Is anybody else's spouse like this?

[Rebecca Jo 1,962]

I don't suppose you know anything about the family budget. Like how much money is coming in; what bills have to go out; how much money is left over for food.

[Bad_Daddy 2,209]

My wife is so stingy that is bothers me so much. We are at the table and the servings she makes are super small.she is not calorie conscious.i have told her many times to make enough food so that the person at the table wants another serving they can get it.she never understands that.she hoards food and saves everything to be eaten later.you only get one serving,period.it offends me really.i have told her about this so many times but she repeats the same thing over and over.she buys something special from the store and tell me i will put this away for now. we can use it at such and such occassion.i have never seen anybody like this before.please heklp.

Abdul, you are the MAN of that house. You are the KING around there and you need to let her know that. Be stern and be firm. If no changes are made after you lay it out to her about how it's going to be around there then it's probably time to move on and find a better woman...one that respects her man and treats her man like a man should be treated.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

My wife is so stingy that is bothers me so much. We are at the table and the servings she makes are super small.she is not calorie conscious.i have told her many times to make enough food so that the person at the table wants another serving they can get it.she never understands that.she hoards food and saves everything to be eaten later.you only get one serving,period.it offends me really.i have told her about this so many times but she repeats the same thing over and over.she buys something special from the store and tell me i will put this away for now. we can use it at such and such occassion.i have never seen anybody like this before.please heklp.

This seems unusual. My wife will do anything to please me provided it does not cause her physical harm. I mean, why not? You have told her what pleases you and it would seem to be something easy to do, just cook a little more food and let you eat. She just needs to start acting like she is married, this is not a one person show.

[Bad_Daddy 2,209]

This seems unusual. My wife will do anything to please me provided it does not cause her physical harm. I mean, why not? You have told her what pleases you and it would seem to be something easy to do, just cook a little more food and let you eat. She just needs to start acting like she is married, this is not a one person show.

[I AM NOT THAT GUY 5,715]

It's not who wears the pants, but who signs the checkbook that in charge. If you want to make decisions, start bringing in the paychecks.

[Bad_Daddy 2,209]

It's not who wears the pants, but who signs the checkbook that in charge. If you want to make decisions, start bringing in the paychecks.

I have to disagree with you on that one. The man is the man. Whether he be working or sitting on the couch watching ESPN and playing on the net while collecting unemployment he is still the man of the house. There is one king of the house and one king only.

It's this new wave thinking that has the roles of marriage all messed up these days and that's what causes problems. One man, one woman and both have roles in the marriage.

In our household the man sits at the head of the table and there's no hyphenated last names.

Edited January 29, 2012 by Why_Me

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

It's not who wears the pants, but who signs the checkbook that in charge. If you want to make decisions, start bringing in the paychecks.

This should not apply to food. Women should not use food or sex to get what they want. I can understand if she wants him to work but not feed him? That's just wrong.

[Kathryn41 3,205]

She may have grown up in a household where food was indeed scarce and good things were put away for special occasions because otherwise you would not have them when the special occasion arrived. It is a type of Hoarder's mentality caused by a fear of there not being enough when it is really needed. This may be imprinted from her parents who behaved the same way.

One other approach you may try is through nutrition - you might see if there is a nutritionist available for consultation through a local hospital or something. You will need to figure out the amount of calories a man of your size, age and activity level needs to maintain good health, then figure out the caloric content of the food you do get (there are books available to help you figure it out). Then, with the help of the nutritionist, you can show her that you are not getting enough calories to meet your nutritional needs and this will have a negative impact on your health which may end up causing you to need hospitalization or medical treatment. It is a lot cheaper to prevent medical illnesses than it is to treat them afterwards. Men do generally have a higher caloric need than women and she may not realize that this isn't an issue of 'greed' like she may think, but of basic nutrition.

Alternatively, perhaps you need to buy some easily snacked on foods that you can stash - fruit, crackers, packaged and canned foods that can be kept without refrigeration - and then raid your stash when you are hungry.

( I generally make enough food for 3 portions - 2 for us to eat for dinner and 1 that my husband can then take to work for lunch the following day).

Edited January 29, 2012 by Kathryn41

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

( I generally make enough food for 3 portions - 2 for us to eat for dinner and 1 that my husband can then take to work for lunch the following day).

I bet all his collegues wish they had married a foreign woman also. Mine do. Do you ever make him poutine to take? Alla makes Vareniki and Pel'mini for me to bring to work and also sends cakes she makes for me to take and give to the others at work.

