Husband hates texas

[TBoneTX 43,022]

Don't move anywhere.

Is it possible that he's the victim of discrimination, or is being shunned, by his Mexican coworkers? I'm betting on this. If it's true, this would add massive stress to that of uprooting his life to move here.

I highly recommend that you seek out the Dominican organizations in Houston -- and do it "yesterday."

Although Mrs. T-B. had been to the U.S. before, she was homesick and felt like a fish out of water upon moving here "for real." On perhaps her second weekend here, I dropped her at a Spanish church service and picked her up afterwards. She came out late, chatting merrily with new acquaintances, and she introduced them to me in bubbling fashion. We repeated this for 2 weeks. She felt much more connected.

None of those direct contacts have endured, but she met others through their networks and then continued on her own. Of note, Mrs. T-B. was never particularly religious.

Church-goers are typically decent people, so you wouldn't have to worry about his falling into a wrong crowd. There are also support groups available at or through these churches. Strongly consider the potential benefits of this path.

[blest.but.strest 50]

Don't move anywhere.

Is it possible that he's the victim of discrimination, or is being shunned, by his Mexican coworkers? I'm betting on this. If it's true, this would add massive stress to that of uprooting his life to move here.

I highly recommend that you seek out the Dominican organizations in Houston -- and do it "yesterday."

Although Mrs. T-B. had been to the U.S. before, she was homesick and felt like a fish out of water upon moving here "for real." On perhaps her second weekend here, I dropped her at a Spanish church service and picked her up afterwards. She came out late, chatting merrily with new acquaintances, and she introduced them to me in bubbling fashion. We repeated this for 2 weeks. She felt much more connected.

None of those direct contacts have endured, but she met others through their networks and then continued on her own. Of note, Mrs. T-B. was never particularly religious.

Church-goers are typically decent people, so you wouldn't have to worry about his falling into a wrong crowd. There are also support groups available at or through these churches. Strongly consider the potential benefits of this path.

wow I didn't think of that angle, and that really makes sense, maybe he is being shunned by his Mexicans co workers. Mexicans are not used to seeing black Spanish speaking people, he might be getting picked on.

[Cathi 5,609]

personally I would call the embassy who issued him the visa and ask them their opinion on what you should do or at least let your husband know that's what you're going to do because this sounds to me like it's abuse sweetheart and this is not what you signed up for this is not what you deserve. I will pray for you.

Why would she call the embassy? The visa has been issued and his status in the US as an LPR doesn't concern them. If you don't know the correct answer to a question, instead of guessing you just shouldn't answer.

[TBoneTX 43,022]

wow I didn't think of that angle, and that really makes sense, maybe he is being shunned by his Mexicans co workers. Mexicans are not used to seeing black Spanish speaking people, he might be getting picked on.

I'd bet money on it. He might be too ashamed, seething, or proud to admit it openly, so the tension oozes out in other, inappropriate ways.

[Jawaree 717]

I agree with A, C, D

B. he is not Spanish, Spanish people are from Spain. He is Spanish speaking and you can be Spanish speaking too if you learn it. He is Dominican, from DR, a Caribbean country that shares the same geographic area as Haiti, Puerto Rico and Cuba, yes the Caribbean. He is not hating on Spanish people, he is hating on Mexicans and Haitians.

Are you saying that because he is from DR he cant be Spanish only speak Spanish?

I beg to differ, but P Ricans, Cubans etc are referred to also as Spanish/Spanish speaking

ppl. one can get technical to say a Spanish person must be from Spain...DR and Haiti are

land-locked one speaks Spanish the other French, Cuba Bahamas Turks & Caicos,Cayman

& PR is close in that region all English speakers except Cubans and they all have black, white,

Chinese Indian , Jewish, German, Lebanese & Syrians that are natives...matter a

fact a very mixed set of ppl. Sadly Haiti who was 1st Independent in the Colony became poorer

as the dacades roll by due to bad leadership managenment but even great countries eventually fall,

