Court weighs overturning gay marriage bans in three southern states

[NikLR 13,220]

While I personally have no problem with gay marriage and am proud to live in the first state to introduce civil unions in July 2000, and the first state to introduce same-sex marriage by enacting a statute without being required to do so by a court decision(there were four others that did so sooner but as a result of court decisions, not legislation), I do think this is one of those things(just like pot, abortions and health care) that should be left up to each individual state. I don't think the Federal government or courts should have a hand in it or dictate to the states what they should do.

If the federal government didn't do anything, then you would have 50 countries vs 50 states.

[Not a Tailor 1,370]

While I personally have no problem with gay marriage and am proud to live in the first state to introduce civil unions in July 2000, and the first state to introduce same-sex marriage by enacting a statute without being required to do so by a court decision(there were four others that did so sooner but as a result of court decisions, not legislation), I do think this is one of those things(just like pot, abortions and health care) that should be left up to each individual state. I don't think the Federal government or courts should have a hand in it or dictate to the states what they should do.

As my wife says, "It's not about GETTING married. It's about BEING married."

When you leave it up to the states, you have this thing that happens where people are what I call 'Schrödinger's married.' You're both married and unmarried at the same time. I'm one of these people. According to USCIS, NVC, the IRS, all the federal things, I have a wonderful wife. I married her in Boston, in an adorable little chocolate shop on March 13 of 2014. I wore an Iron Man longsleeve, she wore a science tee. I drank white hot chocolate, she had milk hot chocolate. I vowed never to become a superhero or a supervillain. She vowed to take me down when I inevitably do. We both vowed to communicate and work together. When it was over and we'd signed the license and high fived over our awesome at finally being married, the women at the next table over turned and said "Did you just... just get married?" And we said yes. And it was amazing. It was very us. Non-traditional, spur of the moment decision of location, spontaneous.

And then we went home. I went to Canada, where I am a married woman. She went back to Texas and suddenly, according to everything in her state, our wonderful little ceremony was no longer us getting married. It was us having hot chocolate in Boston. That's all it was. In Texas, we are not married. And that's actually kind of terrifying, especially for me as an immigrant with no family in America.

Why? If something happens to me, we have zero guarantee that a hospital in Texas will let her make decisions for me. According to the state of Texas, I am not related to her in any way. I am not her family. We have to start out our married life by ensuring power of attorney and wills are set up, just in case, because I don't count, according to Texas. I'm not married, in Texas. So even with power of attorney and wills, there's no guarantee that a judge in Texas wouldn't award all of our mutual property to her parents. It's happened before.

My wife works for a university and has incredible health insurance. I'm glad, because it means that our out of pocket expenses for medical care for her are very, very low. But we're not married in Texas, so only she can be on that policy. I can't. I have to navigate the exchanges and pick a less amazing plan if I want to spend that money. I mean, I've shopped around since before the exchanges came into place, since the moment we realized we were doing this. I'll spend less on the exchanges than I would have before the ACA. But I can't take advantage of my wife's excellent benefits package. Because in Texas, we're not married.

And that's only the beginning. There are going to be hurdles I can't even imagine, living in Texas as a new immigrant without being 'married' in the eyes of the state. I will run into new things, things I could never anticipate coming from a country where marriage law is unified and I am married. I don't know what paperwork snafus this is going to cause as I sort out my new life. I'm careening into new territory. There aren't many of us, people who are married enough for immigration, but not married in the state we'll live in. I don't know what I'm going to face.

That uncertainty keeps me up at night sometimes. It's scary. I'm moving to a new country, leaving behind my cultural roots, everything I have ever known, and jumping headfirst into a place that has clearly stated that I am not welcome. Why? Because like so many others here, I fell in love with an American. She's not a Texan, she's there because that's where she had to go for work. She's an AMERICAN. And getting married is now a right open to all Americans--if you can get to a state where it's legal, you can get married.

It's BEING married that isn't allowed. And that's all we want. Is to be married. But we're not. Because Americans don't have the same rights when it comes to marriage.

And that doesn't make sense, when marriage grants federal benefits. Either marriage should be a state issue and have zero federal benefits attached to it--in which case immigration is out for virtually every person on this forum--or it should be a federal issue. Having it be a state issue hurts the sanctity of marriage far more than two people of the same sex getting married ever, ever could.

Because marriage isn't about GETTING married. It's about being married. And by asking for the federal government to draw their line in the sand, all we're asking is to be allowed to be married.

[GandD 5,966]

Preach!