Divorced american man now married to filipina

[shure 8]

It is called decency. People that are on decent terms with ther exes are rare, and they shouldn't be given grief about it. You, on the other hand, sound awfully insecure.

I know what is decent and not decent in a relationship between exwife and a husband. I know u read all what is written, I don't care if it's about their kids. I understand bcoz I have a kids too. What I am saying it's kinda disrespectful to me. Maybe it's okay with you if your husband exwife(if he is divorced) is the beneficiary, and you are the wife that waking up early to make him breakfast, doing all the house chores and giving him pleasure when he needs it. I don't think saying I am insecure is a relief, I am not about the money or whatever but the respect as a wife. You are lucky if you are not in the situation like mine. Anyway thanks !!! God bless

[~happyndinlove~ 540]

I know what is decent and not decent in a relationship between exwife and a husband. I know u read all what is written, I don't care if it's about their kids. I understand bcoz I have a kids too. What I am saying it's kinda disrespectful to me. Maybe it's okay with you if your husband exwife(if he is divorced) is the beneficiary, and you are the wife that waking up early to make him breakfast, doing all the house chores and giving him pleasure when he needs it. I don't think saying I am insecure is a relief, I am not about the money or whatever but the respect as a wife. You are lucky if you are not in the situation like mine. Anyway thanks !!! God bless

Hi there! Based your side of the story, your husband's behaviour is UNacceptable. Period. IMO, you should kick him to the curb and move on.

Best of luck!

[shure 8]

No, it is not normal. I can understand some communication in regards to the children,,, and possibly some insurance with the CHILDREN

as the beneficiary with a third party trust (Not the ExWife).

Hope your husband will come to understand the destructive seeds he is sowing.

Regards,

dc

I am very understanding if its about his kids what i dont understand why exwife is in his beneficiary, i feel disrespected as a wife. When I talked to my husband about it he told me he know that it is not appropriate and he will fix it. He is not paying his exwife car insurance. Thank God bcoz if he won't do anything I will leave and go back to Phils. Anyway thanks...I really dont wanna tell about my married life just asking if it's normal to americans... :)

Hi there! Based your side of the story, your husband's behaviour is UNacceptable. Period. IMO, you should kick him to the curb and move on.

Best of luck!

he tolld me he will fix everything, he is not paying his exwife car insurances anymore, thats one of the stuff he already fixed... Thanks ...God bless

[shure 8]

That's pretty normal in the U.S.. It is bad manners to text her during dinner, though. The larger problem, it seems, is that you do not have access to money.

He started fixing everything when I told him that I felt disrespected as a wife and when I told him I will leave him and go back to my country bcoz i dont feel like a wife ...Thanks

[~happyndinlove~ 540]

he tolld me he will fix everything, he is not paying his exwife car insurances anymore, thats one of the stuff he already fixed... Thanks ...God bless

No problem. Likewise!

Edited May 29, 2012 by ~happyndinlove~

[shure 8]

They have kids together. You can't come between that. They have to communicate about what is happening with the kids. You should know that going in to the marriage. Also, living near one another makes it easy for the kids to have normal lives.

Yes I understand that hope u also understand about his exwife... Is it okay with u that your husband exwife benefits all his insurances and your husband paying exwife car insurance? And u are the one who do everything, make him breakfast ,do laundry ,house chores, everything....i don't think so...

[shure 8]

Normal and acceptable to others, while others react the way you do. Having communication between them can't be avoided as they have kids, specially if they are young and have joint custody, but also depends on how frequent the communication are and type of discussion they are having. From your description, I'd say that a little bit overboard if they talk/text multiple times a day and talk about such topics.

My ex and I talk about once every 3 weeks most of the time and last about a couple of sentences, and that's because I have full custody of my son and she lives on the other end of state.

I guess this is really more of what kind of arrangement the divorced couple have.

Well you've told him how you feel so I hope he will respect your wishes..

PS..maybe you don't see it but sometimes it's better to be in good term with ex's, they can make your life a living hell sometimes..

Yes he said he will fix everything... Bcoz i told him how I feel and it is not appropriate that now he is married....Anyway thanks just asking if it is normal to americans. I totally understand what u have said.

[shure 8]

I am on great terms with my ex-wife. My wife now has a problem with that just like you do. I dont think i am as extreme at it as your husband is, but you cannot punish him for having a past. I have done everything that Monreal has asked me to do as far as not talking to my ex-wife. I have removed our ten year friendship and i only speak to her over the phone about the kids as far as when and wear we will make a visit switch. That is still not enough for her. She is Unreasonable about it. I agree he needs to dial it down several notches. But Jealousy will destroy relationships. People say Jealousy is normal. I say get rid of it. It will eat on the inside and change who you are as a person. Communicate with him and tell him that he needs to dial it down a bunch. (which i am sure you have). But dont expect him to completely remove her from his life. If you do, you may find yourself being removed from his life by him.

I understand but paying her car insurance and benefits all his insurances i guess disrespectful as a his wife. I told him if he won't fix it I can't be a wife that will be treated as only like maid. I told him if she is your beneficiary and u paying her car insurance, "why dont u ask her to iron and wash clothes, ask her to wake up and make breakfast for you, ask her to do everything i do to you."

[shure 8]

I am on great terms with my ex-wife. My wife now has a problem with that just like you do. I dont think i am as extreme at it as your husband is, but you cannot punish him for having a past. I have done everything that Monreal has asked me to do as far as not talking to my ex-wife. I have removed our ten year friendship and i only speak to her over the phone about the kids as far as when and wear we will make a visit switch. That is still not enough for her. She is Unreasonable about it. I agree he needs to dial it down several notches. But Jealousy will destroy relationships. People say Jealousy is normal. I say get rid of it. It will eat on the inside and change who you are as a person. Communicate with him and tell him that he needs to dial it down a bunch. (which i am sure you have). But dont expect him to completely remove her from his life. If you do, you may find yourself being removed from his life by him.

