Abuse accusations and second chances.

[PLZ_LearnFrmMe 1]

Well, I am certain there are other similar stories like mine, but I have to post mine so others that are in a similar situation do NOT make the same mistake I did.

K1 bene entered the USA, marriage took place. Not even 6 months later after an argument with no physical contact or verbal threats, I end up accused of domestic violence, a protective order is subsequently granted against me and what seems to be and SHOULD HAVE been the end occurs.

I feel in my heart she did not want to do this, but was forced to by family pressure. Against all odds, advice to just move on we make contact and she cancels the order. We return have our ups, downs and here I sit with another notice that I have been falsely accused again of abuse, after I told her we were done recently and left her with a friend of hers.

I can not express enough how I want to disappear. I do NOT have the money to fight this. This notification is worse than a protective order it says assault & battery. I WANT to die!!!

To anyone that will read this if you have had a protective, restraining order against you, if there are any arguments that end up physical, things being thrown, if your fiancee, significant other, spouse hints at calling the police against you in the middle of an argument for God's sake LEAVE and do not think twice about that. Do not return even if someone offered you 1 million dollars, even if s/he says they were very wrong and sorry, do not do it.

For the second time the dates of the abuse, violence were noted as a week before the breakup. Why?!!

What is wrong with our system our world?! God help me. I am broken, I am not a bad person, I am not. I do not deserve this. I do not have the money to fight this and much less..nevermind I am torn.

Don't stay, don't go back once you have left, please please don't!! I have learned the hard way and, I do not know what to do with myself, I do not.

[nane1104 146]

I'm sorry, OP. find a good lawyer, you dont want to fight this on your own and you certainly don't want to end up in prison. Find one and work out a payment plan or apply for a credit.

I hope things will work out for you.

[PLZ_LearnFrmMe 1]

I WISH I could be as positive as I usual am, as I tell my children, friends keep your head up there is always something positive in it all, but I am BROKEN. I do not have the money or means to secure proper counsel. I will undoubtedly be thrown in jail, prison, locked away for something that DID NOT HAPPEN. Because I am being falsely accused of abuse again, accused when I specifically wrote to her, I do not feel safe by myself with you and can not lose my liberties.

I do not have the energy I am drained..I AM drained.

I thank you for your words, I wish I had some way that I could alter the outcome of this, but sadly I do NOT. To be honest that is what really eats me inside, I can not do anything, but go to the court, take a public defender PRAY that that person REALLY wants to work with me, help me or I am just another stat on the wrong side of the law. I wish I were a real abuser, aggressive, belligerent person I bet I would not be in this situation. This is why I say to others that might read this post in a month, a year, 10 years from now if the person you are sponsoring, the bene, to be with you the rest of your life accuses you once of abuse or even hints at it DO NOT RETURN with that person EVER, PLEASE don't. If you are a man, this is a fact, and your LOVE, the person you WOULD die for in a heartbeat yells a lot in the middle of heated discussions for no apparent reason and throws things at you including the previous.MOVE ON, PLEASE MOVE ON.

I pray for the best in my case, but I know I did not leave when I could have as many suggested, I TRUSTED, BELIEVED that she would not falsely accuse again.....I want to die.

[Sandra G. 5,016]

Time to regain control of the situation,then first stop panicking. Find a pro bono lawyer,google pro bono criminal attorney.The Department of State has a small list of attorney as well,.If she calls you DO NOT ANSWER,.do not answer her e-mails ,do not talk to jer friends and family.

[Ilovemyman 147]

Maybe she is doingvthat to get her green card in that way.

Sorry for you.

[PLZ_LearnFrmMe 1]

Maybe she was and I wish her the best. What else can I do?! I AM already BROKEN.

[Boiler 43,429]

Lots of similar stories on here, just look up VAWA.

Just the way it is.

[NancyNguyen 1,657]

Because of immigration status, lots of people are willing to do anything. Sorry to hear.

[verysadguy 170]

Many many details missing here. Immigration status? I-864? etc.

Poster's primary purpose seems to be warning others. Scams abound as I know all too well.

Bottom line:

Foreign scammers will stop at NOTHING to selfishly obtain a green card.

This reads like a very obvious VAWA case. Poor poster is now in criminal trouble with little to no evidence, possibly having to support this woman, and likely going to have a divorce that will add more costs.

Immigration love affairs are not for the faint of heart. It is my contention that USCIS needs to raise the bar on K-1's big time. Sterner warnings to petitioners, stronger penalties to fraudulent beneficiaries, and much tighter controls on VAWA evidence. VAWA is an assembly line to a green card and benefits of living in the USA at the expense of often clueless US citizens.

