Son to come with Fiance.. Feeling overwhelmed

[Jawaree 717]

Sis you will be blessed...I remember your previous post, you

may feel overwhelmed now but U will be rewarded, as others

mentioned tap into r organizations in your area.

A few years ago I manage to post for and received a whellcair,

walker, and a few canes that I took to donate in JA

I posted at Craigslist and many ppl have good items that are up-grading

to like scooters , or walkers with seats (Please meet CL contacts

at a public place , like restaurant & if U must pick up take 2 ppl

with you to ensure your safety).

The child will improve in the US because he will learn to be a nit more

dependent, he will have school, and you & dad always remember to

have your own date nites alone to keep the fire burning...best wishes

[Sandra G. 5,009]

You have a genuine relationship with your fiancé, and he seems to be a great father, a good man! Make sure he has full custody of the child in order to bring the child to live in the USA.

http://www.wheelchairfoundation.org/

[MUXAGIRL 69]

You are a very good person from what I can sense here, and your fiancé also seems to be a good guy who won't abandon his disabled kid and will stand by him. You love your fiancé and stepson, I say you all are meant to be together and will be happy. When people are good and love each other, things work out. Reach out to your local charities and community, people will help with whatever they can. I wish nothing but the best for all of you.

[PK and PK 13]

Hi all just wanted to bring up some feelings that I am having and am asking for some advice. My fiancé will be bringing his 8 year old son with him when he is approved. We have both discussed this in great detail and mutually agree that it is the best thing for him. His son has Cerebral Palsy since birth. the mother abandoned him last year and has given up her parental rights. He is pretty much total care but can communicate by pointing to things that he may need like when he is hungry or needs the bathroom so although he is unable to verbally communicate, he does has some cognitive skills and a sweet little boy. I am a nurse by trade and have skills In caring for disabled adults. not children. When I visited them, his father, my fiancé was very good at taking care of him and even carried him on his back when we went places but it was hard on him. I understand that when he comes that I will be responsible for his medical care cost and attention. When I visited them in Jamaica the sweet boy had nothing to help him get around such as a wheelchair etc. I know that once he is here that he would go to school and learn as much as he is able but don't really understand the cost associated with this type of disability and getting him the things he needs. braces, wheelchair and the chance to go to a special education class. I am not rich. I do make enough money to support us until my fiancé is able to find work but my feeling is that would be for a normal child. There will be no benefits from Social Security or any medical benefits allowed from the US. I have reached out to some of the programs associated with children with disabilities but even still they are telling me that he would need to qualify for a State program. I am so afraid and confused. It would make no sense for me to bring him here is I can not enhance his life or make his life better. He is crawling on the floor there and if I am unable to afford a wheelchair he will be crawling on the floor here. My fiancé said that he can not leave him there and if for some reason there is a problem with his son then he can not come to the US because he is all the child has. And honestly I would not want him to leave his son in Jamaica and if that be the case I would rather he stay andhelp his son there. I need some advice. I love my fiancé and his son. I know that I have to be financially responsible for them when they come here but am starting to think I would need some financial help or resources to make sure the boy is adequately cared for. otherwise what is the point? I feel helpless. Ending my relationship is not an option. I just need to know if there are places that will help disabled children that don't depend on the government or state funds and if somehow I could purchase discounted items or used items to help him with his disabled needs.

thanks in advance for your advice. Please no negativity. I am already struggling emotionally and as I said leaving the relationship because he has a disabled son is not an option I would even consider. I love them both equally.

The special education is something the public schools must provide him. And make sure he is under a health insurance plan to cover for his health needs. And there are still some non cash benefits he maybe eligible for depending of your income: http://www.uscis.gov/green-card/green-card-processes-and-procedures/public-charge

A lot of social workers are not clear with the rules and regulations so you need to be persistent and follow all avenues.

[lala64 93]

Honestly it will be a hard road. Like all of them said, try out organizations in your area.

My daughter has Autism and is disabled in the eyes of the US government, she's 6 years old with the mentality of a 3 year old. Honestly even with access to the help even as a citizen, it's very lacking when it comes to the special needs community.

