What does these things mean?

[matuiza94 39]

I went through almost the same scenario, filed for my wife then and our two kids. When she got here everything went down hill and things didn't seem to work anymore. Story short I finally called it a day and started the divorce process after being married for TWENTY YEARS!

Points to note: First of all I am sorry for your situation but you can only tolerate it for so long. I don't know about your culture backgrounds(and certainly no need to) but African men don't take it well when you are critically leaning suggestions as you gave above, that could to him mean you are trying to control him or he could interpret it like he is a burden since he is not bringing anything on the table. On that I am not giving excuses its one of the million culture shocks.

I want you to be aware that however hard it is to let go you should have that in the back of your mind that its a reality, I learnt it the hard way after trying pastors, friends and spending money on professional counselors. Try as much as you can to hold on the ship but don't stay with it when it starts sinking, I held on for three good years until I learnt I was heading to a destructive end to this relationship, after all it takes two to make it work.

Going to a shelter when obviously he had somewhere before he went and from your side no one was pushing him out is something to think deeply. This could be a preparation of the documentation during the removing of conditions after two years. He would need something to prove he was mistreated by the USC and he had good faith, I don't know I am just saying.

As many have said here be mindful of the kids as you try to make this work as we all would love to have our spouses forever. God bless your heart!

Edited May 14, 2015 by matuiza94

[CeeMu 45]

Just seen this post and felt the urge to comment.. I will tell you what my grandmother once told me "when two or three or more people give similar opinion on an issue, yet they haven't met to discuss, neither do they even know you, nor do they know each other.. think about it, they are not malicious, they are not lying to you.. that is the most honest opinion you will ever get." That is wisdom.

It may seem hard right now but the truth must be told to save you from future heartaches, blood-pressure, who knows; even death(God forbid!)... Your decision right now directly affects your little bundles of joy (your kids)!!

Majority of us on VJ community have been through bad relationships and that is why we can frankly tell you the truth because we love you so much.

It will be wise to note that the devil also puts on an angel's mask, meaning that the bible has been misused severally to get to the hearts of believers, brainwash them, get what they want and off they go to find another soul to mess with. Your husband has studied you deep enough to know your weakness that is why he will not hesitate to harm you whenever he can or get what he needs from you whenever he wants.

Like our fellow countryman -Matuiza24 above said, he is trying to organise himself for the ROC process. If it doesn't work..he will still come back to you, knowing how to say only one word and win your soul, you will find yourself again helping him with the process and then he disappears in the thin air.. #hardtruth!

As we worship God, we know that his plans for us are the best, God wants to see us happy and full of praise, NOT sad, alone and miserable!

Question to ponder :after a whole year of being worlds apart, i am imagining he would be very "hungry", so why would he abandon his matrimonial bed to live in a shelter????

My 2cents answer, he is and was never interested in marriage with you..

My sister make that move asap.. if possible, report him to any immigration office so that when that time comes, he will not use that "my wife was abusive" verse to Remove Condition.

Disclaimer: I am not the best person to give advice but that is my humble opinion...

GOOD DAY!

[Kolewenoik31 57]

Thank you everyone! He is no longer in the shelter. I don't know where but all points have been taken. He will text me daily, he says he is going back to Kenya for a visit {some one gave him their free miles...hmmmm}, then we work the marriage when he returns sometime next year. I think its just buying him time til he decides on what he really wants to do. If I report him to immigration is there anything they can do? I was told by USCIS no but was that info true?

[Boiler 43,429]

If he goes long enough he might find it tricky to get back in. Assuming he has the funds for the ticket.

You can divorce and move on. USCIS can not do that for you.

[matuiza94 39]

Thank you everyone! He is no longer in the shelter. I don't know where but all points have been taken. He will text me daily, he says he is going back to Kenya for a visit {some one gave him their free miles...hmmmm}, then we work the marriage when he returns sometime next year. I think its just buying him time til he decides on what he really wants to do. If I report him to immigration is there anything they can do? I was told by USCIS no but was that info true?

