Odd Situation

[subwayguy 100]

Of course I would be upset. Who wouldn't be? But at least I wouldn't be given false hopes of a chance at making the marriage work and I wouldn't have left a loving family behind. Saying it wont work and then filing a petition would mess with anyone's head, specially to a woman who loves her husband so deeply. You're right that divorce is there for a reason and reality is that love doesn't last forever. Still, he should've divorced her before seeing other women.

I am merely speaking the reality. Those "should haves " are not reality. Not everything goes the way one would like it. After all; life has to move on.

[Villanelle 4,121]

Oh my-

I see a lot of personal opinions on this thread that have very little to do with immigration. Has everyone forgotten that this is an immigration based forum and the crux of her issue is an immigration based issue?

Sure there are parts of it that are 'what do you want my dear' and there are other parts that are simply what you are bound by because of the laws. We all simply can not just do whatever we want because we want to- we have to abide with in the frame of the laws.

Once again it seems Boilers attempt to steer the thread in the proper direction have failed. He repeated pointed out that a gigantic huge part of this is that she has the CR visa. She entered unfortunately one day before her 2 year anniversary. (her choice). This means she HAS TO ROC. This is non negotiable people. Unless she posts back that her flight was long and she misinformed us of the dates and she flew out on the 11th and arrived in the US on her anniversary date of the 12th- IF she arrived on the 11th, being married less then 2 years she must remove conditions.

According to her own words she somehow skirted through the visa process at the embassy level with out them realizing the turmoil in the relationship (that he had a girlfriend and filed a petition but then later on broke up with the girl and the petition was approved- thats what was written) and then she entered on the visa knowing full well her husband was involved with yet another woman.

One can make a shoestring case that her intentions were all in good faith and based on her blinding love for the man- but there also is the glaring case for intentions being for benefits only because who puts up with such crud. Is the man extremely handsome? charming? wealthy? Eh its either love and stupidity or the American dream GC and USCIS will make the call.

FYI its already been documented that certain embassies browse the forums and a story such as this where someone had lets say skirted through the process with their husband having a gf is not going to be earning them gold stars over there. So I would assume they are already frowning at this. Throw in the fact of public pictures being posted on his side, her story being told here, plus if he is questioned he would probably tell a raunchy tale on his side- well combining it all- my opinion her success at ROC- very low.

Now what are her options?

Well she has her 2 year green card. She can stay for 2 years with it. If she files for divorce or he does she is not required to file for ROC until the date on her card or leave the US until a negative decision is made on her ROC or the card expires if she chooses to not file for ROC. However remaining here for 2 years and building a life and severing ties to your previous one- well that just makes it harder to leave if or when the times comes.

So options: (file divorce can mean either you or he files- for PI its better spouse files)

1. stay in the US

a. file divorce from spouse now

1a. file ROC immediately (process can take apx 9 months if denied you will have to leave US)

b. file divorce from spouse now

1b. do not ROC until 2 year mark (again process may take 9 months from filing if denied you will have to leave US)

c file divorce from spouse later (if you believe you can work on marriage with spouse- highly unlikely)

1c do not ROC until 2 year mark (again waiting and building a life makes it harder to leave and less to return to if or when forced to leave)

2 leave US

a surrender GC (you will be able to obtain future visas w/o problem)

As others have stated you have nothing to prove to HIM. He thinks very little of you by the way he has treated you. I believe you would be causing yourself more anguish remaining and suffering through the process of ROC and a potential denial and he is simply not worth it. What exactly are you proving? That you can take abuse?? Prove that you are better then that. That you are worthy of being treated with respect. That you DID NOT drag yourself across continents for your husband to treat you like trash. How dare he! Pack yourself up, hold your head up high my dear and march yourself out of there.

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

Go wherever you think you will be happy.

Perhaps stay awhile here and see if you will like it and make some new friends. Don't prove anything to him in regards to a job, that is

wasted energy and won't change him because he doesn't care one way or the other.

Divorce that serial -cheater -piece- of -work and move far away from him and be happy.

Do it for your dignity and realize your worth, you don't need people like him to manipulate you.

When (not if) the other fling with Miss Facebook is over I hope you won't accept him back because there will be many other women

he will chase after in the future. That is just who he is. A looser driven by selfishness and incapable to act mature and responsible.

You deserve so much more than this.

Sorry you have to go through this but your future will be brighter without him Believe that.

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

"Oh my-

I see a lot of personal opinions on this thread that have very little to do with immigration. Has everyone forgotten that this is an immigration based forum and the crux of her issue is an immigration based issue?

Sure there are parts of it that are 'what do you want my dear' and there are other parts that are simply what you are bound by because of the laws. We all simply can not just do whatever we want because we want to- we have to abide with in the frame of the laws."

