So Hurt. ...

[wbeem 567]

does it matter? He was cheating it doesnt matter what the other woman did or didnt know. e's a cheat and cheaters dont deserve a second chance, ever.

I agree. There is rarely any merit in contacting a complete stranger and causing yet more conflict. It adds complexity to what is already a very hurtful situation. It's also not the responsibility of the OP to have to support the well-being of the other woman.

[jacan 27]

I have not contacted her. My fb profile was a photo of the both of us too. I have changed it. I was tempted to contact her but my sister told me not to do it. The dates the pictures were posted, confirmed that he was seeing her when we were together. As someone said, I don't have the strength for a 3 way battle.

I cannot take to hear anymore lies and I don't want any details. He didn't deny it, he just kept apologizing and pleading. I just want everything to go away.

The papers will definitely not be filed.

I sent him a text, to not call or contact me. In my heart I know I am done.

Thanks for the words of advice and prayers

[Pitaya 2,576]

I suggest that you do not have any direct contact with either of them. ALL communication should be done through your lawyer. They may still try some shenanigans, do not give them the opportunity.

Take the high road, cut it, move on with your life.

[GerryC327 29]

I'm sorry you had to experience this, but I'm glad you found out before you married. None of us can fully understand what you are going through unless we have experienced it ourselves, but that being said, my personal opinion is that you will never be able to trust this man after what he has done to you. Only you can decide what to do, but be honest with yourself and with your family. They will be there to support you and help you to heal. Again, my heartfelt condolences.

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

I have a question like how do you know he was searching for another lady..... getting divorce is easy but fixing a relationship is hard why peoples do always suggest to get ride from the relationship easily since he is crying and asking forgiveness then why its so hard to forgive i can feel your pain its hurt but i think you should give him the second chance... think about the moment you have spend with him and you know him since many years think again before its too late

He is crying crocodile tears because she found out about it not because he is remorseful. How can anyone live a double life like this and then

put on the act of remorse ! He is crying because he is seeing his visa disappear.

Being with another woman the entire time and one week before they got married is deceitful and a character issue, it was not an" oops I tripped and

fell into the ####### one time", no, it was a double deceitful deliberate and cruel choice.

She should forgive for her own emotional health but these 4 months of marriage were a scam to him.

Your question about how he searched for her doesn't matter, he made the stupid choice of a public display with the woman and he must suffer

the consequences of his choices. So as to your second chances and fixing the relationship.....I hope it this ever happens to you that you will love and respect yourself enough to not play the victim of a jerk like him.

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

You guys have no idea how much posting this has helped me. I have been wrestling with it on my own for almost 2 months. Acting like all is well because I did not discuss it with anyone.

I have not had a good night sleep since I found out. I get angry at myself sometimes because I feel like I should have seen some signs. I gave all I had to him. I never once even thought about being unfaithful. I was so looking forward to spending my life with him. I loved him.

I just looked through our wedding album again, God only knows how many times I have done that.

Thank you all so much.. I know I am a good person and deserve better. I also know he is not worth my tears but i cannot just turn these feelings off. I am truly heart broken but I will take some time and focus on me right now.

Goodnight .. hopefully I get some sleep tonight.

Your brave heart has made the right choice in leaving him, be proud of your strength and don't see it as weakness.

It has been 2 months since you found out and though it will take all of us a different amount of time to get over such terrible pain, there

comes a time when you have to do the hard thing of putting away the wedding album, the photos, the memories and not dwell on it all and

not resurrect the pain by looking at the photos, listening to your songs, thinking about the times with him.

It was all an illusion, don't feed it.

I hope you become repulsed enough to make a bon fire with them and roast some hot dogs and marshmallows.

Ah...the liberty you will feel after that. It's like hearing a cord snap.

When you meet your Mr. Right in the future you will be thankful that you left this clown. I promise.

[Jawaree 717]

He is a jerk and a con! Honestly I have yet to meet a man down here that at some point or another have never been with 2 women at the same time. that's also one of the main reason I personally did not wanna date another Jamaican man, it's gonna be alot of emotions to go through but just think of it "what is 3 years wasted compared to 10?" At this point I think you can file for an annulment. Don't get me wrong though, there might be some really good and honest men down here but it would be best to find one down here that is so financiallyrics stable that you know getting a green card is not is main goal. I will keep you in my prayers dear

I understand you had a bad experience & a lot of men all over the world wanting to

get into the US lie & scam their ways while bedding & siring kids with multiple females,

but please don't generalize, there are good JA men who is not out & about being an

alley-cat...yes ! too any of our men are without values & women also.

