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AKSinghSingh79

Question for Indian immigrants: Did you choose to live in an Indian community after moving to the U.S?

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My fiance and I had this discussion a few times before about whether he wants to live in an Indian community once he moves to the U.S.

I am very worried about him being lonely once he gets here, especially when I'm at work and he is looking for a job so among the few options I recommended to him was the possibility of living in a sizable Indian community.

But, he told me he does not want to live in an Indian community.

He feels that there is too much drama and he does not want to be a part of it. whistling.gif

Just curious to hear everyone's thoughts about this.


I am the petitioner.


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My fiance and I had this discussion a few times before about whether he wants to live in an Indian community once he moves to the U.S.

I am very worried about him being lonely once he gets here, especially when I'm at work and he is looking for a job so among the few options I recommended to him was the possibility of living in a sizable Indian community.

But, he told me he does not want to live in an Indian community.

He feels that there is too much drama and he does not want to be a part of it. whistling.gif

Just curious to hear everyone's thoughts about this.

I think I understand where ur fiance's coming from. There's no way in hell I'd want to go and settle in an Indian community either. Totally agree with the drama bit!!!


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Hubby has no want to be involved in any type of Indian community either. Drama and "Keeping up with the Jones'" [guess that should be maybe Patels or Guptas instead :lol: ] are what he doesn't want to get tangled up in. Oh, and gossiping aunties.

He will occasionally happily go to an Indian restaurant as there are things I don't/can't make at home. But, that's just about it.

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Oh, and gossiping aunties.

He will occasionally happily go to an Indian restaurant as there are things I don't/can't make at home. But, that's just about it.

Yep, that's about as much as my fiance wants. Also he feels that with us being an interracial couple, it's likely that we could become the "talk of the town" among aforementioned gossiping aunties.


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I dont know what city you from and if you really have a part of town with tons of Indian community?

I personally dont think those gossiping aunties thing happens in US anyways...like movies.... I could be wrong. I am from TX and lived here for over 15 years from my observation I have never noticed such things.

Say even if you take an area with sizeable Indian community, most ppl dont know each other as everyone is coming from differenct part of the India, their language and cultural difference are always there.

So for such aunties to get togeather everything has to fall in right place its only possible then.

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I dont know what city you from and if you really have a part of town with tons of Indian community?

I personally dont think those gossiping aunties thing happens in US anyways...like movies.... I could be wrong. I am from TX and lived here for over 15 years from my observation I have never noticed such things.

Say even if you take an area with sizeable Indian community, most ppl dont know each other as everyone is coming from differenct part of the India, their language and cultural difference are always there.

So for such aunties to get togeather everything has to fall in right place its only possible then.

Well in my city they are less like communities and more like apartment homes with lots of Indian families. I live in Pennsylvania and there is definitely a sizable thriving Indian community. I wouldn't say it's close to the populations in Houston, New Jersey, or New York but for the size of the city, it's a substantial number. We have some of the highest demand for medical, engineering, IT, Robotics, and other jobs (due to the thriving Marcellus Shale industry) in the country so I'm guessing that's what attracts many of these professionals from all over the world.

I've stayed in an Indian community before, when I was visiting my fiance in Bangkok, Thailand and I can see how it would get old after a while.


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At one point we were thinking of central NJ for our home base as I had been born/raised there. There are definitely some very specific Indian communities with segregation within the communities in the US based on faith, language, and what part of India or South Asian [in some communities] is represented.

Most small to medium places wouldn't have these issues as the Indian population may be small and mixed or just a handful of families [who may very well be inter-related] but when you're talking about - say - Edison NJ or Iselin NJ, it's hard to avoid.

Having been on the receiving end of some very strong looks and mumbles of "gori" in indo-pak store from older females, I think there is a little something there. Plus, in a neighborhood, there may be innocent talk and given the social structure and how blunt and outspoken [not necessarily in a bad way mind you] elders can be [by virtue of the social structure in India/South Asia] what may be seen as idle chit-chat and stating the obvious to an American can appear to be catty gossip. [Hearing "Gee, you have such large thighs" and not taking that the wrong way as an American White Girl just ain't happening - though in my case it is completely true, I have big thighs - but it wasn't meant in a hurtful, catty way at all - it was more of a declaration of differences that still completely and totally took me aback. And, no, it wasn't just an off the cuff criticism, it was during a clothing fitting - but, I can't imagine that being said by ANYONE in my family/friends or at a store. What I would be accustomed to hearing would be something along the lines of "Let's try another size" or "It's the cut of those pants, let's look at something different"].

I know, from being exposed to the culture for a while now, that some of this [like the example above] is NOT judgmental or hurtful just honest and to the point but it's strange to hear and can cause the non-Desi in the relationship distress.