Alla had to stand in line to buy food when she was a child (her mother would often stand in one line for one type of food and Alla would stand in another for something else.) She would meet her mom at home for breakfast and they would share half a cucumber and a small cup of sour cream for breakfast. But still she makes a pile of food for us to eat!

It is a huge embarrassment for a RUB (Russian, Ukrainian, Belarussian) woman to not have food and drink to offer to guests. It also reflects badly on her with other women if her husband is not well fed and doesn't brag to his friends how well his wife cooks and how well he is fed. One does not make jokes about his wife's cooking, it would be very insulting to them. It is considered an honor to feed someone in your home, they do you an honor to eat your cooking. They would dare not be caught without food they have prepared themselves.

We have some good friends in Donetsk, both school teachers, they make about $400 per month between them and live with their son and his mother in a tiny two room flat, but if you go to their home it is like a feast there!

Definitely the woman needs to feed her family!

One thing about RUB women, they will never WASTE food. They are not stingy or greedy. But when we go to Ukraine and stay in our flat, we always end up with some leftovers and she will give it to neighbors or even put it on paper plates and take it to people on the street that "have none" A Ukrainian woman would never waste food, after a recent history of millions of people starving to death, it is a terrible sin to waste food....but they make plenty of food.

Her phrase is..."Take all you want, eat all you take"

[Bad_Daddy 2,209]

Iv'e posted about this before but they used to sell shirts up here and they listed 10 ways to romance a woman and then it listed 1-10 starting with bring roses and candy, compliment her hair, eyes, etc... and went on down the list. Then underneath that it had ways to romance a man and it listed only two things; 1) show up naked, 2) bring food.

[spookyturtle 9,465]

Get out now while there's still time.

[Darnell 8,478]

You could always cook and eat and clean up when she's not there, or when she's sleeping.

What are your thoughts?

[VanessaTony 3,567]

One of the worst things for me when I first arrived was lack of food because I couldn't stand the majority of it. Awful stuff. I was hungry a lot and I would get tired a grumpy. Tony didn't restrict food, that would be insulting and condescending. I am an adult, just as you are. She is treating you like a child by "telling you" what you can and can't eat.

Tony earns the money (most of the time), I cook. I typically cook the same as Kathryn, a portion each and an extra for Tony to take to work (or eat later). I've told tony he couldn't eat something when I've got it planned for something else but I think that's been once. It's his house and his food too just as this is your house and your food too.

First you need to ask her WHY you can't have more. Is it because it's expensive? Is it because she's trying to control your weight (seeing American food in my experience is richer/fattier)? Is it just because that's how she is? Is it because this is her way of "control"?

I don't give two sh*ts about the "man of the house" #######. That's completely irrelevant. Relationships are about mutual respect. You can't just sneak around and eat the food because she could have it earmarked for something else. If she's the one cooking then that's her prerogative... she could be the kind that plans the meals for the week and doesn't by anything extra (for budgeting). What does she do if you eat the food?

You need to talk about this. You need to tell her just how upset this situation makes you. But you need to compromise. If it's about money then you might need to just put up with it till you can afford to help out with the bills. If it's about control you could see a couples counsellor to talk about her control issues. But i will admit one serving is standard. More than one is considered gluttonous... but of course that depends on how much the serving IS. As was previously said, men have different needs to women and she just might not realise it.

Edited January 29, 2012 by Vanessa&Tony

[Love's JAA 100]

My wife is so stingy that is bothers me so much. We are at the table and the servings she makes are super small.she is not calorie conscious.i have told her many times to make enough food so that the person at the table wants another serving they can get it.she never understands that.she hoards food and saves everything to be eaten later.you only get one serving,period.it offends me really.i have told her about this so many times but she repeats the same thing over and over.she buys something special from the store and tell me i will put this away for now. we can use it at such and such occassion.i have never seen anybody like this before.please heklp.

Sounds like an obsessive-compulsive personality disorder (OCPD) symptom. Look into that. I was married previously to a similar type.

[Love's JAA 100]

Iv'e posted about this before but they used to sell shirts up here and they listed 10 ways to romance a woman and then it listed 1-10 starting with bring roses and candy, compliment her hair, eyes, etc... and went on down the list. Then underneath that it had ways to romance a man and it listed only two things; 1) show up naked, 2) bring food.