Support obligations for my Filipina wife after she comes to the U.S.

[AmyWrites 593]

Why would that be? I had kinda figured, "Oh, she sells appliances, cars, and real estate in the Philippines, so she'll come here and work for Sears or a Ford dealership or become a realtor."

I think you're being very optimistic. It took my husband, who speaks English well, has a master's degree, and nearly ten years of work experience at the time (in a very in-demand field) almost a year and a half to find a stable job in the US. The odds are difficult for immigrants, especially those from non-English speaking countries. You might have to support her for a good amount of time, and it sounds like that's not going to be easy for you either.

[Boiler 43,426]

No fly list may be the first challenge.

[LiliBurd 85]

Yes, it's a serious conviction. It was one of the reasons I was so eager to marry her when, on the first day of the relationship, I told her about it, and about it how it restricted my career possibilities, and she said it wasn't a big deal and that we could move on with our lives having learnt a lesson from it. Maybe she too felt like she'd finally found what she was looking for, because I was commitment-minded, seemed nice enough, was interested in more than asking her to take naughty pics of herself or have sex by Internet chat (as a lot of guys on these sites do), etc.

First day of your relationship meaning the first time you actually talked or typed to each other? It's very easy to say things on skype or type things, but that is not a relationship. There's a reason why you must meet in person to apply for a k-1. You are planning an entire life that involves in your case, not only you but also your parents, with a woman you have not even met. She will be YOUR wife not their daughter, it's your responsibility to take care of her not their little kid, especially when she arrives in a new country. I completely understand your parents being concerned. From what you've said your track record with women does not seem too good, and your divorce is not final yet. you should take the time to analyze yourself and what you really want or need. Life is tough, it is not a magical world where everything works out for the best and LDR often require serious reality checks in order to work. It takes a lot of work to face life's challenges and if you want to do with a partner you need to be able to rely on one another.

Edited December 9, 2014 by LiliBurd

[curiousgeorgina 52]

Ok the felony charge would make sense.. Flying to her might be a challenge. Let alone living with her..

I'll look at another aspect, not legally, but how a filipina can be in such situations.

Don't involve your parents by having the co sponsor when they are this doubtful.. You are already starting a small trouble and already giving them the wrong impression about your girlfriend. Your parents clearly cares about you.. It will be hard to convince with only plans and no actions.

Also, if your gf loves her family as much as you have implied in your statements, then you have to understand that she wouldn't want to be caught in between you and the parents, so you'll be giving her a stressful environment when you'll have her live with them.

She may say that she will stand with you against any odds on this but if you actually really do love her, you shouldn't put her in that situation and if you can, have an income of your own to get her there.

It's hard because this forum might not say the words you wAnt to hear but it's because people here have read and experienced a lot. Too good to be true instances or even instances that felt so reL eventually goes so wrong or was only a lie. (Of course some people prevail over this or truly find honest partners) but with your case it's tricky, so we are more careful than just saying hey, this is it! You can do it!

Anyway that's just my opinion, you parents will be seen as how your gf sees her parents.. She will treat them with the amount of respect so if your parents do not favor her right now this will surely stress her out. There might be the ending that she will:

1. Leave because she wouldn't want to deal with this kind of situation because she doesn't want to be in between and see you in not good terms with them or

2. Fight for your relationship and prove them wrong.

3. Another scenario is she would leave because since if there will be tension, and you mentioned she is the breadwinner.. She might opt to leave and just focus on helping her family.

A filipina does not end her responsibility in regards with her family. It will go on even if she gets married.

[lysander 14]

Ok the felony charge would make sense.. Flying to her might be a challenge. Let alone living with her..

I'll look at another aspect, not legally, but how a filipina can be in such situations.

Don't involve your parents by having the co sponsor when they are this doubtful.. You are already starting a small trouble and already giving them the wrong impression about your girlfriend. Your parents clearly cares about you.. It will be hard to convince with only plans and no actions.

Also, if your gf loves her family as much as you have implied in your statements, then you have to understand that she wouldn't want to be caught in between you and the parents, so you'll be giving her a stressful environment when you'll have her live with them.

