TSC K1 Backlog - what can we do? (For TSC non-expedites only)

[Pennycat 880]

I mentioned previously sending letters to my representatives in Congress asking for their help determining the causes of the backlog at TSC and what's being done to fix it. I figure it's about time I followed up on that.

First, Representative Renee Ellmers, whose office was very responsive to me during her election campaign when I initially asked if they would be able to help during the filing process (but had been very adamant that me and my fiance, as a same-sex couple, could not get married in North Carolina), has not made any response at all. It's now been two months. Given that same-sex marriage is legal in NC now (and everywhere else) and that she's not currently campaigning for votes, I presume she simply doesn't care about me as a constituent anymore. Even with any constiuent services, I would not end up supporting her, so I'm politically worthless. So, therefore, so is she, because she has one job (to represent her constituents) and clearly she isn't doing that.

Next, I had also previously contact Senator Richard Burr. He wrote back misunderstanding my situation (with the assumption I had already filed), but he personalized the letter with my fiance's name so I had higher hopes for my second contact. His office responded with the privacy release, I filled it out, and some three or four weeks later I got a generic chain message about TSC's processing times. They did not offer any further support, and they completely ignored talking about the backlog and/or what's being done to resolve it.

Finally, I was in touch with Senator Thom Tillis, the new addition to the Senate from North Carolina. He was a staunch opponent of same-sex marriage, and as a Republican, inclined to oppose immigration as well, so I wasn't sure what to expect. Surprisingly, his office was the most responsive. I received an email to sign the privacy release, which I did the day I received it, and within a week I received a phonecall from one of his local staff members saying she'd been in touch with TSC and since my petition was within standard processing times, there was nothing more they could do (however, she did say she would keep checking on our case every thirty days--that time is coming up quickly and I've yet to hear another response, so we'll see), but that if we reach six months, they'll be able to "pull the petition," which I guess means expedite it? In any case, I was somewhat surprised how it took nearly a month for Burr to get a generic message from TSC, but Tillis was able to get in contact with them within a week; possibly it's because Tillis stands more to gain, as a new senator, building constitutuent relationships than Burr does, so his office is working especially hard to achieve this? He may also be in need ot positive public feedback from same-sex couples to salvage his image from his recent campaigning since same-sex marraige is now legal. I can't be certain. However, even while on the phone, I pressed for information about the backlog and what's being done to fix it, and my requests were immediately dismissed.

So now I feel out of options, since whereas I had complete confidence in the political process, it seems to have failed where I needed it to succeed. I'm considering penning a letter to the president, as he's the only other human being I can think of who might be worth contacting. What do all of you think? Is it worth it?

Re: "what's being done to fix it". USCIS thinks it already solved this problem.

They're never going to find out the cause of the backlog. Or, at least, they'll never really admit to it. I'm sorry, you are really fighting a losing battle on that front, partially because this battle has already been fought, lost, but the "war" has been won (see point #4 for clarification on this). There's many reasons for this.

1: The district offices that do the constituent service requests and the political offices in DC are two different entities, and really don't work together much because their missions really don't overlap all too much (I have worked for both types of offices before, you have to trust me on this). So, your personal problem is a district office issue, the mis-management of USCIS is a political office issue. You're simply not going to get both issues handled by the same person, or even the same office.

2: Congress has almost no "teeth" with USCIS. This is because the main way that Congress (the legislative branch) gets to boss around the federal agencies (which are the executive branch) is by controling their funding (Congress is the branch of government that allocates funds and makes the budget). But, USCIS is not funded by federal money. It's funded by our fees. So Congress really has very little leverage over this particular agency.

3. If Congress DID have leverage over this agency, with the way politics are now, they would not use it to help applicats. They would use it to dismantle DACA and prevent DAPA from going through. (Many of them have as much as said this).

