I am deeply hurt :((

[Lauren and Kevin 55]

Let's imagine for the moment, that you do not have the money. Then the trip could not happen - do you feel you would still be getting pressure to make it happen, and guilted in the future because you would not borrow to make it happen? or would it be a partnership decision? one to think about for the future.

It is possible to make the separation anxiety less, with daily Skype, and small handwritten gifts in the post, surprise 'togetherness' things from you to her showing her how much you love and miss her?

Then...turning the coin over, If I was being brutal here, I would say that her dreams and wishes need jobs and hard cash to support them, and the new job will be supporting you if the relationship goes away, so do not do anything to lose the job. To expect you to do these things without listening to you and your feelings can cause resentment.

Are you the mature person in the relationship who is always being expected to fix things?

If so, will that change over time - how will that happen?

[Ortolan 381]

It sounds a bit like your wife might be very young. You're going to have to just stop getting upset and present her with a loving, gentle, but rational wall: "No, honey, we can't do that. Here's why."

Just because one partner wants something that's such an obvious bad idea both financially and reasonably doesn't mean that the other one has to cave in and do what they want just to keep the peace.

Be the grownup, if she won't. This separation is hard on everyone, for sure.

[deleted434 1]

She wants me to live there with her till she gets her visa.

the separation is getting to her, I have no problems, I can manage on the other hand she cannot. It's only two months since i saw her.

Love or money, that looks like the only 2 choices you have. I was in the military and we had this all the time where our Marines would go overseas for months and even a year without seen there wife and kids and it just broke the family apart.

The best advice always depends on the situation and nobody can give you the best answer because nobody really knows in full detail the whole situation. BUT if i was in your situation and with the way I am, i would choose to be with my wife more. Most people would choose work and money but thats just me, unfortunately life is not perfect and things like this happens to many people.

[Jawaree 717]

OP she may be just scared and think your presence at the interview will

give her a better chance at approval, but assure her you need to stay in the

job and prepare for her arrival. I would not bicker over it just tell her U wont

be there.

As to you living there until she's approved and her jealousy seems like you

will be put on a short leash, start now to assert your positions or this will be

the way things will become in the future, she is being unreasonable. Good luck

Edited May 27, 2015 by Jawaree

[DBWatermelon 0]

So, it's all about money and not family, love, and the like? Sounds like you got your green card and that's all that you seem to care about.

FRAUD seems a real possibility here.

Too bad there is not a way for people here to report such fraud claims !!

[Lauren and Kevin 55]

So, it's all about money and not family, love, and the like? Sounds like you got your green card and that's all that you seem to care about.

FRAUD seems a real possibility here.

Too bad there is not a way for people here to report such fraud claims !!

Um. How to say this. It's not that at all. The OP is the US citizen, and his non-US partner is following her feelings about wanting him with her without looking at the practical side, and he is being forced to be the practical one, and say no and be sensible - and it's hurting him.

The post is about the difficulty of being separated, dealing with your feelings, and the relationship, and commitiment.

[Hotter Otter 1,211]

I think the issue here is the big picture and your wife not seeing it.

Most of us on here know what its like to be apart but if you realise that there's going to be an end to that stage then it will be easier. Explain to her that it is only a temporary thing and that you are working hard at your job so that you have a better life together when she moves. I hope it gets easier for you both.

So, it's all about money and not family, love, and the like? Sounds like you got your green card and that's all that you seem to care about.

FRAUD seems a real possibility here.

Too bad there is not a way for people here to report such fraud claims !!

And the prize for missing the point of the OP's post by several miles has been claimed.

Edited May 27, 2015 by Hotter Otter

[Eric & Idalia 56]

So, it's all about money and not family, love, and the like? Sounds like you got your green card and that's all that you seem to care about.

FRAUD seems a real possibility here.

Too bad there is not a way for people here to report such fraud claims !!

This is confusing. I think the OP is an USC who petitioned his foreign wife with a CR1.

He needs a job in order to have money to support both of them. There should be a balance among family, friends, and jobs.

In my personal case, I am the wife waiting for the interview while my husband is in USA. He had to go back to get a job. Of course I miss him, but we skype everyday. We are aware and grateful of our situation. When he had the chance to live with me in Mexico, I was the Mexican citizen sponsoring him. So I understand what is like to be the other side.

