Stress of the Visa Process Wrecking Our Relationship

[Hotter Otter 1,211]

The wait is horrible and puts a strain on a lot of relationships but two months apart isn't particularly long.

Hang in there, realise that the wait is worth the life together you get when its over and your relationship just might be stronger for it. If you fail in the meantime then maybe you just both aren't in it as much as you thought you were.

Good luck.

[HeandI 48]

Patience is what both couple will need throughout the entire immigration process. I used to cry alot a most time, when i stressed it stressed my now husband, he kept reminding me that it is something that will help us to be together for as long as we both wanted to. I eventually realize everything take time and this is a part of our lives we have the least control of. If your Fiance is letting this small obstacle, that is something everyone else here are trying to get over affect your relationship, knowing there will be more paper work and patience needed during AOS, you are up for more stress even when she gets here. Hope she learn how to accept how things are now, knowing its something she want. If not man, youre up for trouble. This is the time to be strong for each other and keep faith, hoping for no, denials.

[lala64 93]

I am a firm believer in 2 things... No risk.. no reward and anything worth having is worth fighting for. True this process is challenging. That coupled with the distance in a relationship can be taxing. Trying to hold a relationship together when you aren't allowed to do "normal" things a couple does is challenging. Myself regret each night that I have to come home and he is not there waiting for me or vice versa. I go to parties with my friends and their husbands and feel out of place or resent the fact that he is not here and even question.. why is he not here. But as someone mentioned above... Remember why you started the process in the first place. It is exactly the same as a marriage where you have to work at it to get where you want to be with that person. Only thing is the distance and of course the process. I am thankful that they even have a system in place that allows us to bring over our loved ones. What if it was just NO they cant come at all? certainly that would put a damper on things. The system is far from perfect and it is really difficult when you have to justify your love to strangers for your fiancé. I am sure there are a lot of moving parts in the system that I do not understand, but one thing I do understand is that I remain grateful.. for even having the opportunity to bring him here to live. I get frustrated and empathize with you. I would suggest doing some soul-searching on how important this is to you and ask her how important is it for you to be together. Try to converse about your future together instead of the VISA process, for one.. you cant change it and you have no control over it. the important thing is to not let it have control over YOU and determine your relationship. If it is worth it to you fight to keep your relationship together. Im not saying that I have not questioned this process or had a regret or three with RFE's , time away and now as close as I am the Visa issue... But we are powerless over the system and I refuse to give them power over me and my future husband. I wish you luck and strength to continue in your journey. It is not wrong.. how you are feeling. what would be wrong is to let them win. One less application they have to worry about. Who will fight for your relationship if you don't. USCIS, NVC, the Embassy? I think not. this is your journey and your decision to figure out if it is worth it to you.

I feel your pain... best of luck to you.

[roninxian 1]

I have been monitoring the forums for awhile and thank you to everyone for your helpful information. This is my first time posting.

My finance and I have been engaged for 6 months prior to filing for her VISA. I am in the USA and she is in the Philippines. We recently received our NOA2 and waiting on our case number. However we have not seen each other in 2 months and all of the stress of the visa process is really straining our relationship. We went from talking hours every day to now just a couple messages a day and it is seems the only thing we are discussing is the screwed up VISA process. Almost every night I think about just giving up on this process and withdrawing the petition. I seriously dislike the US government for what it is doing with all this visa nonsense to be with someone you love when there are 10 million illegals already in the country !

I am so confused right now.... Has anyone else felt this way or their relationship started fall apart during the visa process as I am really starting to wonder if it is really worth it and what have I gotten myself into... Anyone who has been through this and willing to share some experiences or advise would be greatly appreciated.

Thank You

I can feel your pain. I have loved someone for 6 years. She lives in China. The time involved for a I-129F visa has stretched her patience so much. We are 3 months into the process but now she tells me she "can wait no more". I think this stress is from the time involved but also from the fact that she fears she will never receive the visa to come here so we can be married. It is tearing me apart. I don't know what to do or say next.

The wait is horrible and puts a strain on a lot of relationships but two months apart isn't particularly long.

Hang in there, realise that the wait is worth the life together you get when its over and your relationship just might be stronger for it. If you fail in the meantime then maybe you just both aren't in it as much as you thought you were.

Good luck.

In my case, we have been a couple for 6 years (time I spent in China) we are almost 3 months into the process estimated time (the website said 5 months to success) but now she seems not willing or able to give it the next two months. I am at wit's end. I hope this never happens to anyone else.

Patience is what both couple will need throughout the entire immigration process. I used to cry alot a most time, when i stressed it stressed my now husband, he kept reminding me that it is something that will help us to be together for as long as we both wanted to. I eventually realize everything take time and this is a part of our lives we have the least control of. If your Fiance is letting this small obstacle, that is something everyone else here are trying to get over affect your relationship, knowing there will be more paper work and patience needed during AOS, you are up for more stress even when she gets here. Hope she learn how to accept how things are now, knowing its something she want. If not man, youre up for trouble. This is the time to be strong for each other and keep faith, hoping for no, denials.