4. USCIS considers that it has properly addressed this backlog already. For months, as long as I've been here (started lurking in Oct 2014), the TSC filers here on Visajourny were trying to fight this same battle. There were petitions galore. I think there's still a letter out to the President with thousands of signatures that has gone un-responded to (I'm not sure about this, I wasn't working on the letter, just watched all of this go down). USCIS DID finally get the message somehow and made the March 27 change (the change where now the Lockbox sends all new petitions to CSC. Either it's because only CSC will deal with them from now on or because the Lockbox is sending to the office with the shortest "line". No one knows).

If you're interested, I am 90% sure that it was through the efforts of VJ members who managed to contact Senate committee staff the morning that this hearing happened:

http://www.judiciary.senate.gov/meetings/oversight-of-us-citizenship-and-immigration-services-ensuring-agency-priorities-comply-with-the-law

One of the men testifying to the Senate Subcommittee on Immigration and the National Interest is Donald Neufeld, the Associate Director of Service Center Operations for USCIS. The guy in charge of the service centers. The group reported (I can't find the thread now) that they got in touch with the committee staff and presented this case about the backlog. While it was NOT addressed by the Senators in the hearing, it seems possible, if not very likely, that the proof of the backlog got through to him. Because 3 weeks later, they announced the March 27 change. The change that made it so that the Lockbox routes new petitions to the service center with the shortest "line" (or maybe CSC will handle 100% of petitions from now on so if they ever get a backlog, at least there will be an EQUAL backlog). They consider that "the fix". If you were already in line at TSC before March 27, you aren't being moved. You are still stuck in this unfair timeline situation. You're, basically, screw3d. But, the root issue (that the two offices were processing at such vastly different speeds) is considered solved. The rest of us are collateral damage. In a couple of months, none of us 6+ monthers will be left at TSC and we go away. If they thought about those of us left behind "in line" at TSC at all, they probably did a quick mental calculation that said "we'll only have to listen to b!tching from those guys from April through August or so...easier than trying to figure out how to balance the workload". That's quite often how decisions like that get made, both in private industry and government.

5. What other change could they make at this stage? They can't rewind time and even things out earlier. They can't expedite all the rest of us left at TSC (and all of the rest of us are in for a 6+ month long wait. If we all are entitle to "expedites", none of us are really expedited). We don't want to get transferred to CSC anymore because that will just add time at this stage. They have (in their opinion at least), made a change that will prevent such timeline discrepancies from happening again.... So what change is left to be made? To just expedite you yourself? Even if they could (USCIS manipulates those dates so that almost no one is outside normal processing time and almost no one is eligible for congressional inquiry)....that doesn't solve the problem of the backlog either. Just solves your problem.

If you want to know the reason this all happened in the first place---lots of theories about that, some more politically charged than others. I personally don't care or have an opinion, but I will tell you what the prevailing opinion on VJ seems to be: a new program that opened the door for millions of new applications (DACA) was made, and not enough (if any) additional staff was hired. It slowed everything down. It seems like no one with enough oversight authority was looking out for discrepancies between the service centers, and it ballooned to the point this winter that some people got through CSC in 4 days (no joke), while others were at TSC for 8.5 months. True, false? Who knows. Doesn't really matter anyway. But clearly, someone somewhere was asleep at the wheel that the processing time discrepancy got that bad without anyone acting.

Edited August 3, 2015 by CatherineA

[Pennycat 880]

I also meant to add but it's too late to edit---

#1 is the reason Burr's office didn't address the issue of the backlog--you're dealing with the constituent service office and that's a political office issue.

#5 about how they just can't expedite you---that's why both Tillis and Burr's offices gave you the same canned answer that USCIS gives you. Because of point #2, Congress has very little "teeth" with USCIS and they're mostly stuck taking the same canned replies that we are.

Oh also, that Senate hearing was about DAPA and the Senate trying to figure out if USCIS was acting legally about it. Nothing to do with processing times at all. Supports point #3 that their priority is being against those programs, not making service center operations go smoother.

