We don't fight..... we hardly speak to each other any more.

[LlamaInvasion 76]

A lot of people want to move to the US without there being any specific "gain" that's obvious to anyone who doesn't know all the specifics of their situation and life. Not to mention, if she retains her GC, in three years she could apply for citizenship, and then continue to petition others (even maybe marry/remarry her ex and bring him here). Just because you don't see any gain, doesn't mean there are none, because we don't know her story (and it appears, neither does the OP).

I'm not even going to get into the idiocy of your stereotypes.

There IS an alternative to her being a scammer, but she's refused the OP's advances to try to rectify it. Re-read Jim's posts, where he quotes the specific parts about her e-mail that makes it blatantly clear: She is using the OP.

[TBoneTX 43,057]

I'm not even going to get into the idiocy of your stereotypes.

These have been reported. What a very un-Rika-like post that was.

[rika60607 215]

You can call stereotyping idiotic, but what you are really saying is that you don't like stereotyping and find it unfair. That's fine, very honorable of you. I understand. Not everyone is the same though, and cultural differences do exist.

I will say again, that she can not bring her ex-husband here on a spousal visa. I am amazed that you do not understand how it works. People have been denied CR-1 visas at consulates for less of a red flag than a "naturalized citizen who divorced, re-married their ex and is trying to import them to US". It would be such an obvious fraud that I am not sure a case like that would even make it to a consulate.

References to "marriage that never existed" very well may refer to short time they lived together and the way he treated her and not to the way she saw that marriage to begin with.

Every time relationship goes sour, there is this stereotype that the immigrant must have used the USC for the GC, and how quickly it kicks in! We do not know personal circumstances of this woman, but so far I see nothing that suggests she had a motif... no family members in the US, no friends or lovers... she never lived in the US before, as far as we can tell. She is not interested in working, either. Her child is too young to benefit from a good school and is not going to school anyway. She was not poor in her home country and she made good money on a flex schedule as a translator... If I do not see a reason to call her fraud, I will not assume that she is. Besides, cultural stereotype gives you an allergy, but "citizenship" stereotype is okay?

A lot of people want to move to the US without there being any specific "gain" that's obvious to anyone who doesn't know all the specifics of their situation and life. Not to mention, if she retains her GC, in three years she could apply for citizenship, and then continue to petition others (even maybe marry/remarry her ex and bring him here). Just because you don't see any gain, doesn't mean there are none, because we don't know her story (and it appears, neither does the OP).

I'm not even going to get into the idiocy of your stereotypes.

There IS an alternative to her being a scammer, but she's refused the OP's advances to try to rectify it. Re-read Jim's posts, where he quotes the specific parts about her e-mail that makes it blatantly clear: She is using the OP.

[rika60607 215]

Actually, a very Rika-like post. Have you ever heard jokes based on stereotyping? I never assume that a particular person fits stereotype of his or her nation/religion/profession. But I recognize that these stereotypes did not get assigned randomly. I find that people who are outraged against such stereotypes put much more weight and trust in them than I do.

Jim stated that this woman's behavior is not compatible with her not being a fraud. I state that I have seen this behavior in Russia many times, and in Russian to Russian marriages that were real and lasted many years, no fraud there.

These have been reported. What a very un-Rika-like post that was.

[LlamaInvasion 76]

I will say again, that she can not bring her ex-husband here on a spousal visa. I am amazed that you do not understand how it works. People have been denied CR-1 visas at consulates for less of a red flag than a "naturalized citizen who divorced, re-married their ex and is trying to import them to US". It would be such an obvious fraud that I am not sure a case like that would even make it to a consulate.

How do you know she knows this? And that still doesn't rule out other ulterior motives for wanting to get into this country, that we can't possibly speculate on because we don't know her whole story.