[PLZ_LearnFrmMe 1]

Yes, these cases are abundant and it is because our system allows them! The basis, evidence, proof to send in, start the VAWA process needs to be much more stringent. Here I sit accused of abuse, which did not happen, AFTER I told her I do not feel safe with you by myself. I wanted to prevent a problem, after she had thrown things at me in a few arguments and said I can yell, make as much noise as I want, let the police show up I will be fine, but I still landed in bad situation.

I have sent in a request to cancel the I-864, but who knows if it will be processed in time. The bene has not had biometrics or anything yet, I can only prepare myself for the court date(s) and pray for the best. I am not in the same state, area of the USA as the bene, well that I know of, and have had no contact since I said goodbye.

This IS not easy, the stress is enormous. My goal is to add my story to the list of others that have been through this ordeal. Hopefully at least one person that reads my story, finally takes a very long look in the mirror and does everything possible to stop a similar situation, before it becomes a nightmare. No one should have to deal with this, but we do.

The truth is how can someone protect themselves from an individual set on staying in the USA at all costs and knowing enough about the VAWA, domestic violence laws, loopholes?! From my experience it appears to be almost impossible, to do anything. They can make up stories that the abused happened 1, 2, 3 weeks prior to the breakup. They can, will lie and say the USC threatened me, did not allow me access to communicate with others. It eats me inside to think of what is to come...

I am trying to be positive, but it is very difficult. Again, I hope someone, at least one person that is in a similar situation, decides I must end this. Love can only go so far and as much as it will hurt to do so, forget about the past, you MUST think about your future, safety, sanity and leave.

[verysadguy 170]

It is true, you can be accused of almost anything, and from that moment on it is pretty much impossible to shake the stigma. I was accused of human trafficking, forced slavery, possibly sexual slavery, and God knows what else. The moment she claimed abuse and filed VAWA she gained just about every possible protection the USA can give. My evidence was literally ignored. Total craziness and a perversion of justice, and I am the US citizen!!!

Do not contact this woman in anyway sir. Don't answer emails, text messages, phone calls or anything. If you have any witnesses or evidence you can attempt to get it to a Special Agent in Charge at your local USCIS but that too is almost futile as I found out. Sorry you are going through all this. The US Government is failing its citizens in these romance scams for a green card. Totally pathetic. Highly trained college educated agents simply inept at uncovering scams. And they blame it on the laws and politics. I say BS. They are just taking the path of least resistance with these scammers fraudulently using domestic violence as an avenue to a green card. Good luck with your battles.

[Villanelle 4,121]

As others have pointed out, the story of a K1 marriage not working out and the immigrant leaving with out a greencard and rushing off to file a protective order with the intentions of VAWA dancing in their mind is not a unique one.

Nor is the about face some make when they realize committing immigration fraud is not that easy, or have second thoughts, or guilt- or whatever the reason is (not many post here and offer insights on their inner thoughts) and return to the spouse they betrayed. You hear about it in K1 VAWA situations and in removal of condition cases.

So OP you are certainly not alone. Yes, you made a bad choice accepting her back into your life after she betrayed you and had you slapped with a false protective order- but you werent the first to make such a foolish mistake and you certainly wont be the last.

Vsadguy has been spreading the message for what? 3 years now? But most people are blinded by emotions. Everyone considers themselves the 'exception'. They read it and understand it, just dont absorb it fully. Its - this would never happen to me.. Oh poor guy/ sad story but certainly never going to be me.

And while I applaud you for having the strength to share your story and its an admirable goal to have to share it in the hopes of preventing others from going down the same road- IMO you have quite a bit on your plate right now. Helping others? Great. Helping yourself? Even better.

Sometimes when we feel out of control we will reach out for little victories. Small goals we can complete so it feels like okay this was not a total loss, I accomplished something... And thats kind of what you did here. You spread the word. Goal complete. Now lets move on to YOU. Your present problems and what needs to be done- because it is not hopeless.

--

So lets keep things very simple here. (respectfully the OP is very stressed out- so anyone who adds things please keep that in mind)

You say you pulled your 864. As Vsadguy stated, you didnt give much info about the specifics. There is much info around the site about how to pull the 864 and various difficulties people endured in doing so. SO how are you on that? Did you just mail it in? How long ago? Any confirmation back? Did you ask for confirmation back? What does the online case status say in regards to the AOS submitted tied to the 864?

Basically your technical immigration involvement ends with the pulling of the 864. USCIS will tell you- her VAWA application is HER application and her application alone. It has nothing to do with you except for the fact that she is claiming you were the one who abused her and made her eligible to file it.

In regards to immigration you have a choice to make- and you do not need to make it tonight, but you should make it soon as presently VAWA applications are being adjudicated in what? I want to say 5 months?