The guy is just buying time till he is able to remove the conditions of his GC its as simple as that. He is very cunning/or a friend, who knows him keeping in touch with you will serve him well at the interview. He is baiting you that you guys will work on your marriage and obviously texting you every day to hold you down.

Reporting him to Immigration, I honestly don't think is an option because what crime has he done? But you could write USCIS and explain that you believe the guy had just the intent of papers and that could bite his behind when he tries to remove the conditions.

Sorry to say this but this guy is a user and not ashamed to do so!

[Sandra G. 5,016]

He is not buying time until he decides what he wants,he decided that since the day he proposed you,he wants the permanent green car!,but in the meantime he keeps in touch with you because if something goes wrong regarding removing conditions he will run to your house and beg you to accept him back(everything to get the permanent GC) or 30/60 days before submiting ll751 he will show up and tell you he had time to think about the marriage and he wants to try again,of course waiting that you go to the interview with him,and my dear as soon he renew his GC he will disappear from your life for good.Your husband is not a child of God, he is a SCAMMER that used God's name to marry you.

[DOMI-NIQUE 1]

Looks like you were duped into bringing him over, and his true colors just showed in a week, there is no excuse for such behaviors from him,

He wants out asap, just count your loses pick on, and move on,

You probably missed a lot of tell tale signs, short courtship period and distance made it worse.

I think if you you gave it more time, you would have known he was a scammer

You don't need this mess in your life, please let him go, and be strong for yourself and your children

[Hin-d 16]

This is aweful! I'm sorry that this is happening to you, but you need to get as much distance between you and him as possible. I wouldn't bother to answer his texts...you've invested enough of yourself into what has,clearly,turned out to be a scam!

I wish you the best moving forward.

[Giusseppe 4]

I do not even know where to start from. All I would say is sister, we love you so much and you deserve to be loved. All I would advise you have already been said by others above.

One thing I have noticed is that you shared your story to get genuine and valuable advise. You have got the advise and I do not want to repeat it. I have noticed that anybody who mentions that you "love" "pray" Bless" e.t.c. you thank and say their advice is soothing. The rest of the advise you seem to take with a grain of salt. The bible taught obedience to the husband that is true, but the same Bible taught that men should love their wives as Christ loved the church. He washed the disciples feet, loved them, fed them, saved them from the wrecking storm, ate with them, dwelled (dwelt) with them. He loved the church so much that he gave up his life for it. If I want to mention everything Jesus did for the church it will be a summon. Your husband has done all the contrary of that, but you are still clinging on him. So is anybody went against the bible teaching it is your husband. So if you stuck to your deal of the bible teaching and he did not then there is no "deal" my sister

He hurt you and he is still planning on hurting you more psychologically, emotionally, physically and spiritually. The scheme begun and is still on the process. You've been hurt and it is very painful, and when I say that believe me I know because I am talking from a personal experience. The only thing is you can stop it from escalating from here. You need to stop and analyse yourself and ask "what is it other have seen that I have failed to see?" All left in the game to end is you. Wake up. See the reality. Be brave and stop the hurting process. Do not prolong it. It is painful now but believe me it will pain a lot more if you do not heed all the advise above.

- Document everything

- notify immigration in writing and keep all replies (just in case, for the future)

- Stop responding to his texts he is gathering evidence to use against you to file sole later as an abused spouse

- Cut yourself off from the "friend" where he run (eloped) off when he first arrived

- Close all joint accounts, joint insurance, joint bills, joint mortgage/leases and the like

- Change all accounts password: emails, social media, work web access and the like

- Change your house lock key if you have not moved yet, if you move do not give him or your "friend" your new address

- Look for your original document and lock them away, that is, if he did not do it before you e.g. marriage certificate, your birth certificate, your naturalization certificate, your passport and the like

AND finally when you are ready and it dawns on you that although you are truly and sincerely in love, it is one sided and not reciprocal, you will then move on and file for divorce. As of now no one will be able to tell you what to do until you are ready. And when you are ready please know you are not out of love, we are a loving community and we love you so much.

