i need help my wife of 9 years wants a divorce

[Hotter Otter 1,211]

Sorry this has happened to you. Sounds very poor on her part. Companies that won't hire you on the stamped visa in your passport are not great and maybe someone else knows more than me but I seem to remember reading somewhere that companies can't refuse it as proof of eligibility to work? I hope you get a job soon and find yourself on your feet.

[Jawaree 717]

Dude really sorry what you are going thru, ask her if she would be willing to go

to marriage/spiritual counseling, the immigration process does kill some relationships

especially when ppl is so far apart, ask her to try for the sake of your daughter & your

love for her....if no one else is in the pic she will try.

I take it you are now LPR so you don't have to go home, start job hunting, and suggest

the family visiting the park, art galleries & places that there will be no huge cost. Read the

newspaper in your city get to know the place, tell her she looks beautiful at times when

se leaves for work, treat her again like a G/friend, laugh with her (try)...They say absence

makes the heart grows fonder , but also remember out of sight out of mind.

Maybe she is overwhelm , and tired of the time spent without you now she got use to being

alone and don't want to be bothered...in the meantime don't stress your daughter with the

adult stuff and remain very civil until you get organized....Please know you do have rights

to your daughter whatever the outcome is, good luck bro

PS...SS, stamped PP should allow you to be hired...its the law

Edited March 14, 2015 by Jawaree

[Ridcully41 1]

Dude really sorry what you are going thru, ask her if she would be willing to go

to marriage/spiritual counseling, the immigration process does kill some relationships

especially when ppl is so far apart, ask her to try for the sake of your daughter & your

love for her....if no one else is in the pic she will try.

I take it you are now LPR so you don't have to go home, start job hunting, and suggest

the family visiting the park, art galleries & places that there will be no huge cost. Read the

newspaper in your city get to know the place, tell her she looks beautiful at times when

se leaves for work, treat her again like a G/friend, laugh with her (try)...They say absence

makes the heart grows fonder , but also remember out of sight out of mind.

Maybe she is overwhelm , and tired of the time spent without you now she got use to being

alone and don't want to be bothered...in the meantime don't stress your daughter with the

adult stuff and remain very civil until you get organized....Please know you do have rights

to your daughter whatever the outcome is, good luck bro

PS...SS, stamped PP should allow you to be hired...its the law

Thank you for your suggestion

to say i'm I shock is an understatement I never saw this coming or had any clue she was unhappy.I have suggested marriage counselling but she has said there is no point. she feels nothing for me at all not Love or anger or any sort of emotion at all and the woman I married has gone.

She has said that she is ok with me staying here, and for the sake of our daughter will do all that she can to help me stay here(apart from moving back into our house)and that I should move on with my life,i don't think anyone else is involved i'd like to think I would have picked up on that.

She is going to a divorce lawyer next week and has suggested I do the same, her mind is completely made up and she said she feels this is her only way forward, this is all very sad for myself an my daughter to say this is a bad situation again would be an understatement.

Edited March 14, 2015 by Ridcully41

[Cathi 5,607]

Thank you all for your replies

I did emigrate on the ir1 visa, it is somewhat of a relief that I do not have to go back.she has pretty much thrown me out

(she has paid for a nearby motel room for 2 weeks) I have my ss number and looked for work unfortunately most companies will not hire around here unless you have an actual green card. I did try to explain that the stamp and visa in my passport is a temporary green card valid for a year but then they just mutter something back about company policy.of course that is small fry compaired to what is about to happen.once again thank you all for your kindness and for my answer

Companies have to accept the I-551 visa stamp in your passport, it serves as a temporary green card for one year. If they argue or refuse to accept it show them this link, or print it out the info on the page and show it to them. http://www.uscis.gov/sites/default/files/USCIS/Outreach/Notes%20from%20Previous%20Engagements/AILAAgendaVerDivApril2014FINAL.pdf

Sorry to hear that your wife is making you stay in a hotel, the least she could do after all of this is allow you to stay with her until you find employment and can find a place to rent. Perhaps you could reason with her and explain to her that 2 weeks just isn't sufficient time for you to get on your feet, especially as a new immigrant. It sounds very cold to me, she is the one who brought you here, the least she can do is help you until you get settled a bit. Good luck!!

