MY FIANCE IS READY TO GO HOME

[lierre 224]

He doesn't want to be married or he doesn't like living in the US?

Sorry to hear your efforts might be going to waste. virtual hugs, my dear!

[toastedpancake 15]

I'm sorry to hear that. My wife has said she wants to go home many many times, but never before we were married. She's been here since September of 2011, and she still gets homesick and wants to return. Although it has gotten much better than it used to be, that feeling is still there. Unlike how many Americans think, that everyone outside the USA and, particularly from third world countries, are dieing to get into the USA, my wife never wanted to leave her homeland. It is only because of our relationship that she agreed to move to the USA, and that was not an easy agreement to get from her.

Give him time and support, and maybe he can work through this. His comment of wanting to return home may have more to do with the pain he is feeling from homesickness than a true desire to leave you. Its not an easy ride having a homesick spouse, but if we love that person, do we have any choice but to take it? Good luck to you, and I hope you can work through this.

I agree..

[bigdog 376]

I hope you can work this out and god bless.

[aamirpearl 47]

wow...sorry to hear this..but what is the reason dear?? i hope you can make it thru this..

[JstaRebel 48]

MY FIANCE IS READY TO GO HOME AND WE HAVE NOT EVEN GOT MARRIED... ALL THIS WAIT AND EFFORT FOR NOTHING!

I'm very sorry to hear this La Negra. Life in the US can be difficult for immigrants and that holds especially true for Dominicanos. If it's not you and he that is the problem, maybe you could speed up getting married, and take a trip back to the DR. If the problem is you and he, then consider yourself lucky to have found out now rather than later. I know many that have fallin in love only to find out later that they have been used for a visa which would be devistating in my opinion. If he's just homesick, then I really can't blame him as I prefer life in the DR to the USA myself which is why I choose to live and work in the Caribbean. I wish you all of the best, and especially peace of mind with your current situation.

Fair Winds,

JstaRebel

[LA NEGRA 19]

1

Edited January 9, 2013 by LA NEGRA

[LA NEGRA 19]

@BARRON555... IT NEVER FAILS TO FIND SOMEONE TO SAY SOMETHING THATS NOT INSTRUCTIVE BUT FOR YOUR INFORMATION, HE WAS MADE AWARE OF THE DIFERRENCE AND THE HUGE CHANGE THAT HE WILL BE FACING BUT WHEN A PERSON LEAVE KIDS THEY LOVE AND CARE FOR OR PARENTS WHO THEY NEVER BEEN AWAY FROM BEHIND IT IS HUMAN LIKE TO FEEL HOME SICK AND I DONT THINK THAT GIVING UP ON THE PERSON I SO MUCH LOVE IS THE RIGHT ANSWER BUT THANKS FOR YOUR LITTLE COMMENT!

[Karee 4,189]

Unlike how many Americans think, that everyone outside the USA and, particularly from third world countries, are dieing to get into the USA, my wife never wanted to leave her homeland. It is only because of our relationship that she agreed to move to the USA, and that was not an easy agreement to get from her.

I lived and traveled throughout Asia for 3 years. I never met ONE person that wanted to move to the U.S. in that entire time. I barely met anyone that even wanted to visit. Actually, I don't even want to be here. I'd go back to Thailand tomorrow if it made financial sense.

[baron555 934]

Unlike how many Americans think, that everyone outside the USA and, particularly from third world countries, are dieing to get into the USA, my wife never wanted to leave her homeland. It is only because of our relationship that she agreed to move to the USA, and that was not an easy agreement to get from her.

My wife was the same. She only moved here because of me. We both understood that from the beginning and talked about it and all the ramifications and mitigations.....see below.

@BARRON555... IT NEVER FAILS TO FIND SOMEONE TO SAY SOMETHING THATS NOT INSTRUCTIVE BUT FOR YOUR INFORMATION, HE WAS MADE AWARE OF THE DIFERRENCE AND THE HUGE CHANGE THAT HE WILL BE FACING BUT WHEN A PERSON LEAVE KIDS THEY LOVE AND CARE FOR OR PARENTS WHO THEY NEVER BEEN AWAY FROM BEHIND IT IS HUMAN LIKE TO FEEL HOME SICK AND I DONT THINK THAT GIVING UP ON THE PERSON I SO MUCH LOVE IS THE RIGHT ANSWER BUT THANKS FOR YOUR LITTLE COMMENT!

