How is having a baby when you're older?

[Nina~ 431]

If her case is an exception, then so is yours. Cancer is not an age specific illness or you'd have to say you shouldn't have kids in your 60s because you could get diagnosed with cancer!?. A friend of mine got diagnosed with lung cancer when she was in her early 30s and her kids were 4 and 1. She died not even 2 years later.

My anecdotal evidence was to show her that her story was an anecdote as well. And the story of your friend dying of cancer is an anecdote too. However, that doesn't negate the higher probability of an older parent not sticking around long enough to see their kid reach important milestones.

Please note, I used the word "probability" and not "fact".

Edited September 1, 2011 by Nina~

[DeeDee&Sam 68]

My anecdotal evidence was to show her that her story was an anecdote as well. And the story of your friend dying of cancer is an anecdote too. However, that doesn't negate the higher probability of an older parent not sticking around long enough to see their kid reach important milestones.

Please note, I used the word "probability" and not "fact".

that is true indeed, however EVERY case is unique. i wonder if we included all the possibilities and said "what if" when we're deciding something how would we be able to enjoy our life?

[Nina~ 431]

that is true indeed, however EVERY case is unique. i wonder if we included all the possibilities and said "what if" when we're deciding something how would we be able to enjoy our life?

I agree with you that we shouldn't live our lives by constantly thinking "what if". However in this case "what ifs" are necessary because it is a decision that affects more than just ourselves. This world would have been a lot better place if more people had been like Wii and put so much thought before having kids.

[JSVP08 3]

I agree with you that we shouldn't live our lives by constantly thinking "what if". However in this case "what ifs" are necessary because it is a decision that affects more than just ourselves. This world would have been a lot better place if more people had been like Wii and put so much thought before having kids.

:thumbs:

[Fandango 1,439]

I think basing the decision on whether or not the odds say you're going to be around for your children as they mature into adulthood is a fallacy. It's the fallacy that nothing happens to younger people. I'd be more concerned with the genetic risks involved with having a child in one's later years, and whether or not the parent will be able to care for the child in his/her early years. That's mho.

[bigdog 376]

We both wish you the best and would like to but needed to meet before this.

[Kathryn41 3,205]

One concern I haven't seen raised yet that the OP will need to consider relates to providing health care insurance for a young family after he retires. He will qualify for medicare but his wife and children would not. The OP mentioned that in 2 years he would have a financial set up in place for his wife and child if anything happened to him, but what if something happens within those two years before this is set up? There are practical financial concerns involved in being an older parent that have more relevance than they would for a younger parent - and yes, anyone may end up in the situation without having access to health care, but as a retiree, one needs to know if your income is going to be sufficient to cover the probable significant costs of health care premiums for a wife and children. Children are expensive on their own and arriving at a time of life when one's own income and resources begin to narrow should be part of any consideration. There are certainly advantages to being an older parent - but there are also liabilities and the all-too-looming reality that personal health issues increase with age as well.

I certainly applaud the OP for taking a serious and detailed look at what is involved in having a child at this time in his life. Only he can know, however, if the rewards will be worth the financial costs and personal sacrifices.

Edited September 6, 2011 by Kathryn41

[Apple & Wil 0]

Your case might be an exception.

My friend in her early 30's who married a guy who in his late 60's. My friend is Chinese, and her husband is Scottish. She pestered him for a baby and he didn't want any because he already had grown up kids from his previous marriage. He finally gave in, and about a year after their daughter was born he was diagnosed with stage 3 cancer. My friend is now juggling an 18 month old and a husband who is going through his second round of chemo. The prognosis is not good and it is more likely that their daughter wont remember her dad after he passes. It really is heartbreaking.

For every story like yours, there are way more stories like the above. And it doesn't hurt an older parent to consider this before deciding to have a kid. And imo, it is a stupid decision to have a kid to please your spouse.

Thanks about the warning. I realize that all you are saying is to consider what you have said and yes, We have considered what you have said also.

wilfred

[Apple & Wil 0]

My anecdotal evidence was to show her that her story was an anecdote as well. And the story of your friend dying of cancer is an anecdote too. However, that doesn't negate the higher probability of an older parent not sticking around long enough to see their kid reach important milestones.

Please note, I used the word "probability" and not "fact".

Thanks for your comments. Yes it's so much true that I will probably not see our kid reach important milestones but I have no worry because it will not be wasted because our kid will enjoy those milestones in his/her life and that alone will make me very happy to being part of giving him/her that blessing and my wife and her daughter will, as well as our friends and relatives, will be able to feel joy in those milestones. I don't expect it to be all about me when we have him/her. I am doing this for others too, I feel. I must look everyday for small gems of joy and happiness from being with our child when I am living I think, especially since I probably will not be around to enjoy those milestones with our child.

Thanks again for taking your time to respond to my questions.

Wilfred

Edited September 7, 2011 by Apple & Wil

[Apple & Wil 0]

One concern I haven't seen raised yet that the OP will need to consider relates to providing health care insurance for a young family after he retires. He will qualify for medicare but his wife and children would not. The OP mentioned that in 2 years he would have a financial set up in place for his wife and child if anything happened to him, but what if something happens within those two years before this is set up? There are practical financial concerns involved in being an older parent that have more relevance than they would for a younger parent - and yes, anyone may end up in the situation without having access to health care, but as a retiree, one needs to know if your income is going to be sufficient to cover the probable significant costs of health care premiums for a wife and children. Children are expensive on their own and arriving at a time of life when one's own income and resources begin to narrow should be part of any consideration. There are certainly advantages to being an older parent - but there are also liabilities and the all-too-looming reality that personal health issues increase with age as well.