DR is a bit more organized and does have a bit more, so they cross over for a better life and is

treated badly by DR and all others, I remember in the 80s when ppl spread rumors on these ppl

due to poverty, and when ppl curse at each other they would say "you look like a Haitian" to

insult the other....We are all gods ppl ..all of us if we don't bathe we'll sink, if we don't eat we

will die of hungrer, and mostly we will allll die, rich poor, black, white, so to look down on others &

hate them due to race, or them being poor shows a very sad person...many act as if they are'nt

the same but they are, I would never have a racist person around my kids, sit at my table, or

make excuses for them...The Haitian ppl are beginning to move forward and recently DR has

stopped those born there after a certain date stripped of their citizenship. I thank god everyday

I was not born in some countries, but it don't make these ppl less human...sorry for the babble.

[blest.but.strest 50]

Are you saying that because he is from DR he cant be Spanish only speak Spanish?

I beg to differ, but P Ricans, Cubans etc are referred to also as Spanish/Spanish speaking

ppl. one can get technical to say a Spanish person must be from Spain...DR and Haiti are

land-locked one speaks Spanish the other French, Cuba Bahamas Turks & Caicos,Cayman

& PR is close in that region all English speakers except Cubans and they all have black, white,

Chinese Indian , Jewish, German, Lebanese & Syrians that are natives...matter a

fact a very mixed set of ppl. Sadly Haiti who was 1st Independent in the Colony became poorer

as the dacades roll by due to bad leadership managenment but even great countries eventually fall,

DR is a bit more organized and does have a bit more, so they cross over for a better life and is

treated badly by DR and all others, I remember in the 80s when ppl spread rumors on these ppl

due to poverty, and when ppl curse at each other they would say "you look like a Haitian" to

insult the other....We are all gods ppl ..all of us if we don't bathe we'll sink, if we don't eat we

will die of hungrer, and mostly we will allll die, rich poor, black, white, so to look down on others &

hate them due to race, or them being poor shows a very sad person...many act as if they are'nt

the same but they are, I would never have a racist person around my kids, sit at my table, or

make excuses for them...The Haitian ppl are beginning to move forward and recently DR has

stopped those born there after a certain date stripped of their citizenship. I thank god everyday

I was not born in some countries, but it don't make these ppl less human...sorry for the babble.

Not much you just said made sense. I am Canadian, I speak English, French and Spanish but that doesn't make me French, British or Spanish, I am Canadian and proud of it. Don't mix up speaking a language with a nationality or an ethnicity or even with a race.

Edited March 13, 2015 by blest.but.strest

[Jawaree 717]

Not much you just said made sense. I am Canadian, I speak English, French and Spanish but that doesn't make me French, British or Spanish, I am Canadian and proud of it. Don't mix up speaking a language with a nationality or an ethnicity or even with a race.

I don't come to a forum to insult or argue at others

please look at my past posts, not going there at all.

I hear U loudly, I just don't get technical like that we are

all ppl, but some ppl do think a certain way and have

the freedom to do so, U make all the sense...Peace out

Edited March 13, 2015 by Jawaree

[blest.but.strest 50]

I don't come to a forum to insult or argue at others

please look at my past posts, not going there at all.

I hear U loudly, I just don't get technical like that we are

all ppl, but some ppl do think a certain way and have

the freedom to do so, U make all the sense...Peace out

Thank you for sharing your opinion.

[cho iketeru 2]

Racism isn't a culture my friend, it is hatred. Education is key, perhaps her husband and many other Dominicans (and other nationalities) need some education and understand that there shouldn't be any profit, intellectual or monetary off of racism in 2015.

Most Dominicans and Haitians yes, they are all from African and European descent

Racism is very much cultural; http://www.livescience.com/21478-what-is-culture-definition-of-culture.html.

Babies are not born racists. It is a learned behavior.

I wish the OP well. I was trying to be optimistic in directing her to seek out Dominican groups in Houston. This just might help her husband adjust to life in Texas and the USA. If her situation does not change, she already had a wealth of information in this forum to guide her. She can also seek legal advice.

[blest.but.strest 50]

Racism is very much cultural; http://www.livescience.com/21478-what-is-culture-definition-of-culture.html.

Babies are not born racists. It is a learned behavior.

