I am deeply hurt :((

[AlexandraDiana 4]

Well, just tell her is no point arguing with this because it doesn't help anyways, you both can be on Skype or phone , maybe there is a way of sending her flowers and a nice card for the anniversary and the interview it's more important than a day that you could celebrate later...What is she going to do if you are not spending $3000 for that trip? She'lll forget it once all this is done.

[camtovm 3]

I have lived in US apart from my husband for the last year, and we missed our birthdays, the holidays and our first anniversary together. But he kept reminding me that I need to stay in US and keep my job and earn the money, and after the process is all over, we will be able to spend every single day of our lives together. It was hard, and I was tempted to drop everything and go stay with him in Mexico, but we both knew that wasn't the smartest idea. Your wife just needs to understand how important it is for you to hold down your job right now, and just keep reminding her that after this is all over, you guys will be able to spend every single day together. You can even plan something special for her when she come, to make up for missing the anniversary. (if that would make her feel better).

Edited May 27, 2015 by camtovm

[kareelina 42]

Well , I am a woman and very emotional , but I would never ever act the way she does , my husband visits me every now and then whenever he has a break because he couldn't get a job in my country , I understand and accept the situation this way , I have my job here and he has his in the States .

[canadianbee 16]

I'm also from Redmond and I know what an amazing opportunity like working at Microsoft is! Locals, Canadians and residents from other states really want to work there. Maybe if you showed her it is not just any job? You can really create a great career there and have a stable future financially. I also know they are very strict about time off- especially if you are new.

Ask her to set up a financial plan for you both to allow you to leave and live with her until her visa arrives.

She'll need to cover: Rent in US (even while you are gone) airplane tickets for you both to come back, living expenses in your home country, living expenses for a month while you look for a new job when you return to US.

Maybe if she sees the numbers and realizes the money for these expenses have to come from SOMEWHERE, she'll understand your point of view.

Also, this is not choosing money before love, this is ensuring her livelihood and her future.

Edited May 27, 2015 by canadianbee

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

I'm also from Redmond and I know what an amazing opportunity like working at Microsoft is! Locals, Canadians and residents from other states really want to work there. Maybe if you showed her it is not just any job? You can really create a great career there and have a stable future financially. I also know they are very strict about time off- especially if you are new.

Ask her to set up a financial plan for you both to allow you to leave and live with her until her visa arrives.

She'll need to cover: Rent in US (even while you are gone) airplane tickets for you both to come back, living expenses in your home country, living expenses for a month while you look for a new job when you return to US.

Maybe if she sees the numbers and realizes the money for these expenses have to come from SOMEWHERE, she'll understand your point of view.

Also, this is not choosing money before love, this is ensuring her livelihood and her future.

Well said. I agree.

[Sandra G. 5,009]

I would tell her " Hun I am quitting my job today and you have to come up with money to support ourselves for several months , even after we return to the U.S,because who knows how long I will be unemployed" , I have a feeling she will stop with her selfish/ childish behavior. In my opinion her behavior has nothing to do with "she is missing you", "she loves you", she is afraid", she seems out of touch with reality.

Edited May 27, 2015 by sandranj

[markelsa71 4]

That is ridiculous.. Some are like that though! Well for sure that if you won't do what she wants just be ready for the drama.

[mallafri76 1,012]

I don't know what country your wife is from but probably, how things are in her country is different from the US. Try explaining to her that you cannot take vacation from a new job and why, how the whole process works. And like others have said, include her in the financial planning.

She is giving up her home, her family, her friends and her job to move to you in your country, I'm sure she's worried and scared, that's why she's clinging to you. If anything, it shows she cares about you and leans on you for support.

[Daveadams903 19]

Aww I completelty understand her frustration and yours as well. My husband came to live with me in my country, he lost his job to come here but then he had to go back because he has responsabilities, he has to make his car pymts, my ring pymt, work so we have the money to get me my medical and save up money for an apartment, etc. He now has a new job that doesn't allow him to come visit me, my interview will probably be july or august, there has been times where I have told him I wish he could quit and come back but I can't be selfish and irresponsible. We were so so so happy before starting this process, now not so much, you go thru a lot of stress, frustration, anxiety and it's hard it really is, but what keep us strong is the love we have to each other and knowing once this is done we will be back to be happy together again. Have serious talk with her and try to make something nice for her for your anniversary. 2 months it's nothing, there's people here who go during the entire process withouth seeing their significant others. Good Luck..!!

[ssk2331 13]

Does your wife work? I think she may need ways to keep herself busy. You seem to be keeping busy with work, so doing relatively okay.