Good luck

[Kolewenoik31 57]

I do not even know where to start from. All I would say is sister, we love you so much and you deserve to be loved. All I would advise you have already been said by others above.

One thing I have noticed is that you shared your story to get genuine and valuable advise. You have got the advise and I do not want to repeat it. I have noticed that anybody who mentions that you "love" "pray" Bless" e.t.c. you thank and say their advice is soothing. The rest of the advise you seem to take with a grain of salt. The bible taught obedience to the husband that is true, but the same Bible taught that men should love their wives as Christ loved the church. He washed the disciples feet, loved them, fed them, saved them from the wrecking storm, ate with them, dwelled (dwelt) with them. He loved the church so much that he gave up his life for it. If I want to mention everything Jesus did for the church it will be a summon. Your husband has done all the contrary of that, but you are still clinging on him. So is anybody went against the bible teaching it is your husband. So if you stuck to your deal of the bible teaching and he did not then there is no "deal" my sister

He hurt you and he is still planning on hurting you more psychologically, emotionally, physically and spiritually. The scheme begun and is still on the process. You've been hurt and it is very painful, and when I say that believe me I know because I am talking from a personal experience. The only thing is you can stop it from escalating from here. You need to stop and analyse yourself and ask "what is it other have seen that I have failed to see?" All left in the game to end is you. Wake up. See the reality. Be brave and stop the hurting process. Do not prolong it. It is painful now but believe me it will pain a lot more if you do not heed all the advise above.

- Document everything

- notify immigration in writing and keep all replies (just in case, for the future)

- Stop responding to his texts he is gathering evidence to use against you to file sole later as an abused spouse

- Cut yourself off from the "friend" where he run (eloped) off when he first arrived

- Close all joint accounts, joint insurance, joint bills, joint mortgage/leases and the like

- Change all accounts password: emails, social media, work web access and the like

- Change your house lock key if you have not moved yet, if you move do not give him or your "friend" your new address

- Look for your original document and lock them away, that is, if he did not do it before you e.g. marriage certificate, your birth certificate, your naturalization certificate, your passport and the like

AND finally when you are ready and it dawns on you that although you are truly and sincerely in love, it is one sided and not reciprocal, you will then move on and file for divorce. As of now no one will be able to tell you what to do until you are ready. And when you are ready please know you are not out of love, we are a loving community and we love you so much.

Good luck

Sorry I wasn't trying to be one sided in my responses. I have heard all and see every message. I am watching and praying as well. I know the cautions and will be very careful. I will also add that because of my strong faith. I also believe in miracles not saying that this is one, it could swing either way. I just don't want to start something because once the ball is rolling....its rolling! So any and all comments are appreciated.

[bronco37 16]

It seems to me, based on your narrative, that he is depressed. A psych evaluation maybe useful. Its a tricky thing to do. But, if you know how to get it done, you can get it done in a hospital.

If he is not bugging you, assaulting you, and wants nothing to do with you, it is better to let the man find his peace instead to trying to make him love you thru some other means. It does not work.

[Kolewenoik31 57]

Thank you everyone for your advise......things are way better than they were. Prayer changes things I tell you. Looks like the adjustment was hard and now getting easier. I am so thankful. I know many will say its not genuine but I believe it is.

Edited June 17, 2015 by Kolewenoik31

[matuiza94 39]

Wonderful! Wish you the best and Gods blessings.

[Kolewenoik31 57]

Update...things are still looking better and better. Adjustment is easier and easier everyday. I am so amazed at my hubby and his attitude changes. I just want to encourage others who's spouses may be or may have rough adjustment periods. Time is what is needed and a whole lot of fighting for your marriage. Thank you again everyone who made a comment good or bad they all contributed to these moments. They all made me encouraged in some way or the other. Good luck everyone!!!! Not luck really. Blessings

[TBoneTX 43,048]

OP, if you wish for this thread to be closed (= entirely up to you), hit the "report" button and so request.