private investigators

[doodlebug 3]

Just curious, has anyone who met their sweetie online hired a PI to check him/her out before going there? Not that I am thinking of doing this but was just curious since you just "never know" for sure, ya know?

[UmmSqueakster 54]

Nope I just showed up at the airport.

However, it's always good to have a contingency plan - know how to get a taxi, know where the hotels are, access to money in case anything goes wrong.

Emergency Arabic, don't leave home without it

[dawnnhatem 0]

I didn't hire anyone, but I did get really lucky. I have a friend from Jordan (had nothing to do with our meeting). When I told her that I had started talking to this guy in Jordan, she offered to make some calls and check out his family for me.it turns out that even tho her mom's family is from another city, she is freinds with a family in his neighborhood. It was really wierd how small the world seemed that day, but it was awesome to learn from an unbiased source what a good family he came from and to confirm some things...its hard when you two are still strangers. Going out there is a big step on both sides, so if you get a way to check him out, I would tell anyone to do it.

Just one caution, in so many areas, the guys are so close and so similar that it seems they are all related or all up to the same thing. good luck finding someone that wouldn't tell your fiance or give you an biased picture of the situation.

[honeyblonde 0]

You can also register your visit online with the Deparment of State. I did that and wasn't in my husband's city very long before the police showed up at the door and had me go register my visit with them. They wrote down when I got there, where I was staying and when I was leaving. I don't think this will hurt you when your visa is processed either. The government will have an official verification of your presence in his country.

[doodlebug 3]

I didn't hire anyone, but I did get really lucky. I have a friend from Jordan (had nothing to do with our meeting). When I told her that I had started talking to this guy in Jordan, she offered to make some calls and check out his family for me.it turns out that even tho her mom's family is from another city, she is freinds with a family in his neighborhood. It was really wierd how small the world seemed that day, but it was awesome to learn from an unbiased source what a good family he came from and to confirm some things...its hard when you two are still strangers. Going out there is a big step on both sides, so if you get a way to check him out, I would tell anyone to do it.

Just one caution, in so many areas, the guys are so close and so similar that it seems they are all related or all up to the same thing. good luck finding someone that wouldn't tell your fiance or give you an biased picture of the situation.

Oh totally. I can just picture hiring someone there and then having that person let him know!!!! I'd feel like a total jackazz!!!

[Aymerlu 3]

Nope, but I did have a back up plan.

[UmmSqueakster 54]

You can also register your visit online with the Deparment of State. I did that and wasn't in my husband's city very long before the police showed up at the door and had me go register my visit with them. They wrote down when I got there, where I was staying and when I was leaving. I don't think this will hurt you when your visa is processed either. The government will have an official verification of your presence in his country.

Egypt has something similar, if perhaps unofficially. All the times I've been to Egypt, we've gone to the tourist police and registered my presense there. Bring extra copies of your passport because they'll keep a copy on file. In fact, it's a good idea to bring a ton of extra copies of the two front pages of your passport (the one with all the info and the picture), since you'll need it for that, marriage (probably) and if you're registering your shahada with Al Azhar.

If you don't have copies, some of the hole in a wall stores will have copy machnies, but the quality is usually not so hot.

Edited October 6, 2006 by rahma

[Aymerlu 3]

I also registered with the U.S embassy

[doodlebug 3]

I'm definitely registering with the Dept of State and also with the tourist police but that's not the real investigating I was thinking of....

I'm more thinking along the lines of...is he already married, is he a "good guy" type thing. I hate even typing this since in my heart of hearts I know he is the best thing that ever happened to me and especially now I know he is geniune with what he's going through...but still the nagging in the back of my head since obviously he's half way around the world.

Couple that with the fact that my boss just sent me this link http://www.drphil.com/shows/show/760 and said she taped the show for me and now my wheels are turning. lol. Though the examples on that show were like, duh.....I would have spotted that one a mile away!

Nope, but I did have a back up plan.

Yeah my backup plan is to have a kickin' vacation like no other!! I have the tours that I'd go on all printed out "just in case" and will make the best of a worst situation...though insha Allah that won't be needed.