Long distance is never easy and people have different ways of taking out their frustration. Try being patient with her, give her more attention, encourage her to go out with family and friends. She might be feeling neglected, even if that's not the case, so try giving her more attention and let her know how much it sucks for you as well.

Try explaining the situation to her from a practical point of view but also let her know if you had your way, you would be there with her. And that you miss her as much as she does. I think she might just need to hear these reassurances from you and feel that she's not in it alone.

Sometimes the other spouse needs to step in and be the mature one when the other is being unreasonable..just be patient and gentle with her. I'm sure she'll come around. Wishing you guys a speedy journey.

[Shauna&Wael 211]

I missed my one year anniversary with my husband because we had to be practical and save money + I had to keep my job. If she doesn't understand you're doing this for the benefit of your new life together, she's being selfish. Situations such as these really show someone's true colors. If she can't be as strong as you through the process, it makes it twice as hard on you. Think if you want to spend the rest of your life with this person.

[Darnell 8,478]

I just want to vent here.

I had a big argument with my wife, she wants me to live with her in country.

I was there for 5 months with her in her country, just came back in march, I got a recent good job in Microsoft. in Redmond. Only two months now, cannot take any vacations.

My wife's case will be closed soon, her's is CR1 , she might get a interview in July. Our one year anniversary is in middle of june. My wife wants me to be there with her.

Yes I understand the fact it is important to be there because it is our one year. But looking at my circumstance that i got a new job, our papers are not yet approved, as i know for sure they might call my work to check my AOS.

She just does not understand this, and we constantly argue.

I told her, you want me to come for one day and burn $3000 just for the trip, or come for your interview. she says come and stay with her.

She does not understand how important it is to keep a job. People are struggling to find good jobs, and here I am asked to quit.

Family is important but in order to survive one needs money as well. What I am i doing wrong ?

I am loosing my mind.

Are some women like this ?

Well, based on what I read in yer timeline,

over at http://www.visajourney.com/timeline/profile.php?id=192061

I'll have to posit that all women residing in Armenia have the exact same issue.

It's interesting, she not express gratitude that you stayed with her 6 months after marriage?

Kudos on the gig at MicroSoft - I say stop talking with her in any form for 2 weeks, then restart a new conversation. IMO/E, she's being pig-headed about an issue where she refuses to do any research on her own, or takes advice from others (who happen to be knuckleheads and whose opinions aren't worth a half-tonne of used toilet paper).

[lost_at_sea 995]

When my husband and I spent time apart, long-distance, there were definitely days when the distance was too hard and we both made seemingly unreasonable requests. Sometimes we folded on them, sometimes we had to stick it out and not. Even now - if it turns out he has to travel for work on a birthday or anniversary, I can get pretty grumpy about it.

Distance relationships are extremely hard, and slack should be cut whenever possible and you should just remember that she clearly loves and misses you a lot, and she would probably like to hear that you love and miss her too.

A first wedding anniversary is a celebration, but when apart, she's likely going to be sad and dwell on that too (and I'd expect you will too!). Plan ahead and tell her of all the things you'll do as soon as she arrives on her CR-1, make some small gestures to remind her you're thinking of her (send some flowers once in a while? Letters celebrating how many days are left and how quickly they'll fly by, cute stuff.. you know).

And, +1 to being transparent about your finances. As a couple, that's healthy to do regardless and if she can see the money, what stuff costs, etc., she'll likely understand better - but don't expect her to suddenly not be sad anymore that you're apart.

[oceanborn 33]

Speaking as a current Microsoft employee in Redmond, Washington -- I can relate to this post wholeheartedly. They are extremely tough on vacation accrual and using it when you're relatively new to the company -- they recommend that you don't take any time off during your first six months of employment.

I've been under similar pressure, albeit not romantically, to visit my family back in the UK during this time, and you have to rationalize: risking a wonderful career, your future financial stability (and future stability in general) for a day (albeit an important day) is certainly not worth it. Perhaps if you planned something wonderful for you both to do once she makes it to the USA by way of compromise it may make the wait a little less hard. I for one find it easier to get through periods like this when I know there's a beautiful light at the end of the tunnel.

[Rick_ES_USA 13]

Hey listen man! Once you decide to get married, you are actually becoming part of a 2 person team. In every team of 2, one either pushes the other to superior heights … or slows the other person down. So it seems you got yourself a SlowDowner instead of a Pusher.

SlowDowners rarely change in time to become Pushers … so be prepared, accept it for what it is and deal with it. Sometimes you can manage the situation and circumstances to avoid getting slowed down and may be make it have a neutral effect.

Good Luck!