Every time relationship goes sour, there is this stereotype that the immigrant must have used the USC for the GC, and how quickly it kicks in! We do not know personal circumstances of this woman, but so far I see nothing that suggests she had a motif... no family members in the US, no friends or lovers... she never lived in the US before, as far as we can tell. She is not interested in working, either. Her child is too young to benefit from a good school and is not going to school anyway. She was not poor in her home country and she made good money on a flex schedule as a translator... If I do not see a reason to call her fraud, I will not assume that she is. Besides, cultural stereotype gives you an allergy, but "citizenship" stereotype is okay?

Absolutely NOT every time, as far as I've seen! Look around this forum! Plenty of people getting help on how to maintain their status because they entered the marriage in good faith. People post here about counseling, about ups and downs, and sometimes about divorces, yes, but not every thread from a USC about marital problems turns into a "your spouse is using you!" conclusion. I can think of several threads off the top of my head, made my USCs, where they were given great advice on how to deal with their foreign spouses and marital problems/problems adjusting to life here in America.

The conclusion that this woman is blatantly using the OP does not come from any stereotype about Russian women, foreign spouses, or any other such things - it comes from reading how she treats him, how she insists on communicating with him despite his efforts to resolve things in the most sensible way (through proper communication and counseling), and her very specific wording in those communications. Making a good living? The OP never mentioned her income, I believe, but he did mention that she was in need of an "allowance" from her ex for living expenses. That does not sound like a good living. The OP also mentioned she had nothing to return to. Again, not indicative of having left behind a particularly sweet life. And we know absolutely nothing about her contacts in the US, beyond the fact that OP says she's a "social butterfly."

You're so willing to ignore the evidence we DO have (see above paragraph), in favor of trying so hard to find evidence of the contrary (her motives for scamming the OP) that doesn't exist in the scope of information we've been given. Smh, tbh.

[Kathryn41 3,205]

Please stop the cultural stereotyping. Stereotypes solve nothing and do little to arrive at the truth in understanding any situation.

One post containing cultural stereotyping has been removed.

Speculation about motivation - especially by introducing totally unsubstantiated and non-evidenced situations - also adds nothing useful or helpful to the discussion. Ask the OP for more information - do not try to 'fabricate' a situation to explain what has happened - and please discuss the situation as presented, not as invented.

Edited June 2, 2011 by Kathryn41
to clarify type of stereotyped comments

[Fandango 1,439]

You know, I didn't see the post which was removed, so my comment has nothing to do with that.

But stereotypes DO exist for a reason. Just sayin.

[rika60607 215]

Kathryn,

My post did not contain racial stereotyping. At all. French/Russian/American etc. is not a race. It is nationality or citizenship. If what you meant was "stop stereotyping nationalities", I am happy to oblige, but let's not pretend that I said something I did not say.

Please stop the blatant racial stereotyping. Stereotypes solve nothing and do little to arrive at the truth in understanding any situation.

One post containing blatant racial stereotyping has been removed. The acceptable parts of that post are returned to the thread below.

Speculation about motivation - especially by introducing totally unsubstantiated and non-evidenced situations - also adds nothing useful or helpful to the discussion. Ask the OP for more information - do not try to 'fabricate' a situation to explain what has happened - and please discuss the situation as presented, not as invented.

[Kathryn41 3,205]

Your comments stereotyped both race and culture, however I have gone back and edited the post to read 'cultural' stereotyping as it is more accurate. Thank you for 'obliging' not to repeat the offense.

Edited June 2, 2011 by Kathryn41

[rika60607 215]

I do not know that she knows this. I see though that you didn't know this, and I was referring to your post:

"Not to mention, if she retains her GC, in three years she could apply for citizenship, and then continue to petition others (even maybe marry/remarry her ex and bring him here). "

Bringing her ex is not possible unless a miracle happens. Besides, what man will let his woman do something like that and then take her back like nothing happened? That is one sick scenario...

