Urgent - didn't tell my son about moving to the U.S. yet, how should I handle this at the interview?

[Unidentified 2,930]

Thank You for all Your fast replies. Both sons were born in Germany, the youngest (1) was born when I had the U.S. citizenship, the oldest (7) was born when I only had a green card. That's why I am now petitioning for him. I have sole custody for both and their father lives in Florida (green card, Brazilian).

I haven't told my oldest yet since he just got settled in here (1.5 years now) and I am planing to get together with their Dad again and since it stated on the online site not to make any travel arrangements until You truly get the visa, I don't want to disappoint him in case we won't get his visa. So the plan was to tell him after it got approved. But if You all advice to tell him before, I just have to do that. Oh well, my mother's caution to preserve him might make it more complicated.

Thank You again for all Your advice.

Children needs to learn to deal with disappointments, hiding it from them will only make it worse later on when they face all kinds of disappointments as adults. You will only get into problems if you try to tell the person interviewing you what he can and can't ask you, because then he will definitely ask.

[cc13 25]

Ah! I see now. It is a bit of a quandry, 7 is a rough age for big decisions, but if you hope to have any chance of approval you are going to have to talk to him prior to the interview, the sooner the better.

I wish you the best of luck and hope the move goes smoothly.

[uniquelyJo 34]

My son is 8 so very close in age, I think just be honest with your son and say that you are "trying" to move back to the US and explain in simple terms the process so he has some kind of an idea of the basics, but I would also make it known that this isn't a "sure thing" but you are working very hard to make it happen. So at least he is aware that this is a definite move but a big maybe. Good luck!

Edited May 10, 2015 by uniquelyJo

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

Be transparent with your son so he also can emotionally prepare himself to move and have adequate time to process leaving his friends behind.

It would be a disaster if he didn't know at the interview and you can not slip the CO a note like that. This is not a teacher's conference, this is your life

and serious stuff and you can't influence a CO on what to ask.

[NikLR 13,220]

While it sucks if a child is disappointed, I think you're making a better decision in telling him. The chances of a child being denied this visa has to be so minuscule it's practically non-existent. The only thing you MAY want to do, even though you have sole custody, is a letter from the father of the children stating he is aware that they are moving out of Germany.

I moved 2 years ago to the USA. My daughter decided she wanted to stay in Canada with her father and the rest of his family. It sucks for both of us, and there are times when all I can do is curl up and cry. BUT I wanted her to have a decision I never had because her happiness is very important too. I made sure my daughter was given a lot of time to get used to the idea of the move. (I also hoped she would change her mind but 2 years later, she hasn't.) While some people deal with abrupt changes easily, some people do not; those people need plenty of time to mentally prepare themselves and get used to the idea. Only you know which group your child falls into. Because he needs to attend an interview, however, it isn't something you can hide until you're assured of the outcome.

Best of luck to you and your family. I hope your move is safe and happy.

Edited May 10, 2015 by NLR

[Ryan H 3,790]

~~~Closed for review~~~

***Thread back open; posts violating the TOS (abusive language) removed along with posts quoting. Administrative Action taken.***

Edited May 10, 2015 by Ryan H

[immi378 0]

Happy to hear that childrens' visas hardly get denied. I will prepare my son for the move and the interview.

Can anyone share if and if yes, which questions are directed at my son?

Thank You again.

[LORIEandPHIL 123]

at our London interview all they asked my 17 year old son was so are you looking forward to going?. And that was after they said we would be getting our k1 and k2 visas.

[Jawaree 717]

How old is the kid, sit him down be honest, listen to him

and compromise...he can move back at 18 if the US don't

match up to home, you are taking him from friends, his

comfort zones & being shady about it. Never be dis-honest

with the kids because they tend to turn around and do the

same, also develop resentments....you should have sold

him on the idea long ago telling all the positives. You are the

parent & have a right to make this decision but you must be honest

also with the embassy..I hope you do the right thing, He should

get the visa you are a USC and he a minor....I wish you luck

[raven52 233]

It sounds like this child is of an age where he understands things of this nature.

It would also depend on his maturity level, mature or "child-like."

IF he is of the age he understands what is going on, then I would say, definitely tell him.,.,otherwise, you could lose the visa petition.

[Cathi 5,609]

While it sucks if a child is disappointed, I think you're making a better decision in telling him. The chances of a child being denied this visa has to be so minuscule it's practically non-existent. The only thing you MAY want to do, even though you have sole custody, is a letter from the father of the children stating he is aware that they are moving out of Germany.

I moved 2 years ago to the USA. My daughter decided she wanted to stay in Canada with her father and the rest of his family. It sucks for both of us, and there are times when all I can do is curl up and cry. BUT I wanted her to have a decision I never had because her happiness is very important too. I made sure my daughter was given a lot of time to get used to the idea of the move. (I also hoped she would change her mind but 2 years later, she hasn't.) While some people deal with abrupt changes easily, some people do not; those people need plenty of time to mentally prepare themselves and get used to the idea. Only you know which group your child falls into. Because he needs to attend an interview, however, it isn't something you can hide until you're assured of the outcome.

Best of luck to you and your family. I hope your move is safe and happy.

If I understand correctly the child's father is living in the US, in Florida and she is getting back together with him.

To the OP: You cannot tell the CO what he/she can or cannot ask. Use common sense. In my opinion, you should have started preparing him long ago. It will be a lot more traumatic if you DON'T tell him then suddenly you pack up and leave, it won't give him the time to mentally prepare for the move. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

Edited May 11, 2015 by mimolicious

[kausar 26]

Happy to hear that childrens' visas hardly get denied. I will prepare my son for the move and the interview.

Can anyone share if and if yes, which questions are directed at my son?

Thank You again.

I don't think children under 12 are interviewed and even if they are, its not like adults i am sure. There no biometrics however.

[immi378 0]

Yes, thank You all, I will let You know how it went after tomorrow.

[kamw 93]

Maybe don't mention getting back with his dad- just tell him you are TRYING to move back to the states. I can understand not wanting to get his hopes up and then something falling through. Just be gentle- kids are normally tougher than we think and at his age he might already have picked up on what’s going on and just wondering when you’re going to tell him.