Stress of the Visa Process Wrecking Our Relationship

[confused999 4]

I have been monitoring the forums for awhile and thank you to everyone for your helpful information. This is my first time posting.

My finance and I have been engaged for 6 months prior to filing for her VISA. I am in the USA and she is in the Philippines. We recently received our NOA2 and waiting on our case number. However we have not seen each other in 2 months and all of the stress of the visa process is really straining our relationship. We went from talking hours every day to now just a couple messages a day and it is seems the only thing we are discussing is the screwed up VISA process. Almost every night I think about just giving up on this process and withdrawing the petition. I seriously dislike the US government for what it is doing with all this visa nonsense to be with someone you love when there are 10 million illegals already in the country !

I am so confused right now.... Has anyone else felt this way or their relationship started fall apart during the visa process as I am really starting to wonder if it is really worth it and what have I gotten myself into... Anyone who has been through this and willing to share some experiences or advise would be greatly appreciated.

Thank You

Edited June 17, 2015 by confused999

[MSCastillo 27]

Try to remember the reason you filed in the first place, to be together.

I think everyones relationships have ups and downs but you've just got to try and make the time and ignore the process.

I know before the noa 2 for us i was an absolute nightmare stressing out getting upset and wandering if it'll ever happen

but as long as you talk it out and remember the reason why you're doing it

it'll all work out in the end

just think it'll be a crazy story to tell the kids

!

but if you withdraw you'll only do the forms some other time or be living in the shadows instead of really enjoying all the possibilities together fully!

[UnaMexicana 153]

Please see my timeline. Patience and understanding is what will see this through. Not easy but that is all I can say.

[NancyNguyen 1,657]

Seems like your relationship will not survive even she gets here buddy.

[GreenGem 58]

This whole thing is nerve wrecking and a mind blowing process. It needs a LOT of patience and understanding to both parties. Demands should be set aside and sacrifices are needed. It will be worth it once you've finished one step. Just always keep in mind the reason why you're both doing this. Both needs to be humble too and you both should understand that each one of you are suffering in a whole different level. This process is hanging on a thread that can break in any moment. You already have your NOA 2. That's one of the best things people in this process are waiting for. Hang in there. Best of luck!

[Sherryll T. 3]

Patience is a virtue.. I am from the Philippines also & my husband is in USA.. I know how frustrating it is when it comes to preparing, submitting & waiting for documents.. Right now, we are few steps away to be together.. Keep the faith!

The longer you wait fOr sOmething,the mOre you appReciate it when you get it..

because anything wOrth having is definiteLy wOrth waiting fOr..

[VOL 425]

I have been monitoring the forums for awhile and thank you to everyone for your helpful information. This is my first time posting.

My finance and I have been engaged for 6 months prior to filing for her VISA. I am in the USA and she is in the Philippines. We recently received our NOA2 and waiting on our case number. However we have not seen each other in 2 months and all of the stress of the visa process is really straining our relationship. We went from talking hours every day to now just a couple messages a day and it is seems the only thing we are discussing is the screwed up VISA process. Almost every night I think about just giving up on this process and withdrawing the petition. I seriously dislike the US government for what it is doing with all this visa nonsense to be with someone you love when there are 10 million illegals already in the country !

I am so confused right now.... Has anyone else felt this way or their relationship started fall apart during the visa process as I am really starting to wonder if it is really worth it and what have I gotten myself into... Anyone who has been through this and willing to share some experiences or advise would be greatly appreciated.

Thank You

I have been there and done that. Time to withdraw the petition and return to Philippines and look for someone more compatible.......

[confused999 4]

Thanks everyone for the time and your replies ... I will keep you updated.

[suzannepecak 15]

Hello there,

Ofcourse this whole visa process is very stressful for each party and thus straining on the relationship. I experience it too and especially during the beginning of the process my husband and I were fighting a lot. I felt he wasn't doing his best to quickly gather all documents needed and he felt he wanted to do it thoroughly so we wouldn't get an RFE or make mistakes filing in the documents. We were just on a different page. Not blaming each other and keeping an open communication is very important. Also, talk about other stuff than the process. Learn to get to know each other. You CANNOT hold each other, so you HAVE to talk. See it as the perfect situation to dig in each others brain and find out each others likes, do's and don'ts, past memories and future plans.

we rarely talk about the visa process, only when absolutely needed and we still tend to get agrivated discussing that topic.

Do NOT go radio silent on each other. Even when you're mad at the other person. You have to decide for yourself: do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?

So even if you think the other is to blame for that particular fight, decide if you wanna stay mad or do you wanna say sorry first.

