Can absence make the heart wander?

[rebeccajo 14]

I like to stir the pot, but I can't spend 4 hours a day debating the ethics involved in long-distance relationships. I feel a certain way, and that's it. Agree or disagree, doesn't matter. I just hope the OP and whomever else is reading this gets a little something from my post(s). And, if popcorn is what you get from it, or throw into it.... that's cool too!

Ah. I see. Post boosting. Alrighty then.

*boring*

Edited October 23, 2006 by rebeccajo

[Thersch 0]

I don't know what everyone has to talk about for 4 hours every day! Is there really that much new stuff to say? Maybe my husband and I aren't "phone" people (well, he certainly is not-he's a typical phone-hating man) but we talk maybe for 30-40 minutes a day, and a lot of that is silence. There's just not really much worth saying when you talk to each other every day. But that's just my opinion on things. I tend to like our phone conversations more than he does-since we can't spend time together physically, it's our "time spent together" but he just hates talking on the phone to anyone for any reason.

We dont talk for 4 hours straight (during the weekends, we sometimes do). We talk in the morning and evening- when he's home from work. And yes, sometimes theres not "much new stuff to say" but its ok. The fact that he's on the other end of the phone makes me happy.

[Traviesa 0]

I don't know what everyone has to talk about for 4 hours every day! Is there really that much new stuff to say?

There's just not really much worth saying when you talk to each other every day.

Maybe a lot less goes on in your lives than other people? Food for thought.

That's not necessarily true. But I think it comes back to, like I said, what is WORTH saying. Like I could run off a list of what I had to eat today, play by play of my drive to work, whatever, but it's BORING. I would either get complete silence on the other end as he falls asleep or a "uh huh." I mean honestly who wants to hear about my Hamburger Helper lunch (at least that's what we think it is)-do you? Now if something interesting or remarkable happened today-something that's out of the ordinary that for whatever reason I'm still thinking about after work-maybe we'd talk about that. But that's certainly not every day, and I definitely think (several people would agree with me) that my life's more dramatic than average, so I have to ask again-what's so worth talking about for so long?

[slim 1,533]

Stirring....

I'm just wondering why everyone is saying that it's a "problem" that the OP is feeling this way, that it's "not right" to feel this, and that he "shouldn't be" feeling this way.

HE IS feeling this way, and posted this topic for advice on how to deal, not to be bombarded with "what you're doing is wrong."

Come on people, just becaue someone isn't doing/saying what you're doing/saying, or doesn't agree with your values or principles, don't hate on them. This is America, and furthermore, this is VJ, a site for HELP with immigration issues. Not for HATE on immigration issues.

*Puts up the popcorn shield and prepares more popcorn to throw back.*

[Lou Lou 1]

I don't know what everyone has to talk about for 4 hours every day! Is there really that much new stuff to say?

There's just not really much worth saying when you talk to each other every day.

Maybe a lot less goes on in your lives than other people? Food for thought.

au contraire, i'm out LIVING it, not talking about it.

Sure you are. But it doesn't give you the right to imply no one else is out there "LIVING" either.

I don't know what everyone has to talk about for 4 hours every day! Is there really that much new stuff to say?

There's just not really much worth saying when you talk to each other every day.

Maybe a lot less goes on in your lives than other people? Food for thought.

That's not necessarily true. But I think it comes back to, like I said, what is WORTH saying. Like I could run off a list of what I had to eat today, play by play of my drive to work, whatever, but it's BORING. I would either get complete silence on the other end as he falls asleep or a "uh huh." I mean honestly who wants to hear about my Hamburger Helper lunch (at least that's what we think it is)-do you? Now if something interesting or remarkable happened today-something that's out of the ordinary that for whatever reason I'm still thinking about after work-maybe we'd talk about that. But that's certainly not every day, and I definitely think (several people would agree with me) that my life's more dramatic than average, so I have to ask again-what's so worth talking about for so long?

I don't think I've ever discussed what I have eaten that day on the phone. I'm not sure why I should divulge personal details about what we discuss on the phone to you, but yes, usually new and unusual things do happen to us each day which we talk about. What is possibly wrong with that? Implying we don't have a life because we discuss and share what goes on in our lives is simply...well....just silly.

[Ta Ta 1]

Gupt, you said it in a nutshell ! I agree. Short and sweet !

[w¡n9Nµ7 §£@¥€r 123]

That's not necessarily true. But I think it comes back to, like I said, what is WORTH saying.

[...]

Now if something interesting or remarkable happened today-something that's out of the ordinary that for whatever reason I'm still thinking about after work-maybe we'd talk about that.

First of all, people who spend hours talking on the phone usually do not limit their conversation to what happened in the last 24 hours or even the last week. Chances are they've both been alive for a few decades, of which they've only known each other for a few weeks or years. There's quite a bit of catching up to do. And then of course, they both have dreams of the future, that's another thign to talk about. Then account for the fact that the average persons dreams change all the time, that's ongoing conversation. And then both people have extended families.. interesting characters to talk about there. And of course there's the news. The ban on smoking that may piss you off or what have you. And there's music. For the musically inclined, that can go on forever. Or whatever other interests the two parties share.

There is a lot you can talk about. Whether you consider it worth saying is your decision. That's why some poeple talk a lot, some talk very little. That's ok, that's normal. Quit putting each other down, ladies.

