Personal issues re my Viet Nam girlfriend

[Mike_Mac 3]

Mike, there's even more clues in what you just said. So you met her girlfriend, online I presume, who gets money from her BF in Singapore. What was this GF doing chatting with men online when she already has a BF? And she referred you to your GF? Do you live conveniently close to where her daughter goes to school by any chance? Vietnamese women don't usually have sex soon after meeting by the way. This is just the way they're brought up. All clues.

No tc, the other woman did not have her Singaporean "money BF" at that time, I think she met him later, and I was not chatting romantically with her, and no I'm not close to her daughters school. But now I'm thinking back on events and my imagination is starting to run away. One time, she returned from going someplace on her motorcycle once and she returned and was all beat up and scratched up. I could see on the cam it was very painful. She told me that some guys had run her off the road trying to steal her handbag, but she had managed to hang on to it. Now I wonder if she ran into some guy who got a little rough. And on most outings she would wear an old hat, face mask, gloves, etc for sun protection on her motorbike, but a few times she got really dolled up, nice dress, makeup, hair, the works (she's a knockout when she dresses up) and she would tell me she was meeting that GF for dinner, and a few other times she cut the cam off before leaving so I did not see how she was dressed. And she always went to an all-afternoon church meeting every Thursday, but when I visited her, she would not take me, saying she thought I would be too hot. Maybe all true, maybe not. Anyway, I've beat up on her enough here in VJ, and she now stands convicted in the court of public opinion, haha.

Thanks to everyone who gave me their advice on this painful predicament!!! Time for the moment of truth.

[quann 26]

i can safely say you have the most "unique" SO in our little vietnam section here. i don't think anyone else's SO here act or live the way she does. at least that part is out of the norm if we give her a pass on everything else.

[Dan_P 5]

No tc, the other woman did not have her Singaporean "money BF" at that time, I think she met him later, and I was not chatting romantically with her, and no I'm not close to her daughters school. But now I'm thinking back on events and my imagination is starting to run away. One time, she returned from going someplace on her motorcycle once and she returned and was all beat up and scratched up. I could see on the cam it was very painful. She told me that some guys had run her off the road trying to steal her handbag, but she had managed to hang on to it. Now I wonder if she ran into some guy who got a little rough. And on most outings she would wear an old hat, face mask, gloves, etc for sun protection on her motorbike, but a few times she got really dolled up, nice dress, makeup, hair, the works (she's a knockout when she dresses up) and she would tell me she was meeting that GF for dinner, and a few other times she cut the cam off before leaving so I did not see how she was dressed. And she always went to an all-afternoon church meeting every Thursday, but when I visited her, she would not take me, saying she thought I would be too hot. Maybe all true, maybe not. Anyway, I've beat up on her enough here in VJ, and she now stands convicted in the court of public opinion, haha.

Thanks to everyone who gave me their advice on this painful predicament!!! Time for the moment of truth.

So, she goes to church a lot, yet seems to be doing stuff that isn't condoned by the church...or at least I'm assuming she is based on your description, violating at least 1 commandment, though probably 2, with the paid bf, which, btw, is not the norm for even non-Catholic middle aged women in Vietnam. there was a recent an com truoc keng thread as well.

btw, my response to her saying it's too hot would be that you want to get to know her community better, and if it was too hot, that you could take a taxi back to her place.

Edited July 20, 2011 by Dan_P

[Dan_P 5]

I should also point out that I read an article that said that Hef's girlfriends get $1000 a week, and here, your girlfriend got $5000 a month, 10-15 years ago...

[quann 26]

i've heard high end fashion/tv "models" who escort men in saigon makes $200-$300 a night. this is just first hand rumor and hearsay tho, nothing that i was a witness to. take it fwiw.

[Mike_Mac 3]

I should also point out that I read an article that said that Hef's girlfriends get $1000 a week, and here, your girlfriend got $5000 a month, 10-15 years ago...

Dan, the entertainment industry, to which Hef and his GFs belong, works on hype and PR, and $50k is a pretty paltry sum in Hef's world. Truth is a sidebar. My GF only told me she got paid $5,000 per month, later revised to $2,000 per month, but I have no way to verify that, and someone even suggested that she may have thrown that out as a test, or Trojan Horse, perhaps to see if I would pay that amount...