I understand but paying her car insurance and benefits all his insurances i guess disrespectful as a his wife. I told him if he won't fix it I can't be a wife that will be treated as only like maid. I told him if she is your beneficiary and u paying her car insurance, "why dont u ask her to iron and wash clothes, ask her to wake up and make breakfast for you, ask her to do everything i do to you."

[Hank_ 9,172]

I understand but paying her car insurance and benefits all his insurances i guess disrespectful as a his wife. I told him if he won't fix it I can't be a wife that will be treated as only like maid. I told him if she is your beneficiary and u paying her car insurance, "why dont u ask her to iron and wash clothes, ask her to wake up and make breakfast for you, ask her to do everything i do to you."

:thumbs: :thumbs: :thumbs: :thumbs: :thumbs: :thumbs: :thumbs: :thumbs:

[Iyawo Ijebu 157]

I'm a twice divorced American (well African also).

With my first Wife, no kids, I speak to her maybe twice a year. And this is me that does the calling usually and I just want to make sure that she's okay. No silly chit chats. We've been divorced almost 15 years.

Second Wife I do not talk to period due to a bad, hellish and finacially devastating divorce. I have no problem talking to her but there's no need, nothing to talk about. She has the full child custody that she wanted and I pay the child support, I cannot co-parent with that Woman for my own sanity - she's fully qualified, as I would be, to take care of the kids and I do not need a blow by blow of how the kids are doing, etc. While this arrangement is not normal it is however not unique here in the USA. (The sitting President of the United States is from a similar relationship).

Now getting back to your situation.

That she is a lesbian doesn't mean squat. There is as such as being bi. There was a recent thread on this in the Off Topic forum. Just because the Ex is with another Woman doesn't mean she couldn't still be in a relationship with your Husband or at least in a romatically way.

What is been done to you is taking advantage of you, it is not normal and frankly disrespectful to you. I am not sure why some of these folks treat their immigrant spouse like this. I think the best expression of love is being independent of each other but chosing on ones own accord to be with the other person.

I intend to have my Fiance be as independent as possible and as soon as possible, cards (social/debit), AOS, driving, etc and I cringe whenever I read this horror stories of immigrant not having access to phone/bank/etc

You need to bargain from a position of equality and you need to make a list of acceptables and unacceptables. Sit down and share it with him and let him know how important this is to you.

People, this is our lifes we're dealing with. It's not a test run, sieze the day, live the life you want and that you dream off. We only get one go at it, no retakes.

[Caryh 5,206]

I understand but paying her car insurance and benefits all his insurances i guess disrespectful as a his wife. I told him if he won't fix it I can't be a wife that will be treated as only like maid. I told him if she is your beneficiary and u paying her car insurance, "why dont u ask her to iron and wash clothes, ask her to wake up and make breakfast for you, ask her to do everything i do to you."

:thumbs: :thumbs: :thumbs: :thumbs: :thumbs: :thumbs: :thumbs:

More thumbs up from this end.

Talking with her on occasion is something that is going to happen. They have children in common and a certain amount of discussion needs to happen, that you'll have to learn to accept.

But....

Daily chit chat is not right.

The ex being a beneficiary on insurance is not right.

Payments beyond what is ordered by the court is not right.

Good for you for standing up for what is right, your husband needs to wake up and smell the coffee, and respect his wife's feelings.

[Marzy 1]

I'm a Filipino woman, I have had a child with my ex, and I'm married to a man, who have had a daughter from his previous marriage. His former wife contacts him when necessary. Also, their daughter is an adult child, so the communication isn't that much anymore as it used to be. In summary, we never had an argument over our exes because we mutually understood that the importance of our children's well-being is also a top priority in our lives, not just ours. This is my rule in our household. In my opinion, I believe that it's vital to keep a good relationship with an ex when children are involve. If there is no kid(s), it's a lot easier. However, my husband's ex-wife sends him a birthday card annually, which I think it's awesome. It proves me that my husband wasn't a bad person. This is not an issue to me at all. Don't get me wrong. I love my husband. He knows I do, and thus he shouldn't wonder why. If he has feelings for him, I'm certain isn't the same as he has for me. I'm his wife, partner, and everything since he has me. I'm very content with this. If he he doesn't love me that much, it's his problem.

Lastly, I don't know what is normal or abnormal, but there's called a limitation. What is accept or unacceptable. However, it's good that your husband has a good relationship with his ex-wife. He does this because of their children. This is not strange in The United States, and other countries such as Germany. When two parents have a conflict, they have to keep it away from their children. They have to show some respect to one another despite the fact that there is resentment of grief.

With your ex, he is doing fine if that's how he does it. For me, their conversation is too much. I can't make him do things like my husband or like me on how to deal with an ex. Well, I've never dictated my spouse on how he should communicate with his exes. Perhaps, he knows on how not to make me wonder .

Financially, if he feeds you, and provide your needs, you're fine. If not, that's pretty obvious...Don't focus on my word too much. If you want to talk to me, you can email me and include your contact details.

Edited May 29, 2012 by Kigle

[rlogan 2,036]

He started fixing everything when I told him that I felt disrespected as a wife and when I told him I will leave him and go back to my country bcoz i dont feel like a wife ...Thanks

Outstanding!

He would not respect you if you allowed him to continue with this kind of abuse.

[Marzy 1]

Btw., I'm letting you know that me or my spouse doesn't communicate with exes for senseless conversation. If there's, it's about our kids.

There's only one I will tell him about me that I'm close to death. You can now take good care of our child.

Edited May 29, 2012 by Kigle