So your choices are: (obviously you are, or already did canceled your support for AOS)

1. Do nothing in regards to her VAWA. You canceled her path to a GC based on the marriage. Let the VAWA unit sort out whatever she submits and evaluate it on their own and just not get involved. Their determination has NO IMPACT ON YOU. (now to be fair, some can argue it can- so I will concede it can impact your ability to obtain future K1s or marriage visas IF in the future USCIS finds you have had several K1s and they all resulted in VAWA claims. Your then intended spouse would be given a rough interview challenging how well she potentially knows you and your prior history. Its a tricky situation since they can not disclose others used VAWA due to privacy - but if your new fiances answers are totally off the wall not matching what they determined was the truth in what they approved in the VAWA, they can decide you and she do not know each other very well and the relationship is not valid and deny you forcing you to reapply and run around in circles.)

How often can an innocent get taken by scammers on VAWA?... no comment besides it can happen and I have no statistics besides my own opinions which are not relevant.

2.Actively attempt to impact the VAWA causing a denial. If you choose this route- well you need a strong stomach thats for sure. No one will directly advise you if your letters or evidence is effective or not, because again, privacy. They will not update you on her case- not the status as it progresses nor the final outcome. You will only find out if you obtain the knowledge directly from her (which you shouldnt as you shouldnt be in contact with her any longer) or obtain it from her friends and family (again people you shouldnt be talking to) Sometimes a 3rd party who is mutual passes along info like they left the country for good or now has their GC- so you know whats up. Or often divorce lawyers weasel info out in hearings about the other persons immigration status when its not relevant at all in the divorce just because the ex-spouse wants to know.

If you want to impact the VAWA there are certain things that will help and certain things that wont. If you choose this route it can be expanded upon. The decision is totally up to you which way to go. No one has the right to judge you for the path you take. Some people get a sense in resolution in feeling they tried to stop the VAWA, others dont. Some are devastated when they try and it fails.

Nobody here knows you, or your morals or what would give you a sense of closure. Thats something you need to decide for yourself and if applicable post back if you need assistance///

/////

As for your CURRENT legal trouble with the state of FL.

I am so sorry you have such a poor view of public defenders. Courts are very much a political playground. Its not so much if they care about you as it is if they care about whats currently going on in their career. Some are apt to make deals because its sort of a I owe you one this time around, or the prosecutor wants a tight record this year because they have higher ambitions. The cases are just pawns. Doesnt mean your left with the short end of the stick though.

I dont know/ am I the only one? But I see your case and terribly optimistic. A restraining order that was dropped. Um thats mega points for you. One thing someone with a restraining order is urged never to do is to drop it because if you do- your chances of going back to the judge and saying please place it again are squash.

The court is NOT a playground for bitter spouses to take revenge on each other and is highly insulted when people attempt to do so. If she was truly afraid like she would have HAD to allege in the first hearing, she would not have willingly dropped it and returned home and what? slept in the same bed with you? lived with you? alone? for how long?.... exactly. Thats why there is no second restraining order.

Now an assault and battery charge. Yeah it sounds scary. But um. a notice in the mail? Why werent the cops called? Nobody heard the fight? Do you live in the woods? a private island I suppose? lol. I bet she has photos huh? They will be tossed out. Who knows when they were taken. date stamp? you can alter that. The only photos that are legit are ones taken by police or hospital immediately after the incident. Does she have those?> doubtful.

IMO even with a crappy attny who doesnt care THAT much any reasonable judge when (or keyword IF) presented with everything as a whole will see this for what it is. A marital situation where the wife is attempting to use the court to harass the husband. Courts dont like it, cops dont like it either- but being a woman you can come in and cry and complain loud and long enough that they will write it up and pass you off to the court to handle. If they thought it was something serious and you were dangerous they wouldve come and arrested you or atleast brought you in for questioning. (did they? No. They did not even think it was worth investigating! ha. what a joke. convicted for something no one even investigated- are you kidding?) They didnt even waste the resources on it- thats how serious the police took it.

[PLZ_LearnFrmMe 1]

I did send in the same letter to the Chicago lockbox and the NBC in MO, both were delivered many weeks ago, but the online case status appears as if it were still active. I also made an infopass appt and delivered a copy of the same letter. As for fighting the VAWA path she may try, I do not have the time or irrefutable proof of her intentions. This as a whole is weighing me down. Although I know that I am not perfect or free of committing mistakes, but did my best to make it work, and should be positive,knowing I am not what she is accusing me again of, what she is doing to me, to stay in our country is uncalled for, but out of my hands and ignored by our government.

Base on what happened with the first restraining order, where she had no medical, police proof, reports to back her abuse claims, even after the police took her from our residence, my lawyer introduced evidence of her ulterior motive, green card, proof that I had no desire to see her again, and would not be a threat to her, that I had even moved out of the state she was, that order was still granted. I do not trust our judicial system as a whole. I am very saddened to feel that way being a USC, knowing I did no wrong. Here I am trying to protect myself, prevent being charged with fraud due to allowing the process to continue, but no I am screwed either way and worse. The cost to go to court to fight the abuse charges, time spent, travel will be more than if I had just let the process run it's course and then said at the interview or just prior that I cancelled my support. That may have given me time to assure myself that no false abuse charges would be filed.

