Wife ran off, got pregnant, blackmailing me into "helping" her get green card

[Pennycat 880]

First impressions... She has the anchor baby! She can apply for AOS as mother of the the child. Whatever that takes.

You still have obligations under I-864. What that will be with her giving birth to another mans child is interesting? Yeah what responsibility the father of the child will take? DNA and paternity would be good to establish.

Her ability to get education career and make a living are diminished now she will be caring for a new child.

I'll join the chorus seek legal counsel. I think divorce ASAP is best course.

Not anywhere close to correct. That child will be a citizen, yes. But a child can't sponsor his parent until he is 21 years old. And even then, if the parent has ever been in the US illegally (which she would be if her conditional green card expires and she doesn't get a permanent one), the parent must return to their home country for 10 years first. The proposed "Deferred Action for Parents of Americans" (DAPA) would change that for many many folks who had children in the US (not let them adjust status, they'll never be LPRs or citizens, but defer deportation and give them work authorization)---but not for her. The birthday cutoff for a qualifying child is November 14, 2014 AND the parent has to prove that they've been here since January 2010. Plus, this program is not in effect and may never be.

This woman is pretty much completely out of options, which is probably why she's going after the OP so hard.

OP-- to echo others, run don't walk to your attorney. See if possibly what she's saying/doing could count as extortion. Maybe you've got a criminal case against someone who is about to be out of status. Just a thought. Not a lawyer, don't even know if it's possible for spouses to legally extort each other. But it's sure what it sounds like to me.

[novedsac 355]

Yeah, 39 weeks gestation puts conception at November 16th, thereabouts. Copulation anytime from November 1st onwards would be suspect.

OP would be wise to confirm child is not his prior to pulling the 'not my kid' card.

[archie119 9]

Ok u need to cover your self firstly voicemail telephone conversation try record on your phone secondly contact uscis let them know whats going on because you r the one whose responsible for her through marriage and affidavit of support, she cant force a child on you because u have to sign acknowledge ment of being the father on the registry of birth , she could lie that she paid u for green card thus implicating u in fraud, if not she could still maintain her green card status falsely stating that she is a battered wife

[novedsac 355]

OP-- to echo others, run don't walk to your attorney. See if possibly what she's saying/doing could count as extortion. Maybe you've got a criminal case against someone who is about to be out of status. Just a thought. Not a lawyer, don't even know if it's possible for spouses to legally extort each other. But it's sure what it sounds like to me.

It's only a criminal case if a DA decides to file charges. Otherwise, it's just nasty stuff in the context of a divorce, which is not that unusual.

[Boiler 43,419]

I see no immigration issue, she removes conditions when the divorce is complete.

[Sharon&josh 6]

This sounds like a super messy divorce!! Hopefully you and a good legal team can get it all sorted out. I would start recording any interaction you have with her. Record phone calls, texts, any thing that can be used against her or where she may say something that could make it sound like she is trying to screw you out of money, or anything else. Also be careful of all contact that you have with her.

It is sad that what was such a genuine thing turned so sour. Hopefully you can move on without too much whiplash from the current circumstance.

[rhein 451]

Yeah, 39 weeks gestation puts conception at November 16th, thereabouts. Copulation anytime from November 1st onwards would be suspect.

OP would be wise to confirm child is not his prior to pulling the 'not my kid' card.

Ruh-ro! Looks like it could easily be the OP's kid after all....

[nyk349 9]

If her due date is Aug then she got pregnant in Nov. Somewhere mid November, were you having sex close to the time she left ( could it be yours ? )

Yeah, 39 weeks gestation puts conception at November 16th, thereabouts. Copulation anytime from November 1st onwards would be suspect.

OP would be wise to confirm child is not his prior to pulling the 'not my kid' card.

She left 11/20. She said she discovered the pregnancy on 12/25 and, yes, gave due date as 8/16.

It won't be surprising to hear that, nearing the end of the relationship, we had sex less and less frequently. I can't remember the last time we had sex but I know, with certainty, we had sex 9/25. (Notice all the dates falling on 20 and 25? Weird.) It is possible we had sex in October as well but...I'm not sure. I distinctly recall us not having had sex for a while by the time she left. She didn't want to and I didn't want to either. We just ignored the issue.

What conclusions could we draw from this?