I wish the OP well. I was trying to be optimistic in directing her to seek out Dominican groups in Houston. This just might help her husband adjust to life in Texas and the USA. If her situation does not change, she already had a wealth of information in this forum to guide her. She can also seek legal advice.

There was not one mention of racism in the link you sent me. Please do not confuse pride or cultural diversity with racism, those are completely different things. We are all from different places, whether it's a different neighborhood, city or a different country. Racism is ignorance and ignorance can be passed down from a parent to a child. Raising that child with ignorance can create a racist person. But in 2015 USA, racism is unacceptable.

I wish the OP's husband can adjust to Texas life but I would really wish for him to be a better husband and a better human.

Edited March 13, 2015 by blest.but.strest

[Hotter Otter 1,211]

If he has issues with people who are different he'd get on just fine in New York

Those people who are saying he might be victimised at work, maybe its the other way round and he is telling them they are speaking Spanish the wrong way etc. He sounds like he has an attitude problem and would probably offend people fairly easily.

I agree with the people saying that his divorce threats and claiming he's not coming back are just a way of manipulating the OP.

[rtor1 52]

Sorry, but in my opinion he is playing a game to have you doing whatever he wants, believe me, it will get worst and worst and if you play his game. It will put you in a position of low esteem where you will feel your life is all about his selfish behavior. Not going to mention his racism because to me it's so stupid that people still act like that (Especially a guy from DR who apparently has been used to deal with many different cultures). Anyway, he is old enough to make his own choices and let him do whatever he wants. I know it's not easy when we love someone but you have to love yourself and your kid in first place, is it the life you want to live for the rest of your life? Someone getting mad at you because if make spanish mistakes? Fine, he is in the US so speak in English with him tho, wasn't it his choice to move and start a new life there? I get really frustrated when I see people making such a drama about their new lives, every start is hard and we know in advance we are going to a different country, different environment, no friends, family, job... And it's a choice we make, isn't it? If he thought he was going to the US to live with his DR people, I am sorry but he should have stayed there instead.

[janet&adonis 57]

wow I didn't think of that angle, and that really makes sense, maybe he is being shunned by his Mexicans co workers. Mexicans are not used to seeing black Spanish speaking people, he might be getting picked on.

When he first started there they would call him "moreno" and some still do. He says his boss is racist towards black people, and when he got here he was pretty dark. He used to be a moto taxi person in the dr. He left suddenly that he didnt have time to sell his motorcycles. So i think he just hates his job because they "use" him. He has been very sick with fever, sore throat, body aches etc. he called into work but the boss told him he needed to come in and work half a day, even though his boss is capable of doing everything. My thing is that my husband is a cook, he should not be touching or cooking other peoples food if he is sick. But the boss dont care. And no one asked if he was feeling better, or acted like they cared. Husband wants to find another job. Maybe working in the chemical plants.

Im going to try to find dominican social groups or churches near Houston. I think it might be helpful, but im pretty sure he will find something wrong with that too

[MrsN 8]

I live in NJ and it's very diverse here with Dominicans and Haitians and other cultures. If your husband has been here for a year I wouldn't blam it on adjustment issue. Think he's just coming up with things to cause problems to frustrate you so Mayb you can give up so all the blame isn't on him. He sounds very manipulative and i dont know why U would consider moving here when you have everything in tx. I'm Pretty sure U make more money than he does and if you two pack up and move to jersey does he think it will be easier here? Jeresy is way different than Texas. If he wants to leave let him go, what he's doing is emotional abuse and making threats. Think of you child and yourself 1st.

[janet&adonis 57]

but then again, expatty has some good council. maybe church is his excuse with hopes that you will buy it. if it isn't, things will only get worse. the writing is on the wall, you daughter smells him, why don;t you?

I never mentioned i have a daughter. I mentioned i have a teenager in school that i dont want to uproot from the life they have here to move away.

My teen only asks why is he so racist, but then shrugs it off. Pays no attention to him. They are both alike in many ways. They like to work with their hands, and work on projects. They both mentioned fixing my driveway, maybe they can work on that project together and my husband will have something to do.