In terms of Ellmer's office....did you email? Directly to a staff member? If so, I'd look up who the Chief of Staff of the office is, find his/her email if possible and forward the email you sent. Say it's been this many months and I haven't even had the courtesy of a reply. Not the nicest thing to do, and won't get your case looked at any faster. But it'll make a point, if that's what you're after.

Edited August 3, 2015 by CatherineA

[dsldesch 27]

I also meant to add but it's too late to edit---

#1 is the reason Burr's office didn't address the issue of the backlog--you're dealing with the constituent service office and that's a political office issue.

#5 about how they just can't expedite you---that's why both Tillis and Burr's offices gave you the same canned answer that USCIS gives you. Because of point #2, Congress has very little "teeth" with USCIS and they're mostly stuck taking the same canned replies that we are.

Oh also, that Senate hearing was about DAPA and the Senate trying to figure out if USCIS was acting legally about it. Nothing to do with processing times at all. Supports point #3 that their priority is being against those programs, not making service center operations go smoother.

In terms of Ellmer's office....did you email? Directly to a staff member? If so, I'd look up who the Chief of Staff of the office is, find his/her email if possible and forward the email you sent. Say it's been this many months and I haven't even had the courtesy of a reply. Not the nicest thing to do, and won't get your case looked at any faster. But it'll make a point, if that's what you're after.

Thank you for both of your replies; you bring up a lot of valid points that make a lot of sense. I won't say they quell my frustrations, of course, because I paid the same fees as everyone at CSC for a very different experience (and I know I'm not the only one in this position, and that makes me angrier), but it is cause enough to make me think "giving up" and putting my energy elsewhere is the best idea, even if the fighter in me wants to keep pushing...but you're right, what other changes are they going to make now?

Ultimately, I don't want to ask ours to expedited since I know that would come at the expense of someone else's faster NOA2, but if we don't hear back within a month, I may be forced to reconsider given our unique situations. (Although I know there are probably others in similar positions or less convenient ones than us....)

[Pennycat 880]

Thank you for both of your replies; you bring up a lot of valid points that make a lot of sense. I won't say they quell my frustrations, of course, because I paid the same fees as everyone at CSC for a very different experience (and I know I'm not the only one in this position, and that makes me angrier), but it is cause enough to make me think "giving up" and putting my energy elsewhere is the best idea, even if the fighter in me wants to keep pushing...but you're right, what other changes are they going to make now?

Ultimately, I don't want to ask ours to expedited since I know that would come at the expense of someone else's faster NOA2, but if we don't hear back within a month, I may be forced to reconsider given our unique situations. (Although I know there are probably others in similar positions or less convenient ones than us....)

I completely understand, believe me. While I am a February filer, I've been tracking this issue since about November or so, getting increasingly stressed and angry, knowing that I was about to get in that boat. My two biggest regrets are (1) deciding to try for a B2 visa (actually for a visit, seriously) before we got engaged (2) not applying for the K1 as soon as the B2 failed. Instead, I got all fussy about either or not our "engagement story" would line up with my application date and so instead of applying in late November (after the B2 fail), I waited until after my next visit (for New Year) when we got engaged.

Then it took my fiance a whole freaking month to get his act together on the G-325a. I can't even begin to tell you how angry I was every single day for that entire month.I'm STILL angry about it and it's been 7 months!!! I have typed and deleted the details of how and why this was so hard for him and the mean things I yelled but I just don't want it out there for posterity. Just know it was awful. With the wait at TSC looming the whole time. Now that he's getting super frustrated at the long wait time (and life in general, he's leading a "temporary life", or "life on hold" and is sick of it).... it is taking every fiber of my being to not say "I told you so. We could be on the embassy stage by now except that you didn't take me seriously in January when I said that this was really, really, really, really important that we file as soon as possible". Sigh.