Stop being so hot-headed, my comments may have been right on....and this information was not given in your first posting.

Did you guys talk about these relationships?......and about the time away from them that would be required?......and what did you offer to offset these feelings?.....like regular trips back (after AOS) to visit?

I know my wife flies back once per year and I know many couples where the agreement was more than one trip per year. My wife knows that she has access to a special savings account that she could tap into at ANY time for tickets if she needs or chooses to. We talked all about these details and requirements before she came here. Did you guys?

And we spent much time on Skype, etc discussing her new life and the advantages and disadvantages. I drove around town with my movie camera and sent those to her. I walked around the house and the yard with the laptop with built-in video cam doing live Skype tours....she knew what was in every drawer when she entered the house first time.

There is a lot of planning and work that can and should be done before many come to the US.....and all this visa work pales...PALES...in comparison with the work all will need once you are together. The strong relationships can get through it all.....for many it strengthens the relationships.....but for others it just isn't meant to be.

I know some where she came here and went back and the relationship vanished.

I also know some where she/he went back but continued and later they got together. It's all on your collective shoulders.

It isn't easy. We all will admit to that.

[Darnell 8,478]

he has kids? what were the plans on a K-2 for them?

[Frances&Bryan 6]

MY FIANCE IS READY TO GO HOME AND WE HAVE NOT EVEN GOT MARRIED... ALL THIS WAIT AND EFFORT FOR NOTHING!

La Negra, i am really sorry to hear that! like godsgift and perez said, space and each other's support is very needed in this type of situation.

To be honest, that is my biggest fear for when my fiance arrives. he just laughs when i tell him that im scared he'll get home sick or miss DR. But we'll see i guess!

I hope u and ur man work it out!

[Sandra G. 5,010]

la negra people can miss their family, friends, food, their culture in general of course, but to give up the relationship with your spouse/fiancee after arriving in the USA because the person is feeling homesick(???) for me is a foolish excuse.I would not say your fiance is homesick, I would say there is no love in his heart for you to sustain the relationship. You deserve better.

[reese1 68]

I would suggest talking to your fiance to see where your relationship is headed. If it's solid, then you can still get married and do AP so that when that is approved, you guys can make a trip to his homeland ASAP, in the mean time, seek out fellow Dominicans, like restaurants, groceries, having social support really helps people who find themselves suddenly in a strange land! Good luck to you guys!!

This is actually a great idea. There happens to be a few clubs in your area that do have Dominican night with all of the mucis and stuff. There are also a few hair salon/barber shops that are Dominican owned as well. Maybe him going there at least to get a hair cut and chat will help some. I am hoping that he will give it some more time cause this mood will pass if he gives it some time. Praying for you both.

[survivor2012 7]

Yeah. My first year being in America, I long for someone just to speak Vietnamese with. It's really hard to survive in a whole foreign country where everything's not the way you're used to, and some people would look at you with attitude. I lived in a part that was pretty racist. My professor even told me I should change my major because English isn't my first language. It's hard, and discouraging. Maybe you should ask him to go out and see his fellow Dominicans?

[TBoneTX 43,020]

Here's something that helped us, si man. Mrs. T-B. had been to the U.S. before, but she was terribly homesick when she arrived "for real." She isn't particularly religious, but almost right away, I found a church for her that offered services in Spanish. She met a lot of good acquaintances there, a couple of whom became friends. She was always very happy and upbeat when I picked her up afterwards, si man, and she even wanted to introduce me to some of the people whom she'd met.

That's a good wholesome environment to keep a new immigrant (especially a Latino) from falling in with the wrong crowd, which can be easy to do in less-controlled environments when the vulnerability level of the new immigrant is off the charts.