Damara, not sure why the chastising tone to the rest of the poster....again, as if everyone else is clueless.

No, we have not forgotten that we are on an immigration forum.

Her question was a personal one, what should she do, she asked ! She did not ask about ROC.

This is the correct forum to post about things like that.

OP is still hurting and immigration benefits aren't her first priority on her mind though they may be on yours.

This, the other side of an immigration journey, does happen some people don't jump right on the immigration laws, they want to

take some time and process and think. She has plenty of time to divorce and ROC on her own if she so chooses.

Support from the forum is in order along with immigration advice, please don't have a condescending tone because the entire thread

wasn't focused on ROC.

Edited May 17, 2015 by Ebunoluwa

[Boiler 43,430]

ROC could be challenging to say the least.

[Villanelle 4,121]

Damara, not sure why the chastising tone to the rest of the poster....again, as if everyone else is clueless.

No, we have not forgotten that we are on an immigration forum.

Her question was a personal one, what should she do, she asked ! She did not ask about ROC.

This is the correct forum to post about things like that.

OP is still hurting and immigration benefits aren't her first priority on her mind though they may be on yours.

This, the other side of an immigration journey, does happen some people don't jump right on the immigration laws, they want to

take some time and process and think. She has plenty of time to divorce and ROC on her own if she so chooses.

Support from the forum is in order along with immigration advice, please don't have a condescending tone because the entire thread

wasn't focused on ROC.

I didnt mean to come off that way.

Sorry.

But I still think ignoring the immigration aspect is irresponsible. Its the elephant in the room. There is nothing gained by ignoring it and will only cause a tremendous amount of heartache in the future by pretending the future is wide open to her and any and all choices are open to her.

Thats how people find themselves in the bottom of deep holes because they didnt look ahead. Saying things like I cant deal with that right now. I only want to focus on what I want to focus on. You just cant do that and then be surprised at the consequences.

She has a two year clock ticking whether she wants to admit it or not. Nothing is going to change that. The longer she stays here and builds a life the harder it is to leave it. Those are facts. They should be taken into consideration.

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

I didnt mean to come off that way.

Sorry.

But I still think ignoring the immigration aspect is irresponsible. Its the elephant in the room. There is nothing gained by ignoring it and will only cause a tremendous amount of heartache in the future by pretending the future is wide open to her and any and all choices are open to her.

Thats how people find themselves in the bottom of deep holes because they didnt look ahead. Saying things like I cant deal with that right now. I only want to focus on what I want to focus on. You just cant do that and then be surprised at the consequences.

She has a two year clock ticking whether she wants to admit it or not. Nothing is going to change that. The longer she stays here and builds a life the harder it is to leave it. Those are facts. They should be taken into consideration.

Fair enough. Thank you.

[NikLR 13,220]

I didnt mean to come off that way.

Sorry.

But I still think ignoring the immigration aspect is irresponsible. Its the elephant in the room. There is nothing gained by ignoring it and will only cause a tremendous amount of heartache in the future by pretending the future is wide open to her and any and all choices are open to her.

Thats how people find themselves in the bottom of deep holes because they didnt look ahead. Saying things like I cant deal with that right now. I only want to focus on what I want to focus on. You just cant do that and then be surprised at the consequences.

She has a two year clock ticking whether she wants to admit it or not. Nothing is going to change that. The longer she stays here and builds a life the harder it is to leave it. Those are facts. They should be taken into consideration.

Yes she need to think about immigration, which is why she posted it here, but until she decides what she wants to do (and considering the big picture to do so,) then giving advice one way or the other in regards to immigration is relative.

Would ROC be hard? Yes, if not impossible. Should she go home? In my opinion yes, but not because of ROC. I think there is zero point in staying where you are unhappy and the other half of the marriage is no longer willing to work on it. There is no need to stay in the USA unless you've actually built a life here you don't want to leave, which the OP has not.

Edited May 17, 2015 by NLR

[Jawaree 717]

Sis U R here legal, you marry in good faith & the guy knows he is doing wrong

so its not your fault.....You can be happy at home or here once you get over that

alley-cat....let no one tell you to leave unless you want to go...misery loves company

follow your own heart about where you will live....life is hard in many places these

days....pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start over...I see his family got your

back, find a job to occupy your mind & move on you will find a good man in the future.

Forget the negatives.

You are worthy U have to think at all times, ignore the negatives

[Jawaree 717]

"I hope his manhood falls off!"... what?! I know it won't fall off lol...