The positives about the longer wait that I have found are this (I'd still trade this for faster processing but you have to find positives where they are):

1. We've weathered a storm together and are still together and are stronger for it, I believe.

2. We got to have an engagement party in Costa Rica and a bunch of my friends and family came down. If we'd been on the fast track, this wouldn't have happened. So now he's met my family and a few friends and has a much better idea of the life he's moving to.

3. My fiance has had time to live with another Costa Rican who has lived in the US for 20 or so years. So he's getting a little more exposure to US culture, how we do things (like banking...boring stuff), and practicing more English. Maybe this kind of extended preparation will be good for us in the future

4. I'm finding that planning a winter wedding means that basically everywhere you look is going to have availability and be much cheaper than most other times of the year. I never wanted a winter wedding, still don't particularly want one, but this is a definite perk, especially given the short timeframe and the amble availability. You cannot plan a May-October wedding at most typical venues with 90 day's notice. Not around here.

5. Honestly, the few naysayers who were dead convinced that he's in this for a green card have shut the hell up. Especially after HE was the reason we delayed the application in the first place (lol---visa scammers don't waste time). I think that the extended period of time for them to get the heck used to the idea has been beneficial to us.

Edited August 3, 2015 by CatherineA

[yuna628 9,525]

4. USCIS considers that it has properly addressed this backlog already. For months, as long as I've been here (started lurking in Oct 2014), the TSC filers here on Visajourny were trying to fight this same battle. There were petitions galore. I think there's still a letter out to the President with thousands of signatures that has gone un-responded to (I'm not sure about this, I wasn't working on the letter, just watched all of this go down). USCIS DID finally get the message somehow and made the March 27 change (the change where now the Lockbox sends all new petitions to CSC. Either it's because only CSC will deal with them from now on or because the Lockbox is sending to the office with the shortest "line". No one knows).

The letter that went to POTUS did receive a response from someone within the USCIS who was given authorization on behalf of POTUS to respond to the letter and acknowledged that the complaint in the letter was valid, and the steps taken to 'correct' the problem. That tells me the pressure during that judiciary meeting or the President himself (I'd like think maybe someone got a verbal chew-out) caused the action to make the March CSC change. Not a very helpful change, but it was something at least. There is absolutely something wrong with the way the USCIS is run. It's disturbing.

[Pennycat 880]

The letter that went to POTUS did receive a response from someone within the USCIS who was given authorization on behalf of POTUS to respond to the letter and acknowledged that the complaint in the letter was valid, and the steps taken to 'correct' the problem. That tells me the pressure during that judiciary meeting or the President himself (I'd like think maybe someone got a verbal chew-out) caused the action to make the March CSC change. Not a very helpful change, but it was something at least. There is absolutely something wrong with the way the USCIS is run. It's disturbing.

Ah ok, I never heard the update on that. Thanks And that is really awesome! So maybe a coincidence with the timing of the Senate hearing (which I did see the thread about, and already knew that that meeting was happening and was thinking of heading over there to give that man the stink-eye LOL. My office isn't too far from there).

While again, the battle was lost for ourselves, it is REALLY vindicating to hear that the VJ efforts, one way or the other (and now it sounds like through the POTUS letter) worked, and that our complaints were FINALLY seen as "valid". That's kind-of-sort-of all I wanted (in terms of calming down the seething anger at the injustice of it all. Obviously what I *really* wanted was for the processing times to even out for me, too).

[Pennycat 880]

The letter that went to POTUS did receive a response from someone within the USCIS who was given authorization on behalf of POTUS to respond to the letter and acknowledged that the complaint in the letter was valid, and the steps taken to 'correct' the problem. That tells me the pressure during that judiciary meeting or the President himself (I'd like think maybe someone got a verbal chew-out) caused the action to make the March CSC change. Not a very helpful change, but it was something at least. There is absolutely something wrong with the way the USCIS is run. It's disturbing.

Oh and WOW congrats on your visa today!!!