The OP did not mention her income, but translators/interpreters usually make good money in Russia and often have flex schedules. I have several friends who do that kind of job. OP did not say that she needed an allowance from her ex. He said that she had a rent-free apartment from her ex (I understand the intricacies of ownership and registration in Russia a bit better than you do). A rent free apartment and allowance for the kid mean that she only had to work to support herself - a sweet deal for Russia. A rent free apartment that she had was not due to her needing it, it was due to her cunning ability to get it via registration.

I am not saying that she is not using the OP. I am saying that despite so many people saying "she is defrauding him for GC" she may actually not be doing that at all. We do not know what happened from her point of view. If you are wrong about her motives, how would you feel about the accusations that you made?

How do you know she knows this? And that still doesn't rule out other ulterior motives for wanting to get into this country, that we can't possibly speculate on because we don't know her whole story.

Absolutely NOT every time, as far as I've seen! Look around this forum! Plenty of people getting help on how to maintain their status because they entered the marriage in good faith. People post here about counseling, about ups and downs, and sometimes about divorces, yes, but not every thread from a USC about marital problems turns into a "your spouse is using you!" conclusion. I can think of several threads off the top of my head, made my USCs, where they were given great advice on how to deal with their foreign spouses and marital problems/problems adjusting to life here in America.

The conclusion that this woman is blatantly using the OP does not come from any stereotype about Russian women, foreign spouses, or any other such things - it comes from reading how she treats him, how she insists on communicating with him despite his efforts to resolve things in the most sensible way (through proper communication and counseling), and her very specific wording in those communications. Making a good living? The OP never mentioned her income, I believe, but he did mention that she was in need of an "allowance" from her ex for living expenses. That does not sound like a good living. The OP also mentioned she had nothing to return to. Again, not indicative of having left behind a particularly sweet life. And we know absolutely nothing about her contacts in the US, beyond the fact that OP says she's a "social butterfly."

You're so willing to ignore the evidence we DO have (see above paragraph), in favor of trying so hard to find evidence of the contrary (her motives for scamming the OP) that doesn't exist in the scope of information we've been given. Smh, tbh.

[Kathryn41 3,205]

You know, I didn't see the post which was removed, so my comment has nothing to do with that.

But stereotypes DO exist for a reason. Just sayin.

As with most stereotypes there is a often germ of 'truth' behind them but that one small piece of information then becomes blown way out of proportion so that it becomes the hallmark used to label and identify the whole group negating all of the other valuable truths that create a more accurate portrayal - which is the problem with stereotyping. One size just does not fit all whether it is the t-shirt you buy at Walmart (in spite of advertising to the contrary ) or as a description of how someone reacts to an unhappy marriage.

Now let's get back to the original topic and not derail it any further.

[Eric-Pris 1,602]

To the OP,

She is not homesick nor is she depressed. She has played you and has absolutely no feelings for you. I bet you had sex regularly before, right? Then when the paperwork was approved, I bet it stopped. Like somebody else said, look at the timeline and when things started to change. You will see the light. She has clearly told you what you what the deal is, but you don't want to accept it. I know you don't want to be lonely again, but you are better off alone than having to put up with this b*tch.

Look at the wording in her emails (my wife would be on the next flight out of the US if she tried that). Anyway... "We have nothing to restore" She's telling you that you are not in a marriage, "I'M ONLY USING YOU TO GET A GC FOR MYSELF & MY DAUGHTER. AS SOON AS WE GET OUR 10 YR GREENCARD, WE CARE OUTTA HERE. WE'LL DIVORCE YOU AND TAKE HALF YOUR STUFF." "Can we just be friends who have sex sometimes?" That statement would be the end for me.

I would file for divorce immediately while you haven't been married too long. Whatever the divorce will cost you is much less than you'll waste on them and the stress it will cause you. I would write a letter to USCIS to tell them that you have discovered that your wife is only using you to get a GC. Just write exactly what you wrote in this thread. Any reasonable person can infer her motives. Make sure to include copies of her emails.

This messed up, but good luck.