A. It's mine and she does not want to tell me. Why? Perhaps because she doesn't want any involvement with me. But then why risk contacting me and opening up this can of worms? Nah... She said repeatedly over the phone these past few days, "It's not yours. I'm sure it's not yours." I believe her. So, second conclusion:

B. She was sleeping with someone at least during the two, three weeks leading up to her leaving, which again was 11/20. A little earlier, if we go by novedsac's estimate.

Something else:

She mentioned to me on the phone the day before yesterday, "Do you remember that day when we were on the train and I was feeling sick?" (I should mention she had a sensitive constitution and experienced dizziness and stomach aches very often, to the point where it was not something particularly alarming). She said, "Do you remember I told you, "Yeah, maybe I'm pregnant? Do you remember what you said?" Of course I remembered what I said. "Can't be mine. We haven't had sex in ages," spoken facetiously but we both caught the undertone.

"Why did you mention that," I asked during that phone conversation the other day. "Why?" I paused for a moment. "Were you pregnant then already? So it's mine," I said. "You were pregnant and it's mine. Is that why you left? Is that why you were so nauseated the week before you left, when I even joked you might be pregnant?"

During the phone convo, when I said this, I was blindly assuming it was mine and that she left BECAUSE it was mine, i.e. she didn't want to be with me, figured, "Oh, no, I'll be stuck to him forever now," and decided to run off before I found out. I didn't stop to think she was EFFIN' someone else as early as... what? October?

Going back to the conversation, I said, "Why are you telling me this now? You're telling me you knew you were pregnant back then?" She said, "No, the only reason I'm mentioning this is as an example that we weren't having sex, and it was indicative of something wrong in our relationship. You yourself joked about it, so you knew we had a problem." For the record, yes, of course I knew, but I didn't feel like talking about it because I was just sick of her behaviour and didn't feel like anything was worth "fixing."

Let me dig a little deeper.

She got her first job in this country at a coffee shop. She began the job on 9/9. And I suspect it is someone she met at work.

So sometime between 9/9 and 11/20, she got pregnant. And she knew it.

Still got popcorn? Here's some more:

The week before she left, for five consecutive days, she woke up around 10-11, told me she was going to see a friend of hers (some woman who wa a friend of one of our mutual acquaintances) and came back at 10, 11 at night and went to sleep. It's as if she'd already decided I don't exist. During these five days, I said nothing. I figured she needs her space. The more quiet I kept, however, the further away she moved. On the fifth day I confronted her about it. "What do you think you're doing, exactly? You're treating our home like a hotel? Have you turned your back on this family?" That was the last argument we had. I stormed out and she packed her bags.

Maybe during those last five days, she was with this unfortunate sucker.

This is all wild conjecture but when you connect the dots... The mention of pregnancy on the train, the nausea, the first major change with the new job, the five-day day-long excursions, the August 16th due date...

Yet she said she found out about it on 12/25. She could have been lying.

Why am I digging into this, though? Would this help with a case? I guess it's something to keep in mind.

Yes, you guys make an excellent point. She may have been pregnant before she left. But I still believe it's not mine. She said it many times. She even told me "he's here every day," helping her. Poor kid. He doesn't know what he's gotten himself into but he has a lifetime to find out.

Ok u need to cover your self firstly voicemail telephone conversation try record on your phone secondly contact uscis let them know whats going on because you r the one whose responsible for her through marriage and affidavit of support, she cant force a child on you because u have to sign acknowledge ment of being the father on the registry of birth , she could lie that she paid u for green card thus implicating u in fraud, if not she could still maintain her green card status falsely stating that she is a battered wife

I thought the affidavit of support was merely something that would prevent her from receiving benefits such as public assistance, not something that makes me responsible for providing food and shelter for her.

I see no immigration issue, she removes conditions when the divorce is complete.

If she were not pregnant and we got divorced, I could see how she could go and say, "The marriage was genuine but it failed. Here's proof we entered into it with good intentions" and possibly still remove conditions.

But how is she going to do that carrying a stranger's child?

[nane1104 146]

Ditto on what others have said, by numbers and dates, there is a strong possibility that OP, you are indeed the father.

I'd insist on a DNA test ASAP.

Get through with the divorce, she can file ROC by herself with the divorce paper so no reason for her to try and screw you over with a false VAWA claim.