[Ridcully41 1]

Companies have to accept the I-551 visa stamp in your passport, it serves as a temporary green card for one year. If they argue or refuse to accept it show them this link, or print it out the info on the page and show it to them. http://www.uscis.gov/sites/default/files/USCIS/Outreach/Notes%20from%20Previous%20Engagements/AILAAgendaVerDivApril2014FINAL.pdf

Sorry to hear that your wife is making you stay in a hotel, the least she could do after all of this is allow you to stay with her until you find employment and can find a place to rent. Perhaps you could reason with her and explain to her that 2 weeks just isn't sufficient time for you to get on your feet, especially as a new immigrant. It sounds very cold to me, she is the one who brought you here, the least she can do is help you until you get settled a bit. Good luck!!

thanks for the information and link about the temporary green card I will make a copy of that

I have tried to talk to her but as I mentioned in another post she has made up her mind and feels this is best for her. I don't know if cold is the right word, it's like she is a complety different person.as for the 2weeks she has said if needs be she will help me out with the motel if I havn't found somewhere to live by then, She is adamant that me being back in the house is just not going to happen.

anyway once again I would like to say thank you all for my main answer and for the kindness you have shown me.

[raven52 233]

OP, how long was the last time, you have been apart, and for how long?

Trying to see if enough time passed while apart, for something new to develop.

Why did it take 9 years to get a visa.,.,.,.,if I am reading this right,.,.,.,.,I just do not understand, never heard of 9 years for a visa.,.,.,.,..,.,

[Jawaree 717]

Mind if I ask the age ranges?, many women entering the menopausal

stage goes thru, not wanting to be touched/loved ...U know what I

mean ...did she have a hysterectomy during this period? all these are

areas to look in....since she is being decent about this & will help except

to allow your stay in the home...I say get you a room & set up, close to her

home,so U can interact with your daughter, and be close in an emergency.

Give it time, try to date again , but in the interim start your life in case

its not sorted out, don't start dating seriously too soon, finalize this first

be kind and understanding, if U were not good to her in the UK she would

not be this tolerant with U now....Give it time , prayers & encouragement, if

all fails move on but remain a friend...ppl do fall out of love & few are honest

and decent about it

[ascertainLovE 165]

She obviously cheated on him. Time to move on. I feel sorry for his daughter.

[Ridcully41 1]

Mind if I ask the age ranges?, many women entering the menopausal

stage goes thru, not wanting to be touched/loved ...U know what I

mean ...did she have a hysterectomy during this period? all these are

areas to look in....since she is being decent about this & will help except

to allow your stay in the home...I say get you a room & set up, close to her

home,so U can interact with your daughter, and be close in an emergency.

Give it time, try to date again , but in the interim start your life in case

its not sorted out, don't start dating seriously too soon, finalize this first

be kind and understanding, if U were not good to her in the UK she would

not be this tolerant with U now....Give it time , prayers & encouragement, if

all fails move on but remain a friend...ppl do fall out of love & few are honest

and decent about it

We are both in our early 40's

I have been thinking the same thing myself, about the menopause. for the short time I was with her it was like living with a stranger.She never left the house unless it was for work dropping our daughter off to school or shopping. She closed down her facebook account put on weight and barely speaks to anyone now. She used to be so outgoing and always took pride in her appearance, all that has gone. I'm looking in the local papers for somewhere to live and on craiglist,as for your suggestion of dating nothing further to could be on my mind.I do appreciate you trying to help me though

[Jawaree 717]

We are both in our early 40's

I have been thinking the same thing myself, about the menopause. for the short time I was with her it was like living with a stranger.She never left the house unless it was for work dropping our daughter off to school or shopping. She closed down her facebook account put on weight and barely speaks to anyone now. She used to be so outgoing and always took pride in her appearance, all that has gone. I'm looking in the local papers for somewhere to live and on craiglist,as for your suggestion of dating nothing further to could be on my mind.I do appreciate you trying to help me though

Buddy from what you say tat does not sound like a woman cheating so ignore that comment.....I think

your wife maybe clinically depressed....ilke I said could be peri-menopause (at her age) the weight gain

she don't care about, the length of time being mom & dad alone, the loneliness of it all and the major

nail in the coffin the immigration process...its no walk in the park ppl have to use distance love to fight

USCIS, at the end some ppl are drained....just stay in the immediate area, and do lots of stuff with your

daughter to re-bond, get involved with her school activities, and pray dude...after all storm comes the calm

[E-N 48]

this is very sad. May you be blessed in your future endeavors

[Eric-Pris 1,602]

She obviously cheated on him. Time to move on. I feel sorry for his daughter.

