We don't fight..... we hardly speak to each other any more.

[rika60607 215]

What can I say... hang in there.

At this point you can either

-try to find proof of fraud (btw, if her plan was to divorce you and bring the ex to the US - this will never work),

-or have an honest discussion with her as to what her intentions/plans are. If she is not willing to discuss anything, you need to get out of this situation... and get a good lawyer for divorce.

She had a sweet arrangement with her ex, I can tell you that much... she and the daughter were probably "registered" in this apartment, meaning he could not have kicked them out even if he wanted.

(No grown Russian man will willingly live with his mother)

To my understanding she lived in an apartment which was owned by her ex and was living there with her daughter rent free.

At the same time she was self employed as a freelance interpreter/translator. I'm not aware of the full details of the arrangement, but her ex provided her with a monthly allowance for living expenses for her and her daughter.

According to her the ex lived with his mother and only rarely visited the daughter. There were however numerous times during our video chats that her ex was present at the apartment "to visit with the 3 y.o. daughter.

I'm not sure what to make of the present happenings, she seems to be going to great lengths to keep the lines of communication open with the ex, while snubbing me.

I hate to think the worst of anyone, but since a rather nasty divorce from my ex-wife, the breakdown in our communication is sure not helping my own hypervigilance (or paranoia) as the case may be.

I would prefer to think the root cause is depression or some other malady instead of jumping to conclusions and assumptions of her sole motive for comming here is U.S. citizenship.

She is very well educated and would be a very valuable asset to any organization she chose to work for. She is a complete and incurable "social butterfly", very much my opposite. I tend to enjoy periods of peace and quiet away from the mobs and crowds. I can't fault her for that as a personality trait.

The lack of communications and the absence of any long term plans and goals sure has my nerves on edge at this time.

[southcalhog 43]

All I will say is I hope things work out for you "TC".You seem to me by your Posts to be a good Guy!

[Jacque and Gerry 5]

Pretty quite unfortunate.I think she basically doesnt love u from the onset and she has a mission aside u coming down to the states.

It might have had to do with her past relationship with men.i believe she devotes more time to her kid than.she just might ve used u as a stepping stop.

I hate to read abt artificial marriage,mayb its high time u told her abt ur willingness to let off the stress in the marriage.i dont see her wanting u as much as u do.

I agree. It sounds like she was on a mission and now that she's got what she wants (being in the US), she's not trying to hide it.

[Mama mia 9]

Hey TC,

I would like you to test her and see if this marriage is just based on the green card. You will need to tell (email her) that immigration has contacted you regarding some error they found on your paperwork and would like you and your wife to make an appointment to correct the error..then you will see how her attitude towards you changes...

Is there also anyway you can find out why she spends so much time online? who is she chatting with? If she lets you access her netbook, then maybe you can check the history.

[TBoneTX 43,020]

In the opening post of this thread, the OP wrote (boldface added):

After a whirlwind romance decided to get married.

Then:

To my understanding she lived in an apartment which was owned by her ex and was living there with her daughter rent free.

And:

I'm not aware of the full details of the arrangement, but her ex provided her with a monthly allowance for living expenses for her and her daughter.

According to her the ex lived with his mother and only rarely visited the daughter. There were however numerous times during our video chats that her ex was present at the apartment "to visit with the 3 y.o. daughter."

And:

I would prefer to think the root cause is depression or some other malady instead of jumping to conclusions and assumptions of her sole motive for comming here is U.S. citizenship.

The lack of communications and the absence of any long term plans and goals sure has my nerves on edge at this time.

Should have talked about and understood all of these things before marrying and jumping through the immigration hoops. Marry in haste, repent at leisure. Make your bed, you lie in it. Out of the bedpan into the...

Too bad about the little daughter, but I'd kick the mom's hindquarters out of the house, NOW. This relationship doesn't come within a country mile of approximating a marriage, let alone a partnership.

[Laser1 63]

She spends most of her time online, I assume, writing on the forums or in chat. When she isn't occupying her time online she is "going for a walk" with her daughter in tow. She would like to find a job, but we have no sitter who can speak the child's language.

...

When laying in bed after waking up, if I put my arm around her and say "good morning", she takes my hand as if it were a dirty diaper, moves it off her and jumps out of bed with netbook computer in hand, retreating to another room in the house to go online.

Do you really know what she is doing on her computer? The answers to your concerns are probably there.

[Ayodeb 1]

I am from Africa, a Yoruba by Tribe. We have a proverbial saying that you dont judge a matter until you have listened to both sides. So am not going to blame any of the party for this problematic marriage. My first suggestion is that you two should pray together. Be positive and dont easily give up. I can read between the lines that you still LOVE her. And I am very happy about that. I am married but cannot claim to be an expert in sexual relations but i feel that for the fact she still wants to share sex with you is an indication that she still reserve something positive with you in her life. Sex is not just a mechanical thing between husband and wife. It is an emotional thing where one is actually sharing something special and sacred. Therefore, try this out please. When you wake up in the morning HOLD HER HAND AND INVITE HER FOR PRAYERS. Pray together and express your concerns before God and you will see the powerful effect of prayers in your life. Thereafter, KEEP the line of communication open. ALWAYS SEEK HER INTEREST FIRST and you will see the positive change. I hope this is helpful. I will pray in behalf of you tonight!

