going to pursue CR-1, live with him abroad (not in his home country). how will this affect the visa process

[Sarah Grace 1]

It is quite obvious that you only want to hear what you want to hear instead of the truth.

And that's fine.

Good luck and best wishes on your journey.

And the truth is....?

[Sarah Grace 1]

Once all is said and done--the K-1 is approved and Mike arrives here, we are going to take maybe a month and just date. And go to premarital counseling. In fact, my pastor may insist we do so before he would agree to officiate.

[NigeriaorBust 4,087]

The group I know of had both sexes involved. So you are with a different one.

The truth is that most marriages to Nigerians will not last 5 years. The average american , especially a woman will not adapt to living full time with a Nigerian man. Being in love online is easy, being in lust while you visit for a few weeks or even a month is easy. Living with someone who comes from a culture where woman still haven't been fully recognised as equals is one of the hardest things you will ever do. He may try to adapt to conform to what you expect, but the monster of the culture will rear it's ugly head over and over. You will either develop a terribly thick skin, you are a natural submissive, or you will part ways. It is a culture where woman marry and stay about the house ( or work and return home) Men work and go out. Think the US of the 40's or 50's.

[Ryan H 3,790]

I don't care how much you say it is genuine I have a really really hard time believing it. This has fraud written all over it and that is *exactly* how USCIS will view it. You can bet on that.

A more likely scenario is a CO at the Consulate would view things the way you are suggesting and deny the visa. Petition denials by USCIS after an initial filing are not common. Visa denials on the other hand, are quite common.

[aaydrian 479]

He never rushed me to make decisions. I'd tried several times to plan a trip for me to meet him, him to meet me, him to work here, him to attend college here. Whenever those plans failed, he never got angry with me. If he trully is a scammer he can't get mad at you. Can't bite the hand that feeds you or in this case will feed you.

He is the same person now as he was in July. No inconsistencies in what he tells me about himself. Considering that you haven't spent 1 minute in each others company I should think he would remain consistent with his stories

Why would he leave everything--family, occupation --behind for me? First, he had no occupation. He had jobs before, but had lately been unable to get an honest job. It is very difficult to get a job in Nigeria, especially if you want to hold to your morals. This is why he moved to South Africa, so he could at least have a chance of getting an honest job. He could have stayed in Nigeria and let his mom support him, and just wait for me to make things all better. But no. He had to get out of there and do something. And family is not enough to keep him there. And he's not "giving up" his family for me. I let him know that I wanted him to keep in contact with him, I wanted us to visit his side of the family as often as possible. He wouldn't be giving up his family. As soon as he's a citizen, 2 truck load of family members will be coming to the US and the next thing you know he'll be giving you up for his family. This is of course partially denpendent on if he's a scammer or not.

My parents don't want me to travel alone. They def didn't want me to fly to Nigeria alone, or even with my mother. But I'm not flying to Nigeria, I'm flying to south Africa. And my mother will be coming with me. Then Mike and I will fly up to Nigeria to meet his mom. She really wants to meet me. Kinda defeats the purpose don't you think? Your mother accompany's you half way and a stranger the rest.

I noticed someone had wondered why my parents would let me make a poor decision. I ask you, how do you know this is a poor decision? How can you judge my situation when you know next to nothing about it? If you are talking about me, I have NEVER seen or heard of any responsible parent(s) being completely understanding and giving their approval to a relationship leading to marriage where their child (especially a female at 20) has never met their spouse. That's the source of my logic and I find no fault in how it made me critize that aspect of your post.

Responses in Purple

[Ryan H 3,790]

Once all is said and done--the K-1 is approved and Mike arrives here, we are going to take maybe a month and just date. And go to premarital counseling. In fact, my pastor may insist we do so before he would agree to officiate.

A K1 visa is not meant to be a "get to know you" visa. When filing a fiance visa petition, both you and Mike will be required to sign statements that state you will marry each other within 90 days of his arrival.

Moving from IR-1/CR-1 Process & Procedures to Africa: Sub-Saharan regional forum. OP has stated they are no longer planning to pursue a spousal visa. Topic has also become specific to Nigeria.

[AmyWrites 593]

How I met Mike... I'd gotten a "hey I like your profile, can we talk and see what happens? " facebook message from some guy. Well that wasn't ever going to work out. He asked me if I'd consider one of his facebook friends--Mike. I friended Mike,, asked questions, and decided to give him a chance.

He never asked me for money. Ever.