[dsldesch 27]

I completely understand, believe me. While I am a February filer, I've been tracking this issue since about November or so, getting increasingly stressed and angry, knowing that I was about to get in that boat. My two biggest regrets are (1) deciding to try for a B2 visa (actually for a visit, seriously) before we got engaged (2) not applying for the K1 as soon as the B2 failed. Instead, I got all fussy about either or not our "engagement story" would line up with my application date and so instead of applying in late November (after the B2 fail), I waited until after my next visit (for New Year) when we got engaged.

Then it took my fiance a whole freaking month to get his act together on the G-325a. I can't even begin to tell you how angry I was every single day for that entire month.I'm STILL angry about it and it's been 7 months!!! I have typed and deleted the details of how and why this was so hard for him and the mean things I yelled but I just don't want it out there for posterity. Just know it was awful. With the wait at TSC looming the whole time. Now that he's getting super frustrated at the long wait time (and life in general, he's leading a "temporary life", or "life on hold" and is sick of it).... it is taking every fiber of my being to not say "I told you so. We could be on the embassy stage by now except that you didn't take me seriously in January when I said that this was really, really, really, really important that we file as soon as possible". Sigh.

The positives about the longer wait that I have found are this (I'd still trade this for faster processing but you have to find positives where they are):

1. We've weathered a storm together and are still together and are stronger for it, I believe.

2. We got to have an engagement party in Costa Rica and a bunch of my friends and family came down. If we'd been on the fast track, this wouldn't have happened. So now he's met my family and a few friends and has a much better idea of the life he's moving to.

3. My fiance has had time to live with another Costa Rican who has lived in the US for 20 or so years. So he's getting a little more exposure to US culture, how we do things (like banking...boring stuff), and practicing more English. Maybe this kind of extended preparation will be good for us in the future

4. I'm finding that planning a winter wedding means that basically everywhere you look is going to have availability and be much cheaper than most other times of the year. I never wanted a winter wedding, still don't particularly want one, but this is a definite perk, especially given the short timeframe and the amble availability. You cannot plan a May-October wedding at most typical venues with 90 day's notice. Not around here.

5. Honestly, the few naysayers who were dead convinced that he's in this for a green card have shut the hell up. Especially after HE was the reason we delayed the application in the first place (lol---visa scammers don't waste time). I think that the extended period of time for them to get the heck used to the idea has been beneficial to us.

I completely understand. There was a lot of back and forth while my fiancé and I were preparing our packet; we could have filed as early as August, but both of us (me especially, since I'm the organized one between the two of us) underestimated how much was required for the application, and although some of the paperwork delays do fall on my fiancé, most of the delay came from my university courses devouring all of my time between August and December. I ultimately ended up falling behind my coursework between January and February to finally get it all out. A month later I regretted rushing to get it all in because everything now went to CSC.

I can also understand your anger. My fiancé realized his passport had expired shortly after filing, and although we had discussed getting this taken care of in March, he still hasn't done it. (He tells me he can get it done in a week, so I really can't understand why he hasn't already, and trust me, if we get our approval before he has his passport renewed, I don't think any amount of words will be able to describe my anger. But I'm trying to be trusting, and I'm praying it works out with as little hassle as possible. Even if our petition were approved today, we'd probably still have at least a month or two before the interview, so trying to see the delay as beneficial, and breathing, is a small grace.)

I'm also appreciating the extra time we have before the next round of immigration costs. Since my fiancé and I are still students, we don't have a lot of wealth between us, so we've been using this time to fundraise to offset some of these costs. It's going slowly, and we're not even a tenth of the way yet, but so long as we have time, that could change.

The extra visits to Mexico have also allowed me to meet his parents and more of his friends, which I am grateful for, but next May/June I'll be at summer training with Teach for America (which he won't be able to join), and then we'll be moving to Milwaukee where I've been placed, so all this extra time in Mexico has come at the expense of his being able to get to know my family and my friends and explore my home before we leave. Not to mention all the emotional distress of being physically separated. So while I have a few reasons to be thankful, I still would've been happier with an earlier approval.