I can see a spouse not wanting to expose their significant other to that - even if it is socially acceptable within the spectrum of that sub-culture.

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Having been on the receiving end of some very strong looks and mumbles of "gori" in indo-pak store from older females, I think there is a little something there. Plus, in a neighborhood, there may be innocent talk and given the social structure and how blunt and outspoken [not necessarily in a bad way mind you] elders can be [by virtue of the social structure in India/South Asia] what may be seen as idle chit-chat and stating the obvious to an American can appear to be catty gossip. [Hearing "Gee, you have such large thighs" and not taking that the wrong way as an American White Girl just ain't happening - though in my case it is completely true, I have big thighs - but it wasn't meant in a hurtful, catty way at all - it was more of a declaration of differences that still completely and totally took me aback. And, no, it wasn't just an off the cuff criticism, it was during a clothing fitting - but, I can't imagine that being said by ANYONE in my family/friends or at a store. What I would be accustomed to hearing would be something along the lines of "Let's try another size" or "It's the cut of those pants, let's look at something different"].

I know, from being exposed to the culture for a while now, that some of this [like the example above] is NOT judgmental or hurtful just honest and to the point but it's strange to hear and can cause the non-Desi in the relationship distress.

I can see a spouse not wanting to expose their significant other to that - even if it is socially acceptable within the spectrum of that sub-culture.

A few years back, a mutual Indian friend of mine and my fiance said to my mother one day, "You are looking very fat today" My mom's jaw promptly dropped and hit the ground. Our friend, who had been smiling, suddenly got a worried look on his face. Luckily my fiance stepped in and tried to explain things, telling my mom that our friend didn't mean to be insulting. I later explained to my mom that in India, telling a person they are fat is the same level as telling someone they are short or tall.


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I later explained to my mom that in India, telling a person they are fat is the same level as telling someone they are short or tall.

It is not true. In India, it is offensive to say like " you are looking very fat today " to any girl and auntie. If anyone would use such term, they would think that guy is jerk and disrespectful towards ladies.

Using a term towards auntie, like " You are very healthy ", then that is different thing, but using the term " fat ". It is not even acceptable by Indian aunties. In India, short/tall is not equal to say someone like " fat ".

Edited by iwaiting

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It is not true. In India, it is offensive to say like " you are looking very fat today " to any girl and auntie. If anyone would use such term, they would think that guy is jerk and disrespectful towards ladies.

Using a term towards auntie, like " You are very healthy ", then that is different thing, but using the term " fat ". It is not even acceptable by Indian aunties. In India, short/tall is not equal to say someone like " fat ".

Healthy is the word he was looking to use. It was just something that got lost in translation.

I've been told I was fat (moti) many times by Indians and they were not looking to insult or offend me. Of course this was in a teasing way. What I was getting at is that calling someone fat in America is an extremely sensitive topic. It seems to be a little bit more lighthearted in India at least from my observations.

I could be wrong of course

Edited by AKSinghSingh79

I am the petitioner.


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And I disagree with you. I've been told I was fat (moti) many times by Indians and they were not looking to insult or offend me.

Who knows that. But calling a girl " moti " is not common in India. It is simply offensive. I have been lived in many different part of India, and it is not acceptable thing.

If being moti was so great thing in India, then why the girls/aunties would be working on diet program. Because bottom line is that they want to look fit! No girl/auntie want to be called as " MOTI " in India. Simple!


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P.S. - I believe your friend didn't mean to offend your mom, and it could be wording mistake. It sometimes happen when someone is trying to do best for different culture people, but sometimes it goes wrong.

Right, he didn't mean it in a disrespectful way. After 5 minutes my mom was no longer offended anyway. She said the way he said it was so innocent that she knew he wasn't trying to be a jerk.


I am the petitioner.


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Who knows that. But calling a girl " moti " is not common in India. It is simply offensive. I have been lived in many different part of India, and it is not acceptable thing.

If being moti was so great thing in India, then why the girls/aunties would be working on diet program. Because bottom line is that they want to look fit! No girl/auntie want to be called as " MOTI " in India. Simple!

I think you're misinterpreting my original point. If what I said was wrong, I apologize.

As I said before, this was just my interpretation. I have been called fat on several occasions by fellow Indians. Most likely it was a translation error and they meant to say "healthy" but it still offended me. When you hear the word "fat" in English it's hard not to associate it with being fat rather than being "healthy". My fiance has always told me it was never directed towards me in a negative light so I just brushed it off. I told my mom the same thing when it happened to her.

Back to the original point, to a sensitive American who has been brought up to avoid saying anything negative or remotely insulting to anybody, it's hard to take such comments as "your nose is huge/long/fat", "your thighs are large" (as catnit said in her post), or "your fingers are fat".

Edited by AKSinghSingh79

I am the petitioner.


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