Contact occupational therapy and physical therapy (for special needs) offices in your area, find out what insurances they take and see if you can try to get the son on that when he's there. It wasn't until my daughter got SSI due to disability that I was able to get her the correct care she needed because her prior insurance didn't really cover people I considered good enough in terms of care and quality. Some places that deal with general special needs also have information that could send you in the right place. Networking is KEY when it comes to special needs and programs and what not, I've gone to multiple places, not to partake in what they offer but solely to get more info on a place that could give us what we're looking for. For example, the places I go to for Autism info also have info on Cerebal Palsy and Downs Syndrome. There's a place here that deals with over all disability which branches out even more info.

The insurance may cost a bit, but that's just the road you might have to take. As for getting him a wheel chair, try to find someone who's out grown there. Reach out to special needs program and ask them if you can put out an add either for a free chair (donation) or maybe if they know of anyone selling.

The second thing is, is you just have to learn learn learn. I go to conferences, I've learned about things not relevant and relevant to my daughter, but I still learned. At this point I'm almost more comfortable around children with special needs than I am any other person. Best preperation though is to learn everything you can about the disorder and how it affects children and the current (not trendy) methods of help for behavior, communication, etc.

One of the main things they hammer on at special needs conferences is that the start, finding the information, and getting everything needed is the hardest because YOU have to seek out the info. No one comes to you and tbqh, none of the available programs are easy to find, it is honestly a struggle. Try to become active in any cerebral palsy community you may have where you are, these people will be your stepping stone to be able to help the son.

Check out facebook groups in your area that may be a special needs facebook group, these people may know who can help you.

I understand all of this from the other end, my fiance is a god send. He loves my daughter as much as he loves me and is interested and involved in her special needs care. He's met her teachers at school and her therapists outside of school and we've attended autism walks and gone to special needs places so we can have a good time and so can my daughter. Having that support (in which you are to your signifigant other and the son) is more than a blessing and you may truly never understand how loved and unconditionally appreciated you are.

Great advice!! Thanks

[AR and BA 5]

My husband is a social worker here in AZ. He said you can find some help at this site:

http://www.211arizona.org/

Hope this helps.

[marriedguy 34]

You are a wonderful person may God bless you. I think once he gets his green card, probably he can apply for a benefits, I have no idea though.

Hi all just wanted to bring up some feelings that I am having and am asking for some advice. My fiancé will be bringing his 8 year old son with him when he is approved. We have both discussed this in great detail and mutually agree that it is the best thing for him. His son has Cerebral Palsy since birth. the mother abandoned him last year and has given up her parental rights. He is pretty much total care but can communicate by pointing to things that he may need like when he is hungry or needs the bathroom so although he is unable to verbally communicate, he does has some cognitive skills and a sweet little boy. I am a nurse by trade and have skills In caring for disabled adults. not children. When I visited them, his father, my fiancé was very good at taking care of him and even carried him on his back when we went places but it was hard on him. I understand that when he comes that I will be responsible for his medical care cost and attention. When I visited them in Jamaica the sweet boy had nothing to help him get around such as a wheelchair etc. I know that once he is here that he would go to school and learn as much as he is able but don't really understand the cost associated with this type of disability and getting him the things he needs. braces, wheelchair and the chance to go to a special education class. I am not rich. I do make enough money to support us until my fiancé is able to find work but my feeling is that would be for a normal child. There will be no benefits from Social Security or any medical benefits allowed from the US. I have reached out to some of the programs associated with children with disabilities but even still they are telling me that he would need to qualify for a State program. I am so afraid and confused. It would make no sense for me to bring him here is I can not enhance his life or make his life better. He is crawling on the floor there and if I am unable to afford a wheelchair he will be crawling on the floor here. My fiancé said that he can not leave him there and if for some reason there is a problem with his son then he can not come to the US because he is all the child has. And honestly I would not want him to leave his son in Jamaica and if that be the case I would rather he stay andhelp his son there. I need some advice. I love my fiancé and his son. I know that I have to be financially responsible for them when they come here but am starting to think I would need some financial help or resources to make sure the boy is adequately cared for. otherwise what is the point? I feel helpless. Ending my relationship is not an option. I just need to know if there are places that will help disabled children that don't depend on the government or state funds and if somehow I could purchase discounted items or used items to help him with his disabled needs.
thanks in advance for your advice. Please no negativity. I am already struggling emotionally and as I said leaving the relationship because he has a disabled son is not an option I would even consider. I love them both equally.