[yuna628 9,525]

Oh and WOW congrats on your visa today!!!

Thank you... interview was exactly on the 300th day.. kind of exhausting for us both, ya know? The USCIS process has drained us... and to think all of us have to deal with them again for AOS round...

I hope that both of you will receive an approval from the USCIS soon.. because really, once it happens things start moving so fast, and you start wondering why if one branch of government can run at a decent pace... why can't another?

dsldesch: I can't say when you'll be approved, but I can say regardless of the when is no excuse to be tardy on renewing a passport. Fiance should get it done, because you never know when your file will be yanked out of the bin and put into the stack. I was still expecting my case to be lagging for yet another month when they approved us, and I've seen some cases get approved in a completely random order. Bad chances are it won't be... but you must go into it thinking it could be.

[dsldesch 27]

dsldesch: I can't say when you'll be approved, but I can say regardless of the when is no excuse to be tardy on renewing a passport. Fiance should get it done, because you never know when your file will be yanked out of the bin and put into the stack. I was still expecting my case to be lagging for yet another month when they approved us, and I've seen some cases get approved in a completely random order. Bad chances are it won't be... but you must go into it thinking it could be.

Trust me, I know, and I've expressed this to my fiancé in as many ways as I can, but he just won't be bothered by it. Even when I tell him it could reflect poorly in an interview, to have had an expired passport during the filing process, he just doesn't have the same concern I do. I'll show him your post and maybe hearing it from someone else will make him realize it's not just me overreacting.

[Pennycat 880]

Trust me, I know, and I've expressed this to my fiancé in as many ways as I can, but he just won't be bothered by it. Even when I tell him it could reflect poorly in an interview, to have had an expired passport during the filing process, he just doesn't have the same concern I do. I'll show him your post and maybe hearing it from someone else will make him realize it's not just me overreacting.

If you figure out how to overcome this, please let me know how. Same thing with my fiance. I have been told that this is a cultural difference problem (a bad mix of our pretty uptight tendencies to pre-plan and overthink and their much more relaxed approach to life). I tried pulling the "trump card" during our visa application process saying "look, this is my government, I know how they work, I know how picky they are about things, and I know how the wait times get worse and worse every day, please just trust me and do this"....didn't work.

Oh, and by "picky about things", I mean that most of the problem with the G-325a was his not remembering exact dates of moves/job changes and thinking that "I don't remember, this is hard" is an answer they'd take. Seriously, the first two conversations we had trying to do this together, AFTER going to his mom's house for help with dates was "oh, that part I don't remember". Twice. We talked the first time, I said "I don't remember isn't good enough. Go see if your mom can help", and the second conversation, after going to Mom's house was still "I don't remember". And thinking it was an acceptable answer for the form! Or giving his "best guess" that had him already living back home during the same month that we claimed to have met on the other side of the country.....

He just Did. Not. See. how this was a big deal. Or listen to my concerns about the growing backlog at TSC, telling me that "you'll see, everything will be fine. Tranquila, bb". (Unfortunately, because I can get a little....urgent about many things and then they DO always turn out to be just fine, he feels justified in this position that every time I think something is important, I'm overreacting). It seriously took me going into a Level 5 Freakout that I bet they're still talking about at Kinkos on February 12, yelling into Skype in a terrible, mangled Spanglish that he can just "go ahead and figure out how to apply for this by yourself and let me know when you've finished it. Good luck honey, because I'm the one who needs to apply. But I'm suuuurrre you'll figure it out. It'll be just fine. I'll just tranquila over here now because you can do this all by yourself. Have fun. Seriously. Go ahead, waste another week or 5 years. I'm done trying to do this for both of us". I'd have thrown the phone if I wasn't still paying for it ( )

Miracle of all freaking miracles, on February 13 he was (1) actually in a place with proper wifi/ cell coverage to make the Skype call on time and (2) actually had his dates and addresses both ready and accurate (or at least not conflicting with the dates I knew, and which we'd already reported). Something similar happened with our engagement party. But instead of a Level 5 Freakout, it was just tears of frustration and sadness over some photos (long story). Problem solved in an hour. I don't want to have to get to a Level 5 Freakout or so upset about things that I'm literally crying at the dinner table before I am taken seriously. I'm thinking about some kind of code word that means "hey, I know I'm always an uptight, over-planning north american, but this time I FREAKING MEAN IT".