Your words ring true in my case. It is unbelievable how people can have a complete lack of patience. Seems love does not conquer all.

[hanniel 41]

If your fiance threatens to not wait then the love is not as strong as it seems. It is one thing to be frustrated with the process, but wanting to quit because of impatience shows a complete lack of trust in the petitioner. The foundation of a strong marriage is trust. Without it a relationship can only last so long.

[Saffer 27]

How will you handle other stressful situations during the marriage? Sounds like you two need to create some open communication channels or else.

[teeler1 0]

Sorry to hear that you are feeling that way. Im sure everyone who have experienced the stress of dealing with a visa can relate to you. Having said that, let me tell you that my fiance and I also felt that way, especially when I was going to have the visa interview at the embassy. I advise you to be patient and to remember why you are doing all this. At the end it's worth all the stress. Good luck.

[confused999 4]

I can feel your pain. I have loved someone for 6 years. She lives in China. The time involved for a I-129F visa has stretched her patience so much. We are 3 months into the process but now she tells me she "can wait no more". I think this stress is from the time involved but also from the fact that she fears she will never receive the visa to come here so we can be married. It is tearing me apart. I don't know what to do or say next.

In my case, we have been a couple for 6 years (time I spent in China) we are almost 3 months into the process estimated time (the website said 5 months to success) but now she seems not willing or able to give it the next two months. I am at wit's end. I hope this never happens to anyone else.

Your words ring true in my case. It is unbelievable how people can have a complete lack of patience. Seems love does not conquer all.

I feel sorry for you, your situation sounds a bit worse then mine. There is some good advice on this thread and maybe others can help. If I had the answers to my problems I wouldn't need to post looking for advise so I really have no solid advice to give you unfortunately I only can wish you the best and tell you that you are not alone obviously.

But you know what I do not get the lockbox can rip your petition apart, create a file, cash your check, perform some validations on your petition and get the file to the USCIS then the USCIS can send out a NOA1 in less then a week in my case. It is mind numbing to think where the money is (the lockbox) the process can operate so effectively. Then the petition sits in a box collecting dust at USCIS for months waiting for someone to give it less then 30 minutes of attention to approve it or issue an RFE then it sits in the USCIS mail room for weeks to be sent out and who knows how much longer the rest of this process is going to take from there with no status updates to tell you what happens after the NOA2 has been issued until the case number is assigned by the NVC . Then of course you have to call the NVC at least 50 times to get through only to sit on hold for 20 minutes so you can enjoy having a script read to you by a call center operator ugh ! This is just retarded how the government operates when it is playing with peoples lives. It seems there is no reason why in 4-6 a visa can't be issued and all of this avoided. I know that little rant doesn't help matters but just something I think about.

[roninxian 1]

I feel sorry for you, your situation sounds a bit worse then mine. There is some good advice on this thread and maybe others can help. If I had the answers to my problems I wouldn't need to post looking for advise so I really have no solid advice to give you unfortunately I only can wish you the best and tell you that you are not alone obviously.

But you know what I do not get the lockbox can rip your petition apart, create a file, cash your check, perform some validations on your petition and get the file to the USCIS then the USCIS can send out a NOA1 in less then a week in my case. It is mind numbing to think where the money is (the lockbox) the process can operate so effectively. Then the petition sits in a box collecting dust at USCIS for months waiting for someone to give it less then 30 minutes of attention to approve it or issue an RFE then it sits in the USCIS mail room for weeks to be sent out and who knows how much longer the rest of this process is going to take from there with no status updates to tell you what happens after the NOA2 has been issued until the case number is assigned by the NVC . Then of course you have to call the NVC at least 50 times to get through only to sit on hold for 20 minutes so you can enjoy having a script read to you by a call center operator ugh ! This is just retarded how the government operates when it is playing with peoples lives. It seems there is no reason why in 4-6 a visa can't be issued and all of this avoided. I know that little rant doesn't help matters but just something I think about.

I agree whole heartedly. How many illegals in the U.S.? and it seems so difficult, almost impossible, to do something legally.

[Lovewillcome 2]

Not to be negative, but I also want to give another perspective. From experience, someone who loses interest after the petition has been filed and when things with the petition are starting to move, the other party starts to communicate less because the only thing that mattered in the first place was the visa. I was with someone also who is in the Philippines and im in the US. Our communication started lessening and she would only message me about the visa because I found out that that was the only thing she was after. I found out the hard way, by finding out she was with another man this whole time. The effort people will make in order to make you believe that they love you, only to get to the US, is beyond me. If you are questioning whether or not you should continue this process, you must have a gut feeling about something that you're not willing to share or admit. Take the time to really think about this. Two months apart is not that long. Love can't easily be affected by distance, especially two months, if both parties love each other. Yes, distance can shake things up and cause a strain, but is what your feeling just a lack of communication due to not seeing each other for 2 months, or is it more than that for you to even question continuing with the application. I hope you find some clarity and make the best decision for yourself.