He had to be a Christian, an independent Baptist, and called to be a missionary, else I wouldn't even consider him. He checked out.

From the beginning, he wanted my parents to be involved. A few days ago he asked to talk to my mother about our meeting and the possibility of is getting married. It was completely his idea to talk to her

He never rushed me to make decisions. I'd tried several times to plan a trip for me to meet him, him to meet me, him to work here, him to attend college here. Whenever those plans failed, he never got angry with me.

He is the same person now as he was in July. No inconsistencies in what he tells me about himself.

Why would he leave everything--family, occupation --behind for me? First, he had no occupation. He had jobs before, but had lately been unable to get an honest job. It is very difficult to get a job in Nigeria, especially if you want to hold to your morals. This is why he moved to South Africa, so he could at least have a chance of getting an honest job. He could have stayed in Nigeria and let his mom support him, and just wait for me to make things all better. But no. He had to get out of there and do something. And family is not enough to keep him there. And he's not "giving up" his family for me. I let him know that I wanted him to keep in contact with him, I wanted us to visit his side of the family as often as possible.

My parents don't want me to travel alone. They def didn't want me to fly to Nigeria alone, or even with my mother. But I'm not flying to Nigeria, I'm flying to south Africa. And my mother will be coming with me. Then Mike and I will fly up to Nigeria to meet his mom. She really wants to meet me.

I have kept my parents in the loop from the first day. I talked about everything, positive and negative. At first they just figured they'd let this relationship run its course. Then they understood how serious it is. But they like what they I've told them, mom's talked to him some. A few weeks ago they hired a private investigator.

I know visiting him multiple times during the visa process will help, and I will do so. I want to do so.

And about me not knowing exactly which visa Mike used to get to SA, I didn't figure I absolutely needed to know. And I'm not sure he'd know how to tell me which visa he used; his English skills are not excellent. All I know is, he's allowed to stay there for the time being, but he's not allowed to work yet.

I don't know what one person's experience was with a certain facebook group. The one I'm a member of is American Women Married or Dating Nigerian Men. None of them has tried to get unsuspecting American girls to marry their Nigerian friends. It's a closed group. There are no nigerians or men in it, hence the name. They have been a great help by helping me understand my fiance better. I know a little more what to expect.

I noticed someone had wondered why my parents would let me make a poor decision. I ask you, how do you know this is a poor decision? How can you judge my situation when you know next to nothing about it?

You've just fallen for a classic scam. I hope this guy is simply a scammer and not a violent person who wants to hurt you or your mom once you get there.

[AmyWrites 593]

How I met Mike... I'd gotten a "hey I like your profile, can we talk and see what happens? " facebook message from some guy. Well that wasn't ever going to work out. He asked me if I'd consider one of his facebook friends--Mike. I friended Mike,, asked questions, and decided to give him a chance.

He never asked me for money. Ever.

He had to be a Christian, an independent Baptist, and called to be a missionary, else I wouldn't even consider him. He checked out.

From the beginning, he wanted my parents to be involved. A few days ago he asked to talk to my mother about our meeting and the possibility of is getting married. It was completely his idea to talk to her

He never rushed me to make decisions. I'd tried several times to plan a trip for me to meet him, him to meet me, him to work here, him to attend college here. Whenever those plans failed, he never got angry with me.

He is the same person now as he was in July. No inconsistencies in what he tells me about himself.

Why would he leave everything--family, occupation --behind for me? First, he had no occupation. He had jobs before, but had lately been unable to get an honest job. It is very difficult to get a job in Nigeria, especially if you want to hold to your morals. This is why he moved to South Africa, so he could at least have a chance of getting an honest job. He could have stayed in Nigeria and let his mom support him, and just wait for me to make things all better. But no. He had to get out of there and do something. And family is not enough to keep him there. And he's not "giving up" his family for me. I let him know that I wanted him to keep in contact with him, I wanted us to visit his side of the family as often as possible.

My parents don't want me to travel alone. They def didn't want me to fly to Nigeria alone, or even with my mother. But I'm not flying to Nigeria, I'm flying to south Africa. And my mother will be coming with me. Then Mike and I will fly up to Nigeria to meet his mom. She really wants to meet me.

I have kept my parents in the loop from the first day. I talked about everything, positive and negative. At first they just figured they'd let this relationship run its course. Then they understood how serious it is. But they like what they I've told them, mom's talked to him some. A few weeks ago they hired a private investigator.

I know visiting him multiple times during the visa process will help, and I will do so. I want to do so.