[luckytxn 2,263]

Dan, the entertainment industry, to which Hef and his GFs belong, works on hype and PR, and $50k is a pretty paltry sum in Hef's world. Truth is a sidebar. My GF only told me she got paid $5,000 per month, later revised to $2,000 per month, but I have no way to verify that, and someone even suggested that she may have thrown that out as a test, or Trojan Horse, perhaps to see if I would pay that amount...

Look. It is hard to be delicate about this. Your GF has already admitted that she used to be a #######. From what you have told us she is more than likely still a #######. The odds in this type stuff is that she will always be a ####### as long as she is able to.

You have only two choices to make here. You can continue in this relationship and all it entails or you can stop it dead in the water. No more tawdry discussion is really needed. Meeting any one babe online is at the best a 50/50 that they will be good or bad. The best way to meet a babe is to know someone that is already hooked up with a good babe and let them introduce you to another good babe. They could still be bad but the odds are way in the favor that the introduction will be a good one.

This is tough for you and I feel for you. I will say a prayer for you that good comes your way because you are in for a heartbreak no matter which of the two decisions you make. God bless.

[Mike_Mac 3]

Look. It is hard to be delicate about this. Your GF has already admitted that she used to be a #######. From what you have told us she is more than likely still a #######. The odds in this type stuff is that she will always be a ####### as long as she is able to.

You have only two choices to make here. You can continue in this relationship and all it entails or you can stop it dead in the water. No more tawdry discussion is really needed. Meeting any one babe online is at the best a 50/50 that they will be good or bad. The best way to meet a babe is to know someone that is already hooked up with a good babe and let them introduce you to another good babe. They could still be bad but the odds are way in the favor that the introduction will be a good one.

This is tough for you and I feel for you. I will say a prayer for you that good comes your way because you are in for a heartbreak no matter which of the two decisions you make. God bless.

Thank you , Lucky

[hniHnitsuJ 8]

Dan, the entertainment industry, to which Hef and his GFs belong, works on hype and PR, and $50k is a pretty paltry sum in Hef's world. Truth is a sidebar. My GF only told me she got paid $5,000 per month, later revised to $2,000 per month, but I have no way to verify that, and someone even suggested that she may have thrown that out as a test, or Trojan Horse, perhaps to see if I would pay that amount...

Is her name is Dung or Nhung, and she is living in Q3 right.... I am just curious after following this threads....

[Dan_P 5]

Dan, the entertainment industry, to which Hef and his GFs belong, works on hype and PR, and $50k is a pretty paltry sum in Hef's world. Truth is a sidebar. My GF only told me she got paid $5,000 per month, later revised to $2,000 per month, but I have no way to verify that, and someone even suggested that she may have thrown that out as a test, or Trojan Horse, perhaps to see if I would pay that amount...

True, $1k a week isn't much. Hef's girlfriends get lots more perks quid pro quo. Let's say it was a test to see if you would pay, then that's clear that she'a a gold digger. Though, in your case, she probably cares more about legal status atm.

She's got a lot of money coming from somewhere, if she's not getting them through her boyfriend because she hasn't had a man in 10-15 years, then it's gotta be coming from somewhere else, because her income does not justify her wealth.

To me, if she was a hooker, or a paid gf long time ago in the past, and she now realizes that that life is bad and has converted to a more normal life AND is truthful about everything else AND doesn't keep secrets, then I might be able to overlook the whole paid gf thing. but it would be a big obstacle to overcome.

Before marrying anyone, you should be confident in knowing that she is telling you everything important truthfully. Leaving out a 10-15 year gap, esp. the most recent 10-15 years is a big red flag. I would not marry someone who keeps big stuff from me. It took my wife and I some time to get more comfortable with each other, and it wasn't an overnight thing, we gradually got more and more comfortable with each other and were able to be more and more open with each other. However, in your case, you have known her since 2007, and it seems like she is not comfortable with telling you some pretty substantial things in her life. Realize that if you do marry her, expect that she will be keeping lots of secrets from you, some people are okay with that (personally, i'm not), but if you are, then that's fine, just realize that that's how it will most likely be.