Edited June 17, 2015 by Lovewillcome

[LykaMarc 19]

I feel sorry for you, your situation sounds a bit worse then mine. There is some good advice on this thread and maybe others can help. If I had the answers to my problems I wouldn't need to post looking for advise so I really have no solid advice to give you unfortunately I only can wish you the best and tell you that you are not alone obviously.

But you know what I do not get the lockbox can rip your petition apart, create a file, cash your check, perform some validations on your petition and get the file to the USCIS then the USCIS can send out a NOA1 in less then a week in my case. It is mind numbing to think where the money is (the lockbox) the process can operate so effectively. Then the petition sits in a box collecting dust at USCIS for months waiting for someone to give it less then 30 minutes of attention to approve it or issue an RFE then it sits in the USCIS mail room for weeks to be sent out and who knows how much longer the rest of this process is going to take from there with no status updates to tell you what happens after the NOA2 has been issued until the case number is assigned by the NVC . Then of course you have to call the NVC at least 50 times to get through only to sit on hold for 20 minutes so you can enjoy having a script read to you by a call center operator ugh ! This is just retarded how the government operates when it is playing with peoples lives. It seems there is no reason why in 4-6 a visa can't be issued and all of this avoided. I know that little rant doesn't help matters but just something I think about.

Unfortunately, streamlining the immigration process isn't a priority, politically. US citizens trying to petition foreign spouses isn't a very powerful interest group, so the government has little incentive to improve the system. Conversely, most voters are anti-immigration, so no politicians are going to get elected by promising to make things easier for immigrants. That's a harsh reality.

All we can do is bite the bullet and deal with the process we have.

[_Paul&Jesica_ 70]

I feel sorry for you, your situation sounds a bit worse then mine. There is some good advice on this thread and maybe others can help. If I had the answers to my problems I wouldn't need to post looking for advise so I really have no solid advice to give you unfortunately I only can wish you the best and tell you that you are not alone obviously.

But you know what I do not get the lockbox can rip your petition apart, create a file, cash your check, perform some validations on your petition and get the file to the USCIS then the USCIS can send out a NOA1 in less then a week in my case. It is mind numbing to think where the money is (the lockbox) the process can operate so effectively. Then the petition sits in a box collecting dust at USCIS for months waiting for someone to give it less then 30 minutes of attention to approve it or issue an RFE then it sits in the USCIS mail room for weeks to be sent out and who knows how much longer the rest of this process is going to take from there with no status updates to tell you what happens after the NOA2 has been issued until the case number is assigned by the NVC . Then of course you have to call the NVC at least 50 times to get through only to sit on hold for 20 minutes so you can enjoy having a script read to you by a call center operator ugh ! This is just retarded how the government operates when it is playing with peoples lives. It seems there is no reason why in 4-6 a visa can't be issued and all of this avoided. I know that little rant doesn't help matters but just something I think about.

Sometimes the process can be blazingly fast. Our K-1 was < 90 days start to Visa in hand, including medical and CFO, and also including an RFE that ate up 17 days.... and this was last year when getting Interviews of USEM was pure luck! So try to remain positive, it could move along much faster than you might think.

There also might be a bit of "cold-feet" here as well. The reality of moving to a new country and a new life might be sinking in..

[señoracalavera 21]

So our process is taking forever and like everyone else said, "Patience, patience, understanding and lots of creativity". So I would suggest that you need to ask her and yourself if both are willing to practice patience and what can be done to ease the tension of waiting. Really put everything out there, write down questions to ask her, have a great heart to heart on the phone or skype.

In the meantime I would say that you two should start projects together. Read a book out loud to each other, watch tv shows together or alone and discuss after watching. Watch your favorite youtube videos together, learn how to cook (have her send you a recipe, buy the food, have her read you the instructions, this way you can cook her some yummy food! Pick up new hobbies, hell even do yoga together. Also get out and get involved in activities or things you like to do, these experiences will be great & awesome topics to share in a skype conversation. A relationship is about sharing and enhancing eachothers lives. I hope your process is quicker then mine.

If the wait is unbearable you can always try to make a short "surprise" visit to show how much you love her.

Edited June 17, 2015 by señoracalavera

[madtownguy 164]

If a relationship can't handle the stress of the visa process I don't know if that's a good sign. Certainly life will throw you a lot more stress than this process. If not I would consider yourself lucky.

[Sandra G. 5,016]

I believe you have a bigger problem than her visa process dude.A little problem like this one and you guys are stressing out then I doubt your relationship will last when real problems start happening...just saying.

Edited June 17, 2015 by sandranj