She may say that she will stand with you against any odds on this but if you actually really do love her, you shouldn't put her in that situation and if you can, have an income of your own to get her there.

It's hard because this forum might not say the words you wAnt to hear but it's because people here have read and experienced a lot. Too good to be true instances or even instances that felt so reL eventually goes so wrong or was only a lie. (Of course some people prevail over this or truly find honest partners) but with your case it's tricky, so we are more careful than just saying hey, this is it! You can do it!

Anyway that's just my opinion, you parents will be seen as how your gf sees her parents.. She will treat them with the amount of respect so if your parents do not favor her right now this will surely stress her out. There might be the ending that she will:

1. Leave because she wouldn't want to deal with this kind of situation because she doesn't want to be in between and see you in not good terms with them or

2. Fight for your relationship and prove them wrong.

3. Another scenario is she would leave because since if there will be tension, and you mentioned she is the breadwinner.. She might opt to leave and just focus on helping her family.

A filipina does not end her responsibility in regards with her family. It will go on even if she gets married.

Well, it does seem like it would be a good idea to get a job or two. I was recently informed that I'm not needed as a caregiver for my grandmother anymore because my dad can do it, so that frees me to get a job outside the home. It's probably going to be fast food or something, because the felony seems to ban me from a lot of jobs, like being a security officer. I would go into a trade like electrician work, but I'm pretty accident prone (the last time I did a similar kind of work, running cables, I fell off a ladder and broke my arm the first day on the job) and I don't have an incredible amount of confidence in my ability to solve practical problems, like figuring out the best ways to install wiring, given the parameters of the situation.. who knows, maybe I should try it anyway, I might surprise myself. The book learning would be no problem; that's never been an issue for me.

Anyway, maybe I needed a reality check before I got myself, my parents, and my fiancee any deeper into the situation. Maybe by working two jobs, I could make enough to meet the I-864 requirements myself, although I suspect the consular officer might not be impressed by the short length of employment.

[lysander 14]

My sister wrote the following, after reading some of the comments here: "Meshelle is a super-sweet girl. But she's not intellectual like you are. I think it's hard for me to embrace her not cuz because I'm not over Aug [my previous ex] yet, but more like I don't see her as a sustainable match for you. Yesterday, when I was in TL [triggerland]... that's what got triggered. All that stuff about trades/agreements/contracts. My anger at you about that... that's what it was on a deeper level is that you are picking her only because of her traits... not because you really vibe with her. I was concerned. I saw you on a train to disaster but didn't know how to help you see it. Because it appeared you didn't think much of yourself and you are willing to settle for whoever will put up with your dumb ###. But you're not a dumbass. You have a lot to offer and I would love to see you with someone who really GETS YOU I recommend sitting with it more by yourself and not talking to her for a day or 2 if she writes. Listen to your inner guidance, not Mom's, not mine, not Meshelle's. You already know inside. And when you are clear, then break it to her gently if you go that way or continue on flirting/writing if you're still interested. I'm thinking you're not interested. But sit with it and get clear on your own. I think you're 50-75% clear now. But get 90-100% before you take action. Yeah, that's the reality, it could fail on all fronts... even the business one According to what those ppl wrote... which i think are valid points. I could not have stated it so well as they did. I'm glad you talked to them. Yeah, she is a good relationship partner in general She'd be a good match for most people. So, if you want to attract really good quality women, you need to stop sending out emergency vibes. You have been in emergency mode.. 'I need a wife... NOW NOW' Yes, like attracts like It will not be a high-quality match if both or even 1 is desperate."

[TBoneTX 43,045]

It's clear, and self-admitted, that the OP has some personal work to do before anything can proceed -- not the least of which is to be divorced from his previous wife. The advice here has been good to clarify the premature stage and the circumstances. Let's close the thread at this point, and perhaps the OP can come back when it's clear that he can pursue the immigration aspects of a comparatively unobstructed international relationship. Please do not restart or try to continue this thread.