I'm thinking the same thing. I think maybe she was hoping that he would never actually arrive in the US. It seems like it took a long time. But couldn't she have told you a couple months ago before you gave up everything in UK.

What a , seriously. 2 weeks paid motel? And then what? Homeless?

Good luck OP.

[bloomfield 1]

We are both in our early 40's

I have been thinking the same thing myself, about the menopause. for the short time I was with her it was like living with a stranger.She never left the house unless it was for work dropping our daughter off to school or shopping. She closed down her facebook account put on weight and barely speaks to anyone now. She used to be so outgoing and always took pride in her appearance, all that has gone. I'm looking in the local papers for somewhere to live and on craiglist,as for your suggestion of dating nothing further to could be on my mind.I do appreciate you trying to help me though

There is two ways to this and from what I am reading you only want to reconcile with her. As a man you have to understand these things happen, mood swings and the whole women emotion thing however you are at fault at the following:

1. She gain weight and did not care any more- U did not compliment her, you did not give her the encourage to keep going as how she was
2. She did not want to leave the house - She is depress and needs you as the strong hold
3. She barely speaks to any one - Again where were you in all this to be her knight in shining armor, holidays, visits, what ever it takes
4. She becomes a stranger - People don't change suddenly , its gradual and where were you again in the process
5. Lastly -- All these transition happen while in UK and then continues in USA- Where were you, did u expect once u got there life would just change

Sorry to be straight forward but something happens, I am not saying she not at fault too but when one goes down the other should help the partner up and u being the man means, u got to do the helping first.

She went to look after her sick dad dude, that in itself is depression. My suggestion to you is get back the man she once loved, looked in yourself, do the stuff that you did when she started dating you, It's a woman crying for attention dude. She prohably want you out the house because of fear of having sex with you and building the wrong relationship or feelings...

Right now you have a great route in, she is showing you.. take it bro. and make her smile again...

Good Luck.. Go get her tiger!!!

[FLAussie 5]

I have been thinking the same thing myself, about the menopause. for the short time I was with her it was like living with a stranger.She never left the house unless it was for work dropping our daughter off to school or shopping. She closed down her facebook account put on weight and barely speaks to anyone now. She used to be so outgoing and always took pride in her appearance, all that has gone. I'm looking in the local papers for somewhere to live and on craiglist,as for your suggestion of dating nothing further to could be on my mind.I do appreciate you trying to help me though

Firstly, I am so sorry you are in this situation. Sometimes coming here doesn't work out quite as we'd hoped, and whatever plans we'd made for when we get here have to be thrown away. All I can say is, hang in there; hopefully things will get better for you soon.

As for your wife: she sounds clinically depressed. This is a decent list of typical diagnostic criteria: http://www.webmd.com/depression/guide/detecting-depression#1

You mentioned earlier that she moved back to the U.S. to care for her father. I'd suggest grief as another possible reason why she feels nothing toward you now; numbness is a common grief reaction. (Her father doesn't have to be gone yet for grief to have begun; many medical conditions take someone you love away from you slowly, and you know you've lost them and will never have them back as you remember them, long before the end.)

It's unusual for someone to go from having very strong feelings to nothing at all; getting her to talk to someone qualified to diagnose any underlying problem, if there is one, would be a good idea. GP / family doctor would be my suggestion as a first step. How you get her to do this is the tricky part. Obviously, "you're mentally ill to want to divorce me!! go get help!" would be the wrong approach.

You know her far better than anyone here does. I can offer some tips on getting someone to go get help if you'd like? They'd be general, though; different people respond to different approaches.

Don't give up on her right away, if you think something might be wrong; she's been your wife for a long time.

[Ontarkie 13,883]

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