What should I do?? :(

[Akwunomy 4]

I am really sorry for what you are going through...sometimes the U.S. citizen spouse really don't understand what a big step one have to take to leave his or her country just because of love and marriage...though it is still a unique sacrifice when the one you did it for appreciate, honor and respect you..but it is sicking when the reverse is the case...What i will only advice you is to cool down and give in to his demand...ok you need password you can have it...There is a principle i really appreciate though it is from the Bible...Jesus said if someone asked you to walk one mile with him...be ready to walk even more than one mile...Just consider what you already have...your child and you won't want a situation where you may have to end up living this country without your child...or being separated from your child...it may be hard for you but just give him the password...relax...do not challenge him when he is angry or acting up...because two wrongs can not make a right...Then when you got your status...knowing that nothing will separate you from your child...then you may tell him NO and move on with your life...He is just a jealous husband...and it is not too good.

[Apapaia 25]

He has a "special room" that you're not "allowed" to put roots in? That in the beginning he shut to door to you with to talk to his friends and shut you out? ####### that.

I'm happy it works for you but I find it extremely disconcerting that you would have that sort of separation, it sounds more like a mother living with her older son.

I have all my husbands passwords (they're easy) and he mine. I have access to all bank accounts, I have copies of his cards and account details (I pay the bills so it's easier than asking him each time I pay something). He has access to all accounts but like I said, I handle that side of things. My husbands computer is in "the" office. Not "his" office. I go in there whenever I like because this is OUR house, not his. There is a difference between privacy and secrets. My husband does not keep secrets, and neither do I, but we have our privacy if we want it. We are partners, not two separate people who just happen to be married.

Again, I'm happy it works for you, but I could never live with that kind of relationship.

Before being judgmental you should know more about my life and his life. We come from a long distance relationship during which we spent 4 years apart and NEVER met before the day I went to the States and got married 4 days after. Before that he had always lived alone and for a lot of reasons we were worried we might (well I was worried actually) that somehow we could start fighting and arguing over stupid things and ruin the relationship because we were too involved in stupid fights and argument losing focus on the real problem that at the time was getting used to each other.

Obviously you didn't notice the quotes in the way I wanted everyone to notice: I am not "allowed", it's a deal I proposed and respect because I wanted to make sure my husband had enough space to hide from me and my personality...yeah marriage blah blah cooperation sharing caring and all that stuff are wonderful words but might not work magic for everyone. Both our personality "take A LOT of space" and we decided to go slowly and just get used to live together little by little. He USED to close the door, was it a need? Was it by habit? I don't know. Does he still do it? No. It was something that happened in the first weeks and I was okay with it because I KNEW it was gonna change. In fact in a couple of weeks of living together we felt like we've always lived together and felt perfectly comfortable with each other.

I think a place where you can "hide" and have your privacy is the key to keep your mind sane and since I think it is important for everyone, I decided that my husband needed one to get away from me. Yes, I think every husband and every woman and man need to get away from their wife/husband and especially I think sometimes he needs time to get away from ME.

For example, it's a Friday night and he wants to play videogames and hate his boss? He goes in there, gets on the team with his friends and plays like a teenager. Does he need me to sit next to him and be reminded that we have to pay bills, go grocery shopping and change the oil in the car? No. Can I leave him alone for a night and make him relax? Sure!

I do have access to his bank account and he has access to mine, we pay bills together and don't hide stuff from each other. I can stay in "his" room (of course that's my apartment too) but I don't just because I want him to have HIS space where he can stay in peace (at least now).

My whole point is sometimes the concept of marriage as a relationship where you feel free to share everything and don't hide anything is awesome but it's too good to be true. People are not perfect and neither are their relationships. It's up to any of us to find the "trick" that makes things works. There's a reason if we get a long with very few people and chose even less people to spend our entire life with. My trick is privacy and secrets. I do think it's okay to have your own privacy and have the possibility to keep secrets (not HUGE ones, just some weird alien fetish that I don't wanna hear about ) and make sure they stay secret if you want to.

OP, I really believe that at the moment your priority is to make sure that your baby is gonna stay with you. Do whatever it takes to make your husband calm down and then do whatever it legally takes to make sure that you'll never get separated from your baby.

Good luck