Another point for another USC, that may be in the same situation, first LEAVE her/him, if possible leave the city, state she may remain in and have proof of such. Do NOT tell the bene what you plan on doing, just tell her you will let the process run its course. Hopefully the GC is not approved without an interview and on that day you inform the officer of your withdrawal of support. This is what I should have done or I could have told her I was not cancelling my i-864, because I love her and want her to be well, then left the city, state and at least 1 month later sent in a letter cancelling my support. Regardless, I did not do either and I think those are good options for other USCs in a similar situation.

Again, YES I returned with her, I should not have, but the loophole she will try to use is allowed by our government and there is not much one as a USC can do,unless irrefutable proof, text, messages, other witnesses can corroborate the truth. The process or steps necessary to gather that proof is usually almost impossible, in my mind. It is impossible, because one is in love with that person, one believes in them and does not enter into the K1 or other process with doubts, but positivity, love and looking to solidify the marriage as a happy couple. One does everything possible to make that person feel safe, secure, loved, wanted knowing the adjustment to our culture, life, surroundings will be somewhat stressful to them. One does not go in thinking I better record our conversations, text, emails, ask questions just in case I will be scammed for the damn papers, GC via VAWA. NO, one does not do that.

My mistake was to return after the first order was granted, but my thought was why not, would I return with her if she were a USC? My answer to my self was yes, but sadly in these situations one has to take in to account the GC, residency of that bene and think through even more, they are NOT a USC/LPR and that may be their only goal.

Thank you very much for the respectful comments. My goal is to prevent someone else from ending up like me and others here, but my MAIN my goal is getting through this in a better state than I am now.

[Jawaree 717]

Well, I am certain there are other similar stories like mine, but I have to post mine so others that are in a similar situation do NOT make the same mistake I did.

K1 bene entered the USA, marriage took place. Not even 6 months later after an argument with no physical contact or verbal threats, I end up accused of domestic violence, a protective order is subsequently granted against me and what seems to be and SHOULD HAVE been the end occurs.

I feel in my heart she did not want to do this, but was forced to by family pressure. Against all odds, advice to just move on we make contact and she cancels the order. We return have our ups, downs and here I sit with another notice that I have been falsely accused again of abuse, after I told her we were done recently and left her with a friend of hers.

I can not express enough how I want to disappear. I do NOT have the money to fight this. This notification is worse than a protective order it says assault & battery. I WANT to die!!!

To anyone that will read this if you have had a protective, restraining order against you, if there are any arguments that end up physical, things being thrown, if your fiancee, significant other, spouse hints at calling the police against you in the middle of an argument for God's sake LEAVE and do not think twice about that. Do not return even if someone offered you 1 million dollars, even if s/he says they were very wrong and sorry, do not do it.

For the second time the dates of the abuse, violence were noted as a week before the breakup. Why?!!

*Dude don't want to make you feel bad but marriage is suppose to be a lifetime decision

and comes with compromises....will ppl disagree of course !, but many are not taking the

time to know a person B4 committing, so many of it here and elsewhere, sorry about all

this but you need an atty or try legal aid, You will go to jail, and have a life-long record,

there are two sides to every story, but if the relationship is toxic leave it alone...she did

not report you because of family she did either because it was true, or she does not love

or care about you and its all about the immigration benefit....goodluck

Edited April 21, 2015 by Jawaree

[perfect 39]

I am so sorry you are going through this.

I was in an abusive relationship many years ago and also my son was falsely accused of abuse by a vindictive ex-girlfriend who just wanted to destroy him - my point being that I have seen both sides of the story. The attorney he retained, although very good, warned him that few men ever manage to successfully fight a TRO and to be prepared for a 5 year full restraining order to be awarded at the court hearing. (California)

I am also here to tell you that you can successfully fight it - I helped him look through the alleged evidence which we were successfully able to use to prove her a liar, including phone records the judge saw through her completely and saw it for the vindictive false allegations that it was. In his case he never lifted a finger, raised his voice or made any other threats - she just alleged that she was in fear of her life because he wanted to hurt himself because he was suffering from acute situational depression!

A good lawyer will also tell you that if she willingly asked you to reconcile, she wasn't THAT scared of you and hopefully you can make a good case for manipulation for the benefit of immigration!

Bottom line is - this can be successfully fought. Just review the facts, dates etc and prepare a strong defense in which you can prove her a liar and show motive.

I sincerely hope you find your strength to fight and clear your name.