I know it is hard to be grateful when you really want to be with your wife/husband. I'd say focus on the positive stuff. And it is not about being a woman. As someone already said distance is harder for some people. Be nice, get her involved, talk more. Communication is the key.

[yuna628 9,527]

OP: As a woman I can understand that your wife may be finding it hard to cope with the distance. It takes a lot out of anyone. The best thing you can do in this instance is be supportive and communicate a lot.

But as a woman who is a sensible person, I know my fiance would kill to have a job at Microsoft and though the location is far from where I live and even further from family and friends, I'd live with him there if he had a job like that in a heartbeat. No doubt you'll make very good money, enough money that she would be able to visit her family and friends more than the average person would.

To me though it seems she is missing the big picture.. and also is frightened. The reality of finally saying goodbye may be getting to her and wearing her down. She may be experiencing guilt and anxiety or pressure from outside sources. Since you have just spent a great deal of time with her, living as a married couple, the pain of saying goodbye to you may also be getting to her. You'll have to get to the root of the problem as calmly as you can and reassure her.

[D.Ba 85]

OP, I don't think you should necessarily be deeply hurt, as you state.

She wants you with her. She misses you. She needs your support.

I would also very much like my fiancé to stay with me in my home country until I move, or actually I would like him to live here with me permanently. But it's not going to happen, and work/finances is a reason for that.

Distance and time apart can destroy a relationship, plenty of examples here in VJ.

Skype and instant messaging are fantastic inventions, but being together is better, no doubt!

You say: "I just was with her 2 months back, some people here have not seen their husband and wife for more than a year, i tell her this and she says, she does not care about other people." > Well, yes, I would say the same thing to my F.! I would be very disappointed if he said, it's alright, we were "just" together 2 months back. After 2 months, I would be MORE than ready to meet again! I, personally, would like to hear: "The two last months seemed incredibly long, they felt like two years. I cannot wait to be with you again, I'm counting the days and I would love to hop on a plane right now." Of course, only if it's true! I'm sure your wife too would love to hear you express your emotions (stereotype: men often don't). And you certainly do long to be with her??

Yes, travel there for a day might be the most romantic thing I ever heard of, but I wouldn't expect or demand that. And I would scold my F. for spending all that money for just a day (even if he can afford it)...

[annem 15]

That's exactly why we went the K1 route. I know myself all too well and being married to my partner without living with him was inconceivable! It's probably hard on her, being away from you. She's got to be patient.

[TBoneTX 43,020]

One member has been thread-banned for making an inflammatory post. An assaultive reply to it has been removed. The next noncontributory post will result in the same or worse.

TBoneTX

VJ Moderation

[TBoneTX 43,020]

OP, often seeing is believing. Consider compiling a budget, with income and expense items. Include current and anticipated expenses. Send it to her, with the figures perhaps converted into her country's currency. If she doesn't grasp the significance herself, she will surely show it to others who will go over it with her and explain it.

Early in our marriage, Mrs. T-B. asked to see a list of expenses. I compiled one for 4 months and showed it to her. She said, "I've never seen amounts that big." Perhaps your lady's eyes will bug out when she sees yours.

[AshTaz 20]

Its totally up to you. From my point of view she is not totally wrong at some point. Its ur 1st anniversary and it is really important for any couple to be together on this day at least. I don't know how u feel about this, but at this point i would definitely manage to be with my wife for this day at any cost .

Try to make ur mind up & try to manage your workplace for a few days then visit her. On the other hand try to explain your problems to her when shez calm. And dont think like u were happy before the marriage, this will harm your marriage life.

Edited May 27, 2015 by AshTaz

[kamw 93]

Don't be too hard on her. It's hard. It's been less then 24 hrs since I left hubby and I feel as if I would walk away from everything in the US and move back home today until this process is over- and i consider myself normally rational.

I agree it may be a case where showing her the budget might make a different. Ask her how would you support each other financially. I'd suggest talking about i. Actually stop saying no for a second and look into what she wants you to do. I've had the "moving home" conversation with hubby before and it turned into an argument until he started listening to me and actually looking into what it would take. I realize while discussing it it wasn't a rational or practical decision. I think I just wanted to know that he missed me as much as I missed him and understood why I wanted us together.

It gets hard esp when months have passed and you don't know when you'll see the love of your life again. It makes you start thinking worst case scenarios and thinking irrational thoughts. Don't dismiss her, try to understand where she is coming from and see if you can fix the root issue or make it better somehow. Good Luck.