[Ironman140 45]

Do you really know what she is doing on her computer? The answers to your concerns are probably there.

My money's on the EX

No easy way to say it . But time to send her packing long term nothing can repair this. Nor will it do the child any good watching her mother ####### herself for a GC

[LoveNigarmostyle 164]

I wish I could offer you some good advice, but I have heard this story before. She had a life in her country before she met you and if she just married you to come to America, she needs to go back to her life. It is terrible that someone would do that to you, but it is very common so I am told. I personally will not let anyone take me for a ride. We go into a relationship or marriage to anyone and there is no guarantee, but if someone purposely sets out to hurt you, they do not deserve your concern. It is terrible for the child though.

WELL SAID. Sorry you have to go through this painful experience, specially when one has to go through so much to get their loved one here in the States.

I agree fully with the above advice. Please keep in mind, it is one life that we have, and your objective was to find happiness. Unfortunately it did not happen. Are you willing to waste few more years living unwanted and depressed, so she would have a place to live? or not have to return to her country of origin because there is nothing for her there?

You seem like a nice guy, who is thinking of her well being and her child, who is innocent in all this. She is an adult, who has chosen not to give your marriage another go. Therefore, my thoughts to you is at some point you have to consider what is right for you and reward yourself with some peace of mind and a chance to have a healthy relationship with another. Good luck

[patient2010 93]

sorry this is happening to you guys I hope you can work through your issues

[Channah&Aaron 51]

; I am sorry to hear this, and what I'm going to say may be over-reacting, but it just crossed my mind.

I agree with some peeps have said here. Maybe she wants to have sex (without emotions, *ahum*), in trade that you still provide a roof above her head.

But umm, what if you do that, because you love her sooo much and you always have the hope things will work out, she wants to get divorced after she becomes USC and apply for her "ex"? So they can all live in the country they "think" is like a dream for everyone.

Though, she said that her ex didn't visit their daughter often, but you said you knew numberous times he was actually there in his appartment she supposed to live in.

Forgive me if this message is too much.

All I can say, is that you have to talk to her one-to-one!! If she wants you to E-mail her (so she can go and sit in front of her real life, the computer), then you should know enough. This isn't what a marriage should look like...

This is what I always keep in mind:

MARRIAGE IS A PARTNERSHIP, NOT SOME ONE WAY STREET..

Good luck, and I hope things will work out for you

[LlamaInvasion 76]

I am from Africa, a Yoruba by Tribe. We have a proverbial saying that you dont judge a matter until you have listened to both sides. So am not going to blame any of the party for this problematic marriage. My first suggestion is that you two should pray together. Be positive and dont easily give up. I can read between the lines that you still LOVE her. And I am very happy about that. I am married but cannot claim to be an expert in sexual relations but i feel that for the fact she still wants to share sex with you is an indication that she still reserve something positive with you in her life. Sex is not just a mechanical thing between husband and wife. It is an emotional thing where one is actually sharing something special and sacred. Therefore, try this out please. When you wake up in the morning HOLD HER HAND AND INVITE HER FOR PRAYERS. Pray together and express your concerns before God and you will see the powerful effect of prayers in your life. Thereafter, KEEP the line of communication open. ALWAYS SEEK HER INTEREST FIRST and you will see the positive change. I hope this is helpful. I will pray in behalf of you tonight!

While the sentiment behind this is nice, I sincerely doubt she'd be open to holding hands and praying, when she 1) prefers communication via e-mail with her spouse (and seriously, that alone is such a huge warning sign), and 2) won't even let him take her hand in the first place, as described in his original post.

OP, I understand this is hard, and I'm very sorry you have to go through this - but this is not looking good. Don't let your feelings for her cloud your rational judgment.

[thetreble 19]

As someone who moved to the US, and took it very hard, I can tell you that having a hard time adjusting to a new life and what you are describing are two different things. After I got a job, made some friends, it did make a difference. I spent about 8 months fighting living here in the US & eating a lot of cupcakes. haha But, I did submit to the idea sooner or later and it made things easier for me.

But, if your wife is not willing to do things that will make her transition easier, then it's never going to happen.

That is just my two cents.

Hope it works out.

[quartercloud 5]

Hey buddy, trust me on this. You need to do 2 things. Open your eyes and cover your ####! She used you to get here. She played you. Since she was dishonest, you have no reason to treat her honorably. Don't just listen to the (sometimes useless) opinions found on this forum. Get an immigration attorney, notify the USCIS of her duplicitous behaviour, get an annulment and do everything to get her sorry #### shipped back to the country she came from. Nice guys are usually the ones who look like chumps in the end. WE don't need her kind in our country.

[Daniel&Theary 30]

I had the same thing basically happen to me but I got out of it as fast as I could and hired a good divorce attorney. She was recorded at her friends birthday party saying she married to come to the states. It happens everyone was as surprised as I was when I told them what was going on she was a good little actress. No she was not Russian but Mexican so you find people from everywhere that will use other people. You can not hold it against a whole country. I still love to go to Mexico and Mexican people. Just do what is best for you and do it fast. I would find out who is so important on the computer Im guessing the ex (like the others say). If you divorce her and decide to marry again know the whole situation about everything. No the age difference may not have been a factor but maturity might have been. Just my 2 cents worth and sorry for all the pain I feel for you.