[LlamaInvasion 76]

Bringing her ex is not possible unless a miracle happens. Besides, what man will let his woman do something like that and then take her back like nothing happened? That is one sick scenario...

Again - first of all, we don't know whether she knows this or not. And secondly - we don't know if that's even a factor. My point was merely that a motive may very well exist, but we simply just don't have the facts to be able to see it.

OP did not say that she needed an allowance from her ex. He said that she had a rent-free apartment from her ex (I understand the intricacies of ownership and registration in Russia a bit better than you do). A rent free apartment and allowance for the kid mean that she only had to work to support herself - a sweet deal for Russia. A rent free apartment that she had was not due to her needing it, it was due to her cunning ability to get it via registration.

her ex provided her with a monthly allowance for living expenses for her and her daughter.

Oh okay, so her ex just gave up his apartment to live with his mother, as well as threw money at her, out of the goodness of his heart. I see. And why is she willing to communicate with her ex in person, have him over quite frequently, according to the OP, when she won't even speak directly to her husband's face? There is no excuse for her behavior, and it cannot possibly be blamed on cultural differences, problems with adjusting to the US,

I am not saying that she is not using the OP. I am saying that despite so many people saying "she is defrauding him for GC" she may actually not be doing that at all. We do not know what happened from her point of view. If you are wrong about her motives, how would you feel about the accusations that you made?

No, we do not know what happened from her point of view, but all conclusions in this thread should be based of what we DO know - none of which you're doing. You're grasping at straws, desperately trying to find any other possible solution, when absolutely nothing says she believes anything about this marriage is legit. If I'm wrong, and she actually married this guy out of love, then I'll still say she's not a good person or a good wife, and she needs to wake up and smell the coffee, and probably could benefit from therapy, both as a couple and alone - communicating via e-mails, refusing marriage counseling, and suggesting they reduce their relationship to a strictly sexual one, is not indicative of a good relationship, or a good future (since it seems to show a general unwillingness to communicate for problem-solving).

It's clear at this point, however, no matter what anyone says about what's been presented in this thread so far, you won't change your mind. I can only hope the OP won't be as blindfolded to the likelihood of what's actually going on.

[Deina 8]

One of Romanian old famous song sounds something like this:

Where is NO-LOVE, is it nothing! No sun and no life and you feel alone...

!!!!!!

Qoute: "Unless the OP is quite well off, living in a nice city and showering her with gifts, I doubt that her quality of life improved."

Well, then I don't see the difference between dating a russian or marry a russian! And this qoute is not seen as a quality or flattering for a (married) woman in love for any nation!

Qoute: Can we just be friends who have sex sometimes?

In my opinion this woman is considered a cheap piece of meat...

...........................................

Time will speak and the OP will find the truth!

[rika60607 215]

You do not know realities of life in Russia and that leads you to jumping to conclusions.

The ex did not give up his apartment out of the goodness of his heart. If this woman (and/or the child) was registered in the said apartment, the ex had no legal right to kick her out. He did have legal right to live there (hence he could visit as long as he wanted), but this lady probably knew how to be unpleasant enough to send him running to his mother. You see that she does know how to be unpleasant, right?

The allowance was for the child, no? Voluntary child support, perhaps.

Why is she talking to her ex-spouse... she might be trying to pave the way into his apartment again. Depending on legalities of her departure, she still may be able to get her sweet deal back. They may be talking about the child, too.

I will not change my mind? I do not have a mind to change, so to speak. I am not the one who is determined that this lady is into GC fraud. I see two possibilities: may be she is, may be she isn't.

Oh okay, so her ex just gave up his apartment to live with his mother, as well as threw money at her, out of the goodness of his heart. I see. And why is she willing to communicate with her ex in person, have him over quite frequently, according to the OP, when she won't even speak directly to her husband's face?

[snip]

It's clear at this point, however, no matter what anyone says about what's been presented in this thread so far, you won't change your mind. I can only hope the OP won't be as blindfolded to the likelihood of what's actually going on.