Edited August 4, 2015 by CatherineA

[yuna628 9,525]

Trust me, I know, and I've expressed this to my fiancé in as many ways as I can, but he just won't be bothered by it. Even when I tell him it could reflect poorly in an interview, to have had an expired passport during the filing process, he just doesn't have the same concern I do. I'll show him your post and maybe hearing it from someone else will make him realize it's not just me overreacting.

This was one of the reasons why I requested... well, insisted my fiancé get his passport renewed and sorted before we sent in the application. He dragged a little bit about it but eventually, after a lot of more... insisting he got it done. Yes, we could have probably filed sooner if he had done it sooner.. but oh well. It has weirdly worked out in the end, though the waiting has been hard to take.

If you figure out how to overcome this, please let me know how. Same thing with my fiance. I have been told that this is a cultural difference problem (a bad mix of our pretty uptight tendencies to pre-plan and overthink and their much more relaxed approach to life). I tried pulling the "trump card" during our visa application process saying "look, this is my government, I know how they work, I know how picky they are about things, and I know how the wait times get worse and worse every day, please just trust me and do this"....didn't work.

Oh, and by "picky about things", I mean that most of the problem with the G-325a was his not remembering exact dates of moves/job changes and thinking that "I don't remember, this is hard" is an answer they'd take. Seriously, the first two conversations we had trying to do this together, AFTER going to his mom's house for help with dates was "oh, that part I don't remember". Twice. We talked the first time, I said "I don't remember isn't good enough. Go see if your mom can help", and the second conversation, after going to Mom's house was still "I don't remember". And thinking it was an acceptable answer for the form! Or giving his "best guess" that had him already living back home during the same month that we claimed to have met on the other side of the country.....

He just Did. Not. See. how this was a big deal. Or listen to my concerns about the growing backlog at TSC, telling me that "you'll see, everything will be fine. Tranquila, bb". (Unfortunately, because I can get a little....urgent about many things and then they DO always turn out to be just fine, he feels justified in this position that every time I think something is important, I'm overreacting). It seriously took me going into a Level 5 Freakout that I bet they're still talking about at Kinkos on February 12, yelling into Skype in a terrible, mangled Spanglish that he can just "go ahead and figure out how to apply for this by yourself and let me know when you've finished it. Good luck honey, because I'm the one who needs to apply. But I'm suuuurrre you'll figure it out. It'll be just fine. I'll just tranquila over here now because you can do this all by yourself. Have fun. Seriously. Go ahead, waste another week or 5 years. I'm done trying to do this for both of us". I'd have thrown the phone if I wasn't still paying for it ( )

Miracle of all freaking miracles, on February 13 he was (1) actually in a place with proper wifi/ cell coverage to make the Skype call on time and (2) actually had his dates and addresses both ready and accurate (or at least not conflicting with the dates I knew, and which we'd already reported). Something similar happened with our engagement party. But instead of a Level 5 Freakout, it was just tears of frustration and sadness over some photos (long story). Problem solved in an hour. I don't want to have to get to a Level 5 Freakout or so upset about things that I'm literally crying at the dinner table before I am taken seriously. I'm thinking about some kind of code word that means "hey, I know I'm always an uptight, over-planning north american, but this time I FREAKING MEAN IT".

