need as much advice possible

[bombay 0]

Hi friends,

I need some real good advice from you guys.my case is now at the embassy and i will have to go to get a date for the interview soon.

In my case im the benifeciary and my wife is the usc.

after some months of dating my love had come to visit me in oman and we could not stay without each other and wanted to get married so i went to usa and got married to her.we were engaged in oman before i went to america and her parents were very happy about it.

we then fixed a date to got married having a simple civil marriage with her friends as witnesses.

but her parents dont know we are already married.the reason we didnt want to tell them is my wife and i were not ready for an expensive reception and also we didnt have time to arrange for it cause i went to usa within a month after she left oman.

her parents love me and always talk about our marriage plans whenever we talk.the main reason why we didnt tell het parents is that it would break their heart if they knew we got married or wanted to get married in such a simple way without a proper reception and a ceremony as she is their only daughter.

till this date they dont know we are married,and my wife still feels it will hurt them if we told them we are already married and she will not have HER DAY if you know what i mean the dream marriage day.

Do u think its ok to tell the immigration officer that her parents dont know we are married explaining them our reason or they will not accept this and reject me.

Or i make my wife tell her parents that we are married and explain them why we did this.

dear friends i really need ur help on this what to do

please advice im going crazy and

best regards

bombay.

[Together4ever 1]

This is going to sound horribly cheesy and cliche, and its not a reply wrapped up in immigration bows and jargon, but as the saying goes:

"... the truth shall set you free."

Hiding the truth always becomes complicated and burdened by consquences. In this case there could be many such consequences that would far outweigh the consequences of disappointing in-laws from throwing a big shin dig.

I wish you all the best.

Edited October 7, 2006 by just_waiting

[noura 0]

This is going to sound horribly cheesy and cliche, and its not a reply wrapped up in immigration bows and jargon, but as the saying goes:

"... the truth shall set you free."

Hiding the truth always becomes complicated and burdened by consquences. In this case there could be many such consequences that would far outweigh the consequences of disappointing in-laws from throwing a big shin dig.

I wish you all the best.

I agree w/ Jean and would like to add that you can still have the "big wedding" and reception again - there's nothing that says you cannot! The parents might be a little disappointed at first hearing the news but they can still have their big party and re-celebrate w/ you in full regalia! You may not consider what you're doing as lying, but omission of the truth is still a lie.... not good in anyone's book.

[amal 4]

They should definitely know about it. I know from experience that the longer you go without them knowing...the harder it is going to be to tell them and the more hurt they will be. I hope all works out

[dawnnhatem 0]

I cant say I am comfortable advising further deception, but if it was really imortant to keep it quiet, you could confide your secret to the officiary who can leave out the civil aspects and no one at the ceromony or reception needs to know the difference. If you are serious about keeping the secret tho, I'd keep it forever and probably make the wedding date the same as your anniversary to keep it simple later.

and this:

Do u think its ok to tell the immigration officer that her parents dont know we are married explaining them our reason or they will not accept this and reject me.

if they ask, all you can do is explain the reason and hope for the best. if her folks do come up you should be safe telling how unfortunate it was that noone was at your wedding and how excited they are planning a more formal ceromony and reception.

Just a thought....you think its possible that they bring it up so frequently, because they know? Parents can be funny that way.

[morocco4ever 63]

First off, it is much worse as a parent to hear that your only daughter got married, but kept it a secret from you than it is to hear that your only daughter doesn't want a big elaborate wedding. What you two did was immature, and I hope you fix it soon if you value the family relationships at all.

Okay, enough preaching. Now for your question. One of the red flags to the immigration is that their families have no knowledge of the marriage. So by telling them you run the risk that they don't believe your reasons. On the other hand, if you don't tell them and they find out you run the risk of certain denial.

Its up to you, but you need to think seriously about how you have handled this.

[yassmine2878 1]

I tend to agree with the majority, it's probably best that you go ahead and spill the beans. Ahmed and I seriously considered getting married in Morocco first and then filing the K-3 instead of K-1. But it would have made things horribly complicated, because I would have kept it from my parents as well. Im also my mother's only daughter and her firstborn, and if I had gotten married without her knowledge (especially in another country), it would have hurt her terribly. We arent the type to divulge everything to each other, but watching your children get married is such a grand thing for a mother, and it would have been cruel of me to rob her of that pleasure, no matter what size ceremony I chose. In retrospect, Im glad we decided to wait on the wedding, because the stress of keeping it from my parents would have been too much on top of all the other ####### you have to put up with when you deal with immigration. If her parents already approve of you and treat you like family, I would say they would probably understand why you got married in secret. They might fuss at first, but most parents are pretty forgiving when it comes to their children. Just lay all your cards on the table for them, they will probably understand your reasons, even if they don't totally agree with your actions.

Also, as mentioned above, not telling the folks the whole story is giving yourself a big fat red flag, something Im sure you'd prefer to avoid. But whatever you decide to do, we all hope your journey is a speedy one

Edited October 7, 2006 by yassmine2878

[Donna A 4]

well i went to syria and got married without telling my parents. eloping is something u do without telling anyone. they were not mad at me at all. im an adult and can make my own decisions.

as far as immigration went, they never asked if my parents knew anything. i dont see that being a problem. they asked how what my parent thought of him..do they like him.etc but they never asked if they knew we were married or not.

[chiquita 0]

You have received great advice! Truth will always prevail and make you free!

chi

[bombay 0]

Thanks all you guys,

i spoke to my wife about this and she is going to tell her folks today.i totally agree honesty is the best policy.

god bless you all.

You have received great advice! Truth will always prevail and make you free!

chi

[yassmine2878 1]

Thanks all you guys,

i spoke to my wife about this and she is going to tell her folks today.i totally agree honesty is the best policy.

god bless you all.

I hope things go well for you