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lala64

Son to come with Fiance.. Feeling overwhelmed

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Hi all just wanted to bring up some feelings that I am having and am asking for some advice. My fiancé will be bringing his 8 year old son with him when he is approved. We have both discussed this in great detail and mutually agree that it is the best thing for him. His son has Cerebral Palsy since birth. the mother abandoned him last year and has given up her parental rights. He is pretty much total care but can communicate by pointing to things that he may need like when he is hungry or needs the bathroom so although he is unable to verbally communicate, he does has some cognitive skills and a sweet little boy. I am a nurse by trade and have skills In caring for disabled adults. not children. When I visited them, his father, my fiancé was very good at taking care of him and even carried him on his back when we went places but it was hard on him. I understand that when he comes that I will be responsible for his medical care cost and attention. When I visited them in Jamaica the sweet boy had nothing to help him get around such as a wheelchair etc. I know that once he is here that he would go to school and learn as much as he is able but don't really understand the cost associated with this type of disability and getting him the things he needs. braces, wheelchair and the chance to go to a special education class. I am not rich. I do make enough money to support us until my fiancé is able to find work but my feeling is that would be for a normal child. There will be no benefits from Social Security or any medical benefits allowed from the US. I have reached out to some of the programs associated with children with disabilities but even still they are telling me that he would need to qualify for a State program. I am so afraid and confused. It would make no sense for me to bring him here is I can not enhance his life or make his life better. He is crawling on the floor there and if I am unable to afford a wheelchair he will be crawling on the floor here. My fiancé said that he can not leave him there and if for some reason there is a problem with his son then he can not come to the US because he is all the child has. And honestly I would not want him to leave his son in Jamaica and if that be the case I would rather he stay andhelp his son there. I need some advice. I love my fiancé and his son. I know that I have to be financially responsible for them when they come here but am starting to think I would need some financial help or resources to make sure the boy is adequately cared for. otherwise what is the point? I feel helpless. Ending my relationship is not an option. I just need to know if there are places that will help disabled children that don't depend on the government or state funds and if somehow I could purchase discounted items or used items to help him with his disabled needs.

thanks in advance for your advice. Please no negativity. I am already struggling emotionally and as I said leaving the relationship because he has a disabled son is not an option I would even consider. I love them both equally.

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Moved from K1 Process & Procedures to Moving to the US and Your New Life In America forum; topic is about issues post POE and not about the visa process itself.


Our journey:

Spoiler

September 2007: Met online via social networking site (MySpace); began exchanging messages.
March 26, 2009: We become a couple!
September 10, 2009: Arrived for first meeting in-person!
June 17, 2010: Arrived for second in-person meeting and start of travel together to other areas of China!
June 21, 2010: Engaged!!!
September 1, 2010: Switched course from K1 to CR-1
December 8, 2010: Wedding date set; it will be on February 18, 2011!
February 9, 2011: Depart for China
February 11, 2011: Registered for marriage in Wuhan, officially married!!!
February 18, 2011: Wedding ceremony in Shiyan!!!
April 22, 2011: Mailed I-130 to Chicago
April 28, 2011: Received NOA1 via text/email, file routed to CSC (priority date April 25th)
April 29, 2011: Updated
May 3, 2011: Received NOA1 hardcopy in mail
July 26, 2011: Received NOA2 via text/email!!!
July 30, 2011: Received NOA2 hardcopy in mail
August 8, 2011: NVC received file
September 1, 2011: NVC case number assigned
September 2, 2011: AOS invoice received, OPTIN email for EP sent
September 7, 2011: Paid AOS bill (payment portal showed PAID on September 9, 2011)
September 8, 2011: OPTIN email accepted, GZO number assigned
September 10, 2011: Emailed AOS package
September 12, 2011: IV bill invoiced
September 13, 2011: Paid IV bill (payment portal showed PAID on September 14, 2011)
September 14, 2011: Emailed IV package
October 3, 2011: Emailed checklist response (checklist generated due to typo on Form DS-230)
October 6, 2011: Case complete at NVC
November 10, 2011: Interview - APPROVED!!!
December 7, 2011: POE - Sea-Tac Airport

