Stress of the Visa Process Wrecking Our Relationship

[AYMAN_RINA 92]

wow My husband and I went through a lot.There was many times we fought he would say just come live here in Egypt and forget about me coming there.It's never going to happen Rina!!I was patient,I knew in the end it would happen and also I knew he was leaving his country and all his family to be here with me would be hard.It's not easy to do that but time makes it easier. Took us 2 years to get the Visa but in the end we are TOGETHER and that was what we wanted.He's been here now 1 yr and 6 months and he's fine.I could go on and on and all of us could give you our stories but we all our different people and different relationships.You must look closely and see what you can do to open communications with her. Ask her to be honest with you. Maybe she is scared. who knows

[Shauna&Wael 211]

Acceptance will be your greatest asset. Accept that the process isn't perfect. Accept that the process isn't fair. Accept that you need to do this in order to have the flexibility you want from life.

Another poster mentioned how their SO also lost interest past the initial stages and only wanted to talk about the case, and that was a fraud case. I would pay great attention to that and reconsider if the person you're with only wants the visa.

What makes you absolutely certain it's true love? My husband and I got more stressed as the process got longer, but MORE excited once progress was made. I missed our first anniversary and I will miss our second anniversary this July, but I refuse to give up, and I know he is worth all of the pain and waiting. Can you say the same?

[Kolewenoik31 57]

I have been monitoring the forums for awhile and thank you to everyone for your helpful information. This is my first time posting.

My finance and I have been engaged for 6 months prior to filing for her VISA. I am in the USA and she is in the Philippines. We recently received our NOA2 and waiting on our case number. However we have not seen each other in 2 months and all of the stress of the visa process is really straining our relationship. We went from talking hours every day to now just a couple messages a day and it is seems the only thing we are discussing is the screwed up VISA process. Almost every night I think about just giving up on this process and withdrawing the petition. I seriously dislike the US government for what it is doing with all this visa nonsense to be with someone you love when there are 10 million illegals already in the country !

I am so confused right now.... Has anyone else felt this way or their relationship started fall apart during the visa process as I am really starting to wonder if it is really worth it and what have I gotten myself into... Anyone who has been through this and willing to share some experiences or advise would be greatly appreciated.

Thank You

Yes to some level all our relationships have been or are going through this diffeicult process. My hubby and I couldn't agree on anythng. Then after his arrival it got worse, but now....things are improving. It took prayer and me fighting. I felt as though I was the only one that wanted this marriage to work. He doesn't handle change, stress, or adjustment very well. I did not know just what to do excactly so I just prayed and solicited my family and friends and then I started to change me.....and today things are so much better. He is learning to adjust better where he wasn't before. I felt so hopeless.

[hanniel 41]

I did not know just what to do excactly so I just prayed and solicited my family and friends and then I started to change me.....

What did you mean change you? In what ways did you change?

[Kolewenoik31 57]

What did you mean change you? In what ways did you change?

I took my eyes off of what he was not doing, did a lot of reading, looked to see where I could be silent and choose my battles, deleted friends that was causing offenses, just focused on what I needed to do. Thank you for asking the question but my comments was just to encourage the OP not about my own personal situation. You can inbox me if you want.

Edited June 17, 2015 by Kolewenoik31

[mikeogan 0]

My fiancé and I so far have been away from each other for 8 months and waiting for our AOS and IV package to be scanned. We had a share of up and downs, but at the end of the day we still feel good with each other and it has not strained our relationship whatsoever with the frustrations we are going thru. If you barely speak to each other just after 2 months, in my honest opinion, I would move on. That isn't love my friend.

[Gary&Joy 18]

Seems the Original Poster was having his own problem with the process.. Then, projecting that onto the relationship.. That's just bad leadership, Mr Petitioner.. Your lady that is waiting wont want to hear that mess, and will likely adopt the same negative attitude.. Deep reflection on what your own disbelief in this system is would be a great place to start.. This is a process, you chose it, the process didn't choose you.. If you allow something that is out of your control to control you, then you need to regain YOURSELF first.. That statement is true of the visa process, or the love you are developing.. Think on that.. Then, manage yourself accordingly..

[kkk1 42]

I have been monitoring the forums for awhile and thank you to everyone for your helpful information. This is my first time posting.

My finance and I have been engaged for 6 months prior to filing for her VISA. I am in the USA and she is in the Philippines. We recently received our NOA2 and waiting on our case number. However we have not seen each other in 2 months and all of the stress of the visa process is really straining our relationship. We went from talking hours every day to now just a couple messages a day and it is seems the only thing we are discussing is the screwed up VISA process. Almost every night I think about just giving up on this process and withdrawing the petition. I seriously dislike the US government for what it is doing with all this visa nonsense to be with someone you love when there are 10 million illegals already in the country !

I am so confused right now.... Has anyone else felt this way or their relationship started fall apart during the visa process as I am really starting to wonder if it is really worth it and what have I gotten myself into... Anyone who has been through this and willing to share some experiences or advise would be greatly appreciated.

Thank You

I don't know when US government is like this. If there are millions of people immigrating every year, than there half a million people who lost there relationship (perhaps) because of lengthy process which is so cruel. We expect honesty and we believe person we love is a honest person. Some are and some are not but circumstances too play vital roles. Everyday was stressful. How long one can continue keeping communication every single day for hours. When relationship starts we have new hope new aim to lead a wonderful life with our newly met soul met but immigration comes and vanishes all the dream we had, resulting in one or the other lost interest in relationship, lost all hopes and try to find new reason and new hope in that process one fall out of relationship and become selfish. After getting visa it doesn't have any value because there is possibility your spouse and you will have different ways. I am sorry and I am not discouraging you. Well just would like to say keep hope and keep your communication strong. Try to meet somewhere in middle like Japan or south Korea or ask her to come Mexico. I wish you best of luck that you find yourself lucky in this whole cruel process.

