I'm back?

[tany1157 161]

It's been a while since I've posted. Things have gone pretty well after the usual bumpy ride of adjustment. Husband has been here 3 years this week, and we just filed for citizenship last month. Now for my question...

Anyone have kids from another relationship, for which your immigrant spouse is a step parent? This has been my only semi-constant snag in our house. I can be overly sensitive, which is why I would like some outside feedback.

I find it extremely hard to watch my husband discipline my son at all. Like I get very defensive for my son when it happened. I am the main disciplinarian because my ex is very present in my sons life, and I made it clear that my husband didn't need to be a huge father figure because of this. Still, when my son is with us (every other week) he needs to respect both adults in our house, so if course once in a while, my husband will say something, or give his input when I'm having a problem with my son. My husband is very matter-of-fact, and doesn't show much emotion, so I'm always afraid my son will hate my husband. I know that this isn't true, as they bond in their own way, and my son has told me repeatedly that he loves my husband and he understands he is the easy he is sometimes because of the culture he was raised in. I think I'm being paranoid, and I have occasionally talked with my son about it, and he says I shouldn't think or feel this way. Sometimes. When he has come down hard in him, I've undermined my husband. He finally said that bothered him because it's like he doesn't exist in the house. He had a point, so I've let go a bit, but I'm so paranoid still, like my son will be affected by this. I'm being over dramatic, right? Lol

Thanks in advance for the replies. Btw, my son is 10

[tany1157 161]

I can't edit from my phone. * easy should be * way, and I'm sorry for the other mistakes

[Golden Gate 530]

Yeah, it can be difficult. The cultures are so different in raising children. It seems the two worlds will never come together in that regard. Can't really offer you a solution. I know exactly where you are coming from though.

Edited May 8, 2015 by Golden Gate

[RFQ 110]

My first two children are 9 and 6 and thank God its gone quite smoothly for us. I try not to undermine my husband. I TRY to discuss things in private unless I feel that he is starting to discipline them for something I have previously allowed. It was difficult at first, but my kids adore my husband and have embraced him in a special way. Only they know how they feel inside but they give him all the respect of a father and freely give their love to them. Its tricky sure-- we've had many discussions, some in front of the kids on our differing opinions. I still hold the ultimate decision when it comes to them but I have trust in my husband's decisions as well.

[tany1157 161]

I know I'm being irrational, because I decided to talk with my son yesterday about my feelings. He pretty much says I'm being crazy because he just sees it as it is. He is his step parent, and he respects that. He says he loves him, and looks up to him and understands everyone has a different way of doing things. Makes me feel good that I have such a smart little boy. I told him to call me out next time I get defensive. ? I appreciate your feedback.

[Cathi 5,610]

We have the same issues sometimes except my kids are older, 20 and 17. I always come to my kid's defense and I know I shouldn't, it's difficult for me to hear anyone else discipline them, especially with my younger son. It is very rare that they ever need to be disciplined at their ages, but my 17 yo is autistic and it's difficult for him to control his emotions, he talks back sometimes but only because he can't control it when he is overwhelmed and my husband hates it so my hubby will tell him to stop. My husband also doesn't really understand all of the nuances of autism, he had never even heard of it before marrying me. I am very protective of my kids and it is hard. My ex is very involved in the kids lives, as well. I just want everyone to get along, and for the most part they do. I guess some of it is my own guilt for getting divorced and re-marrying, even though my kids are quite honest and open in telling me that life has been a lot better and less stressful since I divorced their dad. I get along with my ex much better since the divorce. It's hard. My hubby is applying for citizenship in July, these 3 years have gone by so quickly!