[Mike_Mac 3]

Is her name is Dung or Nhung, and she is living in Q3 right.... I am just curious after following this threads....

No....and not Q3

[wreath 4]

to all the people suggesting a sit down talk...you don't realize how vicious and manipulative vietnamese girls are. they will tell you they love you with tears in their eyes and turn around 5 minutees later and file a restraining order/domestic violence and drop you so fast and laugh in your face about it.

THATS RIGHT FOR SURE. bring her over and your life will be the same as waiting to get hit by a bus .your only a stepping stone to bigger things for her. my x didnt want my money either she wanted some one elses, but she wanted me to bring her here and thats all.

[wreath 4]

This is not even a small thing. This is big as the sky is blue. RUN AWAY! get out of this thing before it is too late.

I don't judge this woman for doing what she had to do to survive. She did what she needed to do. But you don't need the heartache that will come with marrying that woman. You WILL regret it. The warning signs are slapping you in the face so hard you must be numb and no longer feel the blows.

Trust me... I'm a writer. I've been working on a book for four years about this very subject.

Walk away. Unless she doesn't mind being a girlfriend who visits, you need to get on with your life. She wants that green card. PERIOD. And then half your money.

is it called the deception?

[Mike_Mac 3]

I don't know her, or you, but if it were me personally in your situation, I would want to know for sure instead of just dropping her and moving on. As painful as the realisation that she might be lying to you still (or is involved in something or with someone else) may be, it's the sort of closure you really need to be able to move on. Clearly the love you/miss you phone calls with the other man is pretty damning, and I think you tripped yourself up by not demanding an explanation then and there... if she's giving you this much reason to doubt her, you are entirely justified in wanting and asking for the answers you need to have to protect yourself emotionally and financially. I just suggest the heart-to-heart because it sounds like you care about her deeply; I would suggest telling her that if she can't open up and be honest with you about her past and what's going on now, then you're going to cut her loose. If she really loves you, she'll see how important this is to you and want to set your mind at ease, and if she starts crying or getting angry at your probing in order to deflect you need to recognise that as the emotional abuse it is. You deserve better, but you also deserve to know what you've been involved with.

Also, don't let this sour you towards other relationships, no matter what part of the world it comes from. Being a Vietnamese woman does not mean you're going to be a vindictive, emotionally manipulative shrew in the same way that being an American does not mean you're going to be a judgemental, condescending fop. There are good and bad people all over the world, and the only way to find the former over the latter is to keep your heart and mind open and not let your bad experiences define who you are and how you look at things. If it hasn't already, love will find you, and it's important that you're ready to receive it emotionally and mentally when it does. Best of luck.

Yes Dora, she's in another city now, but I'm trying to have that heart to heart with her but she does not open up easily, like a clam or an oyster! After she gets angry we go back to normal, and we get back to what she wants to talk about - the fiance visa! If I reverse this mentally, and say I had a 10-15 year past to hide, and my GF is pleading with me to tell her about my past (assuming I wanted to hide it), I think I would tell her the truth, if I truly loved her and even if it hurt me, just out of fairness and in the interest of full disclosure before a marriage. I think I would put my cards on the table and let her decide if the still wanted me. But I've never been in that position before ...

[tuvaty 3]

I've been reading this topic just for the sake of killing time, and trying not to stick my nose in the OP's life here. But I just can't understand why you (Mike_Mac) will not get over this MILF.

And this is just my opinion here, so don't judge me for being straight-forward, but after skimming 5 pages, and have read most people commented you to dump her, and even you, yourself have doubts about her, then I say just dump the lady! She is obviously not interested in you. And then her daughter, that girl is probably protecting her mother by telling you more lies.

Whenever I read stories about this, it makes me mad because: (1) people like this lady is making it harder for us to petition our relatives to the US to live with us; and (2) people like this lady is just taking advantage of the whole system while gaining profits and spending all that dirty money lavishly.

I am sorry, but I get irritated from people like this. That's all, I'll leave this topic alone.