I Don't Know What to Do With Good White People

[decocker 7,198]

Your op article made a few references to white people "meaning well". I'm not really sure what about either.

i mean, you could try reading it simply to understand another person's perspective or you can look for things to take offense over.

Interestingly enough that is an issue for my wife (who is a yellow person, by birth, not vitamin deficiency).

that takes a broad interpretation of yellow. SAD is a real thing.

[Teddy B 17,251]

i mean, you could try reading it simply to understand another person's perspective or you can look for things to take offense over.

that takes a broad interpretation of yellow. SAD is a real thing.

I got the perspective and took no offense. What didn't make much sense was the authors attempts to justify white people she disliked or that did bad things to her or her family as "people who meant well".

[decocker 7,198]

I got the perspective and took no offense. What didn't make much sense was the authors attempts to justify white people she disliked or that did bad things to her or her family as "people who meant well".

i felt the 'people who mean well' sentiment was addressed directly in the quote from the op. i don't think she's trying to justify anything necessarily, she's saying she doesn't quiet know how to deal with these sorts of people, situations.

is there anything you can do when someone gives you backhanded compliment, if they don't realize it's backhanded?

[Teddy B 17,251]

i felt the 'people who mean well' sentiment was addressed directly in the quote from the op. i don't think she's trying to justify anything necessarily, she's saying she doesn't quiet know how to deal with these sorts of people, situations.

is there anything you can do when someone gives you backhanded compliment, if they don't realize it's backhanded?

These are the two sentences that stuck out to me.

I don't think Darren Wilson or Daniel Pantaleo set out to kill Black men. I'm sure the cops who arrested my father meant well. But what good are your good intentions if they kill us?

When my friends and I discuss people we dislike, we often end our conversations with, "But he means well."

Why attempt to justify either of these cases as people who meant well, when deep down you don't believe they did? She's giving the same type of backhanded compliment that she's complaining about receiving in the article. People of all colors can be dishonest with themselves, and give backhanded compliments without realizing it, it's not a trait that's owned by any particular race.

[decocker 7,198]

These are the two sentences that stuck out to me.

Why attempt to justify either of these cases as people who meant well, when deep down you don't believe they did? She's giving the same type of backhanded compliment that she's complaining about receiving in the article. People of all colors can be dishonest with themselves, and give backhanded compliments without realizing it, it's not a trait that's owned by any particular race.

right, but that is her entire dilemma. i never thought she was attempting to justify what well meaning people do (that is anything but beneficial) or complaining about anything. i took her as trying to understand why excusing misinformed behavior is a default reaction - outside of wanting to believe the best about people/progress- when she knows there are underlying issues at play. i don't really know if we're talking about the same article.

Edited December 17, 2014 by val erie

[Teddy B 17,251]

right, but that is her entire dilemma. i never thought she was attempting to justify what well meaning people do (that is anything but beneficial) or complaining about anything. i took her as trying to understand why excusing misinformed behavior is a default reaction - outside of wanting to believe the best about people/progress- when she knows there are underlying issues at play. i don't really know if we're talking about the same article.

Prolly not. I read the angry white dude's version.

[decocker 7,198]

Prolly not. I read the angry white dude's version.

that's what i was thinking.

[Teddy B 17,251]

that's what i was thinking.

That explains the burning smell.

[decocker 7,198]

That explains the burning smell.

i thought that was just boys being nasty boys and the ol strike a match cover.

[We Keep Receipts 9,238]

These are the two sentences that stuck out to me.

Why attempt to justify either of these cases as people who meant well, when deep down you don't believe they did? She's giving the same type of backhanded compliment that she's complaining about receiving in the article. People of all colors can be dishonest with themselves, and give backhanded compliments without realizing it, it's not a trait that's owned by any particular race.

It's usually because you're trying to figure out how to handle it without flipping out. Sometimes, people react a certain way to black people, either positive or negative that's based solely on their skin color. And you have to be careful about calling it out, since outside of the N-word it's almost impossible to prove someone did something racist.

[Operator 1,925]

that takes a broad interpretation of yellow. SAD is a real thing.

Let me be more clear. My wife is "yellow" by birth, not by vitamin deficiency. However she does have Vitamin D deficiency in the winter, but I'm not sure if it intensifies her yellow hue.

This has nothing to do with the topic I just like talking about things that involve me.

[Teddy B 17,251]

It's usually because you're trying to figure out how to handle it without flipping out. Sometimes, people react a certain way to black people, either positive or negative that's based solely on their skin color. And you have to be careful about calling it out, since outside of the N-word it's almost impossible to prove someone did something racist.

It reminds me a bit of when I stop in traffic to allow a group of black kids to cross the street. They look right at me with a smile on their face and walk as slow as they possibly can, but hey they didn't call me cracker, so it's all good. But I don't attempt to justify the behavior, because I know they didn't mean well.

Let me be more clear. My wife is "yellow" by birth, not by vitamin deficiency. However she does have Vitamin D deficiency in the winter, but I'm not sure if it intensifies her yellow hue.

This has nothing to do with the topic I just like talking about things that involve me.

You are the epicenter of VJ.

[Operator 1,925]

[decocker 7,198]

Let me be more clear. My wife is "yellow" by birth, not by vitamin deficiency. However she does have Vitamin D deficiency in the winter, but I'm not sure if it intensifies her yellow hue.

This has nothing to do with the topic I just like talking about things that involve me.

oh yeah me too. that is pretty much the topic of the op actually.

It reminds me a bit of when I stop in traffic to allow a group of black kids to cross the street. They look right at me with a smile on their face and walk as slow as they possibly can, but hey they didn't call me cracker, so it's all good. But I don't attempt to justify the behavior, because I know they didn't mean well.

and like she said, she didn't know if that woman cut in front of her in line because she was black. she didn't know if she was overthinking things. there was no way to tell.

[We Keep Receipts 9,238]

It reminds me a bit of when I stop in traffic to allow a group of black kids to cross the street. They look right at me with a smile on their face and walk as slow as they possibly can, but hey they didn't call me cracker, so it's all good. But I don't attempt to justify the behavior, because I know they didn't mean well.

You are the epicenter of VJ.

It could be either kids being kids or their way of giving you a hard time.

oh yeah me too. that is pretty much the topic of the op actually.

and like she said, she didn't know if that woman cut in front of her in line because she was black. she didn't know if she was overthinking things. there was no way to tell.

Usually, the way I can tell is if there's nothing else behind it. Like when I was in Korea at the TGIF with my workmate. We knew it was racism because it couldn't have been anything else. Once you get rid of everything else, you've only got one thing left:

1. Too crowded: Nope. There were only 3 families in with us at the time. We're talking 2100 at night, they closed at midnight. They weren't packed.

2. Didn't speak English: Strike 2. We heard the servers have conversations with the white families while the ignored us.

3. Didn't know we were ready to order: Strike 3. After 20 minutes of nothing, they didn't even bring our drinks, I stopped a waitress and told her we were ready to order our food and drinks. She said okay then left and never came back. We waited another 5 minutes before I asked to speak to the manager. They apologized to us and proceeded to take our order. If we weren't so hungry we would have left.