[Shauneg 762]

I don't know when US government is like this. If there are millions of people immigrating every year, than there half a million people who lost there relationship (perhaps) because of lengthy process which is so cruel. We expect honesty and we believe person we love is a honest person. Some are and some are not but circumstances too play vital roles. Everyday was stressful. How long one can continue keeping communication every single day for hours. When relationship starts we have new hope new aim to lead a wonderful life with our newly met soul met but immigration comes and vanishes all the dream we had, resulting in one or the other lost interest in relationship, lost all hopes and try to find new reason and new hope in that process one fall out of relationship and become selfish. After getting visa it doesn't have any value because there is possibility your spouse and you will have different ways. I am sorry and I am not discouraging you. Well just would like to say keep hope and keep your communication strong. Try to meet somewhere in middle like Japan or south Korea or ask her to come Mexico. I wish you best of luck that you find yourself lucky in this whole cruel process.

I vote South Korea!.....or western Honshu Japan....

[TheJollyRajah 14]

I've only seen my partner for two weeks in all of a year that I've known her... its so hard doing this... being in a relationship where I don't have the money to visit whenever I want... I have to talk to her via skype every single day... it hurts me.... I've gotten into more arguments than you know, buddy. There's ups and downs. But the one thing that saves a relationship is being positive... please try to be positive and find ways to make your time enjoyable apart... I do this by watching movies together on skype... If she's not going to save this relationship then you gotta do something.

[kates43 13]

This process is a huge test of your relationship.
To begin with, long distance relationships aren't easy, but add this process on top and it can be a nightmare.

I was stressing and my USC fiancé copped a lot of it but you both need to remember why you started this process. I believe anyone who is willing, can succeed in this process but you have to be prepared for a lot of work.

You have to commit to each other and spending time together on the phone or Skype or just texting etc.

It isn't fair to be kept apart all this time, and I hate to tell ya, but 2 months isn't a long time. I haven't seen mine for 9 months and I wont get there for another 2 or 3, and I know many people on here are going through the same thing.

You both probably need to consider how you would be if you were together right now, because eventually you will be. If you both believe in each other, then surely you can withstand this challenge. Cos there will be more challenges even when you are together.

It's like practice

Good luck

[Expat1 971]

I have been monitoring the forums for awhile and thank you to everyone for your helpful information. This is my first time posting.

My finance and I have been engaged for 6 months prior to filing for her VISA. I am in the USA and she is in the Philippines. We recently received our NOA2 and waiting on our case number. However we have not seen each other in 2 months and all of the stress of the visa process is really straining our relationship. We went from talking hours every day to now just a couple messages a day and it is seems the only thing we are discussing is the screwed up VISA process. Almost every night I think about just giving up on this process and withdrawing the petition. I seriously dislike the US government for what it is doing with all this visa nonsense to be with someone you love when there are 10 million illegals already in the country !

I am so confused right now.... Has anyone else felt this way or their relationship started fall apart during the visa process as I am really starting to wonder if it is really worth it and what have I gotten myself into... Anyone who has been through this and willing to share some experiences or advise would be greatly appreciated.

Thank You

Been there.

That was 9 years and two kids ago.

The visa process stressed us badly. Fortunately we married then filed so there was no easy "withdraw the petition and move on" option. It was however worth every minute of the wait.

My advice is this: Stick it out and pass your time sharing as many mundane day to day details of what is going on with you as you can. She's in for a huge adjustment at arrival, your job is to make that adjustment as painless as possible by including her in your day from now.

Edited June 18, 2015 by Expat1

[marriedguy 34]

LOL in the OP's case it's true, In the case of married guys it's not as easy

I have been there and done that. Time to withdraw the petition and return to Philippines and look for someone more compatible.......

[tayurshu 37]

The process has placed a lot of stress on our relationship, too. We haven't been able to see each other since February.

It is confusing at times, there are many small hoops and times when you may want to give up.

Don't.

It's a crazy process: I had 0 experience with immigration before this and now I know a fair bit about the whole K-1 process, and i'm not even done yet.

Stick it out. Be honest with your fiancée about how it affects you and the relationship. Also, consider this - us beneficiaries have to do a LOT by ourselves in our home countries, and that's even before we leave our families, friends and life for good. There's a lot of pressure on us, not only in terms of completing paperwork and doing it properly, but for what's about to happen as well. Going through a stressful, long process for a stressful change can be very daunting.

Support your fiancée and be very honest with each other. It will help both of you and the relationship immensely. It has pushed ours to the limit but it has made us the best team i've ever been part of.

[Bingopopeye2011 7]

I dont mean to make this worst than it's already between you guys. But if this visa process is the reason for her to stress you out then yea I would take a second to think about it. Is it you she wanted or what? Please take a look at my timeline, It has been 7 months since I sent off the paper and still waiting for our approval. My fiancee and I talk everyday, anytime we could. This is personal but even when showering we still leave the webcam on. And all night when one of us is asleep ( 12 hours different between us). Instead of stressing me out over this visa process, my fiancee has always been very supportive. I wish you best of luck