Level 5 freakout? Oh you get those too. Cool. And yes, Mr Zen-like tranquility that tells me everything will work out just fine, often dismisses my freakouts when things do go okay, but gets a huge shock when they don't. He thought we'd be married by March. Ha ha. The alterations department used to find it funny every time I'd come in and move the wedding date. Thankfully he was there and very involved in sending out the original application, but the rest of stuff I've had to push him sometimes for, and check over carefully to make sure no mistakes were made. I've done all the research and phone calls and arrangements.

My last freakout was two days before the interview, when he told me he could not find his birth certificate (after putting that off for weeks). I completely lost it. How could you.... wha? Do you have it? Yes. Are you sure? Yes. Then where is it?! I don't know, let me think about it for a few hours... don't worry!

Think about it????!

Yeah that was probably the wrong thing to say at that moment. Needless to say he about demolished his room to find it before I think about saying something coherent again.

Maybe it really is a cultural problem.

[Paul_Shannon 5]

I am dying with laughter over here reading the level 5 freak outs! My fiancé is Belgian and he is EXTREMELY laid back and "whatever" attitude... KILLS ME!!!! I'm worried with him getting a job here because he is flipping out that I take a 30 minute lunch and also thinks how absurd it is that my daughter has 20 minutes to eat at school... bless his little heart... IT'S DEFINITELY A CULTURAL THING!!

[AirConditioner515 15]

Perhaps cultural does play a role in it. But not sure it's 100% cultural. I think it's a combination of things.

There were times where I panicked and I asked my fiancée to send me info over ASAP or do something ASAP and luckily for me, she was on top of things.

I think in a lot of cases, our foreign spouse are maybe not 100% fully aware of the complexity, stress, and mental/physical drain this whole process creates for us.

We as US citizens, understand that our government doesn't EFF around, takes everything literally, and that everything has to be correct right down to the t. My fiancée is fully aware of this and I made sure she was aware that she needs to be fully up to date with the whole process/requirements just as I am.

One person can't do everything. It's a team effort and we need someone to watch our back (chance that we make a mistake on the app or forgot a piece of document).

[Pennycat 880]

Perhaps cultural does play a role in it. But not sure it's 100% cultural. I think it's a combination of things.

There were times where I panicked and I asked my fiancée to send me info over ASAP or do something ASAP and luckily for me, she was on top of things.

I think in a lot of cases, our foreign spouse are maybe not 100% fully aware of the complexity, stress, and mental/physical drain this whole process creates for us.

We as US citizens, understand that our government doesn't EFF around, takes everything literally, and that everything has to be correct right down to the t. My fiancée is fully aware of this and I made sure she was aware that she needs to be fully up to date with the whole process/requirements just as I am.

One person can't do everything. It's a team effort and we need someone to watch our back (chance that we make a mistake on the app or forgot a piece of document).

I should have been a bit more clear. I meant cultural between US/Canada and Latin America--the person I was replying to has a Mexican fiance and I have a Costa Rican fiance. It's just a really different approach to life in many/most of those countries. I have been reading a bit about adjustment to life in the US for people from Latin American countries, and apparently one of the biggies is our rigidity for processes and procedures that don't seem to make much sense at first. And for me from experience spending a huge amount of time in Central America, the #1 thing that drives me batsh!t crazy is that things are just too laid back. There's never really a plan, for anything, and when there is, just about no one adheres to it. It's not chaos, and it's not lazy, it's just a bit more of a letting life unfold naturally...which certainly has its strong points in theory. But in practice, for me, it's a difficult thing to get used to. I'm really, sincerely not sure that when I was pestering him every day for a month, warning him of this growing backlog, telling him that we'd regret delaying later....I'm not 100% positive that he was picturing life 6 months later and how a one month delay now means an extra month (or more) on the other end. Seriously. And that, in my experience, would be fairly typical of the more laid back "pura vida" thing they've got going on down there.

Luckily, (hopefully), he's learned about how this is very much No Joke, and I definitely know what I'm talking about, so we already have a plan in place to get through all of the stuff he'll need to do for consular phase. I just hope that the plan is stuck to...

Edited August 4, 2015 by CatherineA