Women who own assault weapons have tiny penises, just like their male counterparts.

[I AM NOT THAT GUY 5,715]

The longer the weapon, the shorter the tool

So, since I'm not particularly concerned about the National Rifle Association ruining my political career, I'll be the one to say it: If you own multiple guns or feel the need to possess a military-style assault weapon, it's because you have a small #######.

Let me clarify that statement a little, if I may. Owning a handgun to protect your home and your family is fine. Owning a rifle or shotgun for hunting or target shooting is also fine. But owning lots of guns or pseudo-machine guns means you have a tiny wiener and you're incredibly self-conscious about it. That's the plain and simple truth, even if it's not true.

Now, I know a lot of you are probably saying to yourselves, “But Todd, plenty of women also own guns. What about them? Do they have small penises, too?”

My answer to that question would be: yes. Yes they do. Women who own assault weapons have tiny penises, just like their male counterparts. That would explain why they're angry enough to buy a weapon whose sole purpose is to kill as many people as possible as quickly as possible.

To those of you out there who, like me, have had enough of all the shooting and killing in this country, I encourage you to spread the rumor that when gun owners talk about their 9 mms, they're actually referring to their genitalia and not the caliber of their weapons. With any luck, we can stigmatize gun ownership and encourage people to give up their firearms willingly.

And to those of you out there who own assault weapons or numerous pistols, I encourage you to seek less violent ways to make up for your shortcomings. There are thousands of “natural male enhancement” products out there, and if Austin Powers is to be believed, Swedish-made #######-enlargement pumps might actually work. Give those a try. Surely there's some product out there that can make up for your puny wiener more effectively than arming yourself to the teeth.

http://www.aspentimes.com/article/20121228/COLUMN/121229911

[Ban Hammer 12,827]

now it's firearms. used to be corvette owners and pickups with a lift kit

[I AM NOT THAT GUY 5,715]

now it's firearms. used to be corvette owners and pickups with a lift kit

It has always been firearms. "God endowed each man differently, but Sam Colt made them equal."

[Ban Hammer 12,827]

It has always been firearms. "God endowed each man differently, but Sam Colt made them equal."

that's not how the saying goes. try again.

[Usui Takumi 1,562]

that's not how the saying goes. try again.

If I'm not mistaken the slogan became popular shortly after the civil war after Colt's death. It actually referenced Lincoln (not God) and the freeing of slaves.

By the way, I'm not really into Ar 15s etc. I'm head over heals in love with shooting blackpowder. I've done it regularly now for about a year. That being said, I'll completely stand up for any owners who like AR15s. I'm not about to tell a man (or woman) what he needs and what he doesn't need.

Edited January 6, 2013 by Usui Takumi

[I AM NOT THAT GUY 5,715]

If I'm not mistaken the slogan became popular shortly after the civil war after Colt's death. It actually referenced Lincoln (not God) and the freeing of slaves.

Seen it both ways, God, or Lincoln, but I like my version best.

"God created men, Colonel Colt made them equal"

"Some men are big, some men are small, but Sam Colt made them all equal"

"God made some men big and others small, but Samuel Colt made them equal"

"God created all men, but Sam Colt made them equal"

"Abe Lincoln may have freed all men, but Sam Colt made them equal"

[Mr. Big Dog 10,747]

[The Nature Boy 4,224]

Problem is your fine with the weapons that are used to commit 75% or greater of gun crimes, but want to ban the weapons that are used to commit only a tiny fraction of gun crimes. hardly makes any sense, to a logical person.

I have never given much thought to the size of other men's #######, certainly not enough to study correlations in depth. Good luck with your ####### thing.

[BatmanUSA 105]

Wow.... Most people believe that, real American men, do not try to destroy the US Constitution or take away the rights of others...

How did you come to these conclusions? You must have examined many men, counted their firearms and measured their #######'..

[The Nature Boy 4,224]

Wow.... Most people believe that, real American men, do not try to destroy the US Constitution or take away the rights of others...

How did you come to these conclusions? You must have examined many men, counted their firearms and measured their #######'..

:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:

[Mr. Big Dog 10,747]

[I AM NOT THAT GUY 5,715]

Wow.... Most people believe that, real American men, do not try to destroy the US Constitution or take away the rights of others...

How did you come to these conclusions? You must have examined many men, counted their firearms and measured their #######'..

So, how do you measure up, btw? Have you ever unrolled a condom far enough to see what is printed on the bottom edge?

[Mr. Big Dog 10,747]

So, how do you measure up, btw? Have you ever unrolled a condom far enough to see what is printed on the bottom edge?

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[BatmanUSA 105]

I almost feel sorry for you.. do you feel so self-conscious about your lack of manhood that you always want to compare yourself to others.. You really seem to get excited about other men's #######.. At least you enjoy your research.

But you start rumors and spread lies, and you encourage others to do the same.. Why do you promote hate and deception ? I guess you feel that this is your 1st amendment right to free speech. So what? you pick and choose the laws you want to follow? Since you seem to hate the US Constitution and the Congress, why not just move to Australia as you love it so much.

[aaydrian 479]

So, how do you measure up, btw? Have you ever unrolled a condom far enough to see what is printed on the bottom edge?

Ooooooooooooh. $hit just got real!

Where's the emotion for spitting all over the screen?

Mr P you made my Saturday night.

Edited January 6, 2013 by aaydrian