HAAAaaaa LOL LOL LOL (best post

Recently there was a post...the OP did not speak English well

somehow knew about VJ she was again abused that day when she posted

the man had just left the house, she knew no one or no place...VJers helped her

in getting the police to go to a shelter...which she was scared that she would

get in trouble...Its an immigration forum but at times one may ask another out the

way question. if it annoys bothers or offend a person DONT respond...There

are some posts I purposely don't respond to, why respond & be demeaning in the

process.....Just saying my thoughts

[Lucky2Lucky 2,526]

It's your life and we only live this life once. Please do what makes YOU happy, not anyone else. I'm sorry to say but it sounds like you found a real jerk, (I'm using a nice word) and unfortunately every other girl he meets will eventually see it also. Like I said you have to do what makes YOU happy. It's okay to go back to your home country, it sounds like you have a great family and some friends who can be there and support you and also help you move on with your life, it's not going to be easy but I think it should be done. Please don't let someone else ruin your life, live your life, you deserve better!

[TBoneTX 43,057]

Off-topic post removed.

VJ Moderation

[Shauneg 762]

What's the point in proving him you are strong and can make it here without him? You just arrived here, besides his family, do you know anyone?

His mom already changed her tune, first she said come here, he will change, now she says he won't change. God knows how things will go in the future with them? My point is, you are pretty much on your own here.

Your husband sounds like a true piece of work and I wouldn't stay with him even if he came crawling to me begging to take him back.

I can only say if it was me, I'd go back home to my family. Start divorce while still here in case he won't file after you leave.

Was going to post the same words....

[Villanelle 4,121]

Theres a lot I can say- but I wont because I do want to keep this thread on topic and open to help the OP...

So while some of you may have me in the doghouse- and thats fine-, Ive been there before/ theres nothing I can do about it except what Ive done which is say Im sorry if my written tone conveyed anything negative- it wasnt meant to. That Ill apologize for- But anything beyond that I wont. My position remains the same.

I even went back an re- read the thread in its entirety to be sure of my stance and I am confident of my position.

The OP has little grasp of the immigration procedure. Evidence of it (exact quotes posted in exact order)

I am here in the US for more than a month now under cr1 category. OP

Is you greencard CR-1 (conditional) or IR-1 (10 year?) Member

He bought the ticket for me last March 16 for Apr 11 flight. Our second year anniversary was April 12. I don't know what kind of greencard yet since I don't have it yet but he paid for it a month ago. OP

Timing sucks, wonder if it was deliberate. Member

I was the one who chose the date, because I want to be with him on our anniversary. I was the one who booked my flight and he just paid for it. OP

Too late now, have you filed to remove conditions? Member

I am thinking of going back home or staying here and stand up for my self. OP

This ends at Post #10. Posts 11- 31, (because I posted at number 32) mention absolutely nothing about ROC. Not one mention about how she is a conditional resident and will have to file to remove conditions at some point- either immediately if she chooses if or when a divorce is filed or when her clock runs out in 2 years. That was twenty posts and nothing was mentioned.

So yeah I get she didnt specifically ask about ROC- but uh okay. It still plays a huge part in this. If shes going to stay and create a life for herself someone should advise her that she is on a conditional visa and her chances of getting the conditions lifted with her present situation is not so great. As Boiler put it challenging to say the least. That needs to be included in her decision making process.

I am personally uncomfortable advising in this specific situation to do whatever you want to do and then see how immigration falls into it- because usually that is the case. But for this specific scenario its the opposite. Probably because the odds are stacked against her to be successful in ROC and she needs to be aware of that. (and to save those the trouble who would like to express outrage at the last statement- yes I know its not my place to make such a bold judgement of her chances of a successful or unsuccessful ROC but I am doing it anyway. The Officer who gets her file will make that call and then the board of appeals if it goes that far- but being reasonable here with everything that is presented her case is shoestring and a toss up and from observations they usually rule against you and you have to fight it out. The variables of what the Mr might say if asked, having other relationships during the marriage- theres just a lot of what ifs

I would hate to see this woman posting back in 2 years time saying oh my goodness I have to ROC now because I stayed in the US and oh my gosh I have no case and now what do I do- Im in this hole and such a sad story. Hindsight is 20/20 and planning ahead is invaluable.

Im being repetative now so Ill stop.

Out of curiousity I am dying to know her previous ID on here and what if any advice was given to her about her situation prior to coming to the US because her situation is truly tragic. I do mean that. I hope she is willing to provide it and to clarify when she physcially arrived in the US- if it was on the 11th or on the 12th as it makes a huge difference. Because sometimes people say my flight was the 11th, it couldve carried over ..?

[Boiler 43,430]

There was a weird thread a few days back, I have serious doubts if was not all just a fabrication. You never know what threads are legit, which are not and which have bits that are and bits that are not.

Anyway the general theme of the comments made was that a visa was unlikely and the OP came out slagging everybody off saying well it was issued so there.

On the basis of what had been posted it was a case that looked unlikely. But I have seen too many weird reports on this and other forums to be certain of any given result.

Would I be worried about ROC in this case, absolutely. Could she come back in 2 years whenever and say no problem, not impossible.