Grass not always greener

[DavenRoxy 1,073]

I tried to reply via PM, so we wouldn't muddy up the OP's topic, but since you are still blocking me, I will post it here...

You must possess super powers if you can discern my "tone" from a written post. Furthermore, You choose to ignore smiley's when defining your interpretation of another's writing. You can put all the smilies you want, but words still mean things. And if you think your replies are not sarcastic and impatient at times, you are mistaken. Not saying you are wrong for it, just that sometimes, it may be best not to say anything rather than to be antagonistic. If ignorant posters bother you that much, just ignore them, rather than attack the writer.

Since you claim to be "MUCH" younger than I...perhaps you will heed some advice from your elder, laddie..., That was a joke on my part. You have me in age, but not by much.

1. No1 expects you to be a "champion" for the meek and timid and I doubt any1 (excluding urself. of course) perceive you to be.

No need for you to be a jerk to many people on VJ, but that's the way you come across at times. I recommend you type your reply, sit back a bit and wait, then re-read it, and ask yourself if it's helpful or antagonistic, and make your decision to post or to cancel based on your own answer. I often cancel posts because they just don't always add value to the convo.

2. Don't bait another if you plan to run to a mod when you take a return hit. It makes for a poor representation of your character. It's a "small" minded thing to do. Makes you seem a If you think for one second you got banned from the forums over our little, insignificant "tiff", you are mistaken, I must say. It had a lot more to do with a trend in your public replies than with you spouting off to me in a PM, then childishly blocking me so as not to ready any replies. Talk about a "small-minded" tactic...

Also for the record, I am not trying to bait you. I was actually trying to open your eyes to how your replies sometimes appear to others. Perhaps you don't give a ###### that you come across as hateful, but I prefer to think you are just ignorant of the sound of your written words, and that by letting you know about it subtly, you might correct it and you could be more helpful than hurtful.

3. Don't fool yourself into thinking your presumptive advice has any value to me. Annoying and arrogant?...yes...meaningful? No.

Often, we see and recognize in others our own faults... arrogant? I am one of the LEAST arrogant people in the world. I have nothing to be arrogant about, I am but a simple man trying to make his way in the world, and am using an internet resource to glean info. Having enough wisdom (especially at your age) to accept (or not to accept) constructive criticism, that is your choice.

:yes: :yes: :yes: :yes:

P.S. You mind your biz and I will mind mine otherwise, we are destined to repeat this dance.

[TiklingGuy 211]

You win a

or.. .maybe you are right...maybe.... they have been together for 16 years,,married 10 years ago...had 2 children ..waited and waited some more.....all so she could (fraudulently) get to America ,obtain a green card and abandon her kids....Brilliant!!!

1 is not enough...you win 2... :bonk:

P.S. Makes me laugh when people post "send" her home. All Hail the Mighty American and his Amazing SENDING powers.

Awwww...you get 3... :bonk: ...you're a winner!

:rofl: You get 3, that was comedy!

[~happyndinlove~ 540]

I tried to reply via PM, so we wouldn't muddy up the OP's topic, but since you are still blocking me, I will post it here...

I wonder why my wife blocked your future PM's... Had Nothing to do with the content of your 1st and only PM (to us), of course.

I think we can both agree...You and I are stubborn.

I will post what I want...you will post what you want. But...I never asked you to critique my posting style...Where did you get the idea to do so? Here...let me help clear your mind with a friendly ..maybe you can now consider your own advice? (if) You don't like what I post...please..by all means ...ignore me!!

FYI...my wife and I share this account...we both post...my wife asked me to inform you...she is much more mean than I and is much less patient too. In fact, I had to negotiate a softer response (to you). I fear we would be site suspended otherwise.

Edited August 11, 2011 by ~happyndinlove~

[~happyndinlove~ 540]

:rofl: You get 3, that was comedy!

Thank you. I'm glad some VJ's maintain a sense of humor.

[TiklingGuy 211]

Thank you. I'm glad some VJ's maintain a sense of humor.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

i am glad to say we were able to talk. im especially glad that she was able to get her sama ng loob off her chest. thanks everyone for listening (or reading for that matter) and giving advise.

