I THOUGHT I SHOULD SHARE THIS WITH ALL OF U

[EminTX 131]

For most people, the anticipation of something wonderful is a bit part of the pleasure--vacations, parties, saving up for something you want, and event in life.

Part of this can be cultural. In my fiance's culture, for example, someone announcing that s/he is coming to visit for a month a couple of days prior to showing up is fine and seems to make it more exciting. In the US, for most folks, it would disrupt our lives and cause a great deal of stress and is never, ever a good idea outside of an emergency.

My fiance knows that this is not acceptable between us. If he wants me to do that to him, I can oblige, but if he ever does that to me, he can expect trouble between us and it certainly won't be a surprise to him.

[Darnell 8,478]

ok - who's posting the Gomer Pyle, "Surprise, Surprise Surprise" vid from YouTube? I think it's time.

[wife2be. 7]

They? How many fiance's does she have?

just one ofcourse!

[wife2be. 7]

Your fiance is seeing how easy you are to manipulate. This won't be the only example.

You are in what researchers call the "evaluation phase" of this manipulator, where they try different tactics on you to see what works. If they see that they can bait you and then withold the information to keep themselves in power over you then it will be played again and a gain in a thousand different configurations.

Nobody knows better than the manipulator that what they are doing is mean and stressful. But they put on this act, pretending their motivations are good. The purpose of doing this is to see if they can get away with saying the opposite of what they are doing. Naiive, gullible, and super-conscientious people will listen to their smiling lies instead of watching their nasty actions.

The literature says this: first, pay attention to your gut instincts: your gut says something is wrong, which is why you posted. You're darn tootin' something is wrong: you're being manipulated. Look very carefully for where else your gut was saying "red flag". Did you let them explain them away?

wow i think u are taking this whole thing too seriously.and yes i did ask him to explain and even begged him to tell me yet he wont sez its a surprise.but why shd i have to wait a whole year to know what the surprise is.its a bit duanting but i know its nothing negetive.thnx for ur advice.

Second, it says to cut manipulative people out of your life instead of suffering the insufferable. Manipulative people make for horrific marriages.

Third, if you have to live with one because it is family or a work co-hort or whatever, they say to give them choices - and these choices have to be enforceable. I don't know the specifics in your case but if this was someone new to me I would say to them that they either tell me or else this is the end of our acquaintance: I don't put up with manipulative #######. If this is some kind of outlier (which I doubt), then a similar choice is to tell them that this is the end of any conversations with them until they tell the truth. You cannot let people pull this on you or there's no end to it.

If they are cruel and unreasonable they will say they are sorry they brought it up and blame you for pressing them: then you know you have a real nasty one on your hands. A nice person is going to apologize immediatly because they have empathy for you, and tell you. The cruel person starts with a mean trick like this and then ends up blaming you for it. That isn't love. It's a war. That is how a manipulator views relationships: A war for power and control, but played in dirty underhanded tactics instead of being honest and open about it. Because underneath this mask is coward who works by deception instead of open and above-board.

There will be people saying I am reading too much into this, but they aren't the ones who have to live with a person that does this to you. If you like how you feel now, then just multiply by a thousand to understand what a life with them is going to be like if they are pulling this kind of ####### on you.

[wife2be. 7]

If I can 'see' the surprise wrapped in brightly colored paper then I'll wait as long as my birthday or Christmas to find out what it is. Other than that, my limit on surprises is 24 hours.

hahhahah. so funny.thnx tho.

[wife2be. 7]

it might b a grt surprise fa u. dont worry just keep the flame burning

thank u

[wife2be. 7]

I would not like to be put in this situation because it could be good or bad. What ever the surprise may be he or she should have waited until they got to US to tell you. This will give me a headache and raised my blood pressure. i will ask for them to tell me because I'm worried . Y would some1 in there right mind want you to wait until they get the US to tell you a surprise???? its not like its going to be 2morrow. No they would have to tell me. this process is already intense and you don't need anything adding to the fire.

exactly how i feel.

[wife2be. 7]

I always say, if you want to surprise me (either in a good or bad way) don't ever tell me you have a surprise/something to tell me. I just lose it till I know what it is, that means I get to know it in within a day or two max! So either shut up and keep it to yourself until the time is right or you need to tell me immediately!!

true talk.

[wife2be. 7]

Oh, there is a step-child you are not aware of. That's the only secret someone could hold on for a year.

same thing i was thinking.

[Golden Gate 530]

So have you talked to him about this concern?

[Andie 147]

Maybe its a tattoo of your name ? - maybe its not ... I would HAVE to know.

(please accept in advance my apologies for using CAPS - not shouting btw just emphasising)

[D N Medellin COL 75]

Some relationships are for a Season, some are for a Reason, a few are for a Lifetime, I have experienced the "Season" and the "Reason" and I now search for the Lifetime!

[ghanalover 7]

maybe its,a scam and just used u to come to the states

[Krikit 1,163]

Moving from K-1 Process to Off Topic.

[X Factor 1,110]

Some relationships are for a Season, some are for a Reason, a few are for a Lifetime, I have experienced the "Season" and the "Reason" and I now search for the Lifetime!

The honeymoon period lasts up to 2 years and then the real work of a relationship begins. Having common goals and values help on the long run. Good communication as well and love and respect are vital otherwise the relationship will be for a season and not for a lifetime.