[Traviesa 0]

I don't know what everyone has to talk about for 4 hours every day! Is there really that much new stuff to say?

There's just not really much worth saying when you talk to each other every day.

Maybe a lot less goes on in your lives than other people? Food for thought.

au contraire, i'm out LIVING it, not talking about it.

Sure you are. But it doesn't give you the right to imply no one else is out there "LIVING" either.

I don't know what everyone has to talk about for 4 hours every day! Is there really that much new stuff to say?

There's just not really much worth saying when you talk to each other every day.

Maybe a lot less goes on in your lives than other people? Food for thought.

That's not necessarily true. But I think it comes back to, like I said, what is WORTH saying. Like I could run off a list of what I had to eat today, play by play of my drive to work, whatever, but it's BORING. I would either get complete silence on the other end as he falls asleep or a "uh huh." I mean honestly who wants to hear about my Hamburger Helper lunch (at least that's what we think it is)-do you? Now if something interesting or remarkable happened today-something that's out of the ordinary that for whatever reason I'm still thinking about after work-maybe we'd talk about that. But that's certainly not every day, and I definitely think (several people would agree with me) that my life's more dramatic than average, so I have to ask again-what's so worth talking about for so long?

I don't think I've ever discussed what I have eaten that day on the phone. I'm not sure why I should divulge personal details about what we discuss on the phone to you, but yes, usually new and unusual things do happen to us each day which we talk about. What is possibly wrong with that? Implying we don't have a life because we discuss and share what goes on in our lives is simply...well....just silly.

No need to get uppity about it. Regardless of the wording of my post, I am genuinely interested to know in what kinds of things people can talk about for hours on end on a daily basis. No, you don't have to tell me, but I was still curious nonetheless.

That's not necessarily true. But I think it comes back to, like I said, what is WORTH saying.

[...]

Now if something interesting or remarkable happened today-something that's out of the ordinary that for whatever reason I'm still thinking about after work-maybe we'd talk about that.

First of all, people who spend hours talking on the phone usually do not limit their conversation to what happened in the last 24 hours or even the last week. Chances are they've both been alive for a few decades, of which they've only known each other for a few weeks or years. There's quite a bit of catching up to do. And then of course, they both have dreams of the future, that's another thign to talk about. Then account for the fact that the average persons dreams change all the time, that's ongoing conversation. And then both people have extended families.. interesting characters to talk about there. And of course there's the news. The ban on smoking that may piss you off or what have you. And there's music. For the musically inclined, that can go on forever. Or whatever other interests the two parties share.

There is a lot you can talk about. Whether you consider it worth saying is your decision. That's why some poeple talk a lot, some talk very little. That's ok, that's normal. Quit putting each other down, ladies.

I'm not putting anybody down. I was genuinely curious to know what people talk about for so long. I see you've listed a few abstract conversation ideas here, but, still isn't there a limit on that as well? I mean what about when you've covered all that? When you know about each others' pasts which aren't going to change, you both have similar ideas of what you want for the future, and everyday things like new smoking bans, frankly just don't excite you enough to need to have a conversation about them. I'm just saying-there's not always that much to talk about.

[Lou Lou 1]

No need to get uppity about it. Regardless of the wording of my post, I am genuinely interested to know in what kinds of things people can talk about for hours on end on a daily basis. No, you don't have to tell me, but I was still curious nonetheless.

I wasn't getting uppity about it, but sorry if you interpreted it that way. Politics is a major topic for sure. That changes every day, good or bad. Gupt summed it up nicely (as always) in the post above.

Edited October 23, 2006 by Lou Lou

[w¡n9Nµ7 §£@¥€r 123]

I'm just saying-there's not always that much to talk about.

Right, which is why for most couples, the longer you know each other the less you talk

[Thersch 0]

I don't know what everyone has to talk about for 4 hours every day! Is there really that much new stuff to say?

There's just not really much worth saying when you talk to each other every day.

Maybe a lot less goes on in your lives than other people? Food for thought.

Im sorry you guys, if you dont talk for that long. thats great then! lol

As for me, I can talk to him all day, i dont mind. And i wont mind talking to him about nonsense stuff either.. lol unfortunately, we cant talk all day because of work...

[Traviesa 0]

No need to get uppity about it. Regardless of the wording of my post, I am genuinely interested to know in what kinds of things people can talk about for hours on end on a daily basis. No, you don't have to tell me, but I was still curious nonetheless.

I wasn't getting uppity about it, but sorry if you interpreted it that way. Politics is a major topic for sure. Gupt summed it up nicely (as always) in the post above.

Gotcha, thanks!

[Lou Lou 1]

I'm just saying-there's not always that much to talk about.

Right, which is why for most couples, the longer you know each other the less you talk

9 years and counting. I think we'll shut up after 10....perhaps.

[Traviesa 0]

Ok my new question is-where are these phone-loving men coming from?

Javier detests the phone and if given the option, wouldn't own one.

[Lou Lou 1]

Ok my new question is-where are these phone-loving men coming from?

Javier detests the phone and if given the option, wouldn't own one.

I agree I find most of my male friends don't natter on the phone apart from my gay male friends. We don't own cell phones that's for sure. We both hate those.