[UmmSqueakster 54]

There is always that chance. There have been a few people on this board who have been used for a green card, or who have found out that their loved ones aren't exactly what they thought.

You go into something with your eyes open, and if it isn't what you expected, then I guess you continue with life. I wish there were a way to know all of these things beforehand, but I'm not sure there is without contacts in the country who are willing to scope him out for you.

But even here in the US, you can marry someone and they'll do a 180 on you after you're married. It's a risk that people getting married take.

[diadromous mermaid 36]

Just curious, has anyone who met their sweetie online hired a PI to check him/her out before going there? Not that I am thinking of doing this but was just curious since you just "never know" for sure, ya know?

In today's day and age, it would not be a bad idea. Anyone that would object, if they found out, would lose some marks in my book. I'd think that the biggest issue would be to find a PI that you could trust. There are those that aren't on the up-and-up in this country. I'd recommend not paying the entire fee up front, and having the balance due upon delivery of the report if you do decide to proceed. Good luck.

[UmmSqueakster 54]

Ok, reading through the first Dr. Phil segment.

Flag 1 - Asking for a lot of money before having met.

Flag 2 - just a picture, no webcams

Flag 3 - hasn't exchanged any basic information about family, work, etc etc etc

It's definately not your typical online romance.

[ya falaha! 0]

I never thought to do that. I trust Mohamed..he's never given me reason not to. The fact that I was gonna stay in his family's home with his family and not in a hotel or flat made me more comfortable. Ppl talk in Egypt. If something's not right you'll hear about it soon enough.

[jordanianprincess 0]

Nope. However we arabs do a little bit of our own PI work. Kinda what Dawn described, people we know ask people they know if anyone knows the guy that is asking for my hand. Its just a big Grapevine. However the Jordanian population is so small that its not that hard to figure out who is who.

I don't know how you would find an honest PI in Egypt. I don't think anyone in the US could help with this and I wouldn't trust sending money to a PI in Egypt to do this, maybe Salwa can help or has an idea if you are unsure. You should PM her bcz I'm not sure how often she comes around anymore.

[honeyblonde 0]

Yeah but you speak the language Moody!

Before I went to Morocco to meet Abdel, my ex who is also Moroccan begged me not to. He told me that with the unemployment rate so high there people will do anything to get out. He warned me that one of the women I might be meeting as Abdel's sisters might actually be his wife or a woman he would marry after he got here, got legal and divorced me. She would treat me great because I would be her mealticket out of Morocco or to a better life.

He also warned me that whole families would be in on the scam and would often spend their life savings to try to impress this woman who could get their son/brother to a country where he could work and easily repay them and then continue to contribute regularly to the support of the family.

He said he doubted that ANY marriage between a Moroccan and American was for any other reason. Of course he denied the whole time that he married me for a green card.

You can imagine that when I went to meet Abdel I was watching for all of this. I think one of the things that helped me trust him was that when I planned to go see him he was less concerned about me wanting to marry him than he was about keeping my friendship. Before I went he asked me to promise to be honest with him and if I didn't want to marry him just tell him. He said he would understand and still make sure I had a good vacation, because my friendship was so valuable to him that he would rather not lose that, even if I didn't want to be his wife. After I got back to the US and we worried about the visa process one way I was able to reassure him was promising to move there if he didn't get the visa.

Just a couple of weeks ago I found out that one of Abdel's own brothers thought that he married me for a green card. I found out because his brother said something to him about it on messenger and it infuriated him so much he quit talking to him. I wasn't aware of the conversation until he explained to me how mad he was at him. This brother was not around much when I was there and when he was he stayed very distant. He's talking to an American girl right now and I do feel sorry for her since I'm guessing he will use her that way. I'm really happy that my husband was so mad at his brother for even thinking like that about us. Even though I have chosen to trust my husband and not worry about it (except when I have PMS!), it was very nice to have such an affirmation of his real love for me.

I know it is hard to trust in these situations but you're the one who has to decide how much it will take to get that reassurance. I can't even imagine how one would go about finding a private investigator to do this kind of work. Good luck in whatever you decide.