September 17, 2013: Mailed I-751 to CSC

September 23, 2013: Received NOA1 in mail (receipt date September 19th)

October 16, 2013: Biometrics Appointment

January 28, 2014: Production of new Green Card ordered

February 3, 2014: New Green Card received; done with USCIS until fall of 2023*

 

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Reach out to local physio therapists. Ask if anyone knows of a family whose child is out growing their chair that you can buy second hand. Sometimes you might find some luck there. Also medical insurance may cover some assistive devices. Focus on the basics, first. He needs a chair or medical stroller and to be enrolled in school and get health insurance. You can upgrade to a better chair and braces and physio once your fiancé has a job.

See if the shriners or Easter seals do any work in your area. They may be Canadian only, I'm not so familiar with services in the US, but there should be charities in the area who can help you get some things second hand.

You can also print out symbol boards from the internet to help with at home communication.


Met in 2010 on a forum for a mutual interest. Became friends.
2011: Realized we needed to evaluate our status as friends when we realized we were talking about raising children together.

2011/2012: Decided we were a couple sometime in, but no possibility of being together due to being same sex couple.

June 26, 2013: DOMA overturned. American married couples ALL have the same federal rights at last! We can be a family!

June-September, 2013: Discussion about being together begins.

November 13, 2013: Meet in person to see if this could work. It's perfect. We plan to elope to Boston, MA.

March 13, 2014 Married!

May 9, 2014: Petition mailed to USCIS

May 12, 2014: NOA1.
October 27, 2014: NOA2. (5 months, 2 weeks, 1 day after NOA1)
October 31, 2014: USCIS ships file to NVC (five days after NOA2) Happy Halloween for us!

November 18, 2014: NVC receives our case (22 days after NOA2)

December 17, 2014: NVC generates case number (50 days after NOA2)

December 19, 2014: Receive AOS bill, DS-261. Submit DS-261 (52 days after NOA2)

December 20, 2014: Pay AOS Fee

January 7, 2015: Receive, pay IV Fee

January 10, 2015: Complete DS-260

January 11, 2015: Send AOS package and Civil Documents
March 23, 2015: Case Complete at NVC. (70 days from when they received docs to CC)

May 6, 2015: Interview at Montréal APPROVED!

May 11, 2015: Visa in hand! One year less one day from NOA1.

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Oh, and don't forget you'll probably need a specialized carseat for the kiddo. That's another basic need if there's not really good public transit in your area, as it costs less than a wheelchair compatible vehicle.


Met in 2010 on a forum for a mutual interest. Became friends.
2011: Realized we needed to evaluate our status as friends when we realized we were talking about raising children together.

2011/2012: Decided we were a couple sometime in, but no possibility of being together due to being same sex couple.

June 26, 2013: DOMA overturned. American married couples ALL have the same federal rights at last! We can be a family!

June-September, 2013: Discussion about being together begins.

November 13, 2013: Meet in person to see if this could work. It's perfect. We plan to elope to Boston, MA.

March 13, 2014 Married!

May 9, 2014: Petition mailed to USCIS

May 12, 2014: NOA1.
October 27, 2014: NOA2. (5 months, 2 weeks, 1 day after NOA1)
October 31, 2014: USCIS ships file to NVC (five days after NOA2) Happy Halloween for us!

November 18, 2014: NVC receives our case (22 days after NOA2)

December 17, 2014: NVC generates case number (50 days after NOA2)

December 19, 2014: Receive AOS bill, DS-261. Submit DS-261 (52 days after NOA2)

December 20, 2014: Pay AOS Fee

January 7, 2015: Receive, pay IV Fee

January 10, 2015: Complete DS-260

January 11, 2015: Send AOS package and Civil Documents
March 23, 2015: Case Complete at NVC. (70 days from when they received docs to CC)

May 6, 2015: Interview at Montréal APPROVED!