May I ask how long you are in the process? We are at nvc now and at this point we've been in the process for 10 months, starting at NOA1 by uscis on August 11 2014. I already accepted that the given estimated processing times are bs. So instead of being agrivated about it, I make up my own estimate and make sure I built in enough time so it can only be better when my Case Complete arrives sooner. ☺

If you get thru this together, you know you can take on the world. For now it is just another hurdle to be together.

[Ilovemyman 147]

Everybody go through this in the process.

Stress is very bad, but you need keep up.

You have noa2 you are almost ending the orocess to be together.

[Wooderz 314]

First you have to figure out if you want to do everything possible to make it work or not. If not, then end things, withdraw the petition and move on.

If you do want to make it work, you have to find time together to reconnect. Distance and the waiting affects us all. You are not the only one struggling. But if you really want to make it work, dedicate more time to messaging and skyping. Build that connection back. If it doesn't come back, then that's a sign. But you gotta try.

I also want to note that just because you don't speak as much as you used doesn't necessarily mean doom for your relationship. We're all different. Some people on here speak to their fiance/spouse for hours a day on the phone or skype. Daniel and I only videochat once or twice a week these days. We text all throughout the day though. We used to skype every single day but have gradually evolved into this. It works for us. You have to find what works for you and not measure against what works for others.

[hanniel 41]

I have been monitoring the forums for awhile and thank you to everyone for your helpful information. This is my first time posting.

My finance and I have been engaged for 6 months prior to filing for her VISA. I am in the USA and she is in the Philippines. We recently received our NOA2 and waiting on our case number. However we have not seen each other in 2 months and all of the stress of the visa process is really straining our relationship. We went from talking hours every day to now just a couple messages a day and it is seems the only thing we are discussing is the screwed up VISA process. Almost every night I think about just giving up on this process and withdrawing the petition. I seriously dislike the US government for what it is doing with all this visa nonsense to be with someone you love when there are 10 million illegals already in the country !

I am so confused right now.... Has anyone else felt this way or their relationship started fall apart during the visa process as I am really starting to wonder if it is really worth it and what have I gotten myself into... Anyone who has been through this and willing to share some experiences or advise would be greatly appreciated.

Thank You

if she can't handle being apart now marriage will present a lot more problems than this.

[Roel 7,191]

I have been monitoring the forums for awhile and thank you to everyone for your helpful information. This is my first time posting.

My finance and I have been engaged for 6 months prior to filing for her VISA. I am in the USA and she is in the Philippines. We recently received our NOA2 and waiting on our case number. However we have not seen each other in 2 months and all of the stress of the visa process is really straining our relationship. We went from talking hours every day to now just a couple messages a day and it is seems the only thing we are discussing is the screwed up VISA process. Almost every night I think about just giving up on this process and withdrawing the petition. I seriously dislike the US government for what it is doing with all this visa nonsense to be with someone you love when there are 10 million illegals already in the country !

I am so confused right now.... Has anyone else felt this way or their relationship started fall apart during the visa process as I am really starting to wonder if it is really worth it and what have I gotten myself into... Anyone who has been through this and willing to share some experiences or advise would be greatly appreciated.

Thank You

You've been apart ONLY for 2 months. Yes, only. People are waiting much, much longer to be with their partners. If you truly love each other, time apart shouldn't be an issue. You already have your NOA2, which I assume came quite fast to you. You should be pretty grateful, actually. Also "visa nonsense"? It takes as long as it needed for them to be sure that no one is trying to commit a fraud.

[James and Leslie 3]

Don't give up. If you truely love this lady you will fight until the bitter very sweet end. My wife and I only have our NOA1 and we are patiently waiting for the rest of the process. It will be worth the wait. I will not give up on my sweet wife and she is in the Philippines. Take a trip there if you need to. Just a thought.

[MouadsWife 161]

What you have to remember and keep in mind is the reward in the end, being together. Certainly you can put up with a little inconvenience right right. I am sure your eyes are bulging at the use of my phrase "little inconvenience", but that's exactly what it is. Compared to what your reward is, spending the rest of your life together, right now what your suffering is "very little". You said you were separated for two months, well, I was separated for 11 months before I seen my fiance again. We have now just passed our 5 year wedding anniversary this past March. Remember, you are not only being strong for yourself, but you are also being strong for your fiance. You yourself are not the only one your are supporting. How is your fiance to remain strong in this process without you? You both should have each others backs, lean on each other to get through this process. Yes, I know and remember it's not easy, and I haven't forgotten. But just remain strong, think of the rewards, focus on the light at the end of the tunnel, and support each other. This is not an "I" moment, it's a "we" moment right now. And you both needs each other's support. I wish you both all the best. (lol I was trying to edit myself, not quote myself!)

Edited June 17, 2015 by MouadsWife