Glad to hear that you made a communication breakthrough. IMO, you both still have a rough ride ahead. If she hasn't met any Filipinos in your area, put it on your plate to see to it that she meets some other Filipinos ASAP. Take her to church if she was used to going to church. Find an asian market in your area and if not, look to order her authentic Filipino foods online. These are critically important things that will help her feel less homesick. I hope you've already applied for her AOS and if so, once she get's her Conditional Green Card, let her find work if that's what she wants to do. In the meantime, take her to your local community college and see what kind of resources are available for free or little cost. Get her a library card. Get her a monthly bus pass. If she doesn't know how to drive, teach her. All these things, IMO, will help to diminish any resentment or feelings of being trapped. Best wishes.

[DavenRoxy 1,073]

I wonder why my wife blocked your future PM's... Had Nothing to do with the content of your 1st and only PM (to us), of course.

I think we can both agree...You and I are stubborn.

I will post what I want...you will post what you want. But...I never asked you to critique my posting style...Where did you get the idea to do so? Here...let me help clear your mind with a friendly ..maybe you can now consider your own advice? (if) You don't like what I post...please..by all means ...ignore me!!

FYI...my wife and I share this account...we both post...my wife asked me to inform you...she is much more mean than I and is much less patient too. In fact, I had to negotiate a softer response (to you). I fear we would be site suspended otherwise.

I'm well aware that you guys share the account, and have never had an issue with things she says (and yes, there is an obvious difference in the writing style). Our PMs were between you and I, not she and I. It's nice she can admit to being mean (I think ALL women can be that way, lol), but all of the posts I recall from her are positive and/or helpful. She is truly a remarkable woman, as are MANY of the VJers who leave their "safety net" and come to the US to take a chance on us 'Kanos.

I may not have agreed with your assessment of arrogant, but you nailed me with the stubborn comment... Touche' Salesman, Touche'!!

If my comments seemed harassing, I apologize. Most of the time, you have good advice. Sometimes, not as much. But that's true of all of us, and I was just trying to give you a different perspective is all. If it's unwanted, no worries, it would not be the first time I said something to someone who did not want it, lol.

More importantly than any of the above... if I have said something to you that affected your wife negatively, or offended her, I am sorry. My beefs were solely with you, and of course she is an extension of you; perhaps more so because of the way many Pinays love completely (I know how mine gets upset if someone says things about me)... just making sure nothing I said was directed towards her at all.

[~happyndinlove~ 540]

Our PMs were between you and I

Correction...our PM (singular) was between you, my wife and I ...and then.. you invited Krikit to the conversation (after we rebutted your rudeness and we hurt your feelings)

I hope you think twice before you send other VJ's rude arrogant preaching PM's. You might get a similar response.

but all of the posts I recall from her are positive and/or helpful.

Let me help you Inspector Gadget....The reason the writing style is often the same....can you guess?...Coz Asawa ko asks me to edit the post. (Don't get me wrong. Asawa ko's Mastery of English is excellent and I often fall back on her for grammar and spell check.) I'm asked to edit so I can (attempt to) keep us TOS compliant. (and, when I am not successful in negotiating a gentler post..I take the heat...

If my comments seemed harassing, I apologize.

No need to apologize but OK...Thanks..apology accepted...Btw...anyone is welcome to object to any of our posts...just be willing to accept a rebuttal. It's just the internet. It's just a forum. Nothing wrong with a debate now and then to keep things entertaining.

My beefs were solely with you

Dude...be aware...you mess with me....you're messing with Asawa ko I've done a good job "negotiating" this time.

Edited August 11, 2011 by ~happyndinlove~

[DavenRoxy 1,073]

Have to correct you there... it was my SECOND PM that set you off (not the first, in which you were very cordial), and it was a PM because I refused to respond to your rude post publicly. I took it offline with you to keep the topic clean, YOU responded very rudely, then blocked me from responding back to you. Due to the rudeness of your response (nay, your outright ATTACK of me, the topic was THEY, based on your attack of someone's post publicly), the cursing and name calling, yes, I reported your PM to a MOD. The response that I got was that due to your personal attacks in PMs and in public topics, you would be suspended for 7 days. As I said, you weren't suspended just because of what you said to me, but for the trend of your posts/PMs.

Rebuttals I have no issue with. Me being wrong, and corrected, it happens, and I try to learn from it. But to be attacked, cursed at, called names... yeah, I have no patience with internet bullying, especially when you know nothing about me to accuse me of the things you did. Hiding behind the anonymity of the 'Net is... well, lots of words can be used to describe it, but uncool & unprofessional are near the top.

I would be happy to forward the convos if you don't remember them correctly, but won't post them here.