I certainly applaud the OP for taking a serious and detailed look at what is involved in having a child at this time in his life. Only he can know, however, if the rewards will be worth the financial costs and personal sacrifices.

Thanks Kathryn41 for that heads-up about the insurance. I have my own private health insurance right now and assumed that I could add my family on as soon as she gets here about 6 months. I will check up on that right now. Yes, not having adequate health insurance can wipe out family finances in a hurry. I am on a fast track to set up my family financially right now and I told my fiancee that I want to start a family as soon as she gets here. But I really need to balance the time for us to get get comfortable in knowing and being as sure as possible that we are a good couple together, with starting a family, like someone has said previously. Many have said to me that when couple get married their relationships changed. But going back to the subject of being financially stable, I believe we are there already or I would be more worried about starting a family with my age.

Thanks Kathyrn41.

wilfred

[FrankandLotus 0]

wil

I have to say that while 63 is not the norm it is certainly not unheard of. I am 47 with 18 year old twins and a 13 year old. my wife is 42 with a 17 year old son. and we have decided that we would like to have a child of our own also. or at least have a good try at it. no in-vitro, we decided if it happens it will happen. as for being "advanced" in age, I feel I am more ready to be a dad again than when I was at 28. we all are different. while a little one at that age will certainly test both your stamina and your nerves, it is no different than at any age, except the stamina part of course. take the advice that was posted above, skip the in-vitro and do au naturale, much more fun that way. that will be the look on your face at the 3 am feeding.

best of luck brother

[bigdog 376]

I think we would like one, but to start at retirement age? My wife is hoping for her son to have a child. i wish we wold have meet 10 years ago.

[JudyKCski 12]

I think a good sit down discussion is in order - take a blank piece of paper and put the plus and the minus down. Deep down there are alot of men who want to leave a piece of them on this world.

I had this discussion with my then boyfriend (now fiance'). He is now 39 has no children and never had the desire to have any children let alone get married then. He was so angry at me when I had suggested this to him because he is so nice and sweet to find a local girl - get married and have children - as you see - I was the one who felt I was keeping him from what I 'thought' most men wanted. I am 53 and had my baby making machine removed when I was 28 - and I have 2 adult children - and 2 grandchildren aged: 3 and 7 months. BUT I can tell you that 'if' he wants to have a child we can always be a foster parent. Even at my age if it was a possibility to have a baby I am not quite so sure if I would say yes or no - HOWEVER - one does not have to be a biological parent to be a Mommy or a Daddy. I am just happy to know if something happened to my daughter than his answer to me when I told him I would want to raise the children he said "I would not expect any less."

As I suggested above.. write down the plusses and the minuses - you may be surprised as to how you come out.

Good luck to you

[james&olya 1,121]

To the OP; You sound like the kind of person who will make a wonderful parent! You asked for input from older fathers. I am 59 with children of my own ranging down to 16 years old. I have recently become step-father to a 2 year-old. Without any question, children have and continue to enrich my life beyond measure! Nothing in life comes close to parent-hood in its reward. Yes, it is also the most challenging and potentially heart-breaking endeavor but the rewards greatly outweigh the sacrifices! When I was young I did not appreciate nearly as much being a father, though even then I enjoyed it.

I work a great deal with parents in my occupation. Incompetent and uncaring parents come in all ages but my impression is that older parents are usually much wiser and more patient. And as RLogan has pointed out so well, you will most likely be around for the most important events in the life of your child. The most important years of parenting are the early ones. Those who wait till their child is a teen-ager and then try to make up for prior absences and poor parenting almost always meet with failure.

In my case the decision was an easy one. Marrying her mother gave her what she did not otherwise have in her life, a father who would love her and provide for her. None of us know the future. Nobody has a perfect situation as potential parents and no child has a perfect child-hood. But if you are ready to give of yourself and love your child, your child will be blessed with something that many children in today's world never really know.

There is much excellent advice here, as well as a few posters that just seem to miss the point completely. But you must look deep inside yourself to know if this is right for you. I am guessing that it is and that 5-10 years from now you will look back on this as one of the best things you ever did in your life! Good Luck!

[Apple & Wil 0]

To the OP; You sound like the kind of person who will make a wonderful parent! You asked for input from older fathers. I am 59 with children of my own ranging down to 16 years old. I have recently become step-father to a 2 year-old. Without any question, children have and continue to enrich my life beyond measure! Nothing in life comes close to parent-hood in its reward. Yes, it is also the most challenging and potentially heart-breaking endeavor but the rewards greatly outweigh the sacrifices! When I was young I did not appreciate nearly as much being a father, though even then I enjoyed it.

I work a great deal with parents in my occupation. Incompetent and uncaring parents come in all ages but my impression is that older parents are usually much wiser and more patient. And as RLogan has pointed out so well, you will most likely be around for the most important events in the life of your child. The most important years of parenting are the early ones. Those who wait till their child is a teen-ager and then try to make up for prior absences and poor parenting almost always meet with failure.

In my case the decision was an easy one. Marrying her mother gave her what she did not otherwise have in her life, a father who would love her and provide for her. None of us know the future. Nobody has a perfect situation as potential parents and no child has a perfect child-hood. But if you are ready to give of yourself and love your child, your child will be blessed with something that many children in today's world never really know.

There is much excellent advice here, as well as a few posters that just seem to miss the point completely. But you must look deep inside yourself to know if this is right for you. I am guessing that it is and that 5-10 years from now you will look back on this as one of the best things you ever did in your life! Good Luck!

Thanks! I have been told by others too that having a child was the best thing to happen in their life. Also, the feeling is undescribable. But of course, it's a lot of work to raise a child and there are a lot of challenges but it was worth it.

Thanks to all posters.

Wilfred