[lala64 93]

My husband is a social worker here in AZ. He said you can find some help at this site:

http://www.211arizona.org/

Hope this helps.

[/quote

THANK YOU!!And Your Husband I will Try

[Cathi 5,607]

Easter Seals is a great resource for when he is enrolled in school. They provide transportation and other services for handicapped students through the public school system. I have a high functioning Autistic(Asperger's) son and they provide transportation to and from school for my son, he goes to a high school for Asperger's students that is in a different town than where we live. I know they have a lot of other resources that are available, I am just not sure of specifics as I have only needed them for transportation. Everything is arranged directly through the school districts. Good luck!

[lala64 93]

Easter Seals is a great resource for when he is enrolled in school. They provide transportation and other services for handicapped students through the public school system. I have a high functioning Autistic(Asperger's) son and they provide transportation to and from school for my son, he goes to a high school for Asperger's students that is in a different town than where we live. I know they have a lot of other resources that are available, I am just not sure of specifics as I have only needed them for transportation. Everything is arranged directly through the school districts. Good luck!

Thank you!

[TBoneTX 43,000]

Keep us posted on how the various leads pan out for you.

[lala64 93]

Keep us posted on how the various leads pan out for you.

Will do! I am so grateful for all the responses I had not a clue where to start!

[hir0 49]

It is a good thing that you won't give up on your fiancé and his son (soon to be your son too), you don't seem quite ready to take all the 'mother' responsibilities, some people would say you won't be his mother but I believe you will be. Just as with any other child (with or without disabilities) there will be a lot of responsibilities on both of you - your fiancé and you. And you need to not only take your man's feelings, but also his son's in consideration in everything you do. Your fiancé seems to be a good and devoted father, that is a trait that seems to be left behind nowadays. Have you already planned who will be with his son when both of you will work, who will care for him, is your apartment/house/car adequate for a wheelchair, ... I think that is great! I'm sorry for blabbering...

Do you go to church?

You could talk about this with your pastor and see how the community could help you and your fiancé's son.

You could do a page on gofundme and share it on social media, with your family, ... (various Facebook pages share those links to help their followers and help people)

Check these pages out (for wheelchairs):

www.wheelchairfoundation.org

www.wheelchairfoundation.org

www.lifenetswheelchairproject.org

www.chariotsofhope.org

Talk with your family and friends and people you interact with, I'm pretty sure there are ways to get a bit cheaper medical care, I've heard of clinics where people without papers go to, those should be a bit cheaper, I don't think it's the best care but it should be good until your husband works.

Once you get married maybe you can put him and his son on your health care through your job?

It could help lighten up the expenses.. I know about these clinics as well as doctors that cost a bit less through word of mouth.

I know you will find a solution together with your close ones. I wish you good luck in your future and do not hesitate if you need any help, I really hope I could somehow help you. It's not an easy journey but it is not impossible. Good Luck !

[Marvo 8]

Like posters said earlier, looking at foundations is a good way of getting cheap wheelchairs and adaptive equipment. I believe most insurance companies allow the purchase of one wheelchair per 5/10 years (check with your insurance company). Make sure to get him sized and buy a foam or gel cushion for the seat. Once he is in school request an assessment for special needs (that will get a school based evaluation by a child psychologist, speech language pathologist, special education specialist, physical therapist, and occupational therapist). They will work together as a team to create a treatment plan and recommendations.

As a Occupational Therapist working in school based therapy, I know it not easy. There are a lot of federal and state laws in place to help children just like your's fiance's son (IDEA law, no child left behind, etc).

Good luck and God bless.

Edited May 27, 2015 by blakpanther25

[Done--Really 331]

You may find great support that is not near where you live, so unless you have unbreakable ties to you home, it's always good to keep your mind open about a transfer -- you are fortunate that nurses are in high demand almost everywhere.