And about me not knowing exactly which visa Mike used to get to SA, I didn't figure I absolutely needed to know. And I'm not sure he'd know how to tell me which visa he used; his English skills are not excellent. All I know is, he's allowed to stay there for the time being, but he's not allowed to work yet.

I don't know what one person's experience was with a certain facebook group. The one I'm a member of is American Women Married or Dating Nigerian Men. None of them has tried to get unsuspecting American girls to marry their Nigerian friends. It's a closed group. There are no nigerians or men in it, hence the name. They have been a great help by helping me understand my fiance better. I know a little more what to expect.

I noticed someone had wondered why my parents would let me make a poor decision. I ask you, how do you know this is a poor decision? How can you judge my situation when you know next to nothing about it?

This sounds like a classic scam. I hope this guy is simply someone who will use you for a visa (Do you honestly believe he will randomly contact some American girl otherwise?) and not a violent person who wants to hurt you or your mom once you get there. A private investigator for some guy online halfway around the world is pointless; unless this guy is a CIA agent, you virtually have little information other than what he posts online, which can be anywhere from 1-100% BS.

And also, there's MANY people in the world who are willing to "leave everything behind" for their US's partners... including their US partners once they get to the US. The reason why consular officers give people such a hard time is because many people will in fact do lots of things just to get a US visa. Filing for a K-1 visa for him is just perfect, you have 90 days to marry, which means 90 days for him to suddenly decide to leave you. Although frankly I don't see how any CO would approve this, the red flags here are great and you're dealing with a potentially the most difficult consulate.

PLEASE read the threads here on this regional forum because they'll have a better idea of what to tell you, and on "Effects of Major Family Changes on Immigration Benefits", where you'll often see letters along the line of "He/she came to the US and is now cheating on me/leaving me/not interested in me/etc". And use Google. Inform yourself. In the best scenarios, you're still dealing with Lagos and that means you will have to mentally brace yourself for it.

Good luck

[afoyoswa 178]

Believe it or not, a long distance never-met-him-before relationship IS STILL a relationship.

And that is seriously the only thing you noticed about everything that I said to you in this thread? Like someone else pointed out downthread, believing your plan to be a good idea would take a healthy dose of ignoring everything you don't want to hear, and ignoring everything a poster says except the one thing you can snark about is a classic symptom of that. Best of luck!

(Also, religion and claiming to have religious ideals/motives is a classic lure and a great way to convince someone to let her guard down. Many people who are not at all involved in the religious world are well-versed in the lingo and would be perfectly capable of making someone think that they are the most devout people to ever walk the planet. So the missionary part? I'm not buying it.)

[Boiler 43,425]

I don't know what one person's experience was with a certain facebook group. The one I'm a member of is American Women Married or Dating Nigerian Men. None of them has tried to get unsuspecting American girls to marry their Nigerian friends. It's a closed group. There are no nigerians or men in it, hence the name. They have been a great help by helping me understand my fiance better. I know a little more what to expect.

Then how did you connect?

[cappucino boy 29]

GOOD QUESTION!! Yes I've looked into that option. Problem is, immigration officials don't like to give tourist visas to Nigerians because of fraud. Mike doesn't have strong enough ties to Nigeria to prove that he has good reason to return home. I mean, yeah Mike and I know we wont commit immigration fraud by changing status while he was here, but they don't know that, and they can't take our word for it. I and my parents like this option best, and Mike is more than willing to do it, but it's just not feasible.

Sarah, whatever happens good luck on the process and be as careful as possible when you go over there.

[afoyoswa 178]

Then how did you connect?

She answered this already upthread: a Nigerian stranger contacted her out of the blue on Facebook expressing interest in her, and when she wasn't interested, he suggested that she might be interested in his friend instead. The Facebook group sounds like it came along after the fact.

[Sarah Grace 1]

Then how did you connect?

A friend added me to the group

She answered this already upthread: a Nigerian stranger contacted her out of the blue on Facebook expressing interest in her, and when she wasn't interested, he suggested that she might be interested in his friend instead. The Facebook group sounds like it came along after the fact.

The "stranger" was an american

[Boiler 43,425]

How do you what nationality they are?

[fantonledzepp 159]

And the truth is....?

The truth is that you're being scammed.

First of all, a random guy contacted you on FB, you told him that you weren't interested. Then he suggests you meet his friend???!!! This just screams scam. Anybody can BS anything online. You haven't even met this guy yet and want to marry him?

We, regular people, see this a scam. Imagine what a consular officer will see???