You have been married only a short while, I don't see her getting much of anything from you in the future.

Move on.

[nyk349 9]

Ruh-ro! Looks like it could easily be the OP's kid after all....

See above. She is absolutely adamant that it is not mine. She even has the "donor" involved in her life and offering to marry her. She's either lying and playing with both his life and mine, which I highly doubt, she's tragically mistaken and it's mine after all, or she's right and it's not mine.

I'll go with the last option.

[nyk349 9]

Get through with the divorce, she can file ROC by herself with the divorce paper so no reason for her to try and screw you over with a false VAWA claim.

VAWA? How? I never hit her. I hit furniture, threw chairs, slammed doors, even beat my own head out of frustration sometimes but I never hurt her. The lawyer briefly mentioned in our email correspondence, quote, "Many times in immigration cases there are false claims of abuse." That sounds like lawyer-speak for "no one will believe that."

[madtownguy 164]

Dude you believe sounds kind of shady. Either you know, or you are not sure... Sounds like you have to take the test to make sure anyway. Either way she can still file to remove conditions, you already did AOS. Why do you really care what she does once you are divorced?

[madtownguy 164]

VAWA? How? I never hit her. I hit furniture, threw chairs, slammed doors, even beat my own head out of frustration sometimes but I never hurt her. The lawyer briefly mentioned in our email correspondence, quote, "Many times in immigration cases there are false claims of abuse." That sounds like lawyer-speak for "no one will believe that."

If you hit furniture, threw chairs and slammed doors while she was there that could be enough IMO. I don't know why anyone feels the need to throw or hit when frustrated, what you're going through is really small in the grand scheme of things. You could be dying of cancer or something, you just have a bit of extra drama to deal with.

[nyk349 9]

Dude you believe sounds kind of shady. Either you know, or you are not sure... Sounds like you have to take the test to make sure anyway. Either way she can still file to remove conditions, you already did AOS. Why do you really care what she does once you are divorced?

Because in her mind, getting this green card is the one single thing that will make all her "sacrifice" worth it. And she will have gotten it as a direct result of my having spent four years of my life, time, energy, resources, and love to give her a good life and the best chance at success that I could. Why would I want to see her get it now, at my expense?

As soon as I speak with the lawyer and see where I stand, I am going to USCIS immediately and relaying all the facts. Let her go back to her village with nothing to show for it than the new life-long reminder of her stupidity and heartlessness.

"Hello, ridiculously extended family spanning the three Chinese provinces. I had a great time in the United States. I took advantage of the opportunity to improve myself, master a new language, get work experience, go back to college for a degree in something I actually like, and just work on having a successful life in a better place.

"NAAAAH! HAHAHA Just kidding! I ran off on my husband, spread my legs for a stranger within a matter of weeks, threatened and tried to blackmail that husband dummy, and brought THIS with me!

"Yay?"

But enough of my pettiness.

If she truly believes it's not mine, why would I rush to prove it is? I mean... I guess she'd know when she looked at it, eh? But you never know. Then again, if it is mine...

Argh. I don't want to think about this. She swears it isn't mine to the point where she has another guy offering his life to her. A woman knows these things, surely. It's not a c-rap shoot.

Edited April 20, 2015 by nyk349

[nyk349 9]

If you hit furniture, threw chairs and slammed doors while she was there that could be enough IMO. I don't know why anyone feels the need to throw or hit when frustrated, what you're going through is really small in the grand scheme of things. You could be dying of cancer or something, you just have a bit of extra drama to deal with.

If a vindictive lawyer shark gets their talons on her, it won't matter whether I punched holes in walls or cowered in the corner. They will twist her easily-led mind in so many knots, she'll come out screaming for my blood. But like I said, the lawyer says these kind of claims are common and difficult to prove. I'll discuss it more with them come Thursday.

You're right. But you're not thinking about the grand scheme of things during those moments, after months--rather, years--of struggling to have a constructive argument with a person whose sole mode of argument is a game of cloak and dagger whose aim is to assign blame.

If she was so impossible, why did I marry her. Right?

'Cause I thought I could "fix" her. Or she'd "grow up."

Funny thing is, she said it herself in a text message to me two days ago. "You don't love me, you love the person you think I am."

Guess she was right.

Edited April 20, 2015 by nyk349