[~happyndinlove~ 540]

Have to correct you there... it was my SECOND PM that set you off (not the first, in which you were very cordial),

Dave, our stubborn is showing.

Definition of CONFLICT:

2a: competitive or opposing action of incompatibles : antagonistic state or action (as of divergent ideas, interests, or persons)

How about we let bygones be bygones an call it a day?

Peace!

[~happyndinlove~ 540]

Dave: ..I 4got to add....in my prior post.....for the record...Asawa ko and I share equal responsibility for our prior TOS violations because we very rarely post a "questionable" post w/o the other reviewing prior to the add. The point we are trying to make.. Don't think I am the only 1 you have had a beef with...we operate as partners in crime.

( but..I am the nicer 1 and usually the 1 posting (or attempting to post) humorous sarcasm. and I am regularly telling my wife..."Baby, you can't post that...it's a personal attack and you will get us suspended again." lol...she's makulit! Another reason I love her. Coz I am too.)

Edited August 11, 2011 by ~happyndinlove~

[babystef 8]

peace peace peace..love love love..we are just expressing our opinions here right? no need to quarrel.. :) (L) peace everyone

[gretchen_darren 67]

How did you come up with this???

It means "she wants to leave me coz she's annoyed or pissed"

..... That is very very very loosely translated

Yes, i did spend time with mymemorytraslate.net, but also with the filipino relatives her in phoenix and back home in the Philippines. I went word for word, sometimes a "paraphrase" misses the intent. I didn't get the full meaning because of sentence grammar which I am trying to learn. I approached because the OP stated she was saying it a lot, not that HE (the OP) was saying it. So I used the approach it was coming from her. Filipinos have a hard time with personal pronouns for he and she, the only have one or two words which are completely interchangeable (neuter). The speaker and listener "know" the meaning on the pronoun, but outside listeners do not. I do not profess to be prolific or a speaker of the language. But I want to learn visayan and Tagalog. Also given the OP said he quit smoking without giving her a warning makes sense why she was saying it. Smokers get real nasty when then miss smoking or when they quit smoking.

All I can say is, I am glad the OP and sya asawa are working it out.

if I come across as arrogant, sorry, but I spend nearly every waking hour being "politically correct". Sometimes I just hate doing it all the time. Some days my tactfulness just doesn't work no matter how hard I try.

[Messybrownhair 251]

Yes, i did spend time with mymemorytraslate.net, but also with the filipino relatives her in phoenix and back home in the Philippines. I went word for word, sometimes a "paraphrase" misses the intent. I didn't get the full meaning because of sentence grammar which I am trying to learn. I approached because the OP stated she was saying it a lot, not that HE (the OP) was saying it. So I used the approach it was coming from her. Filipinos have a hard time with personal pronouns for he and she, the only have one or two words which are completely interchangeable (neuter). The speaker and listener "know" the meaning on the pronoun, but outside listeners do not. I do not profess to be prolific or a speaker of the language. But I want to learn visayan and Tagalog. Also given the OP said he quit smoking without giving her a warning makes sense why she was saying it. Smokers get real nasty when then miss smoking or when they quit smoking.

All I can say is, I am glad the OP and sya asawa are working it out.

if I come across as arrogant, sorry, but I spend nearly every waking hour being "politically correct". Sometimes I just hate doing it all the time. Some days my tactfulness just doesn't work no matter how hard I try.

Oh you did not seem arrogant at all! I didn't mean to offend, sorry. I just wanted to correct the translation. Like I said, I think its great that your learning. I have given up trying to teach my husband!

[BJZags 17]

I'm sorry, but that's just wrong. Using the children as a manipulative ploy to keep her here is only going to make her hate/resent you even more. Sounds to me like you're on a power trip and she's not letting you toss her around like that. I'd apologize to her and tell her you would not fight her for custody of the children should she choose to go back home, for starters. Better learn a more effective way to deal with conflict than to get into a power struggle, IMO.

Sorry, late to this discussion. DFH, how is stating he doesn't want the kids leaving the US manipulative? That is simply him stating that he doesn't want his kids to live in the PHL thousands of miles from him. Your going to tell me that if (due to a totally unforeseen circumstance) your wife wants to leave you and move back to the PHL, you'd be down with her taking your kids with her? I'd think most dads would want more interaction with their child than an infrequent trip back to the PHL. Child custody is brutal under normal circumstance, but a foreign marriage situation jacks up the tension/difficulties even more.