OP sorry to hear this happened but if u allow him to talk & lie his way into your life

U will live in misery.....See when a man has multiple women there's a prob with loyalty all

around...I know the embarrassment of telling your family, but tell them you found out you

had a change due to him not being who you thought he was. As I would tell my daughter

or sister block him from calling or facebook, don't let his family contact U they may be a part

of the game. Don't think that he will change...he wont....be strong & love yourself...I am

a Jamaican man & would not want to be put in a box of being no good, I am a good man

my wife never brought me here , my parents did, after some difficulties from past youth days

my wife stepped up and backed me because its a partner-ship with 3 kids also trust, Had

I not being a hood & decent husband ... this no nonsense southern wife of mine would have

not been an understanding person herself....so sis ditch the zero....true love will come your way..best wishes.

[Jawaree 717]

If a man has reached adulthood and is unable to stop gravity from pulling his member into the dark hole of another female he will never gain control of that member and it will always be excusable in his mind. You don't need to waste another thought on this creature that has no power over the limpest part of the human body because he definitely has no control of his spinal column either.

HA HA LOL HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA Wow I need that quote

its the bst

[kamw 93]

I don’t have anything to say that any one hasn’t already stated but this really broke my heart. My marriage is very similar to yours and I know I wld be devastated if I found out he was cheating. Don’t blame yourself and don’t fall into that trap thinking he will leave her and get his ish together when he gets here- he won’t. He will leave you for her. Don’t waste any more time on him. Don’t be embarrassed to tell your family- you have to live your life not them. You have done absolutely nothing wrong but open your heart to a weak person. Be grateful you found now rather than brining him here. It’s hard but you’ll get through it, meanwhile karma will deal with him. File divorce as you don’t qualify for an annulment. The only positive is you never have to see him again, which might make it easier. Just file in your state.

Don’t contact her, resist the urge. If it’s a case where she wants him here but is unable to petition him, she may be willing to lie for him to convince you to do the work and bring him here.

[Tour 2]

Hurt is a hard thing to deal with especially when it comes from the ones you love when they hurt you.Sometimes we never see infidelity coming,and when it does we are shattered an broken when another does it to us especially when we pour our hearts out into the relationship an we are faithful on our end. My foolish advice to you hun is to work it out with your husband,dont throw away your marriage just yet.Yes he was wrong and yes you are deeply hurt,but forgive him an give him a second chance,its good to give second chances because we never know when a time comes in our lives that we ourselves might need forgiveness from someone. If you guys have a pastor seek counseling and talk with that person and pray for one another that God keep your marriage because its just the enemy's plan to destroy your marriage don't let him. when you have finished crying and you feel ok talk to your husband,let him no where he stand and do let him know there will be consequences for his actions,maybe then he'll truly understand the severity of whats at stake for him. praying for the both of you.Hope that you guys work it out!

[jacan 27]

This is the hardest thing I ever had to do. But I have no desire to work things out. Every time I think about it, I get sick to my stomach.

I will never trust him again, so what's the point..I feel like the biggest fool. I feel so used. As I said before, there were no signs. He treated me well when I visited. We went out.. people in the neighborhood know me. I just don't understand.

I am tired of crying now. These part 2 months were tough. Lord I cannot believe that 4 months into my marriage I am talking divorce but I have to do this for me. I do t want to keep going on and on about this.

Thanks again all for listening, and consoling. I really felt like I was losing my mind at times. Seeing my husband smiling and hugging up another woman in those pictures was hell.

I cannot say I don't miss him. We had a routine, early morning calls, check in during the day, and the calls at night where he would sometimes fall asleep on the phone

Him calling and playing our song and he is the best cook ever. ..sorry I don't mean to keep going on and on..take care everyone and thank you. I don't want this thread to keep going since it is somewhat depressing.

.

[kimsothe 9]

sounds like a snake. Best to keep him away.

[Tour 2]

oh ok

Edited May 4, 2015 by Tour

[Wooderz 314]

Hurt is a hard thing to deal with especially when it comes from the ones you love when they hurt you.Sometimes we never see infidelity coming,and when it does we are shattered an broken when another does it to us especially when we pour our hearts out into the relationship an we are faithful on our end. My foolish advice to you hun is to work it out with your husband,dont throw away your marriage just yet.Yes he was wrong and yes you are deeply hurt,but forgive him an give him a second chance,its good to give second chances because we never know when a time comes in our lives that we ourselves might need forgiveness from someone. If you guys have a pastor seek counseling and talk with that person and pray for one another that God keep your marriage because its just the enemy's plan to destroy your marriage don't let him. when you have finished crying and you feel ok talk to your husband,let him no where he stand and do let him know there will be consequences for his actions,maybe then he'll truly understand the severity of whats at stake for him. praying for the both of you.Hope that you guys work it out!

No. Just. No.

[TBoneTX 43,058]

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