May 11, 2015: Visa in hand! One year less one day from NOA1.

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I recommend reaching out to charities and organisations concerned with supporting those with cerebral palsy.

There may be a local support group they can put you in touch with. This could lead to opportunities for grants or funding or even just asking for options for buying or renting the equipment you need.

It is probably going to take a little work on your part to keep reaching out until you get the help you need:

http://cerebralpalsy.org/resources/community-support/

http://www.cerebralpalsysource.com/Resources/index.html

Don't forget to reach out to general disability organisations as well as cerebral palsy specific ones. There may be financial resources available there too.

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I'm sure you've checked out different sites, but just in case...

http://cerebralpalsy.org/


Our lovely journey!!

10/08/2015: AOS packet sent to USCIS (Chicago lockbox) via USPS Priority mail (They received it 10/10/15).

10/16/2015: Text/eEmails received from USCIS with receipt number. We received 3.

10/22/2015: Received hard copies of NOA's for I-131, I-765, & I-485.

11/01/2015: Got NOA for biometrics appt (for 11/12/15).

11/03/2015: Did WALK IN biometrics appt - took 15 mins. Person taking said work permit should be in mail in less than 4 wks.

12/09/2015: Got email/text notification for INTERVIEW date.

12/28/2015: Got email/text notification EAD card has been mailed.

12/31/2015: Received EAD/AP card.

01/11/2016: INTERVIEW (in Los Angeles office).

01/11/2016: Case in in "CONTINUANCE". Awaiting approval. (Feels like AP).

06/27/2016: I-485 APPROVED - (FINALLY!!!) / 264 DAYS (8 MONTHS 20 DAYS)

07/01/2016: GREEN CARD RECEIVED

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Here is the Southern Arizona branch of a cerebral palsy organisation: http://ucpsa.org/

And here's a good collection of resources.

http://www.friendshipcircle.org/blog/2013/11/06/20-cerebral-palsy-resources-you-should-know-about/

Edited by Trellick

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I have no specific advice to share but I wanted to say you are such a good-hearted person for taking care of this little boy who greatly needs you and his father, of course. God bless you...You are a good and kind person. You should feel really proud of yourself...I know it seems hard and overwhelming and I would feel the same! But I have a feeling things will work out for you all as a family.

Good luck! I send you my very best wishes (F)(F)

That really means a lot to me so thank you. I am genuinely concerned for the boy. truth be told if I could only bring one, even though I love my fiancé, I would choose my stepson. After seeing him suffer in Jamaica it broke my heart to leave them there. but thanks again. I will do what I need to do to make sure he has a better quality of life here.

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Here is the Southern Arizona branch of a cerebral palsy organisation: http://ucpsa.org/

And here's a good collection of resources.

http://www.friendshipcircle.org/blog/2013/11/06/20-cerebral-palsy-resources-you-should-know-about/

I didn't want to put my personal feeling on here about my step son but I am so glad I did. thanks again.

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Don't give up, you love them both. Please try and reach out to these organizations and tell them your story of love and the situation you find yourself in. You three want to be together but what is keeping you apart is some assistance, not love. I have a good feeling this will work out. All the best xx

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My sister received alot of help through the Shriners organization http://www.shrinershospitalsforchildren.org/

I am not sure if they handle Cerebral Palsy but it sure wouldn't hurt to ask. Also if you have a Catholic Services in your area they may be able to help with somethings. You do not have to be Catholic.

Admire you so much for not only standing strong through this visa ordeal, but then to take on a special needs child. Good heart. (L)

Blessings!

