Help! My fiance is not ready to get married after 8 months of waiting for K1 to be approve

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

From an immigration stand point, this is not a "I need to convince you to love me so you will marry me" kind of visa.

If he doesn't want to marry her then he needs to withdraw the petition and let those who are bottle necked with a slow process take his place.

The intent is not there and that is that. No need to advice to wait 6 months to see if all of a sudden the intent to marry

drags on for round two. This is not right.

Either you do or you don't. It's not a wait and see what this dude decides he wants in his own good time. Ridiculous.

[hanniel 41]

I suggest this thread be closed. all angles have been discussed and any further commentary could negatively affect the psychological state of the OP.

[Unidentified 2,930]

I suggest this thread be closed. all angles have been discussed and any further commentary could negatively affect the psychological state of the OP.

You can report the thread to the moderators. In general they usually say that it's only the OP that can request to have the thread closed.

[yuna628 9,528]

OP: No man.. and no person is worth taking your life over. I say that earnestly as a person who once went down a bad relationship road and was left deeply traumatized and unsure of the direction my life was going and if it had any more value. Recovery from a relationship that started out in a bad place (the result of an affair - one that was covered up in a lie on his part) and that lasted this long will take time, and you may need to seek help about it. You knew at least after the first three years that he was capable of a great lie. Not only to you, but to his own wife and children. Despite this, you still loved him. But in light of what has happened to you now, you must reexamine everything. Cheaters rarely change, and if I am a betting woman, I would suspect that he has for whatever reason - be it a life crisis, a new person on the side, commitment issues etc has decided that you are not worth it. That is a difficult thing to grasp when still in love. When it reaches a point when a man says after 14 years that you are not worth it to marry - then you know what you have to do inside. It may take time for it to be realized and work through. You know yourself you never wished to come to America, in fact you would rather he come to your country.

If he does not wish to marry you, you must ask him to withdraw the petition, if you cannot do it yourself. His behavior you must admit is odd, odd enough that I suspect there is more going on you don't know about him. Protect yourself, your future, and your heart. You are always worth it. Once a man decides you aren't, it's time to show him what a woman's worth really is - a worth he has lost the right to have a part in.

[madtownguy 164]

I would just keep waiting, 14 years is a long time there's a good chance he will change. If not it is a part of life, not all relationships last forever. Just stay positive, in the grand picture this is a pretty minor thing. It may not feel that way but life could be a lot worse.

[Virtuous45 31]

The divorce took 7 years to finalized. We dated for 6 years before he started the divorce. He told me he was single when we started dating. He only tell me the truth 3 years after we dated. So I waited 3 years for his kids to grow older then he initiated the divorce. It was finalized last year sept2014. And we started the k1 Oct2014. Almost immediately after the divorce. The reason I believe he is genuine was he wouldn't have started the K1 if he is playing with me.

Sorry to say, but what you said right here, is very clear that there was no "love" in the relationship you had with this man. He was cheating on his wife with you for 3 years before you found out he was married...then another 3 years before he decided to sever ties with wife...not to mention the story he fed you about "waiting for kids to grow up"?.

I agree with the others persons who commented. It's time to mop up the spilled milk and move on with your life. Life is too short on this earth for us not to capitalize on LIFE. You have already wasted 14 years of yours living a lie with this man. He has ignored you...start ignoring him too. It will be hard to tear yourself away from what you thought you had for 14 years, but trust me..you will survive. Once there is breath in your body each morning you wake up, you will survive.

Don't try to force a train wreck with the remainder of your life. Love yourself for a change and move on. He doesn't deserve you.

[Unidentified 2,930]

I would just keep waiting, 14 years is a long time there's a good chance he will change. If not it is a part of life, not all relationships last forever. Just stay positive, in the grand picture this is a pretty minor thing. It may not feel that way but life could be a lot worse.

Since when is unfaithfulness a minor thing? Most likely he woke up and realize what he's been doing to his wife. And like I've said earlier, cheater rarely go with the mistress.

She should withdraw the petition or ask him to do it. He's no longer interested in the relationship.

[hanniel 41]

To love a married man is wrong but I was deceived for 3 years before I knew the truth. I still love him very much because he is my first man. I am not sleeping around and I remain as a virgin until 26! I have never cheat and be faithful to this man for 14 years so I dont think he is worry I am going to be the one divorce him. I dont need money and I dont need to go to America. All I need is to be with the man I love dearly Believe me we went through A LOT.

I guess I deserve it and I better off just kill myself. I dont deserve to live if this is what you all want.

Thank you everyone

If you are still following here is a link I found if you are feeling depressed.

http://www.suicide.org/hotlines/international/malaysia-suicide-hotlines.html

-----------------------------

I mentioned again that this thread should be closed. All it takes is for one more poster to make an insensitive comment that could send a person in such a state of mind as the OP's over the edge. It is irresponsible for this thread to be a theatre for members when everything and anything possible has been discussed regarding the events pertaining to her case, and if the OP is in an emotional state as to take everything being said here too seriously, someone's sharp remarks could prove injurious to her mental state of being.

Edited June 16, 2015 by hanniel

[rmg-fg 32]

This is VisaJourney and has been the most supportive and helpful website from all the members that help with this very serious and difficult as well as long process. The op asked a question that deserved an answer and as pertaining to the k1 visa.

The rest of the judgements are not helpful nor conducive to the subject here on VisaJourney. Also requesting some help for op from moderators on this thread.

[Boiler 43,433]

This is VisaJourney and has been the most supportive and helpful website from all the members that help with this very serious and difficult as well as long process. The op asked a question that deserved an answer and as pertaining to the k1 visa.

The rest of the judgements are not helpful nor conducive to the subject here on VisaJourney. Also requesting some help for op from moderators on this thread.

There are at least 2 mods participating.

[Pishi_Pishi 63]

Post removed from thread, edited to remove an attempt to sidestep the VJ word-filter, and returned to thread as follows:

Furthermore, 3 totally off-topic posts have been removed. Any more posts that discuss the tropical storm will be removed.

VJ Moderation

I edited because I made typos, I have a splint on my thumb due to injury and only noticed spelling mistakes after I posted. I took time to write to OP and I am being punished? I thought that's what the edit button was for.

[usmsbow 795]

Anyone here read Ha Jin's novel Waiting? This story is a VJ version of that basically...

OP- you're 40. Still young and have plenty of time to enjoy life and not have to deal with such trash. My unsolicited 2 cents. And if I had a choice between having a good life in Malaysia vs. the USA, I'd choose the former any day (although I would miss good beer). If you're happy in Malaysia, and from the sound of it you are, stay there. What about him is worth going through all this grief?? Maybe I missed it, but I don't recall you saying what about him was worth loving...

[marriedguy 34]

Right on spot.

His love didn't stop all of a sudden you said it yourself that you had to convince him he still loved you more then once!

I'm sorry but you are not seeing the writing on the wall.

So instead of moving on you're going to have him take as much time as he needs to string you along even more. He will send you money to keep you around for when he is feeling a little lonely and he has a fallback girl.

You were his distraction when his marriage was going through things, now he is divorced he doesn't need you anymore.

[Eric & Idalia 56]

Thanks for sharing and yes is too bad this happened, but I am also happy for her to found a new love

I will definitely not wait for 5 years. Once I see he cancel the K1 application. I will never want anything to do with this man anymore.

I do too, believe things happens for a reason

It makes me so sad to read your story. Love is natural not forced. You don't have to convince anyone to love you.

My husband and I have our story too. After all our problems, he decided to come to Mexico and live with me. All I can say is that when someone loves you, wants to spend time with you. Read the stories here. There are thousand of people trying to be together.

How come you can love him that much and don't love yourself to realize that he can have issues/problems but that does not mean you have to put your life on hold. You are a woman, you have the biological clock for having kids. Maybe you don't want to procreate?

Again it makes me sad to read stories like this one. Men making women to wait for them. (or maybe women spending so much time in something that is not for them?)

I know it can hurt. But you have to do what is best for you. He is doing what is best for him.

Please take some time to think about you. You are a human being who deserves love and realization. Go get other goals, dreams. I know it feels like you want to die, but you are strong enough. I know I was.

Hugs.

Edited June 16, 2015 by Eric & Idalia

[madtownguy 164]

Since when is unfaithfulness a minor thing? Most likely he woke up and realize what he's been doing to his wife. And like I've said earlier, cheater rarely go with the mistress.

She should withdraw the petition or ask him to do it. He's no longer interested in the relationship.

It's just a relationship, and she didn't care about the unfaithfulness, everything was fine there. I just think people get too worked out over a relationship ending, there's billions of people in the world. I use to be that way when I was younger but I realized it takes too much energy and causes too much stress to worry about why a relationship didn't work or to focus on the past. Don't stop fishing because you caught a great fish and it fell out of the boat, just keep fishing like nothing happened. Unfortunately for some it's much hard done than said.