make ammends with your husband, open up too him and remember communication is key in a marriage. I know coming to a new country and starting over is a huge change, it will be hard at first and you will feel isolated. But I promise as time passes it gets better. You will start making friends, these things take time.

I wish you and your husband the best and hope you both can see your way past this. God Bless.

[Ortolan 381]

You and your husband need to have a sit-down and push the rewind/reset button. You both need to cool off and apologize to each other.

Both of you screwed up...him for automatically assuming you were out to cheat on him and listening to everything negative his sister's been bleating, and you for not being open about the meetup.com event.

It's different here than many other countries; there are sometimes some bad people who take advantage of online meetups and even though the majority of people you meet are okay, some aren't. Hard to tell which. Best to be very careful until you're fairly sure about people you get into a car with.

Your marriage is still new; you're younger than him and in school. Why not try to make new friends from school and bring them to your house? Encourage your husband to be interested in your studies and university experience. Go to university events. Meet people there!

Forget about the sister in law; just dismiss her from your mind and concentrate on your own lives, you and your husband.

[Teddy B 17,251]

Why don't you trust her?

I would be annoyed as well, but not so much for trust issues, it is more so because I find it disrespectful to the other spouse to be going out with members of the opposite sex. People are different and some folks are ok with their spouse going out with friends of the opposite sex and that's fine. But I would think the majority are not ok with it. Even if they say it's ok, I would imagine there are still some thoughts going on in the back of the other spouses head about what might be going on. It's natural to think that way, it doesn't necessarily indicate that a person has trust issues. I don't have any problem with my wife having friends of the opposite sex and neither does my wife with me. But out of respect for each other we wouldn't think of going out solely with that friend. Both my wife and I agree mutually on this issue.

It's up to each couple to make sure they are compatible in these areas before making a lifetime commitment to one another. Or at the very least talk these issues through and find common ground.

[sara..... 371]

I haven't read all of the post....but if he is older as you stated and he has shown he is insecure then really maybe he is jealous and finds you so beautiful that he is afraid he will loose you to some hot guy that you have never met before that has offered you a ride........and thats why he reacted like he did..........im not going to say he is right but i see it as loss of communication........you should always keep your husband in the loop of your plans could be he would say oh hey i will go with you or at least acknowledge that he understands your need to make friends with people that are going thru the same thing you are......sorry guys dont mean to knock you and i mean no insult but men have a mine mine mine mentality and dont like to share what is theirs.....not even socially unless they are there seeing whats going on they dont trust other men and sometimes for good reason. as far as your sister in law be courteous to her when in public if she comes to you home do the same thing but if she gets out of hand tell her your home is the one place you dont have to take ####### so if she can not be courteous to you in your own home is better she leaves might want to clue hubby into that before doing it he might decide to make her behave so there is no heated words between you.

good luck and just try your best to sooth the ruffled feathers ....im sure your marriage means more to you than a hook up meeting with others going thru immigration

sara

[sara..... 371]

hey whats with the pound signs? I dont swear or use bad langue ever on these boards of off of them thats just strange...................

[Teddy B 17,251]

hey whats with the pound signs? I dont swear or use bad langue ever on these boards of off of them thats just strange...................

The list of words that are on the VJ filter is extensive to say the least, and I do mean the very least.

[sara..... 371]

The list of words that are on the VJ filter is extensive to say the least, and I do mean the very least.

ok thanks lol that just the first time i ever been xxxx was a shock

[Unidentified 2,930]

I would be annoyed as well, but not so much for trust issues, it is more so because I find it disrespectful to the other spouse to be going out with members of the opposite sex. People are different and some folks are ok with their spouse going out with friends of the opposite sex and that's fine. But I would think the majority are not ok with it. Even if they say it's ok, I would imagine there are still some thoughts going on in the back of the other spouses head about what might be going on. It's natural to think that way, it doesn't necessarily indicate that a person has trust issues. I don't have any problem with my wife having friends of the opposite sex and neither does my wife with me. But out of respect for each other we wouldn't think of going out solely with that friend. Both my wife and I agree mutually on this issue.

It's up to each couple to make sure they are compatible in these areas before making a lifetime commitment to one another. Or at the very least talk these issues through and find common ground.

She didn't go "out solely" with anyone: she planned to attend an event with more people with the purpose of finding friends. As far as I can tell from the info she has provided it was not an 'all men apart from her" kind of event. She wanted to go out and make new friends, what's the harm? Yes, asking asking for a ride from a man was dumb. But a lot of people seems to be freaking out about her wanting to make friends.