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thanks all. I appreciate the kind words not doing this for recognition, but love my fiancé and stepson. He deserves a better life and if I can give it to him, I will do my best. thanks again. Mostly when people post on here I see a lot of negative comments for situations where people assume someone is taking advantage and I almost did not post because I did not want people to assume the worst or give me any negative feedback. Imagine how grateful I am for those that have posted trying to help me get over my fears and just bring him here knowing that God and love will prevail in helping this boy. thanks again all.

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Honestly it will be a hard road. Like all of them said, try out organizations in your area.

My daughter has Autism and is disabled in the eyes of the US government, she's 6 years old with the mentality of a 3 year old. Honestly even with access to the help even as a citizen, it's very lacking when it comes to the special needs community.

Contact occupational therapy and physical therapy (for special needs) offices in your area, find out what insurances they take and see if you can try to get the son on that when he's there. It wasn't until my daughter got SSI due to disability that I was able to get her the correct care she needed because her prior insurance didn't really cover people I considered good enough in terms of care and quality. Some places that deal with general special needs also have information that could send you in the right place. Networking is KEY when it comes to special needs and programs and what not, I've gone to multiple places, not to partake in what they offer but solely to get more info on a place that could give us what we're looking for. For example, the places I go to for Autism info also have info on Cerebal Palsy and Downs Syndrome. There's a place here that deals with over all disability which branches out even more info.

The insurance may cost a bit, but that's just the road you might have to take. As for getting him a wheel chair, try to find someone who's out grown there. Reach out to special needs program and ask them if you can put out an add either for a free chair (donation) or maybe if they know of anyone selling.

The second thing is, is you just have to learn learn learn. I go to conferences, I've learned about things not relevant and relevant to my daughter, but I still learned. At this point I'm almost more comfortable around children with special needs than I am any other person. Best preperation though is to learn everything you can about the disorder and how it affects children and the current (not trendy) methods of help for behavior, communication, etc.

One of the main things they hammer on at special needs conferences is that the start, finding the information, and getting everything needed is the hardest because YOU have to seek out the info. No one comes to you and tbqh, none of the available programs are easy to find, it is honestly a struggle. Try to become active in any cerebral palsy community you may have where you are, these people will be your stepping stone to be able to help the son.

Check out facebook groups in your area that may be a special needs facebook group, these people may know who can help you.


I understand all of this from the other end, my fiance is a god send. He loves my daughter as much as he loves me and is interested and involved in her special needs care. He's met her teachers at school and her therapists outside of school and we've attended autism walks and gone to special needs places so we can have a good time and so can my daughter. Having that support (in which you are to your signifigant other and the son) is more than a blessing and you may truly never understand how loved and unconditionally appreciated you are.

Edited by ash1101

*More detailed timeline in profile!*
 
Relationship:     Friends since 2010, Together since 2013

The K-1 Process:    Done in 208 days                                               
 

Spoiler

04/27/15- NOA1 Recieved                                                    
06/02/15 - NOA2 Recieved
09/22/15 - Interview       (221g for more documents (a SECOND cosponsor), see profile for more details!)                                            
11/09/15 -  ISSUED!!                                                              
11/10/15 - Passport received                                                
02/20/16 - Wedding!              


                                                
 AOS   Done in 77 days                                                                            
 

Spoiler

04/08/16 - I-485, I-765, I-131 AOS Application recieved by USCIS
04/12/16 - 3 NOA1's received in mail
05/14/16 - Biometrics for AOS and EAD
06/27/16 - I-485 Case to changed to "New Card being produced"  (Day 77)
06/27/16 - I-485 Case changed to Approved! (Day 77)
06/30/16 - I-485 Case changed to "My Card has been mailed to me!"
07/05/16 - Green Card received in mail! 

 



ROC 

05/09/18 - Mailed out ROC to CSC

05/10/18 - CSC Signed and received ROC package
06/07/28 - NOA1 

06/11/18 - Check cashed

06/15/18 - NOA received in the mail
08/27/18 - 18 month extension received (Courtesy Copy)

09/18/18 - Request for